


A Dream Across the Universe

by Danypooh80



Series: The Team Mage Chronicles [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Dragon Age: Origins
Genre: Alternate Universe, Awkward First Times, Best Friends, Eventual Romance, F/M, Friendship, Long Live Feedback Comment Project, Mild Language, Mild Smut, Modern Girl in Thedas, Romance, Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2020-02-01
Packaged: 2021-02-25 22:56:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 30
Words: 159,496
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21883375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danypooh80/pseuds/Danypooh80
Summary: If you watch from the sidelines, you'll never get hurt.Cullen is used to loving Solana from afar, but as a Templar, his duty comes first.As a Watcher, Sam is used to seeing things unfold but never taking part in them - that's been her motto, and she's stuck to it diligently.This life used to be enough for her, but when Grace left, Sam lost her best friend. Finding herself alone and lonely, she sets out to find her sister, only to travel across the stars to Kinloch Hold, forging a connection with two of the best friends she'll ever have, Solana Amell and Cullen Rutherford. Their relationship will start a cycle Sam's been trying to avoid her entire life, but her heart will never be the same.Note: OC has no knowledge of Thedas. The setting for Pt. 1 is DA: Origins, Pt. 2 will be DA2, and Pt 3 is Inquisition.
Relationships: Alistair/Amell (Dragon Age), Cullen Rutherford/Original Female Character(s), Female Amell/Cullen Rutherford, Female Amell/Original Character(s)
Series: The Team Mage Chronicles [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1615699
Comments: 89
Kudos: 75





	1. Lonely (Prologue)

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Nothing ever goes right the first time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20680817) by [Danypooh80](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Danypooh80/pseuds/Danypooh80). 



> Welcome to my first Dragon Age fan fiction! It's set in the same universe as my other work [Nothing Goes Right the First Time](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20680817), which is Grace's story. I'm excited to do this (and kicking myself for starting this journey all over again)- I've been waiting to tell Sam's side of the story for a while, and I think it's finally time, cause I kept seeing the second chapter and couldn't get it out of my head! 
> 
> I love answering questions and talking through stories, so please feel free to leave comments- it makes this journey so much fun!

_ _

* * *

My world had been way too quiet since my sister left. 

Grace had set off on her own adventure, and for the first time in my eighteen years, there was _silence_ in the household. As much as I loved my sister, her very _presence_ invited noise, and her absence removed it as effectively as flipping a switch. It was weird, to say the least- Grace wasn’t emotional, but it was as if she brought out every single emotion in everyone else, which made the house ring with a cacophony of shouts, screams, door slams, and stomping feet. When she was around, the noise would force me to retreat to my room, as I preferred to languish in the quiet moments- things like reading, listening to the radio, cooking, drawing, or stargazing tended to help me settle. 

The latter was our favorite thing to do together. Watching the stars was the great equalizer in our household- out on the roof overlooking the rose garden, she wasn’t the troublemaker and I wasn’t the angel. Here, we were simply sisters that had stretched out on her old blanket, snacking on the pack of Oreos that I kept in my drawer for nights like these as we watched the night sky, laughing about anything and everything, and taking care not to disturb the rest of the house as they slept.

“All those stars,” I said once as we sat on the blanket, sipping cups of hot chocolate in the cool night air. Smiling, I turned towards my sister, watching intently as her brown and blond curls whipped around in the breeze- she was leaving the next day, headed off to parts unknown, so though it was too cold to be outside, we were on the roof, relishing our last bit of time together. “They’re other worlds, you know."

Grace snorted. “That so?” She started to say something biting, as she was want to do, but then thought better of it, closing her mouth and sipping her drink. “So, which one is going to be mine?” 

I shrugged. “How the hell would I know?” I smirked and took a sip, looking over my cup at my sister. Her eyes, which were the same color and shape as mine, were turned up towards the sky as if she was trying to drink it all in. Knowing her, she was- though she didn’t know it, she wouldn’t get to do this again for over two hundred years. Wanting to give her something, however, I pointed to a particularly bright star over the cluster of oak trees at the edge of the property. “How about that one?”

She wrapped her arm around me. “Thought you didn’t know which one it was, Squeak?” I winced at the old nickname she rarely used nowadays- Dad would often call me Pipsqueak because I was so short, but when we were younger, Grace would shorten the name, infuriating me. 

I smiled at the memory the name evoked, also doing my best to commit the night to memory. “ I don’t. I’m just calling it- so that way if the stars are the same, I can look for that one and talk to you when I’m lonely.”

“Leave it to you to mush up the evening,” she said as she tossed a cookie crumb at me. I laughed and tossed a cookie in her cup, which she promptly fished out with her fingers and ate, grinning at me with that mischievous smile of hers. “No tears, Sam- this is supposed to be fun!” She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, inhaling the sweet scent of the roses from the garden below. “So, what are you going to do while I’m not here to drag you out of your room?”

I shrugged. “Read, draw, come out here. I’m a simple girl.”

“Yeah, with no friends,” she retorted. “Sam, you’re letting the world pass you by in here.”

“But I’m fine,” I protested. “I get out… enough.” I looked out over the yard and spread my arms wide. “I love it here. It’s noisy enough in my head- the quiet feels good. Besides,” I replied, giving her a smirk that rivaled her own, “if I want to take my life in my hands, I can always go harass your dad.”

Grace snorted loudly and covered her mouth with her hands. I shot her a dirty look, which only made her giggle even more. “You’d have to be deathly bored to go and do something that stupid,” she said.

“Yeah, I can see that,” I replied, then frowned slightly as my dark hair flipped into my eyes. I brushed it away and placed a hand on her leg. “You’re gonna be gone a really long time... promise you won’t forget about me, ok, GraceFace?”

“Sam,” she said softly, causing me to look up at her. “Don’t _you_ forget how to live while I’m gone. Find someone to talk to. Go out, have fun, make friends, fall in love…Don’t spend all your time watching- go _do_ something.” 

I started to protest, but she fixed me with a look. “Promise me, Sam- I won’t be able to leave until I know you’re gonna be ok.”

Focusing on the star I had previously selected, I nodded, closing my eyes. “I promise.”  
\--  
Weeks later, I had exhausted all the quiet. At first, it was like a dream come true- the echoing footfalls on the wood floor sounded like the beat of a beautiful song, and the soft roar of the breeze at night would lull me to sleep, content in the sound of silence. But now, I felt like I had drawn all the pictures I could, I’d read all the books I would ever read, and listened to so much music that I could sing along with every song on the radio. No matter what I did, nothing seemed to satisfy me, so instead I climbed out to the roof, stretching out the old blanket and staring up at the night sky. As I sat alone on her old blanket and studied the bright cluster above the oak trees, I realized that what I needed was someone to talk to- I _needed_ my sister. But Grace was gone and living her life like I was too scared to do.

 _I’m going to keep my promise,_ I thought as I focused on the bright star where I was certain she was. _But if you don't mind, I think I’m gonna try and find you tonight._

Dressed in her old NYU hoodie, I set an alarm on my watch and fell asleep, hoping I could at least find her while she dreamed. 

And to no one’s surprise but my own, I missed.


	2. Shh...We're in a Library!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam... doesn't find Grace. Instead, she finds an angry young Templar and a curious mage.

_ _

* * *

When I opened my eyes, I didn’t see Grace. What I did find, however, was an angry-looking young man in very shiny metal armor, staring up and pointing at me. 

“Miss,” he said sharply, "I must insist that you get down from there at once! Enchanter Sweeney will have your head if he catches you atop those stacks!”

Startled, I jerked towards the sound of his voice and rolled off what I discovered was a rather tall bookshelf. “ _OUCH!_ ” I yelled as I landed on the floor in a heap, barely missing the chair that was nearby. “That hurt like a son of a bitch! Who yells at someone who’s dangling from a bookshelf?” 

The metal man hurriedly clunked his way over to me as I picked myself up from the floor. "What in the Maker were you doing up there?” Metal Man asked as he offered a hand to help me up. When I had gotten to my feet, he folded his arms across his chest, glowering at me. “And, pray tell, what kind of idiot perches precariously on a bookshelf in the middle of the night?”

“Apparently this one,” I responded, groaning as I clutched my wrist, which was starting to turn an angry shade of red. Noticing my grimace, Metal Man inspected me with a frown, softly grabbing my angry wrist and flexing it back and forth. I winced in pain at his touch and he let go, his brows furrowed in anger as he stared at my hand. “It does not appear to be broken, but a sprain is certainly not out of the question. You should go see a healer at once.”

Realizing I should probably try to figure out where I was, I took a second to look around and check out my surroundings, holding my rapidly swelling wrist. After a moment, it became apparent that the metal man and I were in a library- there were stacks upon stacks of books, not to mention parchment and quills covering the desk in front of me. Softly flickering candles lit the cold grey walls, and the air smelled of the sea- if I listened hard enough, I could hear waves crashing against the shore. “Um,” I started, eyes darting at the old books scattered across the room, “I’m in a library.”

Metal Man frowned. “Yes, as books are typically stored on bookshelves in libraries. Where young women typically do not drape themselves over the tops of them like cats.” Finally, he took a moment to look at me instead of just glowering at me angrily, and his eyebrows shot up to his hairline. “And, what manner of clothing are you wearing?"

I smirked, despite the pain in my arm. “Is that really the question you want to go with when you look like an extra from Monty Python and the Holy Grail?” The pain in my arm grew even fiercer, and I sucked in a hiss through my teeth as I moved my wrist to check my watch. _One hour and forty-five minutes left before I wake up_. Wincing in pain, I took off my watch and shoved it into my pocket- if I didn’t get a bandage soon, my wrist was going to swell up so bad that my watch wouldn’t fit anymore. “Look, I apologize for injuring myself when you made me fall off your bookshelf, but I’m stuck here for the next two hours. I really don’t want to have an arm that turns into the size of your greave, so could you please help me locate a bandage so I can wrap this up, Metal Man?”

For a moment, he stopped glowering at me and his lips twitched upwards into a smirk. “Metal Man?”

With my good arm, I gestured to his armor. “Most guys I know usually don’t go around wearing full armor in a library. Tends to make reading a bit difficult for the other patrons.”

He chuckled. “How does it stand to reason that a mage is not well acquainted by Templars? And, since we are on the subject of making conjecture based on appearances, I must say that most women I am acquainted with do not wear such odd clothing.” His eyes landed on my pants, and his eye began to twitch slightly. “ And I must also know why there are drawings of birds on your pants?” Then his gaze moved to my shirt. "And what are those symbols on your shirt- are those runes?”

I started to offer a retort, then winced in pain, deciding being a smartypants wasn’t worth it. “Less talking, more bandages, Metal Man. If you can get me something to wrap this up with and stop this pain, I’ll tell you anything you want to know.” I clutched my wrist again. “I’m about ten seconds from screaming bloody murder if I don’t get this taken care of soon."

“As if you haven’t been doing that already.” The man carefully grabbed me by my non-injured arm. “It appears that I may have to take you up on that offer for information forthwith. In the meantime, come, let us find a healer- someone should still be awake at this point.”

“If I may interject... you actually don’t need to go anywhere,” said a voice. We turned around, watching as a tall redheaded girl about my age emerged from behind one of the stacks. “If it is a basic injury, I should be able to assist with that.” I saw her lips twitch a bit as she looked at the man. “My apologies for not coming forth earlier, but the exchange was so funny that I just could not bring myself to interrupt."

“I’m glad my pain was so amusing to you,” I said, closing my eyes as my wrist continued to throb. “Look, at this point, I don’t even care- if you can help me out, you’re going to be my new best friend.” I thrust my injured arm at the girl. “Your move, Red."

“Apprentice Amell,” the man said, inclining his head towards the girl, "Maker knows that I would normally be upset with you for being out past curfew, but in this instance, your presence is appreciated.” He looked at the back of the room. “Come, let’s move her back to your ill-advised hiding spot while you take care of her injury. I am still very interested in hearing the story of our non-coordinated friend here."

The woman named Amell smiled as she ushered me towards the back of the library. “I’m interested as well, Ser Cullen, hence my offer of aid. But we should probably take care of her before it gets beyond my skills and we are forced to rouse Wynne."

“Thank you… Amell,” I said, holding my wrist as I followed behind the girl and the man. “My name is Samantha, but you can call me Sam- Pleased to meet you. I’d shake your hand, but…”I gestured towards my injured wrist and hissed in pain as we sat down at the messy table. “Right. Less talking, more arm fixing."

The metal man sat in a chair across from me and the woman. “Nice to meet you, Lady Samantha. I am Ser Cullen Rutherford, and the young woman who is not supposed to be out at this time of night but doing us a needed service is Solana Amell, one of our top apprentices at Kinloch Hold.”

“Pleased to meet you,” Solana said as she gently took my wrist. “Now, sit still for a moment, if you please.” 

A gentle light began to pulse from her fingertips and seep into my wrist, cooling the angry skin and seeping into my tender muscles. As the pain began to recede, I let out a contented sigh. “OMG, that is amazeballs,” I said, slumping back into my chair. “You are now my best friend, Solana. We can ditch the angry metal man now.”

His lips twitched upward once more. “Once again, my name is Cullen, Lady Samantha- I thought we established our names previously. And your manner of speech is quite unnerving."

“Sure did- my mistake,” I said. “I’m sorry for being a twit- not my intention. I just got happy that my hand is back to normal."

Solana let out a laugh. “You are most amusing, Samantha. But I must side with Ser Cullen on this one- I am highly curious as to how you came to perch atop the entropy collections.” Her gaze drifted to my clothes. “Not to mention your most _unusual_ attire.” 

“I’m not from here,” I said carefully. “Wait.. neither one of you would happen to be dreaming, would you? I’m kinda concerned, as I am only supposed to be able to affect dreams. However, the former excruciating pain in my wrist is telling me I may have fucked up somewhere along the line.”

“Language, Lady Samantha,” Cullen chided. “Even if you are not from here, which I find highly unlikely, decorum should always be exercised.” 

Solana, however, just looked at me. “ Curious- you are not an apprentice, but I can feel magic from you. However, it feels… _different_.” She turned to Cullen. “Do you feel it too?”

At the sound of her voice, he blushed a little, rubbing the back of his neck. Solana raised her eyebrows and he started to squint at me, causing me to feel slightly uncomfortable at the intensity of his gaze. “I do, yes,” he replied. “But you are right- It is different. Most curious, indeed.”

“Oh wow- I can’t believe you guys know about magic!” Solana and Cullen just looked at me, nodding as if I was three years old. “Guys,” I said excitedly, "do you know how _long_ I’ve wanted to talk to someone about stuff like this besides my family? The only one I can usually talk to about this kind of thing is my sister, and even she gets touchy when I do."

“I’m glad I can oblige you, Samantha,” Solana said. “But since you are not an apprentice here, may I ask, where exactly are you from? Most people don’t tend to appear randomly in libraries in the middle of the night in such strange garb.”

I looked down at my clothes. “Ha, yeah, about those,” I said nervously. “These are my pajamas, and this is my sister’s college sweatshirt. I was looking for her, but I ended up on the bookshelf. Then Mr. Grumpypants made me fall off, and here we are.” I looked around, eyes wide in amazement. “Getting healed in a magic school library.” I grinned at the two of them. “This is so freaking cool!”

“But what of your magic?” Cullen asked. “As both I and Lady Amell are awake, I would assume you are not a demon, but your magic is most certainly strange, Lady Samantha.” He turned to Solana. “We should probably rouse Irving and have him handle this matter.”

"No need. I’ll be gone in,” I pulled my watch out of my pocket, refastening it to my non-swollen arm. “An hour. Thanks for the help, Solana. And even you, Cullen. Though if you’d just waited to let me get my bearings before you started yelling at me, I wouldn’t have been in this mess in the first place."

Cullen rolled his eyes. “You, Lady Samantha, are impossible.” Then his eyes narrowed, staring at my wrist. “What kind of bracelet is that? I’ve never seen anything like it before.” 

“Its a watch,” I said. “But, I’m probably breaking all kinds of rules by letting you see it. Not to mention I’m not supposed to be here at all, wherever _here_ is.” I groaned and put my head in my hands. "So yep, Mom is _so_ gonna kill me when she finds out about this."

Solana, however, looked thoughtful, musing over something I had said. “You mentioned you were looking for your sister, but yet you are in your pajamas. Do you often go out in nightwear instead of traveling clothes where you’re from?”

“Nope- the only people who tend to do that are in college,” I admitted. “Look, I was planning to search for Grace in my dreams- it was a few weeks ago for me when she left, but it’s probably been a really long time for her. I guess I missed and ended up here.” As soon as I blurted it out, I clapped my hands to my mouth- Mom was going to murder me for talking about my skills. _Screw it,_ I thought. _May as well go for the gusto- when am I going to get to talk to other people about magic again?_

I needn’t have worried- instead of being angry or scared, Solana looked like I had offered her a winning lottery ticket with a side of lifetime passes to Disney World- her blue eyes lit up and she leaned in, staring at me intently. “A Dreamer,” she breathed. “That specialization is extremely rare. But I do not understand- if that is the case, how is it that you have appeared here?”

“An excellent question,” Cullen muttered, crossing his arms. “I’m beginning to find this whole evening most unusual, if admittedly somewhat entertaining."

I sighed, staring at my hands. “I don’t know what a Dreamer is... unless you just mean someone who dreams. I’m a Watcher… from a world far, far, away,” I said with a smirk. As expected, neither of them got the joke, and I sighed. “And as soon as my alarm goes off and I wake up, I’ll be gone.” 

“I admit, I’ve never heard of that specialization,” Solana said with a soft smile. “I’m curious to learn what exactly a Watcher does, however. It sounds remarkably similar to the Dreamers.” She placed a hand on mine. “Do you think you could tell me about it?"

“Well,” I said slowly, “I usually don’t talk about it much. Plus, Mr. Grumpypants over there looks uncomfortable,” I added. “You know, I should probably just hide out over there for the next hour or so and just let this pass- might make this easier."

Solana giggled again as Cullen’s lips twitched at the nickname. “Or, you could just answer the question. Are all Watchers as obstinate as you are, Samantha?” As I felt a strong flush creep across my tanned skin, he smiled again. “Or is it just the ones who wear pants with bird paintings on them?”

I smiled again, feeling much more at ease. “I think the ones who wear owl-print pajamas are the best ones, but I may be a bit biased, Ser Cullen.” Looking around the library again, I thought about something and paused, trying to figure out the best way to phrase my next query. “I’m aware that this may sound like a stupid question, but can you guys tell me where I am?”

“As I said once before, you are in Kinloch Hold,” Cullen replied. When I looked at him blankly, he elaborated. “On the shores of Lake Calenhad.” I gestured to him to continue, and he raised his eyebrow. “In Ferelden.” I gestured again, this time faster- his eyes grew wide. “In Thedas,” he said slowly. 

“Welp, that explains a lot,” I said, folding my hands behind my head. “Totally different world. Well, that sucks- I have no idea where the heck I am.”

Cullen sputtered. “Makers breath! I just told you where you were, you daft woman!” Solana gasped and Cullen flushed scarlet to the tips of his ears. “Lady Samantha, forgive my outburst- I meant no offense.” He began rubbing the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed. “I offer you my sincerest of apologies."

I shrugged. “No offense taken. Grace tells me I’m nuttier than a fruitcake all the time- guess she’s just gotten confirmation from a world away.” I offered him a smile. “To answer the question, a Watcher just watches events unfold and looks for choices and branches.”

“I don’t believe I quite understand,” Solana said. “Can you explain what you mean, Lady Samantha?”

I twisted my lips, thinking about how to explain it. “Well, there are some things in our lives that are inevitable, right?” They nodded, and I continued. "Well, those are things that no one can change- they just have to happen to keep the universe turning. But, other things can determine whether one outcome or another happens- those are branches.”

“Just like a fork in the road,” Cullen said slowly, understanding creeping across his face. “One goes left, one goes right. Whichever path you take determines the destination.”

“Exactly like that, Cullen,” I said, happy that someone got it. “Sometimes the outcome is completely different. Other times it can be the same, but with different steps along the way. As a Watcher, I look for the choices that lead to those branches. Usually, I do that in my dreams. I can do it when I’m awake, but it hurts like a bitch when I do." 

“Language,” Solana said with a smile. “My word, your mouth is worse than mine, Samantha. I daresay Wynne would have boxed your ears by now if she heard you.”

“Again, my apologies- I’m not used to talking with people,” I admitted. “And please, both of you- call me Sam.”

“Quite alright… Sam,” Solana said with a smile, leaning on one elbow to stare at me, eyes dancing with excitement. “So what do you do when you see these…what did you call them? Branches?”

“Usually I tell my mom about them,” I admitted. “I’m still training, obviously, or I wouldn’t be here right now. One day, I should be able to manipulate things or pause moments to help people choose, but right now I’m pretty useless unless you count the minor empathy and telepathy skills I have with people I’m close to. But yeah, that’s why I set alarms- my power gets kinda depressing, so I try not to use it much."

Solana drummed her fingers against the table, lost in thought. “But if you don’t use it, how will you ever improve?” She gestured to the scattered stacks of paper on the table in front of us. “I dedicate most of my time to studying,” she admitted. “I want to get better, so I practice. Maybe the same would probably apply to you if you practiced, Sam.” 

Cullen looked thoughtful, scanning the papers on the table. “That reminds me, Amell. I fear I must ask a question- why is it that I didn’t know you were here?”

It was now Solana's turn to chide him. “As Sam has insisted we use the short form of her name, I must request that you simply call me Solana, Cullen. Let us not put on airs in this area tonight, shall we?” Then she continued. “And as for you not knowing I was here, that would be due to the silence spell I cast over this area. It makes it easier to not be disturbed.”

“Brilliant,” I breathed. “Bloody brilliant, you are.” I placed my hands on hers. “So, what can you do, Solana? I mean, besides healing the wrists of people who get knocked off bookshelves by grumpy Templars, that is.” Grinning, I stuck out my tongue at Cullen. “See? I remembered.”

Cullen ignored my dig and almost looked boastful at my question. “Am- Solana is excellent with ice magic.” Then his lip twitched and Solana let out a groan, placing her head in her hands. “However, fire magic does not appear to be her forte. She almost burned down the entire library last week.”

I let out a loud laugh, and Solana thwacked him on his arm. “That was an accident and you know it, Cullen! I mixed up my notes and cast a larger spell than I had intended, and the only casualty was a pair of Enchanter Sweeney’s britches.” Her lips danced and settled into a smile. "I daresay he hasn’t forgiven me for that yet.”

Cullen shook his head, his amber eyes sparkling with mirth. “I’d wager he hasn’t if that scowl he wears whenever you pass is any indication.”

“Can you show me some of your magic, Solana? I’ve never seen it before. Unless that’s rude here and I’m not supposed to ask that type of thing.” I was babbling, but I couldn’t stop myself. “If it’s an issue, just let me know and I-“

“Hush, Sam,” she said, placing a hand on my shoulder. “It’s no trouble at all, as long as Cullen trusts that I will not set fire to the library again.” He nodded and she turned towards the flame of the candle she had sitting on the table. Her hand moved over it, and I watched in amazement as gradually, the flames turned to a crystal of ice, settling down onto the frozen wax. She smiled and picked up the tiny ice crystal, placing it into my palm. 

The frozen flame was cold to my touch, and the ice began to melt from the heat of my hand. As the water pooled into my palm, I felt a small tear roll down my cheek. “That was beautiful, Solana. Thank you for sharing that with me.” Staring at the faces of my two companions, I wiped my eyes and my wet hand on the sleeve of my sweatshirt. “For this to be the result of a massive miscalculation on my part, this trip has been the most fun I’ve had in a long time.”

She smiled, placing her tiny hand on mine. “I would have to say the same, Sam. Studying these tomes was nowhere near as interesting as seeing you fall from the bookshelves or listening to you and Cullen verbally spar up there.” 

Cullen sighed. “I suppose I would have to concur with Solana- this night was most interesting. But, I’m afraid that while you know of us, you were remiss in divulging where you hail from, La- Sam.” 

“Oh, I come from Earth,” I said. “Which probably means nothing to the two of you. And technically, I don’t live in one particular city- our house is a Waystation.”

“You’re right, I’ve never heard of such a place, nor such a thing as a Waystation,” Solana said. “What do you mean by that?”

“It just means it exists everywhere and nowhere at the same time. That’s why time moves so funny there. I connect it to Grace’s house, which is in New Jersey, so that’s usually where I say I’m from. But that probably doesn’t mean anything to you, either."

Solana shook her head. “I’m afraid you would be right, Sam. However, that doesn’t make it any less fascinating- I would love to hear more about these things sometime.” Her eyes began to dance across the stacks. “I wonder if there are any books on these types of things here? I don’t want to ask one of the Senior Enchanters- they’re a bit too nosy for my tastes, but there may be some books on the Fade that could have some connections, as I’m sure you’re the equivalent of a Dreamer in our world.” She began to rub her hands together in glee. "Maker, this is fascinating!"

“Now you’ve done it,” Cullen said, shaking his head good-naturedly. “She’ll be impossible for everyone now that she’s gotten this bee in her bonnet. Maker preserve us if she tries to work out a spell to come and find you,” he said with a wink. “Knowing my luck, we’ll all be thrust into the Fade in our pajamas.”

“Heaven forbid something like that happen on my account,” I said, laughing. “ At any rate, I’d be happy to tell you anything I can, Solana- It’s nice to have someone to talk to.” But, just as I was about to launch into a massive question and answer session, my arm began to vibrate, signifying my five-minute warning alarm. Looking into the faces of my new companions, I realized that leaving made me even lonelier than I had been before I arrived. For the first time since Grace had left, I’d discovered that despite my injury, I’d actually had _fun_. 

Though I tried to hide it, Solana instantly noticed my expression and patted my hand. “Sam, you look sad- what’s troubling you, my dear?”

“Looks like my time is almost up, guys.” I looked at Cullen and smiled sadly as I pushed my chair away from the table. “If it’s not too much trouble, would you mind if I came to see you guys again? I still need to learn what a Templar can do, and I also want to make sure that Solana doesn’t cast you all into the Fade, whatever that is.”

Solana stood up from her chair to give me a hug- when her braid tickled my nose, I noticed her fiery red hair smelled like a mix of lavender and a cold winter day. “Of course you can! In fact, I’d be rather put off if you were to come back and not seek me out- I have so much more to learn, you know.” She pulled away and stared me in the eyes. “Remember, you must practice if you want to get better, Sam.” 

I nodded, biting my lip in the face of her piercing gaze. “I know. And I will practice, I promise. Probably not as much as you,” I said with a grin, “but I promise.”

She gave me a curt nod. “Good, that’s all I ask. Well,” she gave me a smirk and a playful poke in the chest. “That, and a return visit. Next time, be prepared- I shall take notes!"

“Maker preserve us,” Cullen said, rolling his eyes good-naturedly. “But, I suppose that as long as there are no more bookshelves involved, I believe we can accommodate those requests, Lady Samantha.” He stood up, giving me a deep, mocking bow. "In the meanwhile, I will keep an eye on Solana until your return to make sure Thedas stays safe in your absence.” 

“My hero,” I said dryly, clasping my hands to my chest and fluttering my eyelashes at Cullen, who in turn dismissed me with a wave of his hand. And just as I knew it would, my final alarm sounded, the tinny beeps echoing in our bubble of silence. Cullen and Solana began to look around in alarm and I sighed, knowing what was to come. “That’s my return signal, guys. Once again, thank you- I hope I get to see you again sometime,” I said softly.

Then I waved goodbye, sadly watching as their mouths formed matching expressions of shock as my image faded from view.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I like to think that Cullen is a lot less uptight in this because he wants to impress Solana. Also, I like smart-alecky characters and we all know he's got tendencies. Let's let the boy have his fun.


	3. Theory vs. Practice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam puts a shoddy plan together while Cullen and Solana try to make sure they haven't gone crazy.

_ _

* * *

Collapsing against the slates, I let out an exhausted and exhilarated sigh- I’d _traveled_... and on my own! Biting my lip, I nervously checked my watch, and when I saw the time I let out a quiet whoop of joy. Just as I suspected, I ended up returning only minutes after I left, which meant that Mom _might_ not kill me just yet.

I let out a shaky breath as I stared up at the stars, content in the knowledge that though I didn’t find Grace just yet, I had found something just as good- _people_. Sure, they thought I was weird, but they didn’t think it was an oh-my-god-run-away-kill-all-the-things type weird. Nope, to them, it was just the normal level of weird associated with someone you don’t know turning up uninvited on your doorstep when you weren’t expecting company. So even though I wasn’t aiming for it, I ended up having an amazing trip, and despite the risks… I wanted to do it again. I wanted- no, _needed_ \- to make a return trip. _For science,_ I told myself. _I can’t have them thinking they were going nuts or something._

I smiled to myself at my accomplishment, but I knew I had some details to work out. I was pretty sure I could return- once I visited somewhere, I was usually able to find it again fairly easily. The problem, however, was the timing- I wasn’t quite sure how to manipulate it so I didn’t end up leaving tomorrow night and meeting them again on their deathbed, or popping in only a minute after I left, so I had to find some kind of way to manage the time difference. _Okay, Sam_ , I thought. _Time to get off this roof and make some plans._ I blew out a puff of frosty air as I made my way back inside my room, watching as the vapor materialized in the air. It made me think of Solana’s ice crystal from earlier, and I raced towards my desk, eager to get started. 

I pulled out my desk chair and grabbed a notebook and my favorite pink pen. Grace would always tease me about my habit of making plans in notebooks, but I had always been more comfortable doing it there instead of on my phone or laptop- no matter where you went, there was paper. A computer or a phone wasn’t always a given, and I refused to be unprepared. Placing the pen in my mouth and tapping it thoughtfully on the inside of my cheek, I began to ponder the biggest problem- time. Mom knew how to control when and where she landed, which made sense- she did stuff like this all the time, so she’d obviously mastered it at some point. But, seeing as I wasn’t supposed to be physically traveling anywhere, I figured that asking her about it might not be the best course of action. 

Shuddering at the thought of incurring Mom’s wrath, I focused on the issue at hand, treating it like Grace did when she used to help me with my math lessons. I tried to remember her sitting next to me at my desk, brown and blond curls pooling in her face as she’d tap on the sheet in front of me, laughing at my frustration when I couldn’t get the answer.

 _Well, Squeak,_ she would say, _your biggest problem is you’re trying to solve the problem all at once- Take it one step at a time._

I stared at the empty notebook and frowned at the memory. This wasn’t exactly helping- wasn’t that what I was doing? I was trying to break it down, but I was no closer to an answer than I was before. I groaned and flung my elbows onto my desk, angry at the lack of progress- I needed answers, not more riddles. 

The Grace in my memory smiled, pointing at my watch. _Typical Sam… so dramatic. You never could stop seeing the big picture, could you?_

I remembered shooting daggers at her with my eyes. _It’s hard, GraceFace… not everyone is as good at this as you are. Stop being such a shit for once and just help me, huh?_

She had ruffled her fingers in my hair then, causing me to swat at her arms. _You’re always missing the first step and trying to go straight to the end… don’t you have to see what you’re working with before you come up with an answer?_

My head snapped up at the realization- I’d have to start by calculating the time difference. I twirled the pen in my mouth and thought about it for a moment, then wrote down 120 minutes in my notebook. Then I stopped, unsure of what to do next- because of my alarm, I had a base unit of time, but I hadn’t been diligent about marking when I left, nor had I checked the exact time when I arrived back home. Tossing my pen against the desk, I let out a frustrated groan- of course when I needed information, I wouldn’t have it. _Story of my life,_ I thought angrily. 

The memory of Grace tapped me on my shoulder. _No giving up,_ she’d said with a soft smile. _You don’t have to be perfect all the time- estimates are better than nothing. You can still work the problem- just get more data next time and revise the results. It’s just math, not brain surgery, Squeak._

 _Fine,_ I grumbled. _Let’s estimate._ I grabbed my pen and thought carefully. _I’m gonna go with overestimating on this one- it’s not as if it’s life or death, so it’s ok to be wrong. So, I’m going to say 10 minutes passed, just because math is hard and I need something to work from. Which would mean every hour over there is five of my minutes here, which isn’t too terrible. So if I travel on the fives until I learn what the hell I’m doing… this may actually work!_ I flashed a triumphant grin at my notebook- I’d have to refine the math, of course, and learning to pause time would ultimately be a lot more helpful, but this was certainly a start. 

Now, if I wanted to show up tomorrow… how would I figure that out? I distinctly remembered that Cullen had no idea what a watch was, so they probably didn’t have many clocks. But, they had lessons, so they had to tell time somehow- how did they do it? And for that matter, where the hell was Thedas? 

_You’ve got the internet… look it up._

I smacked myself in the face. _The internet- of course. You’re an idiot, Sam._ I opened my laptop and searched for Thedas, but as I suspected, I got no results. Then, I tried a different tactic- the place looked like something out of the Middle Ages, so maybe I could just look that up? Figuring it was better than nothing, I searched out old methods of telling time and came up with sundials, candle clocks, and bell towers. However, I was still unsure, so I flipped to a new page, and wrote ’time’ on a sheet labeled ’things to ask Solana’. I supposed I could ask Cullen, but he was likely to look at me like I was an idiot, whereas Solana would probably indulge me if she understood why I was asking the question. 

The memory of Grace smirked, leaning on the desk. _You’re putting a lot of investment into this, Squeak._

Unable to think of a proper reply, I ignored her.

Looking over my notes, I felt giddy when I realized that I had, albeit imperfectly and temporarily, solved my time issue. Assuming it was as late as it looked, I would have to wait at least eight hours for them before I returned if I didn’t want them to be asleep, and if I wanted to see more of the world, I’d need to wait even longer. So… maybe twelve of their hours? Which, for me, would be… an hour. I could be right back in Thedas in an _hour_. Mom and Dad were gone- no one was home but me. Even if I left for a few hours over there, it wouldn’t be the worst thing- I’d be back _way_ before anyone here would notice. 

But, there was still the matter of clothes. I had nothing even remotely similar to what Solana was wearing in my wardrobe, but I didn’t want to take a chance on getting tossed in a dungeon if someone else saw me. I frowned- I had no idea what could I find that would be suitable for a mage to wear. I mean, it wasn’t like I had enough time to run to a costume shop and pick up a wizard robe or something. 

I sighed again, spinning in my chair- it was like taking two steps forward, only to get knocked a step back every time. Frustrated, I spun around again, this time coming to a stop facing my mirror, and there was a tingling in my brain as I began to focus on one of the pictures stuck to the glass. Slowly, I walked towards it, wondering why this one picture seemed so important all of a sudden, and when I saw it, I laughed- that damn lizard brain of mine had the answer all along. 

The picture I had plucked was of me and Grace at her graduation. Staring at the photo, I realized that her regalia and Solana’s clothes were quite similar, as her graduation robes were purple and plush, not black and practically see-through like my high school ones… _If I could belt it off with her honor cord, maybe hide the zipper…_

 _First things first- see if you can even find the damn thing._ Grace wasn’t the most organized person on a good day, so it could take me forever to locate it. Even worse, it might be at her house, and trying to explain to her dad why I was sneaking out of their house with Grace’s old graduation robes at night was just as good as placing a direct call to my mom, which was precisely what I was trying to avoid doing. But, if they were here… that meant what I was trying to do was possible... if I dared. 

_Screw it- I already messed up once tonight... may as well go for the full enchilada,_ I thought. _But I bet Grace would be so proud of me right now._

_ _

* * *

Cullen was staring at the empty space where Samantha had been, mouth hanging open in shock. Truthfully, he’d been in the library that night, waiting to get a glimpse of Solana as she entered, as he knew that she tended to frequent the library during the evenings. Her late-night study sessions, along with his crush on the girl, was one of the worst kept secrets in the tower- everyone suspected he fancied her, so he often tried to keep his gazes to a minimum, preferring to simply nod his head as she walked by, or make sure no other Templars were being untoward to the girl. He’d heard whispers of impropriety, heard how some templars were behaving less than honorably, and while he could do nothing without proof, he could at least protect her. To the best of his ability, Cullen would make sure Solana would stay safe.

He’d been doing an admirable job of it so far, and they had all settled into a comfortable routine. He’d avoided ever having to talk to the mage, as his nerves tended to overwhelm him whenever she was near. Instead, he was content with his thoughts- in his dreams, they talked, laughed, held hands, and she was delighted with his company. In these moments he was witty and charming, and Solana was just as delightful as she was in real-life. While he knew he could never share these moments with the object of his affection outside of the Fade, they were just too sweet to let go of. Cullen had long since resigned himself to never getting the chance to talk to her. 

But that all changed when Samantha appeared atop the stacks.

Now, he could scarcely believe his eyes as Solana clutched his arm in shock- if he concentrated hard enough, he could feel the heat through his armor at her touch. “Maker!” Cullen breathed, turning to Solana, who was still staring in awe. “Am I dreaming?”

She shook her head. “I would say not, as I was just about to ask you the same thing, Ser Cullen.” Her blue eyes were still wide with shock and wonder as they darted over the chair where Samantha had been only moments prior. “Do you think she shall ever return?”

“I could not say, Amell.” He saw her lips turn down slightly at this remark and he could have kicked himself- she had permitted him to address her casually and he had reverted as soon as their odd guest had left. Embarrassed, he cleared his throat. “Well, I dare say it is way too late for both of us to be out and about. What say you to the request of calling an end to your late-night studies?” He felt a smile creep across his face as he stood, pushing away from the desk. “I’m happy to turn a blind eye to you studying again tomorrow night if you so wish.”

Solana gave him a wry smile that set his heart aflame. “If it is no trouble, it would be appreciated. I fear I didn’t get as much studying done tonight as I wished, though the evening proved most entertaining.”

She’d given him another opportunity to address her without airs and he took it. “I’m glad you found it so, Solana,” he said with a smile. “But after spending so much time here, I’m afraid I must take my leave now.”

“That is probably wise, as I need to gather my materials and retire to my quarters for the evening.” She stood up and began gathering papers, but when he made a move to help her, she stopped him, placing a slender hand on his arm. “While I certainly appreciate your help, I do have a system that I am certain is apparent to no one save myself, so you can leave those be.”

He blushed scarlet at her touch. “As you wish,” he said. “I bid you a good night, Solana.“

She was no longer looking at him- she had gone back to gathering papers. “I wish you the same, Cullen.”

He smiled to himself as he walked away, pausing to shake his head at the stacks where Samantha had crashed earlier. Just as he was about to leave, he noticed a small white square lying on the floor and crouched down to inspect the object, carefully picking it up and turning it over in his hands. On the side that had been laying down, a picture of Samantha, unlike anything he’d ever seen in Thedas, was printed on the thick square. The square was also covered in a language he couldn’t read, but the image was unmistakably her. 

“Solana,” he said carefully, trying to keep his voice even. “May I borrow you for just one more moment, please?”

She didn’t respond- instead, she just emerged from the stacks with a pile of books in her hand. “Of course- what is it that you need?”

He handed her the square. “Have you ever seen anything like this? I can make no sense of it, other than her image, but perhaps you can read what it says.”

She shook her head, running her fingers over the smooth surface. “I’m afraid I’m at a loss,” she said quietly. “But I cannot keep it- this must remain in your possession until we see her again.”

Cullen looked taken aback. “I wish no such thing!”

Solana frowned, shifting her weight from foot to foot. “Be reasonable, Cullen- if it was on her person, she must desire it. And if she comes back, she would be most grateful for us keeping it safe.”

He rolled his eyes. “And why exactly must I be the protector of the placard I can’t read?”

“Because they’ll think it’s forbidden magic if I’m caught with it,” she said quietly. “What would you think if you saw such a likeness pressed on parchment such as this?”

Cullen went pale. “When all else fails, the guesses turn to blood magic.”

She nodded. “And while I am certainly a scholar, I am by no means a blood mage. I’ll give the Templars no cause to suspect me.”

The thought of her being made Tranquil for a transgression that was not her own sent a shiver down his spine. “Once again, I must be forced to admit you’ve seen the situation clearer than I.” He sighed, wrapping his fingers around the back of his neck. “Very well- I will keep the offending document. At the very least, if it is here upon us waking in the morning it proves we are not addled, just simply unlucky.”

Solana laughed at his irritation. “You, Sir Cullen, have the mind of a strategist. Who knows- you may rise above your station and be taken off guard duty yet.”

He tucked the card away and gave the woman a look that he hoped didn’t appear too eager. “Thank you very much, but despite appearances to the contrary, I am perfectly content with my station.”

“Then that is good to know,” Solana replied as she exited the library with the young Templar. 

_ _

* * *

Time was ticking away, but I hadn’t found the robes yet and I was starting to panic. They weren’t in the hall closet downstairs, nor were they in the closet in her room upstairs. If they weren’t in the attic, I was going to have to go into Grace’s house. _Please, if I have to go over there, let her dad not be home,_ I hoped. _I’m not looking to be murdered today._

_Are you really willing to go through all this, Squeak?_

I thought about it for a moment. Here I was, crawling through the house like a thief and searching for a robe so I could infiltrate the school of two people I barely knew... against my mom’s wishes. This could not be any more stupid if I had planned it, and yet...

 _I need them to know I’m real_ , I thought. _If I don’t come back, they’ll think I was a dream._

_Then Godspeed to you, but when mom kicks your ass, don’t say I didn’t warn you._

_Technically, you aren’t here, so you didn’t,_ I thought as I raced to the attic, taking the steps two at a time. Looking around and still not hearing anyone in the house, I slowly opened the latch on the door and practically choked from the clouds of dust. _If you were here_ , I thought between coughing fits, _then I wouldn’t be in this mess right now._

_Is that a good thing or a bad thing?_

“I don’t know yet,” I said out loud. Praying that I’d find the robes up here, I grabbed my phone and turned on the flashlight, passing the light across the shadows in the room. Nothing looked like what I needed, and I was starting to panic. Just as I was about to start crying, my eyes lit on one last box, labeled ‘Grace’, and I pumped my fists. Eager to find what I needed, I hurried over to the box, hoping upon hope that I’d find the necessary items. To my delight, the long purple and black robes with her gold neck rope were there, and perfect for my plan. If anyone looked at me closely, I’d resemble a reckless hobo more than a student, but if I got in and out quick enough, I shouldn’t set off any alarm bells. 

Then, something else in the box caught my eye. Grace had an old blonde wig in the box, the hair so light it was almost white. I thought about leaving it, but then I had an idea- what if I screwed up? If I needed to come back, I wanted to keep what I really looked like a bit more of a secret. _Guess it’s wig time, baby. Besides,_ I thought with a grin, _Solana will probably get a kick out of it._ Now even more determined to see this ridiculous plan through, I grabbed the robes, rope, and wig and raced back down to my room, eager to set my plan into motion. 

Before I put on the robe, I grabbed a pair of leggings- I figured if I had to change, these wouldn’t be too noticeable. Then I threw on a pair of black converse and a white long-sleeved shirt and grabbed a snickers bar and my snack pack of Oreos, proud of myself for thinking about bringing treats for Cullen and Solana when I returned. _I mean, it’s not like they’re zoo animals or something,_ I reasoned. _It’s ok to share treats with friends._ But after patting myself down like an idiot, I quickly realized the robe was not designed for fashion or function- there were no pockets anywhere on my outfit. Frantically searching my room, I discovered a small brown leather purse that kind of resembled the small knapsack I saw Solana wearing last night and shoved the snacks inside of it- If nothing else, I wouldn’t die of hunger. Proper nutrition, however, was another matter entirely.

Zipping up my robe, I felt my palms begin to sweat- the closer I came to getting ready, I started to feel less and less like an intrepid explorer and more like I was getting ready to enter the world’s shittiest costume contest. But, the time for turning back had passed- cinching my waist with the cord and putting on the wig, I slung my bag of delicious over my shoulder and took a deep breath, forcing myself to calm down. Right now, I was as prepared as I would ever be- it was showtime. 

I set my watch for three hours and focused on Cullen- Solana would have been a good bet too, but if I found the Templar, he could at least fake like I was a prisoner and get me somewhere safe if I screwed up too badly. Considering I was rocking the idiot chic fall collection, I figured I could use any advantage I could get, so I took a deep breath, wrote down the time, and closed my eyes as I thought of his strong build, the cool touch of his gloves, his curly blond hair, and the glint in his amber eyes...

...only to find myself staring directly into them. 


	4. Wardrobe Malfunctions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam is decidedly _not_ cut out to be a spy

_ _

* * *

Cullen had just returned from the baths after finishing his practice session and sat down on his bunk, preparing to get back into his armor and head out to the library to read- it was his day off, and he was planning on enjoying it. Just as he was about to get up, he was pinned to the spot by the renegade traveler plopping into his lap, noting that she was obviously just as embarrassed as he was by her current position. 

“Um... hi, Cullen,” she said, tucking a blond hair behind her ear. “Fancy running into you like this.”

Rooted to the spot with shock, Cullen found himself forced to stare at Samantha, taking note of her unnaturally green eyes as they danced across his face, clearly just as confused as he was. The templar was infinitely grateful that no one else was in the room with him, considering her proximities, and he blurted out the first thing that came to his mind. “Why is your hair trying to run away from your head?”

She cocked her head to the side. “What?"

A flush was creeping up his face as he realized that he was holding her by the waist, and he carefully moved her to a standing position, hoping the new distance between them would help him to clear his head. Once he had fully disengaged himself from her, he cleared his throat, pointing to the top of her head. “Your blond hair appears to be going left, whereas your normal hair is peeking through on the right. Is this some manner of fashion from where you hail from or were you taking notes from one of those blasted Orlesians?”

"Darn it all- I thought this would work out better,” she huffed, snatching the hair from her head and tossing it at his feet. Cullen instinctively yelped, yanking his legs on the bed to get away from it, causing Samantha to cover her mouth and stifle her laughter. “Oh stop it… it’s just a party wig- it won’t bite.”

"One can't be too careful." Cullen carefully plucked the offending item from the floor, using two fingers to hold the blasted thing as far away from his person as possible. “And why, pray tell, would you wear such a thing?” He took a moment to look her over again, and it was his turn to stifle laughter. “Considering your attire, it seems to be one of the many bad decisions you’ve made this afternoon.”

She gave him a petulant look and pursed her painted red lips, which only caused his laughter to increase. “Don’t laugh!” She hit him in the arm, and he just laughed harder. "It was my disguise in case someone else saw me,” she said as she crossed her arms angrily. “I was trying to blend in,” she said sheepishly. 

This statement only served to make Cullen roar with laughter and fall back on the bed, tears streaming from his eyes. “I would have paid twenty sovereigns to see you try to convince someone that you belonged with this getup you’re wearing!” He gestured to the door. “By all means, _please_ go and try to blend in- I’ll be here waiting for the Maker to claim me after I expire from laughter.”

She frowned, crossing her arms. “It’s not _that_ funny, Cullen- you could at least give me some credit for trying.”

“No, I’m afraid I cannot, Lady Samantha,” he said between fits of laughter. “It would only do you a disservice if you were to think your efforts were up to even the lowest of standards. But,” he managed to stammer out, “I do believe we can find you robes more suitable than… _these_.”

“These are my sister’s robes,” she said quietly, “and I happen to like them, even if you don’t.”

At the change in her tone, he stopped laughing and stared at the girl, beginning to feel every inch a bully for his reaction. Though she did look ridiculous, he had to admit that she had tried to mimic their fashion, and he should applaud her efforts, no matter how misguided they were. The purple and black robes she wore were way too big- even tied at the waist with her golden rope, she looked for all the world like a child swimming in their parent’s clothing. He vastly preferred her long, dark hair, and he could find no purpose for the hideous Orlesian wig she arrived in. But, if she wanted to make an effort to blend in, it must mean that she had an intent to stay around. And while he wasn’t inclined to turn the strange girl in, others may find her odd behavior disconcerting- taking all that into account, Cullen decided it would be unkind of him to leave her to such a fate. 

He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck- between her and Solana, he had been doing that quite often lately. “Wait right here,” he said. “And if anyone comes in before I get back, say nothing.” She simply nodded, silently checking the contraption on her wrist, and his heart sank at the gesture. Immediately, the Templar realized that the girl was counting the time until she could leave- he had succeeded in doing nothing but making her feel unwelcome. “Samantha, please accept my apologies- I’m going to search for a set of proper robes for you so you may accompany me to find Solana,” he said gently. “Maybe she can show you more about how to appear somewhat mage-like.” The girl looked up at him and he smiled, trying to reassure her, though he couldn’t quite put his finger on why he was going out of his way to make her feel welcome. “Seeing as I am a Templar, and unless you want to fool no one, I think Amell would be your best teacher.”

“I thought we agreed to no titles, Metal Man,” she said softly. 

He took her slight teasing as a sign that she had forgiven him for his earlier slight towards her. “I believe that we can discuss this and your lack of memory for names when I return with proper attire for you,” he said with a smile. “Can you remain here for the time being?”

She smiled. “I won’t leave- it's not often I get to search around a knight’s room. Who knows- maybe I’ll find some princesses underwear hidden under the mattress or something.”

He let out a snort and shook his head, hurrying out the room and checking the hallway. He gave a silent prayer of thanks that the halls were empty as he darted into one of the old unused rooms next door- sometimes there were chests that contained old clothing from previous students, and he hoped that this would be one such occasion. When he crept into the empty room, he breathed a sigh of relief as he found a dust-covered set of apprentice robes in the old trunk nearby. Though they would likely make the girl sneeze, they had to be better than the garb she was wearing. Grabbing the clothes in his arms, he dashed out the door, not willing to push his good fortune any further than he already had. 

When he returned to the room, he immediately smelled the scent of sugar and chocolate. Peering inside, Cullen found Samantha sitting on the bed, eating something that made a crunching sound as she bit down. Raising his eyebrow at the girl, he tossed her the robes and she began to undress right in front of him, causing him to cry out in alarm. “Samantha!” he yelled. “Stop that this instant!”

She looked up at him, confused. “But I thought you wanted me to put the new robes on?”

“Yes, but- not- you, me, _here_!” Cullen felt himself turning a bright shade of red, and understanding started to seep into her expression as he grabbed her by her shoulders. “What you’re doing is indecent!”

And then, to his surprise, she _laughed_. “Oh, I thought of that! I’m wearing my old clothes underneath, see?” She quickly made a ripping noise and the old robes opened, revealing a form-fitting shirt and pants. “See, still dressed,” she said, stepping into the dust-covered clothes he’d found for her. 

Once she was dressed, she placed a hand on his shoulder and smiled, her odd eyes alight with joy. “Thanks for these, Cullen,” she said quietly. “You’re right, these work much better, even if they’re too long.” The dusty robes were indeed too long, as they dragged along on the floor and stretched practically to the tips of her fingers, but she would be able to pass through the halls unnoticed, at least. She spun in a circle, and he shook his head at her as readjusted her satchel across her person. 

“I believe you are ready to begin your explorations, Lady Samantha.” He started to leave but remembered that her arrival had shocked him so much that he had forgotten to put on his armor. “I, however, am not suitable as of yet, since your strange arrival interrupted me from getting back into my armor.” 

“I was wondering why I couldn’t hear you coming,” she teased, her eyes bright and dancing with excitement. “Hurry up and get dressed, Metal Man! I don’t have all day here and I want to find Solana- I have so many questions!” 

Cullen felt his lips twitch up into that smile again as he started to get into the rest of his uniform. “And no questions for me? I fear you’re only using me as a means to soften your landing since there seems to be a distinct lack of bookshelves for you to fall from.”

“I have them for you too, don’t worry,” she said as she reached into her pack and pulled out another one of the sweet-smelling treats. “By the way, want a cookie?”

He frowned. “Those look like no cookie I’ve ever seen before.” 

She grinned. “Nope, and since they’re from my world, they’re probably terrible for you. But I’m willing to bet you’re going to find it delicious- junk food always is. Here- take a bite,” she said, bounding over to him and placing the cookie between his lips as he bent over to secure his cuisses. 

Cullen just stared at the girl. “Are you daft? Do you have no sense of propriety where you’re from?” 

She just shrugged her shoulders, still holding the confection at his lips. “According to your standards, probably not. But if you just take a bite of the damn cookie, I’ll leave you alone.”

He finished securing the left leg and stared up at her as he moved on to the right, wondering if he should just ignore her. “Is that really all it's going to take? Should that be the case, I would have eaten the whole damnable lot of your cookies a long time ago.” She frowned at him and he sighed, smelling not only the scent of chocolate and sugar but flowers and soap wafting from her skin. Trying to shake it off, he took a bite of the cookie in front of him and let out a gasp of shock as the sweetness hit his tongue, delighting his senses in ways he’d never experienced before. His eyes widened as he chewed, momentarily forgetting to get dressed as he savored the taste of chocolate and cream melting in his mouth.

When he opened his eyes, she was still standing in front of him, a huge smirk on her face. “Good?” Unable to speak, he just nodded- Samantha just laughed. "Told you!” She stepped forward again, holding the rest of the dessert in her hand. “I’m glad, cause I really don’t want your half-eaten cookie, and it's practically a crime where I’m from to waste an Oreo.” She placed the remaining portion of the dessert up to his lips. “So since it looks like you got your hands full, I’m gonna help you out.” Cullen just stared at her, and she tapped a finger on his lips. “Yo! Open up, Metal Man.”

Stunned, he opened his mouth and she popped the rest of the dessert between his lips, feeling the softness of her fingertips as she dragged them away from his mouth. She grinned and turned away as he finished the dessert in his mouth, quickly coming to the realization that despite her odd behavior, he might not want to be in this room alone with the girl in front of him. 

_ _

* * *

After Cullen was dressed, we approached the library and headed towards the back of the stacks, where sure enough, Solana was pouring over a stack of books and taking notes. Since she didn’t take any notice of our arrival, the templar tapped her on her shoulder. “Apprentice Amell,” Cullen said with a smirk as he presented me to the redhead. “I found this girl wandering around. Said she was looking for you.”

“Samantha!” Solana cried, wrapping her arms around me and squealing with delight. An older woman in the corner shot us a dirty look, and Solana placed a hand to her mouth. “Samantha,” she said in a whisper, and I laughed. “I can’t believe it wasn’t a dream,” she said softly.

“Nope,” I said, shaking my head and smiling. “I come bearing gifts since I wish to question both of you extensively- is there anywhere we can go that’s relatively private?”

Solana put a finger to her lips, looking thoughtful. “There are a few places I know. How much time do you have today?”

“Only about two hours,” I admitted. “I had a bad orientation session this time and had to get redressed,” I said, gesturing to my new clothing. “Good news is that if I go home in it, I can get it hemmed to make it actually fit me properly.”

As I spoke, the lady across from Solana cleared her throat, causing Cullen to lean towards our table. “Lady Samantha, I suggest we take this conversation elsewhere,” he said in a low voice. “I do not know how appropriate it is to discuss matters such as these out here.”

I looked around at the others in the library and swallowed nervously. “As usual, you’re right.” I turned to Solana. “Hey, where would you suggest we head off to? We got a lot to talk about. ”

The redhead got a huge smile on her face. “Follow me- I know a place we can go to practice.” She turned to the Templar, and in a slightly louder voice said, "Ser Cullen, would you mind providing us with oversight?”

I started to question it, but Solana shot me a look that clearly meant ‘be quiet and play along’ while Cullen nodded. “As you will be performing spells, it is advisable that I be present.”

Solana laughed as she gathered the papers she had scattered across the table. “Then let us find a new location to adjourn to." The mage's eyes darted between me and the Templar, sparkling with curiosity and excitement. "It appears we have much to discuss today, Samantha. Bear with me while I grab a quill and some parchment, yes?"


	5. Performance Anxiety

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solana has a Q&A session with Sam, and Cullen informs Sam that this kind of thing has never happened to him before.

_ _

* * *

The mage was often hesitant to admit she was wrong about anything, but in this case, it was true- she’d thought the girl a dream in the Fade, and when she couldn’t find Cullen to compare findings, she was content to push the thoughts out of her head. She’d scoured any tome she could get hands upon for information about this Earth she spoke of but could find nothing. Though she knew it would be easier for her if the experience was simply a dream, she had felt a pang of disappointment at the loss of an opportunity to learn about what no one else would ever know. But seeing the raven-haired girl standing in front of her with Cullen during the day was more than enough proof for her, and she was giddy with excitement at the chance to talk with her again. 

It also didn’t hurt that the girl was friendly, as most people at the Circle tended to treat her with disdain. Most said she was haughty or unapproachable, and preferred to stay out of her way unless they needed assistance with their lessons. Besides Jowan and Irving, Cullen was the only one who didn’t seem to mind when she was around, but the young man never seemed to talk with her- every time she tried to start up a conversation with him, he would only nod in response or make a hastily uttered excuse to find somewhere else to be. Solana would never tell anyone, but she studied so much because she was lonely- her tower was a prison, but a prison festooned with knowledge. Instead of succumbing to the loneliness, she would make use of it, using every available moment to gather knowledge that could help her explore the world someday. 

And now, there was a girl in her midst that was the embodiment of the world beyond her walls- Sam had come not only from outside the tower but beyond the very stars themselves. 

Solana planned on taking advantage of every possible minute of the time she had with Samantha- the girl's arrival had even made the stoic templar practically verbose, and Sam always looked as if she actually wanted to know what Solana was thinking or doing. Though experience had taught her to be cautious with her affections and trust, she couldn’t help but feel a flutter of hope- Samantha acted as if she had known the two of them her whole life, and the smiles she offered so easily to the two of them made her feel as if she could dare to have a friend. She tried to squash her joy at this thought, but she couldn’t- the feeling stuck in her chest and the thought rattled around her head like marbles, making her smile every time she dwelled upon it. 

“So, Sam… I must admit, I am very surprised to see you again,” Solana admitted. "After last night, I was afraid that you were a dream.” 

Samantha laughed. “Nope, afraid you’re not getting rid of me that easily. I kinda like hanging out and talking with you…” She flushed and lowered her head. "I mean, as long as it’s not bothering you guys or anything.” 

Solana’s eyes widened- had something happened to make her think her presence was an intrusion? “Samantha, you aren’t a bother at all! Why would you think such a thing?” She turned and looked at Cullen, who was turning a furious shade of red- her eyes narrowed. “Cullen… what did you do?”

He looked away from her, clearing his throat. When it became apparent that he had no intention of answering the question, Samantha chuckled. “He gave me shit for my traveling clothes.”

“I’m not familiar with that expression, Sam. But, I don’t understand- yes, they’re dusty and ill-fitting, but that is hardly something to make you feel unwelcome here.”

Samantha laughed aloud at this, causing Solana to look even more confused. “No… Cullen had to find these for me. I was wearing… something else.”

“If by something else, you mean a bloody Orlesian-looking wig and robes that would fit a Quinari, then you would be correct,” Cullen muttered. “I couldn’t have her traipsing around in such attire.”

Solana laughed, knowing that there was more to this story than what the two of them were telling her, but it was of no consequence- she had questions to ask and a limited amount of time. “So, Samantha, you said you had questions for me?”

“Oh my god, you have no idea,” she said, pulling out an odd-looking book from her satchel. “By the way, do you want a cookie?”

Solana looked confused, but Cullen quickly reached for one of the treats Samantha had placed on the table. “Trust me, Solana… you will want to take this cookie. But,” he said with a smile as he popped the tiny confection into his mouth, "if you don’t, I’ll be happy to eat it for you.”  
—  
An hour later, the trio had eaten the entire package of cookies, and Solana had been tossing rapid-fire questions at the girl, who answered every single one of them with amusement. Solana was thoroughly enjoying herself and even Cullen looked relaxed as they settled at the table. While they sat and gorged on the desserts she brought, Sam told them about her world- she talked about the dreams she had, her family, some of the things she saw… Cullen was quiet, but Solana was fascinated- from anyone else, these would be the ramblings of a madwoman, but she could tell that the girl was being truthful. 

But, as Samantha scribbled in what she called a notebook, Solana realized what was bothering her about the notes the girl was taking- they were in the strange language which was on the parchment she had left behind. Solana decided that holding one’s tongue never got answers, so she decided to ask about it instead. “I find myself very jealous of your writing instrument, Sam- it must be so convenient to not need to use an inkwell when you write.” She peered over Sam's shoulder and shook her head in amazement as the letters appeared on the page. “But I must ask- what language is that? I’m afraid I can’t read it.”

Sam looked at her and frowned. “Um… it’s English… same as we’re speaking right now.”

Cullen shook his head. “I’m afraid not- we’re speaking Common, but that is most certainly not the language you’re writing in.” He picked up one of Solana’s books and placed it in front of Samantha, turning it to a random page. “This book is written in the Common tongue- can you read it, Samantha?”

Sam looked at Cullen like he had become an abomination right before her eyes. “Of course I can read it… it’s in English. What are you playing at, Cullen?”

Cullen looked at Solana, hoping for an explanation, but she was just as lost as he. “Sam, I can assure you that this is not the same as what you are writing right now.” She tapped the book with her finger, staring at the girl with a curious expression. "Can you truly not see the difference?” 

“Guys, that’s weird- you keep saying it’s different, but it all looks the same to me.” She bit her lip and looked at the book again. "I don’t understand- I can read it just fine.” 

Cullen looked thoughtful for a moment. “Maybe it has something to do with your ability. If your world is as diverse as you say it is, I would assume not everything and everyone you see speaks your same language.”

Solana brightened up and grabbed Cullen’s arm in delight. “That must be it! Sam, you seem to translate speech and the written word instantly- that must be why you can’t tell the difference between your language and ours. If that is the case, then that certainly is a handy ability to have.”

Sam huffed. “Yeah, that’s just dandy. You can shoot ice from your fingertips and heal things, but I’m the human version of Google Translate. I think I got a raw deal here.” She turned to Cullen and crossed her arms. “Lemme guess, knowing my luck, you can probably fly or something cool like that.” 

Cullen chuckled. “I’m afraid that isn’t the case. I’m a Templar, not a dragon, Samantha. A Templar serves to protect others, so we can cleanse the area of any magic if needed.”

Samantha looked up with interest and pointed at Solana. “So… you cancel her out, right? So if she decides to go all Carrie and set fire to the world, you’re like a magical bucket of water? Like, poof, no more magic?” She frowned. “That sounds cruel- will her magic come back?"

Solana nodded. “It hurts a lot more than being doused with a bucket of water, but yes, I think you have the right idea. And yes, it does come back, though not right away.” She shuddered. “It’s a bit like having your soul ripped from your body if you’re wondering.”

Sam gave her a sad look, then turned to Cullen. “Do you think you could try it on me?”

Solana looked up in alarm. “Did I not just tell you that a purge hurts like hell? Why on Thedas would you want him to try it on you?” She shook her head at the girl. “I’m beginning to think that you share more in common with your sister than you realize, Samantha- that request is foolhardy.”

“No, it isn’t… not really,” Sam said, scribbling something in her notebook. “You and him both say I have magic here, but it’s different from yours. I want to know if I’m affected by the same things as you and to see what effect they’d have on me. Also, it’s going to be time for me to go soon, so if this goes tits up, at least I’ll be back at home and I can recover there, at least until my mom decides to kill me.” She gave Cullen a smirk, standing up in front of him, her hands on her hips. "So, how about it, Metal Man? Care to hit me with your best shot?”

“You… want me… to purge your magic?” He turned to Solana. “Am I hearing her correctly?”

Solana shrugged. “It appears so. I’ll go and wait outside- I refuse to get caught in this. If something happens, come fetch me back immediately- I’m afraid I won’t be able to hear when I step outside the wards.”

Cullen looked alarmed. “You mean you’re not going to stop her?”

She shook her head. “I’m also curious to see what would happen. I say if she’s foolish enough to try it, let her do it.” She gave Samantha a wicked grin. “Before you engage, you wouldn’t happen to have any more snacks in your bag, would you? I’d like to keep them for safekeeping.” 

Sam smacked her on the arm and laughed. “So your only concern about this whole thing is that your sugar dealer might lose her supply? Geez, some friends you are.”

The words warmed her, and she felt herself smiling. “Samantha, I am honored to be considered your friend,” Solana said, placing a hand on her arm. "But I am also more concerned that I do not destroy the delicious treats I may never get again because, as Cullen has so eloquently put it, you are an idiot.” 

Samantha laughed and tossed a small package to Solana, which she quickly put into her satchel. “I never said I wasn’t one.” She turned to Cullen, bracing herself. “Ok, hit me, Metal Man.” 

“Once again, not my name, Lady Samantha,” Cullen grumbled. “But as you insist on pursuing this foolish endeavor, let us do this quickly.” 

_ _

* * *

I stood there for a few seconds with my eyes closed, bracing myself for the soul-ripping. After a few beats and no pain, I opened one eye and stared at Cullen. “So, you gonna do this or what?”

He just stared at me. “I have already done it, it appears to not be working. Curious,” he said as he walked over to me, inspecting me closely. “This has never happened before.”

“I bet you say that to all the girls, Cullen,” I quipped. He looked at me strangely, and I hurriedly shook my head. “Definitely not a joke I want to explain. Go get Solana and let her know she has to give me back my Snickers bar.”

He placed a hand on my shoulder. “Are you sure you’re ok? Can you still read this?” 

He handed me a book and I looked at the pages- sure enough, they were all still in English for me. “Yep, still a walking babel fish. Excuse me, I’m gonna go rescue my friend and my candy.” He looked at me like I was stupid, but followed me as I walked to the door to get Solana. “Hey, still in one piece over here,” I said, tapping her on the shoulder. “No soul-ripping occurred today, I’m afraid- either I’m immune to it or our favorite Templar has performance anxiety.”

She jumped about a foot. “Maker! You scared me, Sam!” When she had calmed down, she took a moment to check me over, just as Cullen had. “Are you sure? You can still understand me, correct?” 

I rolled my eyes. “Dr. Cullen just gave me this exam before we came out here.” I let out a loud yawn, covering my mouth with my hand. “Ugh, this has been a long night for me,” I said as I walked back in the room and slouched in a nearby chair. “Time jumping kinda sucks.” Cullen remained standing, still watching me as if I had offended him by being immune to his magic. I frowned. “Look, it’s ok that you couldn’t stop my weird powers- but then again, what am I gonna do, translate something to death? I think you’re safe. Sit down- you’re making me nervous."

Solana followed, sitting on the chair across from me. “Amazing- I thought for sure you’d be affected by that.” Then she looked at my face and frowned. “Sam, forgive me, but you look exhausted. How much time has passed in your world?”

I thought about it. “Maybe an hour and a half? Your time moves much faster than mine. I haven’t been to bed yet,” I admitted. “I wanted to get back and see you guys right away… I had to make sure you were real.”

I told her my theories on how time worked, and the mage frowned. “That’s a large time difference.” Then she did the math and her face softened, understanding just how long I’d been awake. “Oh, Sam… you need to rest. We’re going to be here, but you need to get to bed.” 

I bit my lip. “I couldn’t go to bed without trying again. I was too scared it was a dream…” Hanging my head, I admitted what I knew I had to, just in case I didn’t return. “You guys were nice to me, and I haven’t really hung out with anyone like this for so long… it was exactly what I needed. I didn’t want it to be a dream,” I whispered.

Solana hugged me. “The pleasure has been mine, Sam.” She paused for a moment. “I… Most people are unwilling to talk or sit with me, so I spend the majority of my time alone. The time I’ve spent with you has been refreshing, to say the least."

I gave her a look. “What about Metal Man over here? He seems to think you’re pretty cool.”

Cullen blushed but Solana dismissed my words. “This is the most I’ve ever spoken to him. In fact, I never knew he was capable of saying something other than ‘yes, Amell,’ or ’no’- I think your arrival has loosened his tongue. I suppose I have to thank you for that as well.” Her eyes got a faraway look for a moment. “I wonder... if you slept here, would you be able to access the Fade?”

Cullen frowned, finding his voice again. “Though I am also curious, I fear it’s too dangerous for her to try. Samantha could fall prey to demons- she’s untrained and unharrowed. Best let her sleep in her own world where she’s safe, Solana.”

Solana sighed. “I… just do not wish her to go, is all. I was wondering if there were ways for us to keep in contact without poor Sam going without rest.”

I sighed. “My mom knows how to do it… but if I ask her, she’s gonna know what I was doing, and she might get mad. No, skip the might- I’m going to be in so much trouble that I’m going to wish I was a kid again so all she could do was ground me.”

“Somehow, I think you’re making more of it than it actually is, Sam. I’ve often found that it usually works out the best when you just talk to people, even those in authority.” Solana patted my arm. "They tend to understand more than we give them credit for.”

“I’d ask you what world you’re living in, but since I already know the answer, I’ll give you the benefit of a doubt,” I said, frowning. "Maybe people are different here on Thedas, but on Earth, that shit does not work that way.”

“Despite your methods of arrival, I have found your company to be quite pleasant. Also, your treats are not all that bad, either,” Cullen said with a smile. “Is there any way we can keep in contact with you?” he asked softly. 

I shrugged. “When I try to visit in dreams, it usually helps to have something of the person I want to see. That’s why I was wearing Grace’s shirt the first time. I’m afraid I don’t have anything from you guys to focus on.” 

Suddenly, Solana’s eyes brightened. “That’s it! You need something to help you focus your magic, Sam! Here, a mage will use a staff to channel their power. Maybe next time you can try using one, and see if it helps you with your powers at all.”  
She started to rummage around in her satchel, fumbling for something. “In the meantime, here, take this,” she said, handing me a quill. "Maybe you can use it if you need to find me."

Cullen huffed. “I'm not giving you a talisman, Lady Samantha. You seem to be doing an admirable job locating me so far. I shudder to think what will happen if I offer you something that aids you with finding me.”

Solana rolled her eyes. “Ignore him, Samantha. In the meantime, we must work out something to assist you with the time conundrum we’re facing.” She looked sad. “It appears that based on your calculations, I’m afraid is going to be a long time until we see each other again…” She gave me a pointed look. “That is unless you talk with your mother.”

I groaned. “If I talk to her, it’s going to be a long time before anyone talks to me again.”

Cullen let out an exasperated sigh. “For the love of the Maker, just talk to her. Don’t you ever just have academic conversations?” He sighed. “I’m going to my room to get your things, as it is almost time for you to leave. Besides, I do not wish to leave that bloody wig here any longer than I have to- it unnerves me.”

I laughed. “I guess I should take the robes back with me.” Suddenly, I had a wicked idea, and I looked at Cullen. "Hey, Solana, can you do Cullen and me a favor?” 

Solana smiled. “I’d be happy to, Sam. What do you need?”

“Can you burn that wig for me?” Cullen snorted, and I patted him on the shoulder. "I think Cullen will love you for life if you roast it, and it’s one less thing I have to take back. So, what do you say? Party wig bonfire before I go?”

She got a smile a mile wide and a small flame danced on her fingertips. “As long as you’re willing to share the candy I took from you before you go, then yes.”

_ _

* * *

After Samantha left, Cullen took his leave of Solana, heading back to his quarters for a moment. He was full, satiated by both the sweet confections they had all shared before she left and the events of the afternoon. He smiled to himself when he remembered how Samantha asked Solana to freeze the candy, and offered them pieces of the frozen treat. He’d never been much for sweets- they were too hard to come by, and he’d never been one for frivolous things, but the sight of Solana with chocolate smeared across her lips made him smile at the thought. When Sam had pointed it out to her, he thought he’d died and gone to the Maker’s side when Solana used her tongue to lick it off- he’d never be able to thank her enough for letting him be a witness to that. 

Though he kept insisting that she was a nuisance, he couldn’t help but admit that the girl had brought some light to their days in the tower. He’d heard rumors that Solana would be up for her Harrowing soon, and he was trying not to think about it- if something were to happen to her… No. He wouldn’t let himself think that way- Solana was a gifted mage and would not fall prey to a demon. He’d help her study, offer her support, whatever she needed- he would not let her fail. Solana would pass her Harrowing, and all would be well- Cullen was sure of it. She just had to be. 

As he walked through the halls, he felt the pressure of the strange small piece of parchment, still in his pocket, and Cullen almost smacked himself for his stupidity. Although Samantha hadn’t realized it, the item he carried was drawing her to him, as sure as a moth is drawn to a candle flame. He supposed he should give it back to her, stop her from practically crashing into him without a thought for decency and decorum… but somehow, the idea didn’t seem to please him. _Since I didn’t give her a talisman, I should keep it,_ he reasoned. _I’ll return it to her the next time we see her and give her something else… in case she needs to find me._ Despite trying to ignore it, Cullen wanted to let his fingers trace over the smooth surface, feel the different textures under his fingertips, and see her bright eyes staring at him from the paper. The girl had brought him joy, allowed him to have the object of his affection touch him, laugh with him, and dine with him- it was more than he had ever dreamed. 

But he also remembered the taste of the chocolate she had fed him, the sensation of her fingers on his lips, and the feel of her in his arms as she sat in his lap. He closed his eyes as he thought about how close Sam had been, staring directly into his eyes, sitting closer than anyone had ever been before… Cullen was flustered- there was more on his mind than he was equipped to handle, so he did what he always did. 

He ran. 


	6. Busted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The trio is not as smart as they think they are... Well, maybe Solana is, but the other two? Not so much.

_ _

* * *

Nia was trying to keep her composure while she waited to see how long it would take for Sam to come clean. Technically, she knew that she couldn’t get all that mad- Sam was eighteen, and well within her rights to do as she pleased. However, traveling was a risky business, and for someone who wasn’t even a full-fledged traveler, it was even worse- you had to have the calculations right, take the proper precautions… there was a right and a wrong way to do something like this, and while she had to admit that the fact that Sam had bumbled along and done as well as she had was a testament to her character, Nia knew if her daughter kept going the way she was, there was going to be a problem, and sooner rather than later. 

Nia hated problems- she had enough of them to solve for everyone else, and she didn’t appreciate the additional ones from her kids as well. With them, she knew that their choices were going to have consequences, and there was something inherently terrifying about seeing every hardship your kids would face but being powerless to change it. Most of the time, she wondered if she would be better off not knowing- other parents simply suspected the things that their kids were up to, but never had confirmation. She, on the other hand, could see her daughter’s entire lives- she could see the fixed points, and she knew the branches, but these were not threads she tended to pull upon. Often, she just ignored their paths, preferring to let events play out as they would- it was easier that way. 

As a rule, she preferred to ignore the thoughts of others- to Nia, it was distasteful to eavesdrop, and she had long ago blocked herself from entering her husband's mind. But the thoughts of Grace and Sam were like radio broadcasts in her head when they had choices to make, and more often than not, she found herself assisting them behind the scenes… Like now. 

When Sam crashed in Thedas, a young Templar was walking in the hallway right next to the library. If he'd continued on his current path, he would have seen Sam and roused the castle. There, they would have taken note of her strange magic and captured her, forcing her to participate as a student, only to watch her disappear right before their very eyes. This would cause an uproar and lead to disastrous consequences for all, particularly for the young templar who failed to notice her and the for studious mage who still had her destiny to fulfill. So, Nia offered him the choice to turn back, reminding him about he had forgotten to submit his evening report, and as he had already done this one time too many before, he should take care of it before Greagoir had his head. Then, she brushed the hair of the young templar in the library, causing him to look up and get her child off the bookshelf. It wasn’t her intention for Sam to sprain her wrist, but Nia was well aware that changing time always came with a cost. 

Though the elder Watcher had no intention of involving herself in this, there was nothing she could do to stop it- her child had insisted on starting her quest, and once that decision was made, there was nothing Nia could do but watch as it unfolded. Carefully removing any mention of Thedas from their world, Nia watched with amusement as Sam decided that she wanted to play spy and search for those damn robes. Just as Sam had feared, the robes had been at Grace’s house, but Nia moved them to the attic- Sam getting those blasted robes was a fixed point, but seeing as Nia had no desire to hear Grace’s dad yell about Sam breaking into his house and ruining his evening, moving the box to the attic was the lesser of two evils. 

While Sam's other choices that evening were of no consequence to her, Nia knew that without intervention, Sam would continue to try to hide her activities, even to her detriment. For good or ill, she was her father’s child, and her mother understood that sooner or later, that same streak of rebelliousness that endeared him to her would appear in his daughter. So, other than making sure the room was clear when she arrived the second time, Nia was content to stay out of Sam’s quest. However, the Templar was proving to be quite interesting- he was a factor she wasn’t watching for, and his choices were beginning to intrigue her more and more. 

She chuckled to herself when he went to the room and gathered the robes and the wig, but left Sam's license in his pocket. Curious about his reasons, she even brushed the card to the front of his mind and smirked with interest as he chose to leave it right where it was. Chuckling, she made sure that no one but him would ever be able to locate it... but found herself dying to know what his plans were. She knew that she could look and see what the future held, but this was just so darn _fun_ that she decided to leave it as an unknown. It wasn’t her business- after all, it was a choice, not a branch. No matter what the three of them did, the events were already set in motion- it would just prove interesting to see where they wound up along the way. But for now, she had to wait for her daughter to come home and get some sleep since the conversation they would have in the morning was a given- the only thing that Nia was curious to see was who would have to broach the subject first. 

As she reflected, she realized that she was grateful to the young mage and the Templar for their concern around Sam’s well-being- her daughter needed to learn that if she wasn’t careful, she could burn herself out like this. Nia had done it many a time when she started, and others had paid for her foolishness. To add to that, Sam also wasn’t prepared to dream while traveling- until she worked out how to pause time, she ran the risk of getting stuck if she wasn’t careful. Nia sighed- though she loathed offering assistance, she could see the two they were loyal to Sam, and since this was a world with magic, she could do them a favor, just this once. 

She knew the mage would use it wisely- if Solana was as clever as Nia hoped she was, she should be able to reverse engineer the gift and use it to her benefit later. The Templar could have been a slave to his duty- he had every right to dismiss her daughter, to shun her, or even capture her, but he proved worthy at every turn. Every choice she tossed, he made the right one, and for that, Nia was grateful. So while the boon for the Templar would take years to manifest, it would be the largest. 

_If he uses it right… if he makes the hard choices… and if Sam makes the right choices… then he can use his gift to save the world._

But having the benefit of foresight makes things clearer, so instead of fretting, she simply sighed and turned off her bedside lamp. Nia knew that all of this could wait until morning, so instead of worrying about events she didn't need to just yet, she simply kissed her husband and went back to sleep, choosing to dream of other things that required her attention now.

_ _

* * *

_Be cool… Dad’s here with you. She won’t kill you if Dad is sitting at the table._

I swallowed as I stared at my parents as we were sitting in the kitchen, having breakfast. I felt groggy- it was like I had stayed up all night. I guess it was kind of accurate- the time-hopping had made me a little out of sorts, and I had promised Solana and Cullen I would at least ask questions. However, looking at mom staring at her coffee like it owed her money gave me pause- _maybe I should just wait and do this later… like the seventh of never._ I mean, I could figure this out on my own- sleep was overrated anyway. _The worst that could happen would be I’d fall asleep and lose some of my time out there, right?_ Ultimately, I decided to say screw it and go for it- I was eighteen and I had to be an adult sometime, so it may as well be today. “Mom, can I talk to you about something?”

When I spoke, Dad looked super pleased with himself- Mom just swatted at him. Then she turned to look at me with a relaxed smile. “What’s on your mind, Sam?” 

I swallowed- here goes nothing. “Well,” I said slowly, carefully trying to gauge her reaction to my statement. “what do you know about physically traveling in your dreams?” 

At that, Dad placed his hand out towards Mom, opening and closing his palm and Mom sighed, reaching into her pocket and pulling out a twenty-dollar bill. She growled as she handed it to my dad. “I hate you so much sometimes, you know that.”

He kissed her on the cheek as he took the bill from her. “Wouldn’t be us if you didn’t, hon.” Then he turned to me and grinned. “Thanks for that, kid- I had twenty bucks on you confessing before breakfast was over.” He laughed, shaking his head. “Your uncle is gonna be pissed- he had fifty bucks on you waiting to fess up until after lunch."

\--

After a long conversation, I was in my room with my mom’s old journal, feeling extremely foolish and grateful that I didn’t wreck the world with my shenanigans. Mom had left instructions for almost everything in a neat, flowing script in what suspiciously looked like writing from a quill and inkwell, which made me pause- _how old was she, anyway_? Seeing as how I was already grateful that she hadn’t incinerated me, I decided to let it go. 

According to her journal, there were so many ways that these things could go wrong, and I had almost done all of them. Unplanned arrivals, interacting with locals, using technology… I shuddered to think what might have happened if I’d been caught by someone else, and kept reading. Luckily, Mom took copious notes, and I quickly looked through the book to see how I could handle the time issue- right now, that seemed to be my biggest concern. I’d been asleep for seven hours, and up for almost another two- I was quickly approaching missing six days in Thedas, and I wasn’t looking forward to losing any more time. Skimming through the journal, I breathed a sigh of relief- sure enough, Mom had notes on managing time. 

_I finally figured out how to stop the time seepage. Keeping a clock in my bedchamber that I set to match the day and time for my destination seems to do the trick. I tried taking it with me once, but it had no effect on the time- it appears that the timepiece must remain in my quarters to stop the deferential. However, I have discovered that until my assignment concludes, it seems that I am aging based upon the world I am working with. If I weren't so old already, I might be alarmed, but alas, age is meaningless to me at this point._

Well, that’s good to know. I grabbed an old watch and set it to the time in Thedas, placing it carefully on my nightstand. It seemed so stupid, but if it worked, who was I to complain about it? Feeling armed with the information I needed, I snapped the journal shut, ran downstairs to grab some snacks, and back to my room to throw my robes on. Just as I was about to pull out the feather and leave, I heard my mom yell out for me. “Wait!” she yelled. A moment later, I heard the sound of thundering footsteps racing up the stairs and Mom appeared in my doorway, leaning against the frame. “Going to see your friends?” I nodded, pulling out the feather Solana had given me, and she raised an eyebrow at me. “And did you check for anything, Pipsqueak? Did you look to see what she was doing or where she was? What if someone’s with her?” She shook her head, pointing to my bag. “I gave you that for a reason,” she said pointedly as she entered the room. “If you’re gonna do this, do it right.” I looked at her blankly and Mom sighed, grabbing the feather from my hand. “When you hold this, what do you see?”

“A feather,” I said plainly. “Am I supposed to see something else?”

Mom groaned. “Look, it belongs to your friend, right?” I nodded- I thought it was a rather obvious question, and she was burning my time. “Ok… so if it’s hers, use it to focus on her and see if she’s in a place where you won’t get you and her into hot water if you pop in.” She rapped on my forehead with her knuckles. “I know it’s been fun and games so far, but you’re messing with stuff you don’t understand- be smart about what you’re doing, kid.”

I took a deep breath and took the feather, closing my eyes to focus on Solana. Soon, her image came to me and I frowned- I saw her talking with an old man, but I couldn’t hear anything. “Why can’t I hear them? I can usually hear what’s going on when I do stuff like this.”

“Number one, because it isn’t your business, and two, because you aren’t really there yet.” When I gave her a confused look, Mom shrugged. “Look… think of this like a peephole- right now, you’re just seeing who’s at the door. You just have to look for the right moment. Now, can you look a few minutes in the future?” In response, I screwed up my face in concentration, forcing the scene to advance and ignoring the rapidly increasing throbbing sensation in my head. As the pain increased, the images began to move faster- soon, I saw Solana finish the conversation with the old man and enter an empty hallway, shutting the door with a concerned look on her face. I winced in pain and Mom placed a hand on my shoulder. “You need to stop, kid.”

“I feel like crud,” I said weakly. I felt something dripping and I touched my hand to my face. When I drew my fingertips back, I noticed blood. Before I could stop myself, I yanked my eyes to her. “What the fuck just happened?” She gave me a look, and then I remembered that I had just cussed in front of my mom and I clapped my hand over my mouth in apology. “Sorry,” I said quietly. “But why am I bleeding?” 

“Well, we're not supposed to see things like that unless it’s part of a choice or branch- forcing it is a bad idea, as you now know.” She handed me a tissue from the desk. "Figured it would be more effective if you saw it for yourself. You’re limited, Sam- don’t go looking into your friend’s futures. Just like at home, if there’s something you need to see, you’ll know about it- no need to hurt yourself trying to look for it.”

I glared at her, taking the tissue and cleaning my face. “So, if I’m not supposed to look for them, how do I know when to land?”

“Ideally, you aren’t supposed to physically go at all, kid.” She looked around my room, her green eyes darting across the items on my dresser. Soon, she settled on a button and picked it up, placing it in my hand as she sat on the bed. “But here- I’ve got a gift for you.”

“A button? Why Mom, you shouldn’t have,” I said dryly. "I'm so embarrassed- I didn't get you anything."

Her lips twitched upwards in a smile. “Do you ever notice a button until you need it?” I thought about it for a moment, then shook my head. Mom smiled, then pointed at the button in my hand. “Good- then keep that with you, and you’ll be just as unnoticeable as that button until you decide you need to be seen.” I shoved it in my purse, and she paused, looking thoughtful. “Be careful with it though- the moment you show yourself, it won’t work again until you’ve come back home.”

I crossed my arms. “That sounds real arbitrary, Mom.” 

She smiled. “Does your cell phone last forever, or do you need to charge it? Same principle, kid. Anyway,” she said, rising to her feet, “I think I’ve gotten in your business enough for the day. I’ll let you head off for your adventures unknown.” She hugged me, smiling at me sadly. “Be careful, Sam- I’ve done all I can to help you."

I set my watch for four hours and looked at my Mom. “Seriously, I appreciate it- thanks, Mom." I gave her a sheepish grin. "Also, thanks for being super chill about this and not murdering me.”

She smiled. “You keep being stupid and I won’t have to worry about murdering you- the world is going to do it for me. But,” she said carefully. “You should give your friends a message for me- they’re going to need it.” 

My finger hovered over the alarm button and I paused, staring at her quizzically. “What is it?” 

Mom sighed, walking towards the door. “If they need you in the Fade, they just need to call out- If you’re as close as I think you guys are, you should be able to find them.” 

I stared at her in shock- Solana had mentioned the Fade previously, but I certainly didn’t know how Mom knew about it or what it could do. I swallowed, realizing that the woman really did know a lot more than she was letting on, which scared the shit out of me. “And if I can’t?”

“Then you aren’t as close as you think you are,” she replied, closing the door behind her. 


	7. You're my idiot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solana and Sam get a chance to sit down and compare notes without Mr. Grumpypants

_ _

* * *

“Hey, how’s it been?” I said, tapping Solana on the shoulder in the empty hallway. 

Apparently, that was the wrong thing to do- my button was working a little _too_ well, and Solana had no idea I had approached her. She screamed and jumped about a foot in the air, causing her books to fly away and spill everywhere. I clapped my hands to my mouth and watched as her face became a thundercloud. “Um… sorry,” I said. “I didn’t mean to startle you, honest.”

“Well you did,” she snapped, dropping to her knees and picking up her papers. “And now I’ve got this mess to clean up.”

Whoa- this was _not_ like her. Then again, I’d only seen her two times before, but she’d been perfectly pleasant on both visits- this was a complete 180 from the Solana I knew. “Look, I’m sorry,” I said as I bent to help her gather her papers from the ground. “And sorry for being nosy, but you seem upset. Are you ok?”

She pushed her hair from her face and sighed, leaning forward and hiding from me. “I apologize, Sam. I didn’t mean to snap at you. It’s been a trying day.”

I bit my lip. “Does this have anything to do with the old guy you were just talking with?” She looked at me with confusion and I shrugged my shoulders. “Sorry, I was talking with Mom about some things and she told me to search for you, so I did. I saw you in that room back there and you looked a bit upset, so I figured I’d join you when you got out of there.” I gave her an apologetic look. “I wasn’t trying to spy on you, honest. I just wanted to make sure I didn’t get you in trouble when I came.”

Solana finally gave me a shaky smile. “Once again, it really is no trouble. You are correct in assuming that the previous conversation was the cause of my distress. I was just informed that one of my colleagues did not survive their Harrowing. ” The mage sniffled as she wiped her eyes, and I sat on the ground next to her, leaning against the wall. “I don’t know when mine is coming and I’m terrified- I fear it may be soon and I’m not sure I’ll pass.”

I gave her a look. “Solana, you have to be one of the smartest people in this place- I know you’ll rock any test you have to take.” I reached in my purse and pulled out a bag of M&M’s. “Want some? Candy always makes me feel a little better. I think I may have a small sugar addiction, though.”

She finally laughed, shaking her head as she took one of the candies. “Are you ever without sweets, Sam? I’m starting to suspect that you would keel over and expire if you were to go too long without sugar.” When she popped it into her mouth, she let out a soft moan. “Oh dear, this is wonderful,” she said, her mouth full of peanut and chocolate. "I’d thought nothing was going to rival the treats we had last time, but here you are determined to prove me wrong.”

I wrapped my arm around her shoulders as we sat on the floor. “Told you- a good jolt of chocolate is always good for whatever ails you. Helps you put things in perspective.”

She raised an eyebrow as she plucked another candy from the bag. “I’m afraid I don’t exactly see how a sweet, though admittedly delicious, can help with perspective.”

“I see a lot of bad things sometimes,” I said, fishing in the bag to find a blue M&M. “But when I wake up, I grab a piece of candy from my nightstand, and it reminds me that not everything in the world is terrible. It helps me to know that I can give myself something sweet to chase away the bad things.” 

“That’s quite profound of you- I admit, I wasn’t too sure if you were capable of being serious,” she said with a wink. “But thank you, nonetheless.”

“Anytime.” I stood up, offering my hand to the mage. “Well, now that we got all the sappy out of the way, how about you and me find a place where we can talk? I got about four hours today to hang with you guys and a boatload of information to share with you."

Solana took my hand as we set off down the hall. “I fear it may just be you and I this afternoon- I haven’t seen Ser Cullen all day.”

“Well that sucks- I might actually miss the Metal Man. And,” I said, rattling the bag, “he’s gonna miss out on today’s treat.”

Finally, the mage gave me a real smile. “Then that just means there are more for us,” she said conspiratorially. “Come, let us get started- we’ve got so much to catch up on!”  
—

We headed to the room we had used previously, and settled on the floor as we talked for hours- she told me of the things that had occurred while I was gone, and then she listened with rapt attention as I told Solana all about the conversation between me and my mom. I handed her the journal, and her lips twitched with annoyance when she realized that she couldn’t read it. Finally, I gave her the message from my mom and she grabbed another M&M as she laid on her back, staring up at the ceiling. 

“So… I can call you from the Fade- interesting. It appears your mother knows more than she’s letting on,” she murmured. “Sam, I have a question… when you dream, can you manipulate things?” 

I nodded, reaching in my purse and grabbing a sandwich bag of cheese and crackers. “Yep,” I said, placing the slice of cheese on the cracker and popping it into my mouth. “In my dreams at home, I can pretty much do what I want- we call it the between. That’s where I thought I was going when I ended up here. Still can’t figure that one out, though.” 

Solana pointed to the cracker. “Maker, how much do you eat and how big is that bag, Sam? Do you have a full feast in there?”

“It’s bigger on the inside,” I said with a grin. “Besides, you weren’t complaining when you got to eat my goodies. Traveling takes a lot out of me.”

“I’m not going to indulge you- I see it only encourages you,” she said with a grin. Then she reached into my bag and grabbed a slice of cheese and a cracker- I glared at her, and she popped it into her mouth before I could snatch it back, causing us both to erupt into peals of laughter. “God, I wish you could be there with me for my Harrowing,” she said. “At least with you there, I could laugh while the demons battled for my soul.”

“You keep talking about this Harrowing, but I have absolutely no clue what it is.” I rested my chin on her shoulder. "Care to clue me in?”

Solana sighed. “A Harrowing is a test we go through when the enchanters decide an apprentice is ready to become a full member of the Circle.” I popped another cracker in my mouth, and she continued. "We’re sent into the Fade to face a demon they have summoned that wishes to possess our bodies. If we resist the demon, we are full mages.”

I stared at her, open-mouthed, too surprised to care about the crumbs falling out. “What the fuck? Are you serious? Can’t you just tell them to fuck off?"

She shook her head. “To resist is to be made Tranquil.” I looked at her with confusion and she sighed. “The rite of Tranquility severs us from the Fade, and since we would have no emotions, we are not susceptible to possession.” She shuddered. “I would rather die than be made Tranquil.”

“Oh Lana, I’m so sorry,” I croaked, reaching around and giving the girl a hug. “As long as I’m around, that shit is _never_ gonna happen, you hear me? I will light this whole motherfucker on fire first, and any asshole that thinks they’re gonna get to you is gonna have to go through me, understand?”

She hugged me back, her words muffled by my hair. “Lana?”

I squeezed her tight. “Sorry, we give nicknames to our friends in my family. You just got one- sorry not sorry, Lana Banana.”

“Maker, you’re incorrigible,” she said with a laugh. “But it’s good to know I’m not going to fall prey to a demon with a friend like you by my side.” Suddenly, she pulled back and looked at me, eyes bright with excitement. “That’s it! That’s why your mother gave me that message!”

I frowned. “Not following, Lana. Back the bus up for the stupid people, would you?” 

“Sam, you can enter the Fade if I call you.” I nodded, and she grabbed my shoulders. "My _Harrowing_ is in the _Fade_. If you’re dreaming, you can help me!” 

I sighed. “Sure thing, you know I’m down to clown. But, there’s just one problem- how do I wake up? Love you and all, but I’m not trying to live in your head for eternity.”

She grabbed my journal and tossed it at me. “Read your book, idiot! Your mother is obviously a talented mage- she must know something or she wouldn’t have told you about it!” She shook my shoulders in frustration. “How do you have so much knowledge at your fingertips but yet you won’t use it?”

“Cause I’m not a nerd like you,” I said with a smirk. “I prefer to go with the flow.”

“I have no idea what you’re saying, but I’m going to assume it’s unkind,” she said, pinching me on the arm. I yelped and she giggled, grabbing the journal and flipping through the pages. “Maker, what would I give to be able to read this book!”

“Sorry, all the knowledge is just going to have to be wasted on the idiot,” I said with a grin as I took the book back and started scanning for any mention of dreaming. “So… I’mma need you to help me out a little more, cause I don’t even know what the hell the Fade is.” Solana groaned, but I playfully shoved her. “What? Everyone keeps talking about stuff and forgetting that I don’t have the foggiest idea what you’re talking about half the time.”

She smiled. “You’re right, Sam, my mistake- sometimes I forget how short a time it’s been since we met. To answer your question, the Fade is where we go when we dream. It is also where magic comes from, and where spirits and demons live.”

“Sounds like a great vacation spot- you take me to such wonderful places, Lana,” I said wryly, grabbing a slice of cheese. Solana opened her mouth to say something, but I broke off a piece of my cheese and shot it into her open mouth. 

After she got over the shock, Solana laughed so hard that she started to cry, collapsing on the ground. “Maker, is this what it’s like to have a sister? If so, I can see why you were so eager to find her again.”

I nodded. “Yep. Best friend and family all rolled up into one shiny package.” I turned and laid down on the ground next to her. “I take it you don’t have a sister.”

Solana shook her head. “No. I was taken away at a young age and sent to the Circle. I haven’t seen my family since I was a young girl.”

I bit my lip. “Fuck… this place is just getting more and more cheery by the minute, Lana. Who the hell would take a kid and lock them up in a tower for the rest of their life?” I shook my head. "Good lord, I’m surprised that no one has lost their shit already.”

She just looked at the ceiling. “The Templars, of course. The Chantry doesn’t trust mages, so they have the Templars watch over us.” She swallowed nervously. “They’re also the ones who will strike me down if I fail my Harrowing."

 _Templars.. wait a minute…_ I sat up on my elbows. “Hold up- you mean like Cullen?” Solana nodded and I frowned- this was not what I was expecting. “And you mean to tell me that he’s part of the crew that goes, ‘oh no, can’t trust the mage, lemme shuffle em' off the mortal coil?’” She just stared down at her hands and I thew my hands up in exasperation. “Geez Louise, Lana- are you fucking kidding me?”

Solana closed her eyes. “I’m afraid not- I’m scared the Maker is going to punish me for being happy by making the one person here who treats me like a human be the one to cut me down like a dog."

“Not gonna happen, Lana Banana. Not while I’m around, “ I said resolutely. “Help me find out how to jump into this Fade thing with you so we can tag team this bitch. You’re gonna survive this Harrowing,” I said with conviction. “If this Fade is anything like my dreams, then you got an ace up your sleeve, sis. How many other mages can claim that one?”

She shook her head. “Not many at all. I’m lucky to have an idiot like you at my side, Sam.” 

“Always, Lana,” I said, looking over to smile at the girl I was literally willing to fight demons for. “Like I told you before- you’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

She rolled over to rest on her elbows and I noticed her eyes were bright with tears as she looked at me. “I should certainly hope not.” Then, she wiped her eyes and she plastered a wide grin on her face. “Besides, if you left, who’d bring me treats?”

“Good to see you’ve got your priorities in order,” I replied, laughing.


	8. A Harrowing Experience

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solana's Harrowing comes up way too quickly

_ _

* * *

Cullen felt sick to his stomach as he stood in line, listening to the assignments. He knew she would have to face her Harrowing, but did it have to be so soon? And did he have to be the one assigned to take the killing blow if she failed? He supposed that it made sense- others were often teasing him about his crush on Solana, so Greagoir probably assigned it to him to see if his feelings were clouding his judgment. No matter how he felt, he was a Templar first and foremost- his job was to protect the people from magical threats and he had to do it, despite the fact that his two friends were mages. 

Though he wanted to deny that he had any affection towards the women, he found that he couldn’t- to his dismay, he had developed an attachment to both the apprentice and the apostate. While he’d been left unnerved ever since he discovered that he could not purge Sam’s magic, he realized that he still had a level of affection for the odd girl. And to his surprise, he discovered that he missed her- he’d found Sam's demeanor to be almost disturbingly cheerful, but Cullen appreciated how she made Solana happy, and he often found himself fondly looking back on the hours that the three of them had spent together.

He wondered if Solana had seen Samantha lately, but he couldn’t ask about it- her Harrowing was to be tonight, and he couldn’t risk her knowing. What if she tried to run away? They’d tried to give her an out by informing her of an unsuccessful Harrowing, hoping they could gauge her mental state. Often, mages who would decline the Harrowing could be predicted by their reaction to an unsuccessful one, but he’d heard that she was resolute and steely in the face of the news. Cullen knew Solana would never voluntarily submit to the Rite of Tranquility, but this news just made him tense up even more- now the final test was upon her, and she would live or she would die. It was so simple yet complex, and Cullen felt the knife twist in his heart every time he thought about it. He patted his pocket and took note of the placard that rested gently against his hip. Thinking about Samantha, he let out a weary sigh- what would he tell her if Solana did not return? What would she think when he had to tell her that he was the one to end the life of her friend? 

If Solana failed, then Cullen would truly be left alone. 

Walking back to his quarters to prepare, he heard laughter ringing out from down the hall, which was odd- no one else roomed down here and the other Templars were on duty. Cullen had been given a few hours for reflection, but he strongly suspected it was so he could make peace with the events to come. The sound was clearly female, and he growled to himself as he approached- he was in no mood for anyone’s revelry, and dealing with mages breaking the rules was not high on his list of things to do for the evening. But suddenly, he heard something that stopped him in his tracks and caused him to break out into a run.

“I wonder what Metal Man’s been up to all day- usually he trails you like a Secret Service rep, Lana.”

He raced around the corner and saw the two girls laughing and smiling, and he felt his face split into a wide grin, despite his mood. “Samantha! You’re here!” Then he looked at Solana and saw the joy on her face as she talked with the other girl, and Cullen knew he had to say something. Anyone else would’ve received his silence, but not them- they deserved better than that. So, he cleared his throat, determined to do right by the women in front of him. “Solana, we have to talk,” he said gravely.

The girls shared a look, then nodded before turning back to him. “Back to the batcave,” Sam said seriously. “It seems like we’ve got a lot to discuss and not a lot of time to do it.”  
—

Cullen looked at the two girls like they had lost their minds. “You want her to enter the Fade with you? How is that wise?”

Sam shrugged. “If it works as it does in my dreams, then its the safest place on Thedas for me. Let me be clear, I am not here to do it for her- I’m only there for backup and moral support. So you don’t need to go running back to your weirdo friends and telling them that she can’t do it. Plus, there’s something I want to try,” she said carefully.

Cullen felt a flash of irritation at the girl. “I will not have you trivializing her Harrowing, Sam. Though I too think Solana will be fine, now is not the time for us to be reckless.”

“Calm down, Metal Man. I mean I’m going to see if I can be a timepiece for her. I just need something of yours, and I can see what you see- this way, I can take stock of what’s going on outside, and give her any cues if we need to. Like ‘yo, you’re taking too long and the evil metal men are starting to get all stabby’… it could be useful.”

He felt himself stiffen. He had her placard- he could give it back to her right now… but it didn’t feel right. “I do not have many possessions, Samantha.”

Sam looked at him curiously. “You Templars just get weirder and weirder as the day goes on, don’t you?” She shook her head, then checked her watch. “I’m gonna have to go and get home soon- if I don’t get to a bed when I do this, I’m gonna look like a real weirdo standing up and staring off into the distance like this-“ she opened her eyes wide and opened her mouth, letting her tongue lol out the side of it. Solana giggled at her expression, and even Cullen found himself amused at the sight. “Look, I think I saw something on the floor over there- go check it out.”

Though he thought she was insane, he did as she asked. Stooping low and crouching under the old desk, Cullen saw what Samantha had noticed- an old silver ring. Dutifully, he picked it up, bringing it back to the girls. “I found it,” he said. “What do you want to do with it?”

She put her hands on her hips. “Put it on," she said, gesturing to the ring. “Any finger will do- I just need you to wear it.” He started to stutter, but Sam huffed. “Oh for Pete’s sake, Cullen!” She jumped up and yanked off his left glove, putting the ring on his ring finger. “There! Now you have a ring, right?” 

Cullen felt his face flush at her touch. “I… suppose.” She raised an eyebrow at him and Cullen sighed- Samantha had the uncanny ability to exasperate him at a moment’s notice. “Fine. I have a ring, Samantha.”

“Good- now give it to me. Say ‘here’s my ring, I want you to have it’.” She held out her hand to him, waiting for the ring. “Hurry up- I don’t have all day, you know.”

He swallowed, taking off the ring and placing it on her finger. “Here’s my ring,” he said slowly. "I want you to have it, Samantha.”

Samantha’s eyes fluttered for a moment, then she gave him that smirk he’d grown accustomed to seeing. “You didn’t have to put it on, you weirdo.” He flashed scarlet as the two women giggled, but he noticed that Samantha didn’t take it off. “Let me see if I can see what’s going on around you. Go out in the hall and do something.”

He could find no words to describe how stupid he felt, but he did as she asked- if it would help Solana, he’d be an idiot for a moment. Leaving the room, he stared down the empty hallway… and almost panicked when he could hear Samantha’s voice in his head. He looked around in amazement, but everything else was quiet- all he could hear was her. _Maker’s breath,_ he thought, _how am I able to hear you right now?_

_Weird AF, that’s all I know. I guess that ring is a little stronger than I thought. You got some weird magic on you or something, Metal Man?_

Cullen shook his head. _I can do no such thing._ Suddenly, he got an idea, and a wicked smile played on his lips. _This is all you, Kitten._

_Kitten? That’s a horrible nickname! It sounds like an old housewife- what, are my best friends Bunny and Lucy? Why in the hell would you call me something like that?_

Cullen shrugged. _If you can call me Metal Man, I can call you Kitten. You dangled from the shelves like a cat and you’re using a name for me based on the first time we met. Now if it makes you feel any better, I’d prefer to use your name, but it appears you leave me no choice… Kitten._

_Point made. Bring your ass back in here… Cullen._

He smiled. _Thank you, Lady Samantha._

Cullen returned to the room, and their shocked expressions mirrored his own. No one was saying anything, but they all realized that for better or worse, the three of them were connected for the time being. Hoping to break the silence, Cullen cleared his throat. “Well, now that we know that the connection works here, let us hope it works as well in the Fade. Solana has a Harrowing to pass, remember?”

_ _

* * *

Solana was not going to let them see her scared. No matter how much she felt like her legs were going to shake, she would not let the templars see how afraid she was. She turned her nose up in the air as she walked, trying to avoid Cullen’s eyes on her. She knew he was appointed to strike her down if she were to fail, but she also knew he was praying for her safe return. Solana understood what he had risked by warning her about the event- he couldn’t have been sure that she wouldn’t have tried to run, or do something equally as stupid. But he trusted them with the information, and Solana was grateful for his support. She wished she had Sam with her right now, but she was waiting to enter and meet her in the Fade. She said something about going home to lie down and wait for her to call for her, but Solana was still nervous- _what if it didn’t work?_

 _Then you’ll do it alone,_ she thought. _You can do this. For them, you must do it. For them, you must not fail._

Greagoir was saying something to her, but she was barely paying attention- she was too busy trying not to pass out. When he had finished, Irving came over and began offering her words of encouragement, but Greagoir interrupted. “The apprentice must go through this test alone, First Enchanter,” he chided gently. Then he turned to Solana and gestured towards the pedestal in the center of the room. “You are ready."

Solana’s eyes met Cullen’s for a moment, and he gave her an almost imperceptible nod. Solana gave a curt nod of her head and approached the pedestal. Her hands touched the liquid, and a blue glow began to overtake her. 

Just as the room was engulfed in bright blue light, Solana closed her eyes. _I’m never alone,_ she thought. _I have my friends with me._  
—  
When she opened her eyes, she was in the fade. It wasn’t the happy place of her dreams, but a barren and desolate landscape, with rocks that twisted and turned in unnatural shapes, and paths that led to nowhere. Solana felt like her nerves were being scraped raw- every moment, she was terrified that she was doing something wrong, that the Templars would decide to end it for her…

 _No,_ she thought. _Don’t think like that here- that’s how you fail. Rely on your strength._

“Sam,” she whispered, clasping her hands together and scanning the landscape. “I need you.”

“No, you really don’t,” came the voice, laughing. “I’ve already seen it- you were amazing.” 

Solana laughed, then frowned. “How do I know you’re you and not a demon? This is the Fade- it’s common for demons to take the shape of those you care about.”

Sam laughed and gave Solana a hug. “Um, because I’m at home sleeping with a quill on my chest and a ring that’s way too big for me on my hand? I swear... I look like they’re prepping me for a bootleg funeral, Lana Banana.” Solana felt herself relax at the nickname. “If not from that, how about because I’m the only one who can ask Cullen what color underwear he has on right now.” Solana stifled a gasp, and Sam gave her a wink. "By the way, he can totally hear us right now- I’m on megaphone mode in here. Hi Cullen!” Sam said brightly. “I have to warn you- when I dream, I’m a bit more scatterbrained than usual, so it's easy to get pulled off in a million and one directions. Feel free to yell at me to focus- I’m gonna try my best, but it’s super hard in here.”

“Thank you, Sam- I’m happy you came,” Solana whispered. 

“Pshh, no worries. But let’s get moving- the longer we sit, the more we have to wait to find that demon and get rid of it, and the more Cullen’s jackass bro’s want to get all stabby.” She paused for a moment, frowning, then laughed, turning to Solana. “He took offense to my comment, and also told me to not question his color of smalls.” 

Solana giggled. “Oh Maker,” she breathed. “You have no idea how much the two of you are doing for me right now.” She started walking, and Sam followed along with her. “Having you with me makes this so much more bearable.”

“Always,” Sam said. “By the way, Metal Man wants to say something too.” 

The girl closed her eyes for a moment, then Cullen’s voice swirled around them. _Solana, can you hear me?_ Cullen said incredulously. 

Solana nodded. “I can, yes.”

Sam clapped her hands. “Great! The gang’s all here- let’s go! Onward and upward- time’s a-wasting!”

 _She needs to take a sleeping draught,_ Cullen said. _She’s way too chipper for this excursion._

Happy to have the company of her friends, Solana laughed as we walked up a nearby ridge. “I’m just glad someone’s happy right now.” Suddenly, she spotted a small mouse nearby and leaned over to whisper to Sam. “Do you see the mouse over there?” 

Sam’s face darkened. "I do, yes. I see him quite clearly, Lana.” She turned to her friend. “Stay strong throughout this- I can’t help you, but we’re here for you.”

 _Then what good are you?_ Cullen’s voice thundered between them as they approached the mouse. _I thought you were there to help her pass the test?_

"I am,” Sam replied. “We’re only here as a cheering section, Cullen. Nothing more.” Then, Sam turned to Solana. “Use my magic to amplify yours here- no sense in struggling if you don’t have to. You have a lot to get through in here, and Cullen and I aren’t liking the conversation out there.”

Solana nodded and gestured to a pack of wisps that stood in their path. Instantly, they disintegrated, and she turned to Sam in shock. Sam simply shrugged. “Told you. I’m a damn good battery in here. Use my power, and let's get this over and done with.”  
  
The mage nodded, but she could hear the concern in Cullen’s voice. _Careful- how do we know this is the real Samantha?_

Sam rolled her eyes as Solana took out another pack of wisps and moved closer to the mouse. “Because I still hate the nickname of Kitten,” she said plaintively. "And I never admitted that embarrassing shit before, so quit being a backseat driver and let’s watch our friend kick the Fade in the ass, ok, Metal Man?"

_ _

* * *

I was _not_ feeling the Thedas version of the between.

It was just as easy to work with, but I felt so loopy here that it was hard to focus on one thing. Part of the issue was that I could see a little _too_ clearly in here, and it was distracting. I'd seen Lana come through this alright, so it was really just a matter of being around for moral support. However, every time I saw that damn demon pretending to be a mouse, I had to clench and unclench my teeth. Lana had no idea yet, but she would soon. At the very least, the extra firepower I had given her was enabling her to move through this trial a little faster, and I found myself itching to get out of this place. I watched as the mouse spilled some sob story again, and for the umpteenth time, I growled softly. _Her trial, remember? You can’t do anything for her here._

After about the tenth time I did that, I felt Cullen whisper in my head. _Are you alright, Lady Samantha? I can’t see what you see, remember?_

I frowned. _I don’t recall inviting you into my head. How are you talking to me without being on speakerphone?_

_I can’t rightly say. I just know I desired to talk with you directly, so I imagined whispering in your ear. If this is unacceptable, let me know._

_You’re fine, Cullen,_ I thought with a sigh. _Thanks for staying with me- I know you aren’t really cool with all this magic shit._

_What’s that supposed to mean? When have I given you any indication that I had an issue with magic?_

_Oh, I don’t know, just being a Templar kind of makes me think you might not like mages too much._ I frowned, staring at Solana as she fought the Rage demon nearby. S _he’s doing all this to prove what we already know, Cullen. She’s a good person and our friend- would you really kill her?_

_If she were to become an abomination, then yes. I care too much to let her live that way._

I raised my eyebrow at his choice of words. _Oh, you care, do you?_ I thought smugly. _Well, don’t start blushing, Metal Man- you’re going to look like an idiot if you start turning red for no reason._

_I can hear that damnable smirk in your voice, Kitten. There’s no need to be jealous, I care about you too, you know._

_Careful there, Metal Man,_ I said teasingly. _Keep it up and I might start to think you actually like having me around._

_I do._

There was a beat of silence, but before it could get too awkward, Lana raced over to me, “I did it, Sam! I defeated that Pride Demon!” She threw her arms around me and squealed. “Thank you so much!”

“Lana, I didn’t do anything! This was all you- celebrate your awesomeness and get us the hell out of here. Besides,” I said with a grin, "I think a certain Templar is standing over you. In my stories, this is usually where you kiss or something. If it turns out to be true love, invite me to the wedding.”

It was amazing- I could just _hear_ Cullen stiffen up. _Have you no decency, Lady Samantha!_

Lana and I both let out a loud laugh at his indignant tone, and I shrugged. “You already know I don’t, Cullen.” Then I hugged Lana tightly, squeezing her shoulders and beaming with pride- I was so proud of what she had accomplished today, even if I was itching to leave. “But I’m gonna need you to wake up, Lana Banana- it’s time for us to go home."

_ _

* * *

When Solana woke up, she was in her bedroom with a splitting headache… but she was _alive_. At this realization, she collapsed back on the bed, giddy with joy. She was no longer an apprentice- not only was she was a full mage, but she was now safe from the Rite of Tranquility. She closed her eyes, and breathed a sigh of relief- this was all she had wanted since she arrived at the circle and now she had it… thanks to her friends. 

“Finally, you're awake,” a voice said from above her. “I was starting to get worried about you.”

She opened her eyes to see Jowan standing above her. “Jowan… what brings you here so early?”

He stared at her forlornly. “It’s moving day for you, Solana. You’re no longer an apprentice, so you get to go to the Mage Quarters now.” He sighed sadly. “I fear I’m never going to have my Harrowing. I’ve been here longer than you, but I’m still an apprentice. But you, on the other hand… word is that you had one of the fastest Harrowings that Irving has ever seen.” The apprentice shook his head. “How did you do it? Do you think you can show me?”

 _You wouldn’t believe me if I told you_ , she thought. “It was not that special, Jowan, I assure you.” 

Jowan frowned at her. “Solana, I refuse to believe that, and I’m beginning to think you just don’t want to help me.” 

She sat up and lightly grabbed his hand. “Jowan, you’re one of the few people who don’t look at me like I am some sort of irritant. If I can help you, you know I would. It really just wasn’t anything I can teach- it just was.” She offered him a smile. “I’m sure your Harrowing will come soon. But I wouldn’t be in such a rush if I were you- it’s actually quite…” She was about to say ‘terrifying’, but she didn’t want to scare him, so she softened it. “… something.”

Jowan scoffed. “Whatever, Solana. Anyway, Irving wishes to see you. And seeing as how you’re his new star pupil, you probably shouldn’t keep him waiting.” Solana looked at her friend sadly and Jowan softened. “My apologies, Solana- I’m being an ass. I don’t mean to take my frustrations out on you.”

“No harm done,” she said. “I’ll see you later, all right?” She got up from the bed, wondering why the First Enchanter wanted to see her, but knowing that Jowan had nothing else to tell her- the man was a gossip, and if he had more news to share, he would have certainly done so already.  
—  
As she made her way towards Irving’s office, she could hear two girls tittering about her. She fought the urge to roll her eyes, but it was taking all her control not to reach out and wallop them for their inane chatter. One of the girls began to whisper loudly when she approached. “Maker-she actually did it! I suppose having her head in those books all day was good for something.”

Her friend sniggered. “Cullen’s been talking about it all morning…” She felt their eyes on her and she kept walking, forcing herself to keep her steps even- she wouldn’t let them know they were getting to her. “I wonder if they’re an item- I’ve seen the way he looks at her."

The other girl scoffed. “Doubtful. He’s too cute and she’s a frigid bitch. She’d probably turn him into a block of ice if he tried to kiss her.” The two let out loud, scathing laughter as she passed, and Solana wished more than ever that Sam was with her, then thought better of it- the girl might have grabbed them by their hair or done something else equally as heinous, and while she admitted it would be satisfying to see, it probably would only serve to cause problems. 

She approached the senior mage quarters, only to spot Cullen standing in the corridor. When he noticed her approach, he brightened. “Lady Solana! Congratulations on a job well done.”

She scanned the corridor, noting that no one else was around. “Don’t play coy, Ser Cullen- you know I couldn’t have done it without you,” she whispered. “I’ll forever be grateful for the support from you and Sam.”

“It was my pleasure,” he replied with a soft smile. “Speaking of Sam, have you heard from her since you awoke?” 

“I’m afraid I haven’t,” Solana admitted. “We followed the instructions in the journal, so she should be fine.” Then she got a sly grin on her face. “Is my favorite Templar concerned about our wayward apostate?"

Cullen blushed and rubbed the back of his neck. “I… No, I simply meant… It’s…” He scowled at Solana. “You’re a wicked woman, Amell.”

She wagged a finger in his face. “Don’t think I haven’t figured you out, Ser Cullen…” His eyes widened and she laughed. “The connection you have is too strong. She read me a few passages from her journal, and usually, that kind of connection only occurs when there’s an object from her world here… and I certainly don’t have one… do you?”

His face was almost scarlet at this point. “I…”

“It’s all right… I know you still have that parchment we found that day. But, you don’t have to worry, I won’t tell her.” She smiled at him, patting him on the arm. “However, I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this sometime.”

“It is nothing of consequence,” he said staunchly, straightening up. “Samantha is not even of this world, so we can end this uncomfortable discussion right now.” He gave her a curt nod and Solana giggled. “It is not funny,” he hissed. “By your leave, Lady Amell! Don’t you have somewhere to be?”

“As you wish, Ser Cullen,” she said, giving him a deep mocking bow. “If you wish, I’ll pass on your greetings to the kitten when I find her.”

“Maker’s Breath, she’s corrupted you,” he huffed. "I think I vastly preferred you as the studious apprentice,” he grumbled, shaking his head and pointing down the corridor. “Go… find Irving and stop torturing me, you damnable woman.” 

Solana looked around, saw no one nearby, and raced over to the Templar. “As you wish, Ser Cullen," she said, standing on her tiptoes and placing a kiss on his cheek.


	9. We're the worst criminals ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solana loses her status as the smartest member of the group when she gets caught up in Circle drama

_ _

* * *

I woke up with a pounding headache- traveling through the Fade was not a pleasant experience. As I groaned and tried to keep the room from spinning, I heard footsteps come up the stairs. Not being in the mood for a lecture from Mom or Dad, I pulled the covers up over my head. “Go away… I’m dying in here,” I groaned. 

Mom chuckled, sitting down on the bed. “Still taking crash courses without reading the manual, I see.” She pulled the covers from my face and handed me a tray of breakfast. “Eat up… it’ll make you feel better.”  
  
“I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck,” I complained. “If orange juice and oatmeal can eliminate that, then we’re buying a diner.”

Mom gave me a look, and I scowled. “Fine… Thanks for the food, but I’m going back to bed now.” I tried to pull the covers back over my head, but she stopped me. “Mo-o-o-m,” I whined. “I just want to go to sleep! I had a long night,” I moaned. 

She raised her eyebrow. “You don’t want to let your friends know you’re ok? 

I sighed, closing my eyes. “Can’t travel. Too tired.” I searched for a moment, checking for branches, but finding nothing. “Besides, there’s no branches or choices over there right now. Everything is either fixed or normal, so I can sleep for a few hours. Besides- no one wants to hang out with me when I’m grumpy.” I threw the blankets over my face, groaning at the bright light in the room. “God, I miss text messaging… how the heck did you manage this before cell phones?”

Once again, she pulled off my blankets. “If you could ever be bothered to read the journal, you’d find out, kid. Eat your breakfast and we can talk.” 

I squinted at her suspiciously as I drank the juice on the tray. “Why are you being so helpful lately? You’re never this nice, Mom.” 

A flicker of emotion passed over her face, but it disappeared before I could pinpoint what it was. “Stop being a butt, kid. Get out of bed, eat your food, and read.” She got a faraway look on her face, and I knew she was seeing something, but she continued. "You’re gonna have a busy day ahead of you.”

“You just saw a whole lot more than that, didn’t you?” I asked, frowning- now I understood why Grace said we were irritating when we did this kind of thing to her. 

“Sure did, now eat your breakfast,” she said, sitting the tray on my desk. “And I’m taking these-“ she grabbed my robes- “to the dry cleaners because I can smell them from downstairs. They’ll be ready in an hour." She held them in front of her, then squinted at me. “Plus, I think we can probably stand to hem them a few inches, don’t you think?"

Now I was officially suspicious, and I eyed her nervously. “Mom,” I said carefully, “What do you know?”

“I know that you should be eating your oatmeal before it turns into a brick,” she said cheerfully. “Come see me before you leave out today, ok?”

“You mean _if_ I leave,” I said pointedly. “I’m planning on being lazy for a minute- this has been a lot of peopling for such a short amount of time.”

“I know what I said,” she replied, getting up from the bed. “Just remember to see me before you leave."  
—  
An hour later, I was grumbling and grabbing my coat. Mom was on the couch, reading a book. “Mom, I’m going to the mall and the dry cleaners,” I said angrily. “But, you already knew that, didn’t you?” She raised her eyes over the book, sticking her tongue out at me- I just glared at her as I grabbed the car keys. “You realize you could’ve saved me an hour of reading and just told me, right?”

She shrugged, then returned her eyes to her book. “But where’s the fun in that?” I started to fume then thought better of it, simply shaking my head. Mom let out a chuckle. “Got what you need? Keys, wallet, license? Make sure you have everything- I’m not bailing you out if you get pulled over.”

I huffed, rifling through my purse. “Keys, wallet…” I flipped my wallet open, and to my dismay, I discovered that my driver’s license was missing. “And no license. Great, now I gotta go to the DMV.” I frowned, then shot Mom a look. “Did you know I lost my license, Mom?"

A knowing smile spread across her lips “Maybe... why do you think I said to see me before you left?” I rolled my eyes and she laughed, standing up to grab her coat. “Oh come on- spending the day with your mom won’t be all that bad, right?”

“It might be,” I groused as we left the house and headed into snowy New Jersey.  
—  
This time when I arrived, Solana wasn't alone, so I waited for the other girl to leave before I tapped Solana on the shoulder. “Hey, Lana,” I said brightly, appearing on the bed next to her. “So, how’d it go today?”

“I’m going to need you to stop that!” Lana hissed. “You’ll be the death of me, you blasted girl!” 

I giggled. “I come bearing gifts- I found a passage in the journal about communication charms, so I made some for us. Hopefully, it should help with the pop-ups.”

I handed her the small gold locket, which contained a sketch I drew of us. By now, I had her face memorized- her bright red hair, pale skin, sparkling large blue eyes, her button nose with the smattering of brown freckles across it, and her small mouth turned up in the smile I loved so much. Even in my pictures, I felt plain compared to her, with my tan skin contrasting sharply with my emerald green eyes, straight black hair, slightly upturned nose (Grace used to always say that I looked like I was stuck up on principle) and my mouth darkened with my favorite purple lipstick. Together, we looked happy- despite the functionality of the gift, I wanted her to have something that was uniquely ours.

Lana let out a gasp, holding the locket in her fingers. “Maker… it’s beautiful, Sam.” She turned it over, then frowned. “It’s got writing on the back, but I’m afraid I can’t read it- it’s in your language, Sam.”

I smiled proudly. “Sure is- that’s because it’s mine. Here’s yours,” I said, dropping the other in her hand. This one had the same inscription, but it was written in the Common tongue. The poor guy at the mall kiosk was so flustered and charged me extra for engraving an image, but I didn’t care- it was worth it. 

Her hand flew to her face. “My friend, my sister, my heart,” she whispered. “Oh Sam, I don’t know what to say.”

I tried to shrug nonchalantly, but I felt the corners of my mouth twitching. “Um… say that you want to give that one to me, and I’ll give you mine, now that you know I’m not gifting you a dirty limerick or something. The journal says that something with a likeness allows for a deeper connection, and when both people have the same object, they’re connected across space and time. For me, it’s kinda like a whacked-out version of a text message in my world. Just touch it and think of me, and I can talk to you. In your head, of course,” I said quickly. “Since we both have one, I can let you know when I’m coming, or you can call me when you need me.” 

“Then I give this gift to you, my friend,” she said, placing the locket in my hand. 

“And I give mine to you,” I replied. “Wow, this sounds a lot cheesier than I had planned,” I quipped, adding the locket to the chain that held the silver ring Cullen had given me. When she saw the ring, Lana raised her eyebrows- I gave her a look. “What? I want to keep them together, and I’m not gonna wear some dude’s ring all day. I can keep them both on the chain, and they’ll stay safe.”

She fastened her locket around her neck and smirked at me. “I’m sure that’s all it is,” she said knowingly. “At any rate, it’s been a trying day, and I’m glad you’re here.” She peered over and stared at my purse. “What snacks have you brought today? I’m thinking I could use some of your candy to brighten my mood, though I must admit, the gift has helped immensely."

“Uh oh, I guess this why they say not to feed the strays- it looks like I got you hooked.” She gave me a look, and I pulled a mini Reeses cup out of my bag, unwrapping it and offering her one. Lana took the candy and popped the whole thing in her mouth, groaning with delight and I giggled as I took a bite of mine. “Why is it that every time I show up, it’s a trying day for you?”

Lana shoved me playfully. “Have you ever considered that it might be you that makes all of my days trying?” She rummaged in my purse and pulled out another candy, unwrapping it as she talked. “You are the common denominator, you know.”

“I beg your pardon, you big ol’ sourpuss- I’ll have you know I’m a goddamn delight,” I said, shoving her back and making her laugh. “So, hit me- what’s got you so down in the dumps?”

“Well, it's my friend,” she said slowly. “He was wondering why he wasn’t being chosen for his Harrowing, and today his girlfriend got word that they were going to make him Tranquil because he’s been accused of blood magic,” she whispered. “They want to run away and start a new life together before that happens.”

I frowned. “Um, good for them? How is this your problem, Lana?” 

She squirmed uncomfortably in her seat. “They asked me to help them steal his phylactery so they can leave the tower without the Templars hunting him down.”

“His what?” I gave her a look, waving my finger in her face. “Don’t think for a second we aren’t coming back to the part where you just agreed to commit grand theft magic, Lana, but I need some backstory right now. First of all, what the fuck is a phylactery? Why are they stealing it? Why do they need your help?” I groaned, falling back on the bed. “You’re right- this does count as a trying day.”

“Fine, since this is the one time you need all the facts before you make a decision…” I glared at her, and she stuck out her tongue. “A phylactery is an enchanted vial that holds the essence of a mage. Templars use them to track us if we escape, so…” Her voice trailed off. 

“My god, I am starting to hate that crew. Cullen sure knows how to pick a crew to roll with, doesn’t he?” She gave me a look and I held up my hands. “Don’t look at me- I’m firmly on Team Mage. But that still doesn’t explain why he needs you to help him steal it or why you agreed to it in the first place.”

Once again, she squirmed uncomfortably. “Because… I told Irving what was happening and he told me to play along.” She sighed. “I just wanted him to reassure Jowan that he had nothing to worry about, but it turns out they were right. I don’t feel right about this, Sam- Jowan is my friend.”

I smacked her in the arm. “For someone so smart, you’re a fucking idiot, you know that?” I groaned. “You know, we have a saying in my world about people like you, Lana- snitches get stitches. And right now, you are most definitely the snitch.”

She winced. “I think I can ascertain what the saying means, and if it’s any consolation, I certainly feel like an idiot right now. You warned me about talking to authority figures, and I didn’t listen.” She grabbed me by my arm, staring me in the face intently. “I need you to go home, Sam.”

“No fucking way, Lana Banana,” I said, shaking my head. "I’m not leaving you to this fucked up shit by yourself. I’m here to help you.”

“And I know you would, Sam. But you don’t have magic like I do here, and I am not going to be responsible if something happens.” Lana grabbed my hand. "Go home, and talk to me through the charm. You say you’re a watcher- go home and watch. I can’t have you getting involved if something goes wrong.” 

I bit my lip. “Lana, I don’t want to leave you,” I whispered. “I got a really bad feeling about this.”

“Then you should definitely go home- you’re going to be my second set of eyes.” Her eyes flitted across my face. “Besides, we have to test the charm sometime, right? Let’s use it- guide my choices… help me see the things I may miss. Who better to watch my back than my sister, right?”

“That’s dirty pool and you know it, Lana,” I growled. 

She shrugged. “I use what I can.”

_ _

* * *

_You realize that this is a bad idea, right? Like, I can’t see anything beyond what you’re seeing right now… do you understand how bad that is?_

Solana gritted her teeth as she accompanied Jowan and Lily deep into the basement of the tower. She knew the girl was right, but seeing as how she was already in the thick of it, Sam chiding her from beyond was not helping. _Sam, I love you dearly, but unless you have something useful to contribute, I’m going to need you to hush up- avoiding becoming Deepstalker food is taking up most of my attention at the moment._

_Duly noted. Turn around, cause there’s one of those raptor thingies on your right._

Solana turned quickly and sent a bolt at the creature racing towards her. _See? That wasn’t so hard, was it?_

_I still think this is a shitty idea, Lana Banana. I should be there with you._

_Oh really?_ Solana took down a Sentinel that was corning Jowan. _And how would you help, Sam? What, would you talk it to death?_

Solana could feel Sam fume at her, and sure enough, the girl huffed. _We’re going to have to have words about your tone, Lana._

 _If I get out of this alive, I welcome the conversation_ , Lana thought. _Be right back, Jowan’s talking to me._

 _Gotcha._ Sam paused for a moment, and Solana moved to offer Jowan some assistance with the artifact he was standing near. Suddenly, they heard a click, and the way into the phylactery chamber was clear. As soon as she walked inside, Sam spoke again. _Lana, please be careful._

Solana paused as Jowan and Lily went inside. _I will, Sam._

_ _

* * *

I knew it was a bad idea for them to be doing this dumb shit in the first place, but as soon as the door opened, my suspicions were confirmed. 

It was like the world’s worst silent movie- I was stuck at home, watching in shock as Greagoir and Irving stormed the room, pitching an absolute bitch. Now granted, I couldn’t hear what they were saying, but judging by their faces, I could tell it wasn’t good. I wished like hell I could hear what was going on, but it was like a telephone- I had to wait for Lana to relay what was being said because all I could see was that Greagoir was in full overreact 5000 mode. I groaned- this was not good. 

_Lana,_ I hissed, _what is he saying? I can’t hear him!_

My friend went pale. _He's saying that they're going to kill Jowan and send Lily to prison._ She paused, watching the interactions in the room. _Sam, this is bad- is there anything we can do?_

I shook my head, then realized that she couldn’t see me. _Nope_ , I said sadly. _I don’t see any real choices from here on out- it’s a fixed-point. Sorry, Lana Banana._

Just then, someone must’ve done something to piss Jowan off, because he started cutting himself, causing a cloud of blood to fill the air. Solana and I watched in shock as the blood knocked over the First Enchanter and the Templars. I watched in horror as they went down and I let out a shriek, causing Lana to wince.

_Lana, what the hell was that! Please tell me you don’t do that shit- if so, we’re going to have to have a serious talk._

_Never. That was blood magic,_ she responded angrily. _I had no idea- I thought they were being irrational, but it seems that Jowan truly was a blood mage._

Jowan then turned to Lily, and to my surprise, Lily promptly noped the fuck out. Though Jowan looked miserable and ran off, I didn’t blame Lily one bit- that was a bit much, even for me. Once he was gone, Solana and Lily stood silently for a moment, surveying the scene. I had no idea how to help, so I prodded my friend. _Lana, I_ murmured, _what the hell do we do?_

Solana straightened her back. _To start, we help Irving._ She walked over to the First Enchanter, sending some healing magic into him, and the old man began to stir, saying something to Lana. _In case you’re wondering,_ she offered, _he says they didn’t expect this._

I snorted. _Well, what the hell did he think was gonna happen?_ _Did he think they were gonna come up to the dude and he was just gonna go ‘Ok, I’m ready to die now, thanks very much?’ Seriously, Lana, do people even think out here?_

Lana’s lips twitched a little, but she shushed me as Greagoir awoke, screaming at Lily. Solana started to speak up, but Lily cut her off. _What just happened?_ I asked frantically, trying to get any information I could. _This is like watching a movie with the sound off- I need details._

Lana sighed. _I have no idea what a movie is, but Lily is offering to accept any punishment that they see fit._

 _Holy shit,_ I replied. _That takes some balls to accept that. She might be stupid for going along with this plan, but I gotta admit... Lily's part badass._

 _Well, get ready for even more, because Greagoir looks ready to have my head right now,_ Lana said wearily. _Do you think you can fit me in your magic purse and collect me?_

 _If I could, I would_ , I said as I scanned the room. Suddenly, I noticed something, and I focused my attention on the doorway. _Lana, hold up_ , I said quickly.

She was listening intently as Greagoir yelled, but perked up when I called to her. _What is it?_

I paused. _I don’t know what to make of it, but there’s a tall guy with a sick-looking ponytail and a really big sword coming your way._

 _Oh no,_ she said softly. _That’s Duncan._

Then she started to pale as the three men began to speak and I prodded her, hoping she would elaborate. _Lana,_ I asked, _what’s going on? Are you ok? Do I need to pop in and make a scene so you can do a quick getaway or something?_

She swallowed, looking back and forth at Irving and Duncan. _Sam, you’re going to have to tell Cullen what happened,_ she said quickly. _It looks like I'm not going to be going back to the Circle._

 _Lana, I don’t understand- what the hell is going on? Talk to me!_ I said angrily.

My friend began walking behind Duncan, her head hung low in shame. _I’m being conscripted into the Grey Wardens,_ she said sadly. _I’m to be sent to Ostagar to fight in the war._

My mind was reeling- I had no idea what to do. I was about ten seconds from freaking out, which I knew wasn’t going to help. Trying to get my bearings, I took a deep breath. _Lana, as soon as you get a moment to yourself, call me- I’ll be right there, ok?_

Lana looked up for a moment, and her eyes were full of tears. _Do you promise, Sam?_

 _Always, Lana Banana,_ I said, fingering the locket around my neck nervously. _I’ll be there no matter what._

She cut the connection and I stared up at my ceiling, stunned and full of questions. W _hat the hell just happened? Did Lana just get drafted into the army or something? Is the guy that ran off dangerous? What the hell am I supposed to do?_

And to top it all off, she wants _me_ to be the one to tell Cullen all about it?

 _Yeah,_ I thought grimly. _That’s going to go over real well, Lana Banana._


	10. I don't want to be alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone is reeling from the events of the day

_ _

* * *

_Cullen… wake up. I have to talk to you._

Her voice startled him awake and the templar looked around wildly, fully expecting the girl to be sitting on top of him. “Samantha?” Cullen asked softly, as to not disturb the others in the bunks next to him. 

She laughed, and it wasn’t like her normal laugh- it was rich, throaty, and yet a little sad. _I’m in your head, silly... just like when we were in the Fade with Lana. Can you find somewhere to talk to me?_

He frowned, then lay back down on his bunk, folding his arms behind his head. _You’re talking to me right now. What did you need, Lady Samantha?_

But there was no response, and the night went still around him once more. It grew so quiet that for a moment, Cullen was afraid that Samantha had left, but just as he was about to call out to her again, the girl let out a soft sigh- when she spoke, her voice was almost a whisper. _I need to see you,_ she said quietly. _It’s important._

When he heard her response, Cullen immediately sat upright in his bunk, raking his fingers through his curly hair. _Are you all right?_

After a moment, the girl replied. _No_ , she said, _I’m not. I wouldn’t be reaching out if it wasn’t necessary. I need to do this in person,_ she whispered. _And also... I don’t want to be alone right now._

Now, Cullen was wide awake. He grabbed a shirt that was next to his bed and began pulling it over his head, then found his breeches. _Ok, Samantha…I’m awake._

 _I know,_ she replied. _I can see you._

He felt his cheeks grow hot, thinking about her seeing him in his smalls, but she simply blew out a breath and spoke again. _Trust me, any other time I would get a real kick out of seeing you in your underwear, but right now, I’ve got a lot more on my mind than that. Is that room across the hall still ok to talk in?_

 _No,_ he thought. _We’re too close to the bunks. But if you can see what I’m doing, just follow me._

Quietly, he padded out of the barracks, being careful to not disturb the others. Soon, Cullen made his way to an unused storage room and settled inside, waiting patiently for Samantha to find him. The quarters would be tight and dark, but at the least, they wouldn’t be overheard. As he sat on the cold floor, Cullen chuckled to himself at the irony of the situation- he had stumbled upon many sets of young mages tumbling out of units such as these and thought it quite poetic that he was using the space to have a private meeting of his own. 

After a few minutes, Cullen took a deep breath and inhaled that familiar scent of hers- to him, Samantha always smelled of apples, cherry blossoms, and rain. Though he knew she had arrived, he was caught off guard when she flung her arms around him in the darkness- Cullen felt his breath hitch in his throat at the sudden closeness of the girl and the undeniable scent of her was rapidly enveloping his senses. Her head was pressed against his chest, and when she moved, her dark hair tickled his nose.

He was almost afraid to move, but when he heard her soft sobs, Cullen immediately wrapped his arms around Samantha, stroking her hair with one hand and rubbing her back with the other, hoping to calm the girl down. “Samantha, what’s wrong?” he asked softly. "Talk to me- what’s got you in such a state?"

“It’s Lana,” she choked out between her tears. “They took her away.”

Cullen felt the blood in his veins turn to ice, and he gently pulled the girl away from him. His eyes were gradually adjusting to the dark, and he could slowly make out her tear-streaked features from the light creeping through the cracks in the door. “Samantha,” he said, wiping a trail of tears away from her face with his thumb, "I need you to calm down and tell me everything that happened… would you be able to do that for me?”

She wiped her face with the back of her hand and sniffled. In the dim light, he noticed she wasn’t wearing the robes he'd found for her- she was clad in only a thin white shirt with no sleeves that exposed her tanned arms, and she was once again wearing the pants that had the drawings of owls on them. Briefly, Cullen thought that this was very similar to how she looked on the day they met, but when Samantha let out a small hiccup, he ignored her clothes and forced his gaze back to her tear-stained face.

“She helped some idiot try to get out of the tower,” she said bitterly. “I wanted to stay with her, but she made me go home, but we were able to talk through a charm I made. I was watching when they went on the stupid mission, and of course, they got caught.”

Cullen felt like his nerves were being pulled tautly, but he was trying to keep his emotions in check. He knew it wasn’t Samantha's fault, though he had to bite his tongue to keep himself from yelling at her. _Why hadn’t Samantha called for him? If she had, maybe he could’ve saved Solana._ But the girl was obviously upset, so he kept his thoughts to himself for the moment and tried to focus. “Is she in the tower?”

She shook her head. “No. When they got caught, the guy went crazy and stabbed himself. All the blood shot out of his hand, knocking Greagoir and Irving out, then he ran out. They wanted to punish Lana, but some guy named Duncan came and got her,” she spat angrily. “And she said he was conscripting her to the Grey Wardens and she had to go fight at Ostagar.” Samantha bit her lip, and Cullen could see her green eyes were filled with tears again. “She told me to find you, to tell you what happened. So, what are we gonna do, Cullen? I can’t leave her there... but I don’t know how to go get her.”

He sighed, raking his hands through his curls. “We cannot do anything,” he said after a moment. “If Duncan recruited her to the Wardens, then there is nothing we can do.” 

Sam’s hands flew to her mouth in horror. “Oh no,” she said softly. “What am I gonna do? They're taking her to war, Cullen. I don't... I can't...”

He could tell she was on the verge of tears again, and he desperately wanted to ease her mind. “Hey, none of that,” he said lightly, though the pain in his heart made him feel anything but light and carefree. “You can talk to her as you do with me, correct?” 

The girl sniffled, and he put his arm around her. “Yeah, but it’s different from what we can do- when Lana and I talk, she can reach out to me as well.” 

Gently, Cullen tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. "And right now, she’s fine, correct?”

Still sniffling, Samantha snuggled into his side and nodded- he smiled and rubbed her arms as he stared off into the distance. “Then that settles it," he declared. "No more worrying until we talk to her again. There are rumors that there are other mages at Ostagar. In fact, I have heard that Wynne is heading there- rest assured, if she is there, she will look out for our Solana.”

“Ok,” she said softly. Samantha had stopped crying, but her voice was still shaking. “I’m scared for her, Cullen. I wanted to help, but I’m not strong enough.”

He held her tighter, and he felt her arms encircle his waist. “Its ok, Kitten,” he said, stroking her hair. “You’re helping by being there for her- sometimes, all you can ask for is a friend when you're alone.” To his surprise, she ignored the nickname, choosing to keep her head on his side. “How much time do you have here,” he asked softly. 

“An hour,” she said. “I know it’s late, but…” She looked up at him, biting her bottom lip nervously. “Would you mind staying here with me? I’m all over the place right now, and until she calls for me, I don’t know what to do with myself.” 

Cullen smiled, rubbing her back gently. “Of course I can, Lady Samantha,” he said softly. “I’m happy to stay with you.”

She nodded, and they didn’t say another word to each other- for the next hour, she sat next to him, her tiny arms wrapped around him as tightly as she could. It was as if she was trying to make sure he didn’t disappear, and he just stared at the ceiling, winding her dark hair around his fingers and running his hands up and down her back. 

When she disappeared from view, Cullen just sat on the floor for a moment, unable to move. _Solana is gone,_ he thought sadly. _She’s not coming back._ Then to his surprise, he felt a pang of alarm at the next thought that flickered across his mind- _With Solana gone, does thIs also mean that Samantha has left for good?_

And as he sat in the darkness with the lingering scent of apples and cherry blossoms, Cullen discovered that the second thought bothered him more than he ever cared to admit. 

_ _

* * *

Sitting by the light of the campfire, Solana fingered the locket hanging from her neck. _Sam?_

_Right here, Lana Banana. Do you want me to come to you?_

Solana nodded. _Yes please,_ she thought as she shivered in the cool night air. It was her first night outside the tower, and everything seemed large and looming over her. Duncan was in the tent, sleeping, but she was in no state to rest. Her mind was a jumble, full of a million thoughts, but the one thing she knew was that she wanted her friend with her. 

_Give me five minutes to get ready and I’ll be right there._ Sam paused for a second, and Solana guessed that she was looking around. _It’s peaceful out there,_ she said finally. 

_It’s the first time I’ve been outside since I was a child,_ Solana admitted. _The world feels too big for me right now._

_I’m not happy about the reason, Lana, but I’m glad you get to see this._

Solana rubbed her arms, trying to warm herself up. _I’ll be happier when you’re here._

 _Almost done,_ Sam replied. _Just getting one more thing._

There was a pause, and then Solana felt a weight on her shoulders, warming her from the chill in the air. Surprised, she looked down and noticed a green knitted blanket had been draped over her. Confused, she turned to her right, only to see Sam sitting next to her, wearing a sad expression on her normally smiling face. “Is that better?” Sam whispered. “You looked cold.”

“You have no idea how much better I am now that you’re here,” Solana replied, careful not to disturb Duncan. She looked around, and, noticing no one, she cast a silence spell around the two women. “Oh Sam,” she moaned softly, “what am I going to do?”

“To start, you’re going to warm up and drink this,” Sam said, picking up and opening the metal tube she had at her feet, pouring a steaming brown liquid into two cups. Then, she handed one of the cups to Solana, but held up a finger, signaling the girl to wait as she rummaged in her purse, pulling out two small white pillows from one of her bags. Carefully, she reached over and dropped a pillow in each cup, then smiled at her friend, curling up under the blanket with her. “It’s hot chocolate and marshmallows- helps when it’s cold outside… and it’s delicious,” she said with a soft smile. “Figured you could use some joy today.”

“And you would be right,” Solana agreed, taking a sip of the beverage in front of her. “Oh Maker, this is delicious,” she said with a sigh. “And you are right- this beverage is perfect on a night such as this.”

Sam nodded. “Grace and I used to do this on our roof- we’d look out at the stars, stretch out on a blanket, and have snacks. Quite a nice way to spend an evening.” She smiled, hugging Solana and staring at the flames dancing in front of them. "Guess I’m trading in my rooftop sessions for campfires, huh?”

“I suppose,” Solana agreed. “But rest assured, I am not complaining.” Solana sighed. “I had my life planned out, you know. It wasn’t glorious, it wasn’t spectacular, but it was mine.” She picked up a twig from nearby and tossed it into the fire, listening to the crackle as the flames consumed the small branch. "And now, I feel… adrift.”

“It’s ok to be adrift,” Sam said softly. “Hell, if you have to choose, you should want that, actually.”

Solana turned to look at the girl, who was staring out into the flames. “Why do you say that?”

Sam sighed, then smiled at Solana. “Because that means that nothing is fixed. If it isn’t fixed, that means you have possibilities. You can change things, explore, make mistakes. I see all the paths, and part of the joy is not knowing which way you’re going to take.” She frowned. “Seeing it all in advance is no fun.”

“Do you see your own choices and branches, Sam?” Solana asked, curious in spite of herself.

Sam shook her head. “Nope. I can see the world, but I’m blind to myself. Like I said, kinda glad, actually. But, I must say, I have to thank you.” 

“What, pray tell, have I done that was worthy of a thank you?” Solana scoffed. “I seem to have done nothing but gotten myself sent off to war.”

Sam laughed. “You’ve made me feel less alone, Lana Banana. When Grace left-“ she paused, frowning. “Well, if we’re being honest, I was closed off even before my sister left. But when she was gone, I shut down. I was resigned to being alone, just watching the world pass me by. And it sucks because I promised her that I wouldn’t do that. The one thing she asked me to do, and I couldn’t do it. When she left, all my light left my world, and all I wanted to do was be alone. But when I met you and Cullen, I realized that I don’t want to be alone anymore. And I’m not sure if I ever would’ve felt that way if I didn’t meet you.”

At that, Solana leaned over, giving the girl a hug. “Sam, from this moment on, know this- you are never alone. Remember that.”

Sam smiled, wrapping her arms tightly around her friend. “And neither are you, Lana Banana. As long as you’re on this journey, I’ll be with you."

“I’d like that very much,” Solana said softly.

She wasn’t sure when she fell asleep, but when she woke up in the morning the bright green blanket was wrapped around her shoulders and the fire was nothing but embers. She smiled sadly, but got up, squared her shoulders, and followed Duncan as they headed off towards Ostagar. If he thought the appearance of the blanket was odd, he said nothing and the mage offered him no explanation. Instead, she carefully folded it into her pack, determined to go into this new chapter of her life with her head held high.

 _I will embrace this_ , she said stoutly. _My destiny is my own, and I will forge a new path._

_I am not alone._


	11. Tis' just a touch of the Blight, nothing to worry about

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Solana meets Alistair and drinks the Grey Warden kool-aid

_ _

* * *

_Sam... are you there?_

There was a groan, then Sam answered. _I’m up, I’m up... I was up all night, remember? How are you awake so early?_

Solana shrugged. _It doesn’t seem all that early for me._

The voice in her head grumbled. _That’s because you’re insane, Lana._

Solana laughed as she trudged through the king’s camp. _I am not... I am merely making the most of my circumstances at the moment._ She sighed. _Maker, there is so much going on here!_ A guy jostled her, startling Solana out of her daze for a moment, and she looked around at all the people going to and fro, her eyes widening at every turn. _Sam, are you seeing this?_

 _No_ , Sam said flatly. _I’m in bed, trying to sleep because you’re not dying. You should find Wynne... Cullen said she might be there._

Solana paused, raising her eyebrows. _So, you talked to Cullen? When was this?_ Then her lips turned up into a smile. _No wonder you had such a late night._

There was a pause, then Sam groaned. _You’re an asshole, you know that?_

 _And I’ve had nothing to eat but water and Drufflalo meat,_ she replied, _so I think that makes us even._

Sam shuddered. _Ewww... what even is that? I feel like I need to send you a care package._

Solana giggled. _I’m not sure I should accept it, as I’m not sure you even know how to eat anything that is remotely nutritious._

 _I eat healthy all the time- it’s why I snack on so much junk._ Sam pouted, and Solana began to chuckle, which only piqued the girl even further _. Fine, be that way- remember that the next time you see me. See if I’m gonna be nice to you when all you have to eat is mystery animal meat._

_I take it back- you are the pinnacle of health and nutrition, dear sister. Can you ever forgive me?_

_Anyway,_ Sam huffed, _I distinctly recall you asking me to tell him,_ Sam said with a yawn. _By the way, how long do you plan to keep me awake?_

Solana giggled again. _As long as I want to, now that I know it irritates you._ Sam growled, but Solana ignored her. _But in all seriousness, I have to get ready to do something called a joining and find a guy named Alistair, but I’m terrified- I have no idea where to find him, or what even what this event entails._ A Mabari began to howl in the distance, and Solana sighed. _And then there are these sick Mabari pups-_

Sam cut her off. _Save the dog,_ she replied quickly. _It’s a choice you’re going to have to make, but this one is non-negotiable for me, Lana Banana. Whatever you have to do, you save the dog, understand?_

 _I didn’t know you felt so strongly about Mabari, Sam,_ Solana thought with a laugh. _Are you sure you aren’t from Ferelden?_

 _Quite sure, thank you very much. And to answer your question, I don’t know why, but I care very much about this one- he's important._ Sam paused for a second, and Solana realized that Sam must finally be taking a look around, seeing the campsite for the first time. _Whoa, this is crazy,_ she said in an awed tone. _Even if I can’t hear it, it looks insane over there._

 _Imagine living in it_. Solana smoothed her robes and scanned the area, noticing a tall young man with reddish-brown hair getting yelled at by a very angry-looking mage. _Hold for a moment... there seems to be a disagreement going on up ahead, and that mage up there looks ready to burn that poor young man to a crisp._

Sam sighed. _Haven’t we had enough of you jutting your nose into other people’s business? Seriously, is your middle name Karen or something?_

 _I don’t quite understand what you mean, Sam._ Solana frowned, struggling to make sense of what the girl was saying. _What does my middle name have to do with anything?_

_Look, just forget I said anything. Can you at least be careful for once?_

_I’m in camp, Sam... how much trouble can I get into?_

_Famous last words._ Sam replied, letting out a loud yawn _. I’m going back to bed. Wake me up when you leave out and try not to die while I sleep for a few more hours._

 _Will do._ Solana smiled _. Have a good rest, Sam- if you’re up for it, we can visit tonight._ She paused, then giggled. _When you come, bring real food, please._

 _I’ll think about it- I’m not your personal delivery service, you big jerk. Now leave me alone so I can sleep,_ Sam replied as she cut the connection.   
—  
Solana mentally nudged Sam again. _Sam... wake up._

 _Are you dying?_ she grumbled. 

Solana frowned. _No, but..._

_Then you won’t have to worry about going to war because I’m going to murder you when I see you._

_Sam!_ Solana hissed. _Be quiet for a moment and look at him! This is the guy I was supposed to meet- this is Alistair! What do you see about him?_

Sam groaned. _This had better be good, Lana- I'm not here to be your cosmic background check service._ Her friend went silent, but after a moment, Sam let out a low whistle. _Okay, I’ll forgive you... Not only is this one important, but he’s also gorgeous, Lana! What the hell man, no one here looks like that. Why do all the men in Thedas look like they just got chiseled from marble? Is it the mystery meat?_

Solana had to stop herself from laughing out loud since Alistair was still talking to her. _Quiet you, I'm trying to have a conversation without looking like a loon, and you aren't helping._

 _Not my fault,_ Sam replied, then paused for a minute. When she spoke again, Solana could hear the smile in her voice. E _ven when I can't hear him, I'm dying. Don’t you need a small yet well-meaning handmaiden to assist him- I mean you- on your adventures?_

 _I thought you were sleepy,_ Solana teased. _What happened to you murdering me?_

 _I reserve judgment until I get to meet the hottie._ Sam replied. _For now, you get a pass._

_I daresay with the way you're talking, Ser Cullen might be jealous, Sam. Should we ask him and see?_

_Careful, Lana- while you're being a jerk, the hottie is staring at you._

Solana whipped her eyes up to Alistair. "Pardon me?" 

Alistair laughed. "Great, now I can add 'boring potential wardens' to my list of qualifications. I've already checked off my 'anger the mages box'. Now all I need to do is check off 'stop the blight', and I win."

"Trust me," she replied, "you are anything but boring." Inwardly, Solana sighed. _Maker, he’s even funny! How am I supposed to focus when I’m over here mooning like some besotted teenager?_

Sam huffed. _Number one, you are a besotted teenager. Number two, I’m happy to take him off your hands, but since you’re my girl and you seem to be all over this, I’m gonna bow out. Number three, stop talking to me and holla at your boy- he’s staring at you!_

 _Oh... so he is._ She blinked, then stammered out a reply to him that she hoped made sense. Judging by the mirth in his face, she had to assume it didn’t and she was making an ass of herself. _Look, I have to go- I’ll talk to you later. If I keep this up, I'm likely to do something even stupider than I already have._

 _Details. I expect details,_ Sam replied excitedly.

 _Only in exchange for food,_ Solana replied, trying to focus on Alistair. _The meals truly are terrible here._

 _Go away, Lana._  
\--  
It was mid-afternoon, and she hoped her friend was awake. Solana was in the Kokari Wilds with Alistair, Ser Daveth, and Jory, but that wasn't her concern at the moment. What was concerning here more was the woman that was standing between them and their treaties. She could sense the magic coming from the young woman and while she was inclined not to antagonize the apostate, unlike her teammates, she realized she would feel better if Sam could confirm a few things for her. 

_Sam..._ Solana said quietly. _I promise this is important._

There was silence, then Sam appeared in her head. _What is it? Did you talk to the hottie?_

 _Sam, focus!_ She turned to look at the scantily-clad girl that was standing in front of them in the ruins of the old tower. _What do you know about this girl here?_

There was a pause, and then Sam shuddered. _Be nice to her,_ Sam warned. _She’s important- choices and branches are coming from her like mad, but I can’t see them just yet. Maybe it's because I'm not there with you- need me to come?_

Solana shook her head, then realized that she had to look odd to everyone else, and replied in her head. _No thank you, but this is good to know. I'll tread with caution, then._ Solana greeted the woman, which only tickled the witch. _Can you stay with me, Sam? She says her name is Morrigan, and she wants us to follow her to her mother… it appears that her mother took the treaties we need to retrieve._

 _Looks like you get to go on a scavenger hunt, then,_ Sam replied. _Lead the way. Wow, this is a lot for so early in the morning… I’m getting the feeling you’re going to keep waking me up at the asscrack of dawn if I keep hanging out with you._

Solana frowned as she, Ser Jory, Daveth, and Alistair began to follow Morrigan deeper into the woods. _Are you trying to say you’re leaving me?_

 _God no… I’m just wondering if I need to invest in an IV drip of caffeine._ Sam gave a hearty chuckle as she watched Alistair following behind Morrigan. _And I’m just admiring the view, that’s all._ As they walked, Solana heard Sam let out a whistle. _My word, that man is luscious both coming and going, Lana._

To her surprise, Solana felt herself get annoyed. _I think you should keep your eyes on the man residing in the Circle, Sam. What would your templar think if he heard you talking like this?_

She thought Sam would get angry with her, but when she heard her chuckle, Solana immediately realized she’d been baited. _Aha! So you do like him! And by the way, since you’re being a smart ass, he's not my templar, Lana. Nothing is going on with Cullen and me- he’s drunk so much Templar kool-aid that nothing that even remotely smells like mage has a shot in hell of tapping that._

Solana let out a giggle, causing Alistair and Morrigan to turn and look at her curiously. She tried to surreptitiously disguise it with a cough, but it came out like a cross between a Druffalo and a goose. Though she tried to wave him off, the young warden came over, clapping her on the shoulder blades. “Are you all right, Solana?” 

“Fine, fine,” she croaked. “Absolutely nothing to worry about. Let’s continue- those treaties won’t find themselves, you know.” She tried to force a bright smile on her face, which only made Alistair look at her strangely. “Come, let us go- time’s a-wasting!” She hurriedly walked towards Morrigan, trying to calm the flush in her face.

Sam let out a guffaw. _Man, I don’t know what the hell he just asked you, but your reaction was just priceless! Did you really just use my line?_ She could feel Sam shaking her head at her. _My god, you’re worse than me, Lana._ The mage gritted her teeth, which only served to make Morrigan eye her warily, and Sam chuckled at her discomfort. _Hey, you called me, remember?_

Solana rolled her eyes. _And I’m regretting every minute of that decision, I assure you._

Sam sighed. _Stop responding outside of your head- you look crazier than hell right now, Lana Banana. Look, I’ll stop talking- you just walk and act normal._

It was blessedly quiet in her mind while they walked, but when they got near the hut, Solana felt Sam shiver in her head, which was an odd sensation. _Lana... can you feel that? Good lord, that ain't good._

 _I only feel you rattling around in my head,_ she said curtly. _Stop it- you’re making me nervous._

 _You should be,_ Sam warned as Solana took stock of Morrigan’s mother, watching them from the entrance of the residence. The old woman looked harmless enough, but the waves of anxiousness flooding through her from Sam was telling her an entirely different story. _Watch yourself, Lana- that is most definitely not just an old woman… I can feel it. She’s got mad power and it reminds me of my mom._ Sam swallowed nervously. _Be careful… and be nice- she is not one we want to fuck with._

 _I'll have you know I'm always nice, unlike some people I know._ Solana gave an almost imperceptible sigh, then resumed her attention to Morrigan and her mother. “Well, what have we here?” The old woman said as she turned to Solana. “Do these boys speak for you, or do you have your own mind?”

“I speak for myself,” Solana said plainly, then she recalled the warning from Sam. “It is a pleasure to meet you- my name is Solana. I must offer you our thanks for keeping our treaties safe.”

The old woman crowed with delight. “Such manners! They’re always in the last place you look, like stockings.” She walked over to Solana. "You, dear girl, may call me Flemeth.” Then, she peered closely at her and the mage squirmed uncomfortably under her gaze. “There’s a duality within you, I see. Connected across the stars to something greater than yourself, yet bound to this world unflinchingly.” At her words, Solana had to stop herself from taking a step back, but the old woman continued. “Interesting... the little bird listens, yet doesn’t recognize the curse of its elders.” Flemeth laughed. “But these things are of no consequence right now. I have your treaties- I have kept them safe.” 

Solana looked over at Alistair- at that moment, she wanted nothing more than to leave those woods as fast as her feet could carry her, but the woman continued. “Here, take your treaties to your Grey Wardens. Let them know that this Blight’s threat is more than they realize.” She fixed Solana with a shrewd look. “But I’m sure your bird knows that already.” 

Solana simply nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and Sam remained quiet in her head- Flemeth eyed her curiously. “And I’m sure you are tired of listening to an old woman ramble. You have what you came for- don’t let me keep you.” 

As Morrigan reluctantly guided them out of the woods and away from the hut, Solana felt Sam in her head again. _Lana, we gotta talk. Find a place at camp tonight?_

Solana nodded, causing Alistair to give her a strange look. _I wholeheartedly agree. I’ll find you after my joining._

_ _

* * *

“Well that was certainly a wild ass day,” I said with forced cheer. “I swear, Lana, you certainly know how to show a girl a good time.”

“I’d be hard-pressed to disagree with you,” Lana said, rummaging through her pack and pulling out the blanket. “Here’s your blanket back- I appreciate you leaving it for me.”

I frowned at her. “Keep it- what else are you sleeping on? Hell, spread it out- If you got a few moments, let’s have a little dinner and a chat. So… tell me about your Joining. How was it? And while we're at it, what exactly is a joining, anyway?”

She spread out the blanket, and I offered her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. I watched in shock as she wolfed it down in almost one bite, then eyed mine eagerly. Her eyes flitted to my face, then back to my sandwich. “I hate to ask, but I am starving. Can I have yours?” 

“What the hell, Lana- you just ate that whole sandwich in two seconds flat! What did they do, put a tapeworm in you or something?” I sighed and gave her the other sandwich. “Fine, take it. I’ll eat when I go home. Now spill- what the hell happened to you?” 

She fidgeted. “Well, I’m not supposed to tell you…” 

“Fuck that. We don’t keep secrets from each other. You want me to tell you about what goes on, then you tell me what’s going on with you. Otherwise, I’m just gonna go back home, force time to rewind, see what you’re hiding anyway, get a super bad nosebleed, almost die, and it’s gonna be all your fault.” I crossed my arms. “So, spill it. What the hell did you get yourself into, Lana?”

Lana started to hesitate, and I fixed her with a glare- she sighed. “The joining… was not pleasant. We had to drink darkspawn blood,” she said, shivering. “Ser Jory and Daveth didn’t make it... I was the only one to survive.” She looked down at her hands. “I can… sense the darkspawn now.”

“Um… not what I was expecting, that’s for damn sure.” I frowned. "What exactly is the point of that? Can’t you just look over the ridge and go, ‘oh look, zombie dude!’ Why do you have to go all vampire and drink their blood?"

Lana sighed. "Grey Wardens drink the blood to become immune to the taint of the darkspawn. And, if this is a Blight, as Flemeth said it was, then the Grey Wardens are the only ones that can slay the Archdemon.”

“Great,” I said dryly. “Speaking of Flemeth, we gotta talk about El Loco Lady.” I shivered. “Lana, I could _hear_ her when she talked to you.”

“And that is usually what happens when people talk, as I understand it,” she retorted. “Maker, I’m still hungry- do you have any more food in your bag?” 

“Focus, you human garbage disposal!” When she tried to go inside my purse, I slapped her hand. In response, Lana began to pout, and I sighed in exasperation, pulling out a half-eaten bag of pretzels. She took it eagerly and began to munch happily as I talked. “Maybe now that I’ve fed you, you’ll take a minute and think about the fact that _I can’t hear anyone else when they talk to you_.” 

She froze mid-bite. “Oh Maker, you’re right- I’d forgotten about that!” Lana gave me a quizzical look as she continued to eat the pretzels, licking her finger and swirling it around the inside of the bag to catch the crumbs. “How could she do such magic?”

I took the bag from Lana. “I’m not sure, but she called me out, remember? I’m the little bird... unless she was talking about that hottie of yours, which I doubt. And then she said something about the curse of its elders, which I would assume would have something to do with me.” I looked out at the camp. “I'll be honest with you... that woman scared the shit out of me, Lana.”

Lana shrugged. “There’s nothing we can do about it now, Sam. She’s gone and we’re here. Speaking of, I have to go meet Duncan and Alistair at the king’s tent.” She sighed. “We must talk strategy for the upcoming battle tomorrow.” She placed a hand on my arm. “You know you cannot join me there, right?” 

"I’d be useless, anyway,” I said with a shrug. “I’ve been checking for branches, and there are none. Which, by the way, is unnerving as fuck, because usually, there are at least one or two. There are none in your immediate future. Zip, zero, nada, zilch. And Lana, that ain’t good. That’s usually a sign that some destiny-level shit is about to go down.”

“Like with Jowan,” she said softly. “You saw nothing then, either."

I nodded. “By the way, did you save the dog? I keep seeing that as being important for some reason.”

“I did. I got the flower the kennel master asked for. He should make a full recovery.” Lana sighed, looking out over the camp, then stood up. “I guess I better go- I will be missed and Alistair may be forced to come to fetch me.”

I rolled my eyes playfully. “Oh, we wouldn’t want you to have to spend any extra time with the hot Warden, now would we? I mean, that would be _so_ terrible, right?”

Lana waggled her eyebrows at me. “And I suppose there’s not a story to be had with a certain strapping young Templar, is it?” She leaned over and shoulder checked me, and I poked her in the ribs. We laughed for a moment, then she sighed, wrapping her arm around me. “I will call you when we return to camp tomorrow, ok?”

“You better,” I said softly. “Call me whenever- I promise, I won’t even get mad if you wake me up."

“Now that’s a statement I will believe when I see it,” Lana said with a chuckle. “Safe travels, Sam.”

“Same to you, Lana Banana,” I said softly, taking note of my friend and hoping she would keep herself safe.


	12. I leave you alone for five minutes and you die on me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things kick off and Sam gets to meet the new crew

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In case you haven't noticed, I hate using a lot of in-game dialogue (but some of it is just too awesome not to use). Large chunks of dialog just never seem to roll off my tongue, so I'm gonna fudge/condense a few things here and there. Not trying to change the meaning of anything, just trying to get to the point in the most efficient way possible.

_ _

* * *

Cullen was sitting in one of the rooms alone, his head down on the desk. He looked so sad and tired, and I instantly felt bad for not reaching back out to him once I had heard more about Lana. Despite what she thought, I knew he cared about her, which was fine- I wasn’t even from his world, so Cullen didn’t owe me a thing, but I owed him. Cullen was there for me when I was feeling low, even though I was the one who didn’t save the woman he wanted, so the least I could do was let him know that Lana survived. Even though I was a poor substitute for the girl he was waiting for, I could at least give him a little peace of mind regarding the girl who had his heart. 

Steeling myself, I reached out to his mind, hoping he wouldn’t freak out at my intrusion. _Hey Cullen… I said softly. Am I disturbing you?_

He whipped his head around, scanning the room. _Samantha? Where are you?_

I smiled and had to stop myself from running my fingers through his hair. _Right here, but I wanted to make sure you were ok with seeing me first._

 _Why wouldn’t I be ok with seeing you?_ He looked around the room, then gestured to the next to him. _Would you do me the honor, Lady Samantha?_

I appeared in the seat on his right. “Hey,” I said softly. 

“I believe you already said that,” he said softly. “Do you have any more words, or have you finally run out?” 

“Are my ears deceiving me, or is Ser Cullen Rutherford actually making a joke?” I said with a smile, leaning my elbows on the table. “Did I land in an alternate version of Thedas, cause I could almost swear you seem happy to see me.” 

He leaned over and smiled, his face almost inches from mine. “You might be surprised to hear this, but it is nice to see you again, Samantha.” My mouth flew open in shock, and he let out a soft laugh. “Why is that so shocking to you?”

“Because,” I said sadly, “It’s my fault Solana is gone.”

“Maker! I didn’t realize I was sitting next to,” he said, resting his hand on his chin. “So, what will you have me doing next- I’m curious.” 

I frowned, staring into his amber eyes with confusion. “What the hell are you talking about? I can’t make you do anything, Cullen.”

“So if you can’t make me do anything, how do you figure that what happened to Solana is your fault?” Understanding dawned on my face, and he laughed. “You’re special, Samantha, but you aren’t all-knowing- things are going to happen. The Maker’s will is not easily thwarted by a young girl.” 

“I’m eighteen,” I said dryly. 

“Oh, well that changes everything,” he said with a smirk. Grumbling under my breath, I hit him in the arm, and he smiled. “It really is good to see you, Samantha,” he said, placing his hand on mine. "I admit, I was getting a bit worried, as it appears I am a bit out of touch with what goes on nowadays.” 

“I didn’t mean to make you worry,” I said softly. Then I bit my lip and stared at his hand, not daring to move or breathe in case he realized what he was doing. “Lana is going off to fight tomorrow, and I have to sit this one out, so I’ll be waiting to hear from her too... if it makes you feel any better.” I looked into his eyes, waiting to see his disappointment. “I just thought you'd want to know what was going on."

He didn’t move his hand- he just used his other one to point at the necklace around my neck, gently grabbing the ring and running his fingers over it. “Is this the ring I gave you?” I nodded, and his fingers moved over to the locket. "And I assume this is the locket that matches Solana’s, am I correct?” I nodded again, and he smiled. “Would you mind if I took a look at it?”

“If you want,” I said, forcing myself to be casual- he was too close for me to think straight. “Let me take this off for you."

I made a move to unclasp the necklace, but he placed his hand over mine. “Allow me.” He reached over me, and I bent my head towards him, inhaling the scent of storms, sandalwood, and leather coming from him. It was all I could do to keep still as the tips of his fingers brushed the back of my neck. All too quickly, the clasp came apart in his hands and he pulled away, settling back into the chair. I finally let out a deep breath and he smirked at me, but to his credit, he didn’t comment on it. “It’s inscribed in the Common tongue,” he said, turning over the locket and reading the inscription. “You care a lot about her,” he said as he opened the locket and looking at the picture I drew. “The picture inside is astounding- did you make this?”

I nodded, and he reached over to put my necklace back on. I closed my eyes, trying to focus on anything but how close he was to me. “I like to draw, and the connection works the best when you have a picture of the person you want to talk to.” 

His fingers slipped when he tried to redo the clasp, causing his hands to rest on the back of my neck for a moment. “Is that so,” he asked as he reaffixed the chain. When he had finished, he leaned back in his chair once again. “Have you drawn any pictures of me?”

“No… would you want me to?” I asked, tucking my hair back behind my ears. “It’s no trouble, just gotta think of a memory I want to draw. The nicest mental picture I probably have of you is when you were staring over Solana at her Harrowing,” I said as I looked at my hands, remembering the concern and affection I saw in his eyes that day. “I want someone to look at me like that one day,” I said wistfully. 

When I looked up, Cullen was smiling at me softly. “I’m sure we can find a better memory for you to draw, Lady Samantha. We should probably choose a less… harrowing day to immortalize,” he said, winking at me as he did. 

I laughed, swatting him on the arm. “Cullen, that was terrible! Who are you and what have you done with the Mr. Grumpypants I’ve been hanging out with all this time?” 

He laughed, taking my wrist in his hand and turning it over so he could see my watch. When he realized that the numbers were in English, he frowned. “How much time do you have left?"

“A little under an hour,” I said, checking my watch. “Why, do you need me to leave?"

“Interesting,” he said, ignoring my question. “You gave yourself quite a bit of time to tell me something we discussed in ten minutes. So,” he said quietly, placing his hand back on mine and looking me directly in my eyes, “tell me the truth, Samantha- why are you really here?”

Then, I took a deep breath and took Lana’s advice- If I was misreading the signs, it wasn’t like I ever had to see him again. “I missed you,” I replied honestly. “I wanted to see you, even if you didn’t want to see me.”

“I am always happy to see you, Lady Samantha.” His lips drew up into that smirk that I enjoyed seeing. "Granted, I was not a fan of the methods in which you used to arrive, but I am finding these last few visits… quite pleasant. Topics of conversation notwithstanding, of course.” 

Then, he patted my hand. “Well, now that I think about it, it appears that we must fix that, so once you know that Solana is okay, we should go and explore a little bit of Ferelden on one of my days off. You cannot let your whole experience with my world consist of this tower, and it appears I have to give you something better to draw.” His eyes searched my face, looking for my answer. “So, what say you? Care to explore a little with me?”

Shaking my head in disbelief, I smiled. “I think I would like that very much,” I said finally.

“Good,” he replied, looking relieved. “Now that we have that settled, it appears you have some time remaining.” He walked over to a shelf, and pulled out a chessboard, sitting it down on the table in front of us. “So, tell me, Samantha… would you fancy a game of chess with me?"

I nodded and gestured to the board. "Sure would, Cullen. Let’s play."

_ _

* * *

There was chaos all around- Solana and Alistair were racing through the Tower of Ishal, trying their best to get to the beacon so they could light it. Darkspawn littered the hallways, impeding their progress at every turn. “Alistair, on your right!” Solana yelled as a Hurlock sent an arrow towards him, narrowly missing the young warden. She sent a wave of flame towards the darkspawn, setting him ablaze. “Pay attention to what you’re doing!” She screamed. 

“Oh Solana, I didn’t know you cared,” he said, bashing a genlock with his shield. “This isn’t the way I saw this day going, that’s for sure.”

“You sound like my sister,” she yelled as she sent a wave of chain lightning through a group of Hurlocks that were blocking the stairwell. Once they were stunned, Alistair raced through, finishing them off. “And you’re just as damn distractible- pay attention and move your ass! You promised me a show of you dancing the Remigold in a pretty dress, and I intend to collect!”

“Well, I can’t go around disappointing my adoring fans, now can I?” Alistair responded. "Come on, let’s go- we should be near the top by now. We can discuss which color of dress would compliment my eyes after the troops come and help us secure this damnable tower.” 

“I like the way you think,” Solana said. “We should get to it- I have a few ideas in mind that would look stunning on you.”'

“Glad to see you’re planning ahead.” The warrior gave her a grin, and though he was covered in blood and gore, his face was still handsome. “I don’t suppose you have a light, do you? Otherwise, this is going to be awkward.”

“This is why we don’t let men pack,” Solana quipped. “Never send a boy to do a mage’s job,” she said, making a small flame dance between her fingertips. She knew she should conserve mana, but sometimes you have to laugh to keep from crying, and she felt like she was constantly one step away from crying. Once the steps were clear, they raced to the top, only to find an Ogre waiting for them, roaring and showering them with spittle as they approached. Solana felt her heart sink, but there was no time to panic or think about it- as usual, she just had to _do_. 

She and Alistair, along with the remaining recruits, began attacking the ogre. She thought about the amplification that Sam had given her when she was in the Fade, and Solana wished like hell that she had that level of power with her now. She flung everything she had at the beast, only to watch it shake it off. Just as she was about to pass out from exhaustion, she saw Alistair leap on the beast’s back, letting out a yell as he drove his sword deep into its neck. Twitching with rage and the throes of death, the ogre gave one last bellowing roar and crashed to the ground, vibrating the room and knocking Solana to the floor.

“Do you do that kind of thing often,” she asked, getting shakily to her feet. 

Alistair arose, looking almost as wobbly as she was.“Why? Was it impressive?” He gave her a shaky grin. “If it was, then yes, I do it all the time. If not, then I’ve never done anything like that before in my life and I wonder why you’d think such a thing.”

“You really need to meet Sam,” she said shaking her head. Then, she spotted a small furnace in the middle of the room. “There! Is that it?” He nodded and they raced over to it. Alistair looked at Solana and she gathered up the last of her energy to create a ball of fire that she cast into the alcove. The kindling went up in smoke, and they watched as the flames danced to the top of the tower, signaling the troops to advance and turn the tide of the battle. The two young wardens smiled at each other, waiting for the sounds of the troops to arrive and assist Duncan and the king.

But they never came. 

“Alistair,” Solana said hesitantly, “Weren’t they suppose to come help by now?” 

He went pale. “I’m sure they-“ 

Alistair never got the chance to finish the sentence, because the door flew open, greeting the wardens with the sight of a horde of darkspawn bearing down upon them. Solana tried to conjure, but it was of no use- she was completely spent, and suddenly she screamed as an arrow sailed through the air, piercing her in the chest. 

The last thought before the darkness overtook her was _I love you, little sister- May the maker watch over you_.

_ _

* * *

I woke up from the dream with a stabbing pain in my chest and tears in my eyes. _It had to be a dream… it just had to be._ I couldn’t have slept and watched her die right before my eyes- there was no way that the world was that cruel. I clutched the locket at my chest, and frantically, I called out for her. _Lana?_

No response. 

I tried again, this time more impatient. _Lana, answer me right this minute or I’m coming to you!_

I paused, waiting for a response, but none came.

Fear began to claw at my throat and I swallowed, trying my best to keep my composure. Biting my lip, I tried again. _I mean it, Lana- you better answer me, goddamn it! I don’t give a shit who’s around you, understand?_

The only sounds in the room were the soft tick of the watch on my dresser and the breeze blowing outside my window. 

In a panic, I threw on my shoes and grabbed my bag, cursing as my fingers shook while I set the timer on my watch. Trembling and swearing to myself, I clutched the locket to my chest and tried to find Lana, determined to not give in to the fear of the blackness I saw every time I looked for her. _Take me to Solana,_ I thought, holding the image of the girl I knew firmly in my mind. _I have to find my sister._  
—  
When I opened my eyes, I found myself next to a small house with Morrigan and Alistair yelling at each other. _Thank you so much for my button, Mom_ , I said to myself, _cause I think they might murder me on sight if I just showed up like this._ However, they were so lost in their arguing that they might not have noticed me anyway. 

“I need to see her, you... you... witch!” Alistair roared. “Let me in there!”

“And as I have already told you... no,” Morrigan said simply. “I can put it no plainer- I’m afraid they don’t make words smaller than that for you.“

The young man fumed, pointing his finger at Morrigan. “If you don’t let me in there, I’ll-”

She just looked at him, yellow eyes alight with amusement. “You’ll what? Do exactly what you’re doing now? My word... I’m positively quaking with fear,” she said dryly.

Just as I was about to settle in and watch them go at it some more, the door to the residence opened and I heard a voice from behind me. “Well, the little bird has left her cage… have you come to return the piece of her heart you stole?”

I jumped about a good four feet in the air. “Holy shit! How the fuck did you know I was here!”

Flemeth put a finger to her lips, and the other two whirled on me, eyes wide. “Your magic is different, child- I can practically taste it on the air. It’s sweet and fresh, like the air after a storm. I haven’t known magic like yours for a very, very long time, but you don’t wield it as well as she.” She peered into my face. “Interesting… so very interesting,” she said, walking around me. “I wonder... does she know your destiny? Do you?” 

I swallowed. “I’m not positive what you mean, but if you’re referring to my mom, I’m sure she knows my future, though she’d never tell me. Besides, I’d never ask- I’d prefer my choices to be my own.”

The old woman laughed loudly. “Such wisdom from one so young! You may very well become a player in this game of fools, little bird. But, that's enough prattling- you didn’t come for me, you came for your heart.” She gestured to the hut. “She is resting, as I have told the other Grey Warden, but if being with her will still your wings, go ahead- I’ve no desire to host more visitors than you.”

I gave the old woman a slight bow. “Thank you, Flemeth,” I said as I started to head for the doorway. Just as I was about to enter, I paused as a feeling came over me. “Alistair, would you like to accompany me?”

The warden frowned. “How do you know my name?”

“I’m her sister, Sam,” I said. “Lana’s told me so much about you, and I know she’s told you a little about me, at least.” I looked him square in the eye and repeated her words to him. “Never send a boy to do a mage’s job,” I said softly.

Alistair's face was a rainbow of colors- first, he went pale, then red, then finally purple. “You. Me. Inside... _Now_.”

—  
Once the door had shut and we were alone, Alistair gave me the dirtiest look I had ever seen. “Start talking.”

I pulled out the locket from my shirt and took it off my neck, handing it to him. “So you know, it says ‘my friend, my sister, my heart’. Go over to her- she should have one on as well.” I gestured to Lana’s sleeping form. "Open it, and tell me what you see.”

He moved over to Lana, never taking his eyes off me. When he got to her, he gently picked up the locket and peered at it, his eyes widening as he turned to me. “How did you know what it said?”

“Because I gave it to her,” I said, rolling my eyes. “And if you open it, you’re going to see a picture inside that I drew. Look at the picture and once you’ve seen hers, I can show you the picture in mine.”

“How do I know you aren’t a demon,” he said quietly. “You could have possessed someone in an effort to get to her.”

“Because if I were, I would have tried to murder you, as you’re really fucking annoying right now,” I said wearily. "If it weren’t for the fact that you could kick my ass, I’d pop you for being so stupid. But,” I said with a sigh, “Lana Banana likes you, so I’m gonna give you a pass.”

He looked at the picture, then his lips turned up into a smile. “She likes me?”

“Don’t let it go to your head, weirdo,” I said, laughing. “Here, here’s my picture,” I said, opening my locket. “Now can you stop looking like you want to put my head on a stick so we can talk?”

“I… I guess so,” he said, sitting next to Lana. Her bag was on the floor, and I reached inside and pulled out the blanket, draping it over her sleeping form. “I’m sorry,” he apologized. “But it’s been a horrible day.”

“Judging from what I saw, I would have to agree.” I reached in my purse and pulled out a bag of double-stuffed Oreos, taking a bite of one of the cookies. “Want one? I gave Lana the intro version before, so I thought she was ready for the big leagues this time, considering whatever your crew did to her makes her eat like a horse now. You’re a rookie, so be careful- apparently, Oreos are a gateway drug in Thedas.” 

He laughed, gently taking one of the cookies from me. “You definitely remind me of her,” he said, taking a bite of the cookie and licking his fingers as cream gushed out the sides. “Maker! What did you say this was?”   
  
“Something you’ll never get your hands on again if you let her at it,” I said with a chuckle. “It’s a cookie from where I’m from.”

“And where is that?” Alistair asked. “Flemeth was a bit… cryptic.”

I wagged my finger. “Nope. You get the story when she wakes up and decides you can have it,” I said teasingly. “Gotta save something, you know.” Then I moved over to Lana and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. “In the books, if I was your true love, that would wake you up,” I whispered, brushing a hair back from her sleeping face. “But if you don’t get up soon, I’m gonna bring Alistair over and make him try, so I suggest you wake up on your own. Crap, I realized I may have just given you an incentive to stay asleep. If that’s the case, I’m sorry, but I’m still gonna need you to wake up, Lana Banana.” 

I looked over to Alistair, who was staring at me, mouth open. “You… are an evil woman,” he stammered. “I can’t believe you said that!”

“Stick with me long enough and I’m sure you’ll hear worse,” I said with a shrug of my shoulders. “It’s a gift of mine.” 

Since Lana wasn’t awake and Alistair wasn’t talking to me, I opened my bag again and pulled out my sketchbook and pencil, starting to draw the tired young Grey Warden sitting across from me. Eventually, he flexed his hands and closed his eyes, and though I couldn’t hear the words, he looked remarkably like Cullen at that moment. Finally, it clicked- I realized he resembled the Templar when he was praying over Solana during her Harrowing. “You remind me of someone else I know,” I said, barely looking up from my book. “He did that too.”

Alistair opened his eyes. “What, pray? Yes, in all of Thedas, there are only two men who pray. We’re a really exclusive club, you know.”

I rolled my eyes. “You big jerk,” I said with exasperation. “My friend is a Templar,” I said, sticking my tongue out at him.

“Well, why didn’t you just say that?” Alistair grinned and I giggled. “Maybe I remind you of one because I trained to be one. But let’s be clear... I’m not- Alistair, Chantry failure, at your service, m’lady. Maker, I would’ve been a _terrible_ templar- I _hated_ it."

I put my book down and looked at him. “Would’ve been?” 

He laughed. “ I left just before I took my final vows.”

“Good for you,” I gave a nod of approval. “I seem to be getting to know the exceptions to the rule, cause most of the templars I know are assbiscuits- it sounds like you got out just in time,” I joked.

Alistair let out a loud laugh. “Consider yourself forgiven for lumping all the men of Thedas together,” he said as he relaxed back into his chair. “You know, I think I like you now.”

“That’s good, because I’ve decided I like you too, and if you didn’t, this was going to be awkward.” I gave him a thumbs-up, and he laughed. “Well,” I asked, “what did you hate about being a Templar? I mean besides the cult-like behavior and brainwashing, that is.” 

I offered him another cookie and he took it, answering my question with his mouth full. “Oh, that kind of thing only happened on Tuesdays,” he said with a wink. I stared at him in exasperation and he continued, the boyish grin fixed on his face. “The quiet, mostly.” He paused for a moment, thinking. “It used to get so quiet at the monastery that I would start screaming until one of the brothers came running. I would tell them that I was just checking.” He shrugged, giving me a grin that made me understand why Lana was a tittering idiot around him. "You never know, right?"

I pointed a finger at him. “You’re terrible. Don’t you go getting my sister into trouble, you hear me?” I folded my hands and batted my eyelashes at him. “Lana is a delicate flower and needs to be treated with care- I don’t need you corrupting her with your vile ways,” I joked.

“Delicate flower my ass- I saw her roast a dark spawn like he was a nug on a spit,” he said, laughing. “I’m more worried about her corrupting me... if we’re being honest.”

“I can see that,” I replied. We settled back in our respective positions, and I discovered that I liked this man. I knew he was hiding his pain- he had to be, after what I saw, but here he was, laughing and joking with me. It made me feel less like crawling out of my skin with worry and more like we were two old friends, waiting on Lana to get ready so we could go out somewhere. In addition, his branches felt _weird_. Most people had one or two branches and a myriad of choices, but looking at Alistair revealed a veritable _web_ of branches with choices swirling all around them- it was like he had roots throughout the world, which made absolutely no sense, and whenever I tried to see his paths, it _hurt_. When I tried to follow a thread, it was like getting punched in the gut- _It must be because I’m actually in the path of a major branch,_ I thought. I was going to have to limit my searches-if I tried to go too far out, it would be like trying to tell the future, which I already knew wasn’t a good idea. 

We joked around for a little more when I finally glanced over at Lana again and checked my watch. “How long has she been out?” I asked. 

It was his turn to wag a finger at me. “I’ll answer your question when you tell me how you swooped in from nowhere because as a rule, I don’t trust swoopers- swooping is bad, you know. Plus, don’t think I didn’t notice the funny thing on your wrist or your strange clothes, Sam. You owe me a little information.”

I pretended to look hurt. “Can’t you make an exception to the swooping rule for me?”

“If I did that, it wouldn’t be much of a rule, now would it?” I glared at him and he chuckled. “Well, depending on how good the story is, I might make an exception.”

“You won't believe it,” I warned. 

Alistair leaned forward in the chair and crossed his arms. “Try me, Sparrow.” 

I stared at him with surprise. “Sparrow?” 

He nodded. “Flemeth called you little bird, and then-“ He gestured wildly with his hands- “here you go with all the swooping and the sneaking. So... Sparrow,” he said plainly. 

“I’mma need you Ferelden boys to stop it with the animal nicknames,” I said with a glare- Alistair just turned away and started to whistle a jaunty little tune. I sighed and rolled my eyes. “Well, long story short, I’m not from here and I’m going to end up leaving in about-“ I checked my watch- “twenty minutes. I gotta go home and do a few things, but if she wakes up before I get back, tell her to call me.”

Alistair shook his head. “Nope, I asked for a real story- making one up isn’t fair.”

I laughed. “Well if you still feel that way in eighteen minutes, we can talk about it. Until then,” I said, crossing my arms and winking at the Grey Warden, “That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Just remember... have her call me, ok?"


	13. With Loathing from Lothering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team gets to Lothering and invites a few friends to the party

_ _

* * *

Morrigan looked at Solana with interest when she awoke. “Ah, you’re awake. Mother and your sister will be most pleased.” 

Solana jerked upright. “Sam’s here? Is she ok?” Then, realizing she and the apostate were alone, she looked around the hut in a panic. “And what of Alistair?”

Morrigan sighed. “The idiot is fine as well... he’s outside, haranguing your sister. They barely left your side while you slept... tis’ a wonder you were able to rest with all the noise those two were making.”

Solana looked over at the girl. “Thank you for saving me, Morrigan.” 

Morrigan shook her head. “‘Twas not I. Mother saved you. Why... I could not say.” She gestured to a nearby chest. “Your clothes are there. Change and come outside- Mother is interested in speaking with you, and I am interested to see the lumbering beast stop braying at your bedside like a lovesick puppy.” 

“But I like puppies,” Solana said with a grin. “Never had one before.”

“Then it would appear you have one now,” Morrigan said as she rolled her eyes. “Let’s just hope it’s housebroken.”

_ _

* * *

“Lana!” I screamed, barreling towards the girl and pulling her into a tight hug. “What the hell did you do? I leave you alone for like five minutes and then you go and die on me?”

Lana shrugged. “Wasn’t my intention. And I see that you’re awake during the daylight hours... this is a momentous occasion indeed, I see.”

I poked her in the chest. “Don’t change the subject,” I growled. “I saw what happened.” 

“Well, I lived it,” she replied. “Do we know what happened? What of Duncan and the King?” 

Alistair and I exchanged a look and I sighed, hating to be the bearer of bad news. “Dead. Apparently, the greatest general in Thedas shit his pants and retreated, leaving all of you to die.” I looked down, twisting my sleeve between my fingers. “Flemeth was able to save you and Alistair... but that’s it. Right now, word on the street is that the Grey Wardens abandoned the king and got him killed. So, long story short- Loghain’s a dickhead and we’re fucked.”

Sighing, Lana opened my purse and started looking inside. “I need a bright spot,” she said. “What do you have that makes something such as this go away?” 

“In my world, they’d call that booze, but I’m afraid I don’t have any of that,” I said simply. “You can have this instead.” I tossed her the rest of the Oreos that Alistair hadn’t eaten. “We’ve been waiting for you to wake up to fix this for us.” 

“Why so despondent, little bird,” Flemeth said. “I thought your kind dealt in hope.”

Alistair looked at Flemeth and pouted a little. “We’re two junior wardens and a mage who can’t do magic that have to go against an Archdemon, and the whole country is against us. I think we’ve earned the right to be a little upset.”

Lana frowned. “Leave Sam out of this, Alistair. I’m not going to have-“

“Stop right there, Lana Banana,” I barked. Lana looked up and Alistair sniggered at the nickname. “When I left the first time, you ended up conscripted. When I left the last time, you damn near died. Useless mage or no, I’m helping this time.”

“We’ll talk about this later, Sam,” she warned. Then she turned to Alistair. “Is there anyone else that will help us? Surely there has to be someone who won't believe Loghain’s lies?”

Alistair looked thoughtful. “Arl Eamon’s troops weren’t at the battle and the king was his nephew... I’m sure he’d help us, but even with his troops, that’s not nearly enough,” he said sadly. 

Flemeth laughed. “I seem to remember Grey Wardens being able to recruit others in times of need... wouldn’t this count as a time of need?”

His face brightened. “The treaties!” He turned to Lana excitedly. “Mages, elves, and dwarves are obligated to help in case of a blight!”

“Mages, elves, dwarves... this sounds like an army, does it not?” Flemeth gave them an appraising look. “It seems you have more at your disposal than you realize. What say you, wardens? Will you save your country or wallow in pity?” 

Lana looked at Alistair, then at me. “Sam, what do you see?” 

“You don’t have a choice,” I responded. “I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but this is your destiny- there are no other branches in sight right now.” I grabbed her hand. “I know I’m not that useful, but I’m here for you... I’ll do whatever I can to help, Lana.”

Flemeth gave me a look I couldn’t quite read. “It’s interesting that the bird is willing to fight for a land that isn’t hers. Why is that?”

I remembered a quote I had read long ago and took a deep breath, staring at Flemeth. “Someone from my world once said that the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing, and I refuse to do nothing.”

The old woman nodded in approval. “Wise words, little bird. If the stars deem it necessary to send help, then so shall I.” She turned to the hut and watched as Morrigan walked out, sneering at Alistair and Lana. “Take Morrigan with you, Wardens. She is a gifted mage- her talents will prove useful to you.”

Lana leaned over and whispered in my ear. “Sam, what do you see? Do we take the apostate with us?”

I thought about it for a moment, closing my eyes. In the span of an instant, I was hit with that same overwhelming sense of branches and choice, though nowhere near as deep as what I had seen with Alistair. Still, the sensation was overwhelming- I staggered back, stunned. “Holy shit,” I whispered, staring at the angry-looking mage with the yellow eyes. “Why are you so important?” I whispered. Then I turned to Lana. “It’s muddled,” I said shakily. “Long story short, she’s mad important. Like life and death important,” I said, shuddering. “You leave her here and you or Alistair are as good as dead.” 

Alistair’s eyes widened. “And that’s it? You look like you’re about to die and that’s all you’re going to tell us?” 

“It’s not like I’m trying to be obtuse- I’m not a prophet, asshole,” I said quickly. “Look, I don’t predict the future- I’m just answering the question. Lana asked about the consequences of her choice, and I told her.” I folded my arms- there was no way I was saying any more in front of Flemeth. 

Something in Alistair’s face told me that this conversation was far from over, but he nodded. Morrigan, on the other hand, got a haughty look on her face. “If I must join this party, ‘tis nice that someone in the group recognizes my talents.” 

Alistair frowned. “Great. This is just great,” he said bitterly. “I stand corrected- we have a sneaky witch of the wilds, two Warden’s who have no idea what to do, and a fortune-telling mage who can’t do magic or tell the future correctly. Looks like this blight is off to a great start.” 

All of us glared at him and he rolled his eyes. “Maker help us all,” he grumbled.  
—  
We set off towards the nearest town, which Morrigan helpfully informed us was Lothering. No one was talking to each other and I had the strong urge to disappear back home and have Lana call me if she needed me. However, I also got the feeling Alistair’s level of tolerance for my shenanigans without explanation was wearing thin, and Morrigan would probably only grill Lana about me, as she’d dropped hints upon my return until I plopped down next to Alistair and refused to talk to her anymore. I was decidedly persona-non-grata on this trip, and I didn’t know what to do about it. 

_Lana, are you mad at me?_ I asked through the charm. I didn’t want to have this conversation in front of the others- it could easily turn into a shouting match and I didn’t want to burst out crying. You couldn’t go around crying in the middle of a war- no one would respect you.

 _No,_ came the reply. _I’m scared for you, you silly twit. You saw what happened to me, and yet you insist on coming along on this journey. You should go home, Sam. I can barely save myself- if something happens, I won’t be able to save you, and I don’t want that on my conscience._

 _Well, that’s valid,_ I thought. She had a point- I couldn’t fight, I couldn’t do magic, and I couldn’t tell the future. All I was a glorified translator and destiny compass. _What can I do,_ I asked. Then, I had a thought. _Well_ , I said carefully, _there is a way I can tell the future-_

 _You will not,_ Lana thought sharply. _Didn’t you tell me that you hurt yourself the last time you did that? Didn’t your mom warn you that searching through time was a bad idea?_

 _If it helps, I can suck it up,_ I replied. _Like Alistair said, what good is a fortune teller who can’t tell the future?_

 _What good is having a fortune-telling sister if she kills herself in the process,_ she hissed back. _This matter is not up for discussion- you will do no such thing, and you will NOT tell ANYONE you can do it... understand?_

I knew why, but I wanted to hear her say it. Besides, I was just happy to have someone to talk to again. _Why not?_

She sighed out loud, and Alistair looked over at her with concern. _You damn well know why. You say you can do it and they’re going to look to you to help every step of the way, even if it kills you- I’m not about to let you hurt yourself for a little bit of knowledge we shouldn’t have anyway._

I frowned, then I had an idea. _Can we compromise?_

She glared at me and I glared right back. _If it requires you telling the future, then no, we can’t._

At this point, Alistair was looking back and forth at us like we were going crazy, and Morrigan was watching with bemused interest. Without thinking, I crossed my arms and let out a huff. _Stubborn woman, would you let me finish?_

 _Since its probably a stupid idea, then no. Besides, I’m older,_ she retorted, turning to glare at me. _I thought they taught you to listen to your elders._

I rolled my eyes. _Oh get over yourself- you’re only older than me by a stupid year. Who died and made you king?_

She had come to a full stop, almost inches from my face. _Oh, I don’t know, the ACTUAL KING, maybe?_

Lana was shooting daggers at me with her eyes at this point, but I didn’t care- I was fuming. _Oh, go fuck yourself, Lana!_ She let out a loud gasp, but I narrowed my eyes. _What? you’re just as scared as the rest of us, but you’re out here fronting like you’re this great and noble warrior. But guess what? It’s ok to be scared! Look at me- I’m out here with nothing but a goddamn smile in a whole world that wants to kill me because I want to help you! And I get it- I know I’m fucking useless, but I’m TRYING to figure out a way to help. So could you PLEASE take the stick out of your ass and cut me some fucking slack?_

She turned red and opened and closed her mouth, but no sound came out. Finally, she spoke. “Sam-“

I put up a hand to stop her. “Nope. Don’t bother. I’m gonna take my useless ass back home in about-“ I looked at my watch. “Two hours. Don’t worry, I’ll try not to get killed by then- I wouldn’t want my corpse to inconvenience you.” I pushed past her and flounced off, walking to Morrigan. “Lead the way, please- I don’t want to be in these woods any longer than I have to be."

_ _

* * *

  
“Solana... what was all that about?” Alistair asked quietly. “Though no one said a word, I feel like I just watched a full argument happen back there.”

Solana sighed, smoothing her hair back. “It’s nothing. Don’t worry about us- you’ve got your own things to deal with. We’ll work this out,” she said, giving the man a fake smile. “Sisters, right?”

Alistair gave her a look. “You let her go off... with Morrigan. That is most decidedly _not_ nothing. So, why are you guys fighting?”

“She wants to help,” she said finally. “But she can’t stay here. Just as you said, she’s got no magic and she can’t fight- it’s not safe for her to travel with us. I can’t keep her safe and worry about everyone else.”

“Why is it your job to worry about everyone else?” Alistair looked ahead, watching the girl stomp off with the witch. “I mean, I get wanting to keep her safe, but she doesn’t appear to be helpless.”

“Ha! Sam’s more likely to wander off and offer the darkspawn a cookie than fight,” Solana said bitterly. 

“But what if it works?” he said with a grin. “I bet even a darkspawn would want one of her cookies.” 

Finally, Solana laughed, then looked guiltily at her hands. “She said she had an idea, but I dismissed her before she got the chance to tell me,” she admitted. “I’m scared she’s going to get hurt out here.”

“So, before we go into all this huffing and puffing,” Alistair said with a smile, “Why don’t you two go and talk? We’re going to be in Lothering soon, and I get the feeling that this kind of conversation should probably be had with as few people around as possible. And, if it makes you feel better,” he said, placing an arm on her shoulder, “I can show her some moves to help her defend herself when she’s out here.” 

“Your shield weighs almost as much as she does, but thank you for the offer,” Solana replied. “But you’re right- I need to go talk to her.” She patted him on the shoulder and smiled. “Thank you... for listening. And Alistair?”

He looked over. “Hmm?”

“For what it’s worth, I’m sorry about Duncan,” she said softly. “He was a good man, and we will make Loghain pay for what he’s done.”

“Thank you,” he replied. “That means a lot.” He started to say something else but shook his head. “Now you should go and talk to your sister... before Morrigan turns her into a toad or something.”

_ _

* * *

I felt a hand on my shoulder, and I glanced over to see Lana standing next to me. “Do you mind if we talk, Sam?”

Morrigan glared at us. “Of _course_ we should stop so you two can have a sisterly chat in the middle of the woods. What a great idea- I wish I’d thought of it. Maybe we should also ask the darkspawn horde that is at our backs if they have any advice for the two of you?”

Alistair glared at the witch. “I think they’ve learned how to walk and talk, Morrigan.” He gave Solana a look. “We’re going to walk ahead, you guys catch up to us when you finish.” He shot Morrigan a look, who was staring at us in disgust. “After you,” he said with a sweeping bow.

Morrigan turned on her heel in a huff. “Idiot,” she hissed. Alistair saluted at her retreating form and winked at us as he walked ahead. 

“I think we owe him one,” I said, glancing at Lana out of the corner of my eye. “He just took one for the team.”

“It appears he did,” she agreed. “Maybe you should bring him a treat to make up for it.”

“He already ate damn near my whole bag of Oreos,” I muttered. “What is it with you wardens and food, anyway?” 

“Side effect of the joining, it appears. You should probably bring extra food if you want there to be any left,” she said with a tentative smile. I gave her one of my own in return and she took my hand. “Sam, I am sorry about earlier. I was wrong to dismiss you.”

“And I was wrong to blow up at you,” I replied. “You’ve been through a lot these past few days, and I’m not helping.” I sighed. “Look, you’re right. I don’t belong here, and I don’t have many skills, but I can help, you know.”

Lana sighed. “I know. Alistair offered to train you in combat skills if you like.” She looked over at me. “What was your plan, Sam.”

I stared ahead, trying to gather my thoughts. “Well, I can’t be on the charm all the time- you’ll be too distracted to fight,” I said carefully. “And you’re going to be walking along, doing things like this a lot... I’m starting to see that transportation out here sucks,” I said with a smile. “So maybe, being at home won’t be the worst thing for me,” I said slowly. “But,” I continued, “maybe I could check in with you at camp?” 

“That could work,” Lana said thoughtfully. “But there are times on the road where I’m going to need to talk to you. Maybe I can call you to see if there are any branches or choices I might be overlooking? Also... I realize I tend to rush into things without thinking sometimes, so maybe you could watch out for me? It did help when we were in the basement at the Circle,” she admitted. 

“Well, I have a confession,” I admitted. “I was watching the battle,” I said simply. “That’s how I knew what had happened. I felt it when you...” my voice trailed off. ”Anyway, I can just... watch.”

She frowned. “So why can’t you just do that? Why the need for the charm?”

I sighed. “Watching is just what it implies- I can’t talk to you and you can’t talk to me. I’m basically asleep while it happens. The charm gives us an active connection without me being there.” 

Lana looked thoughtful. “So... you can watch, but you can’t talk or interact. You can use the charm, but you can’t hear anyone other than me. And you can be here, but you’re useless when you are.”

“Geez, when you put it like that...” I glared at her and she laughed- Alistair turned around and smiled at us. I waved back at him, and he turned around, allowing us to continue our conversation. “But yeah, that sounds about right.” 

“You should’ve just been a mage,” Lana said with a grin. “It would’ve made my life easier.”

“Yeah, because that’s my goal,” I said witheringly. “I’m just here to be your cosmic assistant.”

“Or chef,” she said, laughing. “But I can work with sister.” 

Suddenly, I heard a bark coming from behind us, and everyone except me tensed up. “Do you guys hear that?” I said excitedly, peering at the path behind us. When I realized what it was, I clapped my hands together in excitement. “It’s your dog, Lana!”

Lana looked confused. “I don’t have a dog,” she replied. 

“Um, yeah you do,” I retorted. “Remember when I told you that you have to save the dog when you were at camp?” The Mabari bounded over, stopping at Lana’s feet, and I gestured to him proudly. “Here he is! Like I said, your dog.”I reached down to scratch him behind the ears. “Who’s a good boy?"

Lana paled. “That dog tracked us down all the way from Ostagar?”

“I wouldn’t be surprised. Mabari's are super intelligent. If he bonded with you, then it stands to reason he followed you,” Alistair said, coming over to pet the dog. “So, what are you going to name him?” 

“How would I know what to name a dog? I’ve never had a pet before,” she replied helplessly. “Besides, I don’t know if he even understands us.”

I laughed. “I’ve seen it. He understands you just fine. He’ll let you know what his name is.” 

Lana brightened. “Wait a minute, Sam… can you speak dog?” I looked at her like she was stupid, but Lana just shrugged. “What? You can read any language, maybe you can understand him too.”

“So my role is now 'dog translator'? Peachy.” I gave the dog a look. “Ok, dog, speak. Tell me your secrets- what do you have to tell us?” The dog cocked his head, then let out a series of low woofs. I raised my eyebrows. “Seriously? You don’t say?” The dog barked again, and I put my hands to my chest. “ _Language_! Your mouth is filthy!” He barked again, wagging his tail and I gasped. “Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?”

Alistair was looking at us in amazement. “What did he say?”

I made a grave face at the warrior. “He said… bark, bark, bark, bark, bark.” Alistair glared at me, but Morrigan’s mouth twitched with laughter- I threw up my hands in exasperation. “Seriously guys, he doesn’t think in words- I can just tell feelings.” 

“So, friend to beasts great and small, what is he feeling?” Lana asked, eyeing the dog warily. “I will admit, he looks friendly enough.”

“Grateful, mostly,” I replied, looking at the dog. “He was sick, and you made him better. He wants to go with you, Lana.” 

“And you don’t speak dog, but you were able to get all that?” Alistair looked at me and shook his head. "My god, Sparrow, do you do anything straightforward? You just enjoy swooping all over the place, don’t you?"

“I told you, he doesn’t think in words! I’m doing what I can. He didn’t correct me, so I think I got it right. Did I?” I looked at the dog and he barked happily, wagging his stumpy tail. “I guess I translated well enough for him,” I said with a smile. “So Lana, you gonna give our new friend a name?”

She frowned. “Why don’t you do it, since you two seem to be so close?” 

I shook my head. “Not my dog. He wants to help you, not me.” 

“Fine. Your name is Dog,” she said simply, then she rolled her eyes at me and sighed. “Ask him if he finds that acceptable.”

The dog looked at me, and I shrugged. Then it turned back to Lana and barked, licking her hand. I laughed. “Looks like he’s cool with it, so Dog it is.”

Morrigan groaned. “Would anyone care to explain to me how we now have a dog, and Alistair is still the dumbest one in our party?” I shot her a look and the witch put her hands on her hips, rolling her eyes at us. “Ugh, whatever. Now that we’re done with even more useless conversations, can we please get to Lothering before the darkspawn decide to make our acquaintance?”

_ _

* * *

“Is everywhere in Thedas like this?” Sam asked with a surprised look. “Seriously, actual bandits?”

Alistair sighed. “Afraid so. Nothing like a blight to bring people together.” He looked over the town. “But since we took care of them, that should help for now. So, what should we do first?” 

Sam paused, closing her eyes and Lana knew she was seeing if there were choices to be made here. “Well, she said carefully, “You have choices aplenty here, so it really depends on what you want to do. But I see two people with major branches nearby, Lana.” She shook her head, her face ashen. “Wow, that is fucking weird,” she wheezed. “There’s a branch wrapped in a choice, and it’s coming from that building over there,” she said, pointing to the nearby tavern. "It also has choices that point to the other branch- that branch is down there,” she said, pointing further into town. “Ugh… I think I'm gonna be sick, she said, swaying on her feet. “Wait- new plan,” she mumbled. “I think I'm gonna die instead,” she groaned as her eyes rolled into the back of her head, slumping towards the ground.

Alistair and Lana raced over to Sam, grabbing the girl before she hit the ground. “Sam! Are you all right?” Lana grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her- when she didn’t respond, she gently slapped her face. “Sam! Wake up!”

“Maybe try healing her,” Alistair said. “See if that helps.” He looked up and glared at Morrigan, who was just standing over them and staring at the girl on the ground. “Do you have anything helpful to add, or do you just plan on standing there?”

“I'm thinking,” Morrigan sneered. “You should try it sometime.” She put her finger to her lips. “Oh that’s right- you can’t.”

Lana put her hand on Sam’s head and paused for a moment. “Oh Maker,” she breathed. “She’s completely out of mana. Do either of you have any lyrium on you?”

“Finally, a reasonable request,” Morrigan said dryly. “This I can assist with,” Morrigan handed Lana a vial of the glowing blue liquid. “Interesting that your simple request would drain all her mana. I wonder why?” The witch stared at Lana. “Do you have any ideas?”

“I’ll figure it out later,” she grumbled. “Alistair, help me get this in her.” He nodded and grabbed her head while Lana tipped the contents of the vial down Sam's throat, then offered a bit of her healing magic. After a moment, Sam’s eyes started to flutter, and Lana smiled at the girl. “Welcome back,” she said quietly. 

“Ugh,” she moaned. “I feel like hot garbage.” Sam sat up, propping her head on her hands- Dog came over and licked her face. “Thanks, dude, I appreciate the bath.” She turned to Lana. “Holy fuck... I won’t be doing that again anytime soon.”

Lana kneeled in front of her. “What happened?” 

Sam flicked her eyes to Morrigan, then to Alistair, then grabbed the charm around her neck. _It’s them_ , she said. _They’re too connected and so is that person inside that building. It’s like a rope stretching around the world and looping back in on itself. It was painful when I was just with Alistair, and worse when you asked me about Morrigan, but when you added the other two, it felt like my head was gonna explode._ ”

Lana frowned, helping Sam to her feet. _Do you feel that way when you look at me?_

She shook her head. _Nope, but I can only see your immediate path. Them… my god._ She shuddered, dusting off her robes. I _t’s like looking into infinity._ Her eyes darted back and forth between the mage and the warden. _Lana, who the hell are we hanging out with?_

 _Your guess is as good as mine,_ she said with a shrug. _I was hoping you’d tell me, fortune teller._

Sam grinned. _I already told you, I’m a shitty fortune-teller._ Lana and Sam laughed, but Sam still looked ashen. _Look, this is overwhelming AF to be in the presence of all these branches at once… can you please go pick a path so I won’t die?_

 _Which one?_ Lana looked concerned. _Didn’t you say one was more connected than the other?_

 _Yeah, the one in that building,_ Sam said, pointing at the tavern. _It connects to the one down there and it shortens some of the other paths I see._

Lana gave her a quick hug. _Then that’s where we go._ “Ok, time for us to go into the tavern,” Lana said. “It appears that we have some business to attend to in there.”

Alistair frowned. “You two just did it again.”

“Did what?” Sam asked innocently. “Did I faint before and not know it?”

“Don’t play dumb,” he said. “You guys did that weird conversation without words thing you guys do. What’s going on?” He crossed his arms. “I don’t like people talking about me when I can’t understand what they’re saying.”

“Then you must live a life of constant disappointment,” Morrigan said with a sneer. “Seeing as how I am reasonably certain that there is very little you actually understand.” She looked at the warden and sniffed, turning on her heel and entering the tavern.

“Remind me why we took her with us again?” Alistair asked as he followed behind Lana and Sam.

_ _

* * *

I looked at my watch- I only had thirty minutes left before my alarm went off, and Lana still hadn’t addressed most of the items I’d seen, namely the other branch at the far end of town. Instead, she was chatting with the third infinite branch, who I discovered was named Leliana and most definitely not a nun as she claimed. She reminded me of how Whoopi Goldberg was hiding out in the convent in that old movie Grace had shown me, and I wondered if there was secretly a mob boss chasing after her. But, I didn’t know her well enough, and I didn’t want to try and check again- passing out once was enough for me.

I shivered at the memory- now that I'd had the misfortune of passing out, I understood why my mom warned me never to fall asleep out here. It was horrible- there was nothing but blackness and cold, and I felt like I was lost from my body, unable to get back to it. I knew I was only out for a minute, but in there, it felt like hours- no way I was doing that again. 

Trying to get Lana’s attention and failing, I turned to Alistair. “Hey,” I whispered. “I need to talk to you.”

He crossed his arms. “Oh, so now you’re actually talking to me and not doing your creepy no-talking-but-we’re-so-talking-about-you thing? To what do I owe this honor?”

He was being petulant, but he was right- we had shut him out of the conversation and that wasn’t fair. I sighed. “Look, I promise, I will explain everything to you when we get to camp, but I need you to listen to me right now, all right? It’s important, ok? Like me passing out in the middle of town important.”

“Fine. Start talking,” Alistair said, obviously still mad. “What’s so important?”

I leaned over and whispered in his ear. “Look, she’s gotta take this Leliana girl with us, and we have to rescue that man in a cage out there, no matter what anyone says. That’s as far as I got before my head went wonky.” I admitted. “But we gotta do it before we get to camp- if we leave this town, I’m not sure we’re going to be able to come back to it.”

He frowned. “But what about all the people here?” 

I searched for a minute, trying to only see the answer to his question and avoid the undertow of his branches, but I was caught in the flow anyway. I grabbed his hand to stop from falling, and instantly, the waves of nausea and dizziness stopped. “It’s you,” I breathed. “You’re the problem.”

“Gee thanks,” he said dryly. “And here I thought we were friends, Sparrow.” 

I shook my head. “It’s not that- I see too much when I’m close to you, but when I put my hand on you, I couldn't see the extra branches you have! Touching you stopped it!” I said excitedly. 

Alistair looked confused. “I have no idea what you’re blathering about, but is it what you were so worried about before? And like I said, what about the people here?”

“Sorry, you’re right- I got distracted.” I shook myself and gave a sheepish grin. “Anyway, I don’t see anything for these people unless they choose to leave this town. That doesn’t necessarily mean a bad thing, it just means that the next path is certain.”

“Do you promise we’re going to talk about this when we get to camp tonight?” Alistair asked in a low voice. “If you’re going to be with us, I need to know how this all works. You can’t pass out like that again out here- you do it one more time and I’m going to send you home myself.”

“Number one, I have no desire to pass out like that again- it was like losing my body and I happen to like my body very much. And number two,” I said, glaring at him, “You can’t send me home. Only I can send me home and I don’t even do it all that well, so I’d like to see you try.” I looked over at Lana, who was still talking to the other redhead. “But I get your concern, and as your friend, I promise we can all huddle around the campfire for stories and snacks. Just make sure she handles everything before you guys leave town- can you do that for me?”

He nodded. “Got it. Save the man in the cage and keep the crazy redhead with us,” I gestured for him to continue, and he let out an exasperated sigh. “And handle all the stuff we need to in town before we leave- I told you, I got it, Sparrow.”

I wrapped my arms around his neck. “Thank you, Alistair- you have no idea how much I appreciate this.” He gave a startled yelp at the sudden contact and I pulled back, apologetic at the intrusion of his space. "Look, tell Lana to call me if she needs anything, but otherwise I’m gonna see you guys at camp- we got some plans to make.”

Just then, I felt my watch vibrate, and I clapped my hand over my wrist, trying to muffle the sound. “Oh shit, I can’t be here,” I moaned, looking around wildly. “I gotta get out of here… now.” Alistair looked at me with concern- Lana was still talking, but all I could think was that there were way too many people in the tavern for me to leave- if I disappeared in here, it was going to cause a massive scene, and I could feel myself start to panic.

The warden took one look on my face and grabbed my arm. “Ok, none of that- come with me,” he said quietly, ushering me out the tavern. 

Once we were outside, he escorted me around the back of the building and stood in front of me just as the final alarm beeps went off. I breathed a sigh of relief at his quick thinking- he had saved me. I flashed him a grateful smile and gave him a tight hug. “Thank you so much… and please, make sure you tell Lana what happened!"

“Will do, but remember, I expect a full explanation, tonight,” he said, pointing his finger at me as I faded from sight. 


	14. Reality Check

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam has a chat with her dad and takes a bath

_ _

* * *

When I arrived, Dad was sitting at my desk waiting for me. 

“Hey, Pipsqueak, long time no see,” he said casually, which I could tell was dad-speak for _where the hell have you been?_ He stood up to hug me, then gagged as soon as he approached, taking a step back. “Good lord, what the hell? Why do you smell like death, Sam?”

I raised my arm, sniffing. “What? I don’t smell anything?”

“Well I do,” he said, covering his nose. “Please, for the love of God and all that’s holy, go get in the shower! And when you finish, burn those clothes!” He used his free hand to point at me. “Do NOT sit on anything- if that smell gets on something, we’re all going to die.” 

“You’re being dramatic, Dad,” I said, rolling my eyes. “It can’t be that bad. Nobody I was with seemed to notice.”

“Then they’re being kind or their sense of smell died a long time ago. Shower, now,” he said, pointing at my bathroom. “Head downstairs when you finish- we can talk over dinner, ok?” 

I nodded, giving him a wide grin as I extended my arms. “Sure thing, Dad- don’t you want a hug before you go?”

"Come any closer I’m gonna knock you out and hose you down myself,” he said, walking out of my room and shutting the door.   
—  
Since I had a few minutes, I reached out, seeing if I could contact Cullen before I headed downstairs with Dad- Alistair had promised he’d have Lana call me, so I at least knew she was safe, and besides, there was nothing I could do for them right now. _Plus, I really should update him on what’s going on out there_ , I thought. _You know, in case rumors of what that asshole did get to the circle- he has to know that Solana and Alistair are ok and that Loghain is a dick._

Confident that I was perfectly justified in contacting him, I ran my bathwater. I felt a pang of jealousy at being able to relax in a tub, but I really didn’t have much of a choice about going home- I had thought mom was exaggerating about me not being able to sleep there, but holy crap, that was awful… I remember how Solana had told me a purge felt like your soul was being ripped from your body, and after that experience, I could see why she wasn’t looking to get hit with one anytime soon. I shivered, despite the steam filling the room, and shook it off- no sense in dwelling on it right now. 

_Cullen_ , I thought. _Are you there?_

_Samantha! Thank the Maker you’re ok- I’ve been worried sick about you!_

I felt my face grow hot at his words- certainly, he’d just misspoken. I mean, I wasn’t the one fighting, so he couldn’t have been worried about me, right? But, as I stepped into the tub and sank into the bubbles, I found myself hoping that maybe, just maybe, he’d meant what he said. _You have?_ I asked.

There was a pause, and I immediately wanted to drown myself in my bathtub for being so stupid, so I hurried to fill the silence. _I mean, it’s no big deal,_ I stammered. _It’s not like I don’t know that you’re worried about Solana since she’s fighting and the last time we talked I told you-_

 _Samantha_ , he cut in. _Just stop for a moment, please._ Just as I was about to cut the connection and berate myself for being such an idiot, I heard his voice again. _I know what I said, and I meant it._

There was a smile in his words that I hadn’t heard before and I stopped, shocked. _You did?_

 _Of course,_ he said. _Sorry for my delayed response- I assumed that you could see what I was doing at the time. You caught me right in the middle of my prayers._

 _So I guess praying really is a cute templar boy thing,_ I thought. _We’re two for two out here._

 _Oh really? Is there someone else I should know about?_ He tried to sound light, but I could hear a twinge of sadness in his tone. _Care to share?_

My hand flew to my mouth. _You heard that?_

 _As if you were in the room with me,_ he responded. _But you didn’t answer the question._

I sighed. _If I answer that honestly, you’re going to be upset._

 _Try me,_ he said flatly. _I’d like to hear your answer._

 _You sure?_ He didn’t respond, so I took a deep breath and exhaled, scattering bubbles all around me. _I’m sorry- I’ve seen the way you look at Solana, and I know you like her, but she’s got a crush on the other warden she’s working with right now and oh god, I’m spreading gossip._ Embarrassed, I ducked my head under the water. _Fuck, Lana is going to roast me over an open flame._

 _I’m happy for her,_ came the reply. Then there was a pause, and he spoke again. _So, did I hear you correctly in that you find me attractive?_

 _Huh?_ I brought my head above the surface of the water and brushed my wet hair back out of my face. _Come again?_

 _You heard me,_ he said quietly.

Thoroughly called out, I blushed. _Cullen, you’re fishing for compliments and I can’t have this kind of conversation with you when I’m in the bathtub._

When I said that, all pretense of calm left him- Cullen was practically sputtering. _Wait, what? You’re in the bath now? Maker preserve me, I can’t talk to you right now!_

I let out a loud laugh at that, the awkward mood finally broken. _Sorry… wait, no, I’m not sorry. That reaction alone was priceless. Besides, it’s not like you can see me or anything, and even if you could, I’m covered in bubbles from head to toe. My dad told me I smelled like a wild animal and threatened to hose me off if I didn’t get into a bath immediately. Which makes sense, as we were traveling all day and I think I passed out in what I hope to god was_ _dirt._

He paused. _You passed out? Are you ok?_

 _Ha, it’s Lana you should’ve been worried about, Cullen._ I swallowed. _It was bad… she almost died during the battle- I felt it when she went down._

He stiffened at the statement, but I continued anyway. _Loghain turned tail and retreated, and her and Alistair were overwhelmed by the darkspawn. A witch saved them, but now it's just me, Lana, a witch named Morrigan and a fake chantry sister named Leliana out here trying to save the world. Oh, and a dog… that Lana named Dog._

 _I had no idea,_ he said softly. _I’m glad they’re ok._ He paused. _Is there anything I can do?_

 _We’re trying to figure out what to do right now,_ I replied as I started to wash my hair. _When we get to camp tonight, we’re going to start working on how we can recruit the mages, elves and the dwarves. Alistair also said something about a dude named Arl Eamon who might be able to send troops._

 _When you guys come to Kinloch, make sure you find me,_ he said quickly. _I want to help._

 _You and me both, buddy. Lana is convinced I’m useless._ I sighed, lathering my hair with my favorite shampoo as I scrubbed away the dirt and scratched my scalp. _Maybe if I ask Alistair to train me, she’ll let me help instead of benching me every chance she gets._

 _If you want to learn sword techniques, I should be the one to teach you,_ he replied curtly. _Alistair’s help won’t be necessary._

 _You’d train me?_ I rinsed my hair, savoring the scent of my apple-scented conditioner as I combed out the knots. _Ahhh, combing my hair feels amazing,_ I breathed. _No wonder I smelled so questionable- I think I fell in someone’s puke when I passed out._

He paused. _What happened to you? Why did you pass out? Are you ok?_

I laughed. _Calm down with all the questions and gimme a second! I’m fine now- just too much searching and not focusing properly. I’m still not clear on how my powers work in Thedas._

Even without seeing his face, I knew he was frowning at me. _Did you ever read the book your mother gifted you?_

 _You know I didn’t,_ I said with a chuckle. _But I will. I’ve been enjoying spending time with you guys instead of reading._

He sighed. _If that’s the case, do both. Come here and read the journal to me- at least then I’d know you were doing what you should be doing._

 _Wouldn’t it be more beneficial for me to read it with Lana, seeing as how she can, I don’t know, do magic,_ I said with a smile. 

_But I would get to talk with you more this way,_ he replied. _As I said before, I tend to be out of the loop nowadays._

 _Oh…that… makes sense,_ I stammered. _Well, if you want, I’ll bring it up with Lana and see if she minds if I spend an hour or two with you instead of on the road being useless in a fight with them. We could train, and you can help me go through this book._

 _That sounds like a plan, Lady Samantha._ After a moment, he let out a long sigh. _I suppose I should exit the chantry and return to my duties- I have offered supplication so long I fear others may think I’ve fallen asleep._

_It’s probably for the best. My dad is waiting on me and I’m going to turn into a prune if I stay in this tub any longer. Time to get out and face the music- at least there’s dinner involved, though._

_When you’re involved, there is always food_ , he said with a chuckle. _At any rate, do you think you could find me tomorrow so we can start our training?_

 _I’ll ask about it tonight._ I got up from the water, wrapping myself in a fluffy pink towel and padding out to my room to get dressed and meet Dad. _Until tomorrow, Ser Cullen,_ I said, using my best Lana voice. 

When he responded, the smile in his voice was unmistakable. _Until the morrow, Lady Samantha._  
—  
“So Pipsqueak, nice to see you again. I feel like it’s been forever since you’ve left your room,” Dad said as he heaped a pile of spaghetti on my plate. I could tell that mom wasn’t home, as whenever Dad was left to cook, it was pasta, and it was enough to feed an army for a week. Mom said it was because it was the one meal he couldn’t destroy- Dad said it was because carbs are nature’s ultimate fuel and she should respect the mighty noodle. I didn’t care either way, because it was food I didn’t have to cook, and after the day I’d had, I was happy to shovel forkfuls of deliciousness into my piehole. 

“I’ve been busy,” I said, mouth full of pasta. “Probably should take a minute to eat more often- Ferelden food sucks.” 

“Speaking of that,” he said, settling next to me with his plate, “Care to tell me what’s going on with that? Thought your job was to watch the weird stuff and report back, not get involved in it.” 

I shrugged, twirling noodles around my fork. “Dad, it’s complicated,” I said finally. 

“I’m married to your mother, Sam- I practically own stock in complicated,” he replied. “I’m curious- what’s my youngest daughter doing out there that has her gone all day with no note and no call, missing meals, ignoring us, and raiding the snack drawer like a madwoman? And let’s not mention the fact that when she finally does come home, she’s laid up in bed like a corpse?” He fixed me with a stare as he ate his pasta. “So, how about you start telling your old man what’s going on?”

Hoping to avoid this conversation, I tried to dodge the question. “I thought mom told you all this already?”

He gave me his patented ‘you must think I’m stupid’ look that I’d often seen him give Grace. “It’s your mom, Sam. You know as well as I do she’s not going to tell me anything she doesn’t think I need to know. But seeing as how you’re my baby girl, I think I’m pretty firmly in the camp of 'I need to know’, don’t you agree?”

“I found friends, Dad,” I said, moving my food around on my plate. “And they need my help.”

He fixed me with a look. “Is it dangerous?” I started to say something, but he put up a finger. “Don’t lie to me, Sam. If you’re old enough to do it, then you’re old enough to own up to it. So, I’m gonna ask you again… is what you’re doing dangerous?”

“Yep,” I said finally. “But if I don’t help, it might be even more dangerous for them. I just wish I could do more- my powers aren’t really all that useful out there. Guns aren’t a thing there, so I can’t bring one. And you already know I can’t fight, so I’m basically a sucky fortune-telling paperweight out there.”

Dad closed his eyes, tenting his hands and pursing his lips. “Are you sure you want to do this? It’s not your world, so it’s not your fight. You don’t have to get involved, Pipsqueak. You can just as easily bow out.”

I finished my pasta, then shook my head. “Nope. That girl is like my sister, and I’m gonna help her get through this. Even if I have to learn how to fight with a sword and shield with men that look like they can snap me in two if I look at them funny.”

“You realize those are words no father ever wants to hear about his daughter, right?” He sighed, looked up at the ceiling, then turned back to me. “Would learning how to handle a knife help, at least? I can’t send you out there with nothing, kiddo.” Dad shook his head. “God, I think your mom is going to kill me for this.”

“I’d say it could be our little secret, but we know that’s a lie,” I said with a smile. “And to answer your question, yes- learning to handle a knife would be awesome.” Then I eyed the leftover pasta on the stove and turned to Dad, a hopeful look on my face. 

“Hey, do you mind if I take the rest of that with me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First post of 2020- happy new year! I’m so sad, but I think I’m going to have to go to a once or twice a week posting schedule now that the holidays are over.


	15. Camping sucks on any world

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Mage prepares to go to Redcliffe; Sam gets some training

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now with awesome art by @SaintofTrash! Find more from them on [DeviantArt](https://www.deviantart.com/queenanneka) and [Tumblr](https://saint-of-trash.tumblr.com/post/622962496784957440/dragonage-fan-art-for-my-fanfiction-buddy)!

_ _

* * *

“Hey Sparrow,” Alistair said, stepping into the tent and sitting next to me, instantly making me feel better. “You feeling all right now?” 

I shook my head. “It’s ok, I think I’m gonna go home and leave this to the professionals. Lana’s right- I can’t help out here and she’s got all of you- she doesn’t need me,” I said sadly. 

Alistair turned his head slightly so he could look at me. “Are you jealous? Because to me, it sounds like the one person who’s more connected than any of us is jealous.”

I chose to ignore him. “How did you know I was here anyway,” I said, frowning. “I didn’t talk to anyone when I came.”

“Dog told on you,” he said with a sheepish grin. "Plus, you smell like apples- I thought there was food, so I went to check it out.”

“And to think I brought him dog biscuits,” I said with a huff. “He’s no longer on my Christmas list.”

“I’m sure he’s going to be disappointed when he learns what that is,” the warden said with a smile. “You keep this up and you’re only going to make Lana mad- she’s been waiting for you to arrive so we can plan.”

“Why does she need me? You and the big scary guy are warriors, Leliana is smart and pretty, and Morrigan is… intense.” I slunk down, crossing my arms.”You guys are-“

“Not you,” he interrupted. “We’ve all got our roles to play, you included.” He wrapped his arm around me and hugged me, “But for now, you need to get out and stop moping, because as soon as I leave out of this tent I’m telling her that you’re hiding in here."

I glared at him. “You wouldn’t dare.”

“Are you certain you want to take that chance?” I flipped him off and Alistair laughed as he walked outside. Two seconds later, I heard him yell. “Lana, your sister is hiding in the tent!” Then he poked his head back inside, grinning at me like a loon. “Hey, you can’t say I didn’t warn you.”

“I dislike you so much right now,” I groused. “You… are a very bad man.”

He gave me an evil laugh. “Mwahaha! My plan is working!” He leaned over and grinned at Lana, who had now walked up. “Hey Solana, care to help me get your sister out of the tent? She’s convinced our ragtag band of misfits is full up and we don’t have any room for her."

Lana’s mouth hung open in shock. “Are you being serious? You go through all that this morning only to do this?” The mage pointed an angry finger at me. "Samantha, I order you to get out of this tent right now or so help me I will send a bolt of lightning straight into your ass!"

“No, you won’t,” I grumbled. 

When I looked up, I noticed that Lana’s hands were sparking, and Alistair was shaking with laughter. “Haven’t you had enough of calling people’s bluff for the evening?” He shook his head. “I thought you’d have learned by now that you don’t want to make the girl with the sparkly fingers mad.”

_ _

* * *

Lana emerged from the tent with Sam and Alistair, heading towards the campfire. When they approached, the others looked up in earnest, and Sam gave everyone a small wave. “Hi guys,” she said softly. She noticed when Sam approached the others, she started to sway a little, but Lana didn’t say anything.

Leliana came over to Sam, clasping the girl’s hands in hers. “You must be Samantha… Solana has told me so much about you today! My name is Leliana- it’s a pleasure to meet you.”

When the redhead touched her, Sam’s eyes widened as she steadied on her feet, relief palpable on her face. Lana frowned, touching her hand to the locket. _Are you all right?_

Sam looked at Lana in amazement. _When they touch me, it quiets down._ Then, Sam looked at Alistair, then back to Lana. _It happened with him, too- when he sat next to me in the tent, and earlier today._

Lana looked thoughtful. _Sam, can I try something? I must warn you, it’s probably going to hurt, so go stand next to Alistair, ok?_

Sam nodded, smiling at Leliana, and wincing as she let go of her hand. Then she went to Alistair, and put a hand on his shoulder- instantly, her face relaxed. _Ok, Lana... I’m ready._ The girl took a deep breath, blowing it out loudly. _Let’s do this._

Slowly, Lana took off the necklace from her neck, and Sam’s eyes widened in horror. “Oh no, no no no no no,” she murmured. “Lana, I think I know what you’re doing and I don’t think-“

“Sam, take off your necklace, and I am so, so sorry,” she said quietly. “I suspect this is probably going to hurt very badly, so please forgive me.” Lana turned to Alistair and Leliana. “When she takes that off, if she looks like she’s going to faint, I need you both to grab her- is that clear?”

Alistair looked at Lana with confusion, but Morrigan, who had been watching silently from her seat, spoke up instead. “I am willing to assist if it will help.” She strode over and stared at Lana. "Your necklaces are most curious, as I tried to remove it while you slept, but mother forbade it. If this does what I think it will, the experiment should prove most interesting.”

“Ok Sam. Give it to Alistair,” she said cautiously. Sam did, and immediately, her face twisted in pain. “I can barely feel Cullen or you right now, Lana.” She grimaced, dropping to her knees. "God, this hurts like a sonofabitch!” Sam yelled, slapping the ground, shaking and trembling. Alistair leaned over to touch her, but Lana shook her head- she needed to make sure. “Sam… are you ready?” 

Sam looked up, tears in her eyes. “I’m ready. I got this- do it, Lana.” 

Lana looked away, unable to look at the girl as she sat the necklace down on the ground. As soon as the last link of the chain left her fingertips, Sam went completely white and let out an ear-piercing scream. In response, Alistair, Leliana, and Morrigan quickly put their hands on her and Sam gasped, inhaling rapidly and gulping air like a fish. “Give me the necklace,” she wheezed, extending her palm. “Give it to me, now!"

Lana grabbed her necklace from the ground and put it back on, racing over to the girl and giving her a tight hug as Alistair handed Sam back her necklace, fastening the clasp to her neck. Immediately, her breathing began to even out. Lana grabbed her shoulders, then stared at the girl. “Sam, I am so sorry- are you all right?"

“I’m fine,” she wheezed. “But let’s not ever do that again, ok?” 

Lana shuddered. “Never again, promise.” 

Alistair just stared at the two girls in shock, and Lana looked over to see that Leliana and Morrigan were also looking at them, Leliana with a face that mirrored his and Morrigan with interest. But, when no one said anything, it was the warden that broke the silence. “So, Sparrow, do you care to share with the class what the hell just happened right now?”

_ _

* * *

Ten minutes later, we were all sitting around the campfire with plates of pasta and I had a blanket around my shoulders. Chuckling, I realized that for the first time, Dad had actually been right- the pasta was the perfect fuel for recovering when your brain gets fried. Lana, bless her heart, had taken on the bulk of explanation, telling them all the basics of what I could do, and I just watched in miserable silence as I sat between Alistair and Leliana, trying to keep the waves of nausea at bay. The Quinari, who I discovered was named Sten, just sat and watched me cautiously, eating his food in silence.

Alistair leaned over, consciously brushing against me when he spoke., which I appreciated. “You know, this is a lot better than what I was going to make tonight. Now I know you’re not Ferelden, Sparrow- if our food isn't gray and mashed together in a stew, then you know it’s too fancy for us.”

“My dad will be happy to know you liked it,” I said with a smile. "It’s the only thing he can cook, but it’s good to know that someone besides me appreciates it.” 

Morrigan, however, was not deterred by our side conversation. “So, while everyone else is busy avoiding the issue, does anyone care to discuss why the girl almost died back there when the charms were removed? Why was our presence necessary during this endeavor?”

I sighed- she was right to ask, but that didn’t mean I wanted to talk about it. “Too much information,” I said quietly. “You guys… you’re all too important- your choices are so connected to the world that it makes it impossible to see anything else. There were too many threads in one place- I couldn’t focus on anything.” I looked at the four of them in turn, pausing at Alistair before moving on to Morrigan again. “But when you guys touch me or I have something that connects me to you, the connection gets limited.”

“So, you see futures then,” Morrigan asked. For once, there was no venom in her tone, only curiosity.

I shook my head. “No, I see the consequences. If I know the event, I can tell you what the consequences of your choice could be. Sometimes it's just enough to see that one choice eliminates all other paths. When I don’t see anything, it usually just means that there’s nothing that you can do that will be of enough consequence to warrant a branch or a choice. I can see if a person has a significant sized branch or a number of branches in their future- that usually determines importance. All of you, including the dog, meet those criteria right now.” 

I stood up, no longer interested in being put on the spot. “So yeah, that’s how the non-fortune telling fortune teller works. But, keep in mind that most decisions you make don’t amount to a hill of beans, so asking me something like if you should wear blue socks or black socks is a waste of my time and yours- if it’s something important, I’ll usually let you or Lana know.”

Everyone stared at me, but Lana clapped her hands together. “Ok, now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, we should probably come up with a plan on what we should do next.”

With that, everyone turned to me- I groaned. “I told you, I see the results of choices, not the future! If someone poses an actual question, I’ll see if I can give you an answer!”

It was Alistair who finally asked a question. “Should we go to Redcliffe first?” 

“That sounds like something I can answer,” I said finally. “One second.” I searched through the paths, then went back to the group. “It saves you time in the long run,” I said finally. “It’s a toss between that and seeing the mages, but you’re going to do less backtracking if you go to Redcliffe first.”

Alistair frowned. “Do you know why?” 

“I can’t tell you what’s going to happen- I can just see where the paths lead. The other path is windier and has more going on with it- this one is straightforward.” 

Lana sighed. “It’s better than nothing, so there is that, at least.” She looked out at the group, her blue eyes alighting on each one of us in turn. “So, is anyone opposed to going to Redcliffe?” No one made a move, so I decided to ask my question- I raised my hand, and Lana laughed. “Sam, you can speak freely- no permission is necessary.”

I swallowed, then rushed to get my thought out. “Lana, if it’s ok with you, I’d like to go and visit with Cullen while you guys are on the road. He offered to train me, and I can meet you at camp or in whatever town we stop in- I would like to get some training in so I can be of use as time goes by. And if you need anything, you know how to reach me.”

“That’s another thing,” Alistair said, looking at Lana and I. “You guys keep doing that freaky talk-without-words thing- how do you do that?”

“The necklaces,” I said plainly. “It’s a charm that helps us communicate with each other- she can call out to me and I can reach out and find her. Really useful, actually. I can do it with Cullen too, but he can’t call me. Still trying to figure out why it works, but I’m not looking a gift horse in the mouth."

Lana’s lips twitched, but she said nothing. Morrigan, however, actually looked interested. “And how did you learn of such a charm?” 

I reached in my bag and pulled out the journal and handed it to the witch. “It was in my mom’s journal. I’ll be honest, I haven’t read the whole thing yet- been kind of busy.”

The witch flipped through the pages and frowned. “What language is this? The book is illegible.”

Lana frowned. “It’s her native tongue- Sam, as we said before, is a translator. She can read and understand any language.”

“Except dog, apparently,” Alistair said with a grin. Dog barked happily and wagged his tail, and he patted him on the head. “But we’ll forgive her- no one is perfect.”

“Any language?” Leliana asked curiously, pausing to look at me for a moment. “Sam, do you understand what I am asking you right now?”

“Why wouldn’t I?” I asked, staring at her strangely. “Should I not be able to?”

Everyone looked at me like I had grown three heads- Leliana gasped in amazement. “Sam, you were speaking Orlesian just then. Fluently, I might add."

I shrugged. “Oh, I didn’t know. It sounds the exact same to me- I guess I just respond in whatever language someone talks to me in. I can write it too, but it takes a lot of concentration because I can’t see the difference.” 

Leliana gave me an approving nod. “That is a useful skill, Samantha, one that some would kill to have. I would not be so quick to dismiss your talents.” 

Morrigan interrupted her. “That’s wonderful, but it does nothing to help me read the tome.” She frowned at the book, then turned to Lana. “All these secrets... wasted on one such as her.”

Lana frowned again. “Considering the book is her mother’s, I would say the secrets are hers and hers alone.” She gave me a pointed look, then fingered the necklace as she brushed the hair from her shoulders. _Do not translate that book for her, Sam- one who desires power so fiercely often should not have it._ Then she stood up, collecting our plates and Dog began to wag his tail happily, hoping to lick up the scraps. “Down, Dog- there is nothing left for you- you’ve had your fill, same as us.”

The dog whined, putting his head on his paws, but Lana shook a finger at him. “No pouting. I’m still hungry too, you know.” Then she turned to me. “Sam, your plan is sound- go in the morning to Ser Cullen. If he’s willing to train you, I’ll accept his help.”

Alistair shot her a look. “She could just stay here at camp with us, and we could train her. No sense in us splitting up, right?” Lana shot him a look and elbowed him in the ribs, causing him to yelp. “OW! Ok fine, your plan is good… please don’t hurt me anymore!” He shot her a look and stuck out his tongue, and she did the same. “Fine, Sparrow- but if you need additional help, you let us know- I’m happy to assist if it will help you end up even moderately useful out here,” he said with a wink.

“Thanks... I think,” I said, laughing at him. Then I turned to the witch, who was flipping through the pages and scowling. “I wish I could help, Morrigan, but I’ll make sure to read up and let you guys know if I find out anything interesting.” 

Morrigan nodded. "I suppose it is all I can ask. But as for now, I grow tired of all this frivolity- I’m heading to bed.” She inclined her head at Lana, and walked off to a section of camp by herself, ignoring the rest of us. 

Alistair shook his head. “That woman is evil incarnate, Solana. I’m tempted to sleep with one eye open. I’m convinced she’s going to poison us all or murder us in our sleep.” 

“If it makes you feel any better, if she wanted you dead, you guys wouldn’t have made it out of Flemeth’s hut,” I replied helpfully. 

He frowned. “No Sam, I don’t think that makes me feel any better. In fact, I feel worse. Thank you for that note of positivity- you’re a regular ray of sunshine, aren’t you?” 

“I aim to please,” I said, reaching in my bag and pulling out a handful of Starburst candies and handing one to each of them, unwrapping it slowly to show them how to do it. “Just for that, you get the yellow one,” I said. “Maybe when you’re nicer I’ll give you a pink one.” 

He popped the candy in his mouth, then made a face. “This tastes like sweet lemons, Sparrow.” Then he frowned, pointing at the Qunari. "Hey, why does Sten get the pink one then?” 

“Because I need him to like me,” I said with a grin. 

_ _

* * *

Cullen was laying in his bunk, trying and failing to fall asleep. He couldn’t get the conversation he and Samantha had in the Chantry out of his mind- did she think him too forward? He knew he had no real right to be upset- he even tried to convince himself that it would not be so bad for her to receive training elsewhere, but the thought of another man being so close to her made his blood boil. 

But, as he tossed and turned in the darkness, he realized fighting it was pointless- Cullen knew that he was going to do whatever he could to see her again, even if he’d have to adjust some things. All he needed now was to speak to her and let her know how he felt- maybe then, she’d finally understand. 

Suddenly, almost as if he’d conjured her up, he heard her voice in his head. _Cullen, are you there?_

He laughed at the question, considering the type of conversation they were having. _You’re talking to me inside my mind… where else would I be, Lady Samantha?_

 _Smartass,_ she retorted, and he could hear the smile in her voice. _Did I wake you up?_

 _It’s no trouble_ , he replied. It’s nice to hear from you. Then, in an attempt to not sound too eager, he waited a moment before continuing. _So, did you talk with your band of travelers? Shall we begin our training soon?_

She was silent for a moment, and Cullen felt his heart stop- he was terrified that she was going to tell him it was a terrible idea or something similar, and he steeled himself for her rejection, but she answered. _Is tomorrow ok? They’re heading for Redcliffe, and I think we should get started right away._

 _Yes, we can meet at first light,_ he replied, trying to temper his excitement. _Just look for me- I’ll find us a place to go where we can train in peace._

 _Cool- that works._ Then he heard her sigh, and he wished that she was actually there with him and not just in his head. _Man... I’m really feeling useless right now._

Cullen paused. Y _ou’re not useless, Sam. Tell me, what are you doing right now?_

_I’m sitting at camp, taking the first watch. Figured since I can’t sleep here, I should let them sleep. I’ll wake up Alistair for his watch in an hour before I have to leave._

He felt himself stiffen at the other man’s name, and Cullen had to bite back a nasty comment that he knew the man did not deserve. _Do you want me to keep you company?_

She chuckled. _Don’t you need to be asleep?_

 _I could say the same,_ he replied. In the darkness of his room and the quiet in his head, he finally felt comfortable to tell the girl the truth. _But in all fairness, I would rather be talking to you._

 _Careful, I’m going to start thinking you care, Ser Cullen,_ she teased. _You don’t have to stay up with me- I’ll just read my journal like I’m supposed to._

 _Why don’t you read it to me?_ he asked softly, wishing she would let herself understand what he was trying to tell her. _I’m here- there is no reason for you to be up all alone if I can offer you some company._

 _If you insist,_ she answered. _Here, I just landed on a section about emotion and choice. Want to hear it?_

 _If you’re reading it, I want to hear it,_ he replied. _Go ahead, tell me what it says._

_Okay... So, it says ‘I have noted that when there are particularly strong emotions and consequences tied to choices, I can see information relating to the decision. I prefer to limit exposure to situations like this, as too many choices at once may overwhelm me. In cases where I have a need to interact with key subjects, a physical connection or talisman often serves to dilute the connection and allow me to focus, giving me clearer insight on paths that have immediate importance.’_

Suddenly, she let out a gasp. _That explains why I haven’t felt sick around you and Lana- you both gave me things. But Alistair, Morrigan, and Leliana make me physically ill unless I’m touching them. I need to have something that represents them that I can keep with me._

He frowned, understanding washing over him in the darkness. _Do you mean you could’ve avoided falling ill… by reading? As you were supposed to do in the first place?_

 _No one likes a smart ass, Cullen,_ she replied. _Since I can’t walk around holding hands with them all day, I need to come up with something else._

The thought of another man giving her a token similar to his made him clench his fists in frustration, so he tried a different tactic. _You draw beautifully,_ he said slowly. _So, would a picture work?_

 _Cullen, you are a fucking genius,_ she said breathlessly. _I started one of Alistair- let me finish that one and see if it would work. If it does, I’ll draw the others! That’d be something I could easily tuck into a pocket and keep it with me when we travel together._

This time, he didn’t even try to hide the irritation in his voice. _Somehow, I don’t know how I feel about you keeping a picture of another man with you, especially since you don’t have one of me._

 _I don’t need a picture of you- I have your ring, remember?_ He could hear that blasted smirk in her voice, and it drove him crazy. _You know that you and Lana are always close to my heart, Cullen._

He felt his face flush at her words and fought to keep his head together. _Need is not the issue- I want you to have one, Sam. I want you to be able to see me whenever you want._ He was silent for a moment, then he continued. _And… I would like one of you as well._ Though he already had a token from her, he found himself wanting one that she’d given to him with her knowledge, one that he could display proudly.

 _Then give me something to draw_ , she teased. _Alistair posed for me- he was praying over Lana. Funny, all the best images I have of people are when they interact with her…. I wonder what that says about me?_

 _It says that you don’t notice how others see you, Samantha,_ he replied honestly. _Maybe you should look a bit harder._

_I’ll keep that in mind. I’ll be on the lookout for those moments when we hang out together tomorrow. Speaking of that, you want us to meet at first light? Were you serious about that?_

Cullen was confused at her statement. _Why would I joke about such a thing? We need to train and we both have other duties to attend to. This gives us the most time._

She groaned and he laughed at her irritation. _That’s like five in the morning, dude- you expect me to do actual things at the asscrack of dawn? Do you people understand how important sleep is? No wonder people died young back in the day._

The sound of her voice was like music to him, and he knew that morning was going to take forever to arrive- he knew he needed to get to sleep. _And with that inane comment, I take my leave, so I can rest and prepare for your arrival. I will see you in the morning, Lady Samantha._

The last thing he heard was her wishing him a good night, and he fell asleep with her name on his lips. 

_ _

* * *

With nothing to do, I pulled out my sketchbook and began to finish the drawing of Alistair I had started. Just as I was putting the finishing touches on the piece, my warning alarm began to beep, so I walked over to his bedroll and tapped the warden on his shoulder. “Yo, Alistair, time to wake up.”

He groaned. “No, I think you got the times mixed up. Check again and I’ll go back to sleep while you do.”

“No such luck,” I said. “I gotta get some sleep- I get to go train while you guys talk to important dudes and beg for help.” 

“Ugh,” he grumbled. His face flashed a slight bit of fear, then settled back into laughter. “I think I’d rather train, Sparrow."

I frowned- there was a strong choice he had to make, and I could see it. Remembering what I had read, I gently placed my hand on his arm and closed my eyes. “Alistair, you’re debating if you want to tell her before you get into town, aren’t you?” Still touching him, I tried to see the roads that his choice might take him on. This time, I was immediately able to tell when I got too far- once I got to the end, it was if someone had slammed a door in my face. Still reeling from what I saw, I staggered back, eyes wide. “Whoa, reading really is fundamental.” He stared at me in shock, and I gave him a sheepish grin. “I guess I should have done that sooner, huh?”

“I’m not sure, considering I’m more than a little unnerved right now,” he replied, eyeing me warily. “What did you see?”

“I don’t know what you need to tell her,” I clarified. “But I do know that it comes out anyway. And I see her being really upset with you if she doesn’t find out from you.”

“But she’s going to be upset if I tell her now,” he said glumly. “I’ve hidden it too long already.”

I shook my head. “Nah, I don’t see any major issues if you talk to her soon, so just fess up. Look at it this way- you can’t have done anything too bad just yet.” 

Alistair let out a soft snort. “Glad you think so. Let’s see if Solana feels that way when I tell her,” he replied sadly. Then he brightened and gave me a really big smile. “Hey, maybe you could-“

“Stop right there,” I said, holding up a finger. “This isn’t my story to tell. Besides, I don’t even know what it is you need to tell her- I just know that you were debating doing it. So, I’m sorry, but this is all on you- I can only tell you about the consequences I can see.” 

Alistair shot me a dirty look, then sighed as he settled down by the fire. “You really are useless as a fortune teller, you know that?"

I shrugged. “I do what I can."

  
—

“Is that what you’re wearing to train today?” Cullen asked with a wide grin on his face. “Maker, do you even own proper clothes? What happened to the robes I procured for you?” He shook his head, walking around me in a circle. “I’ll admit, you do look nice, but it is… indecent.”

“What?” I asked. “This is what we wear to work out. Besides, I don’t have robes anymore- I fell in a pile of something that apparently made me reek so bad that Dad burned them.” It was true- soon as I had left, my dad had grabbed the clothes, took them to the backyard and set the fuckers on fire. To make it worse, he’d sent me a message with the photo he had taken of himself standing in front of the flaming garments, giving the camera a thumbs-up. “So yeah, I don’t have any more clothes. Anyway," I said, shrugging and gesturing to my black leggings and long white tunic, ”This will do- no other sane people are awake, anyway."

“Says you,” he replied. “What happens if I find your attire too distracting to train you properly?”

“Then I’ll be hot pissed I got up this early for nothing.” I took a bite of my apple, then laughed as Cullen leaned his head over and took a big bite. “Hey, who said that you could have that?” I said, thwacking him on the arm. “I never said I wanted to share!”

“I don’t either,” he said, looking me straight in the eye. 

I swallowed, trying and failing to calm my racing pulse- I felt like everyone in a ten-mile radius could hear my heart thudding in my ears. “That’s good to know,” I said shakily, taking another tentative bite of the apple and not taking my eyes off him. 

He looked like he was going to say something, but he shook his head. “Anyway,” he said, "finish that up- we need to get started.”

  
“I fucking hate you, Cullen!” I wheezed as we ran along the lake. "This is not what I signed up for- you’re a goddamn sadist!”

He jogged next to me, still looking as fresh as he did when we started a mile back. “Samantha, you have absolutely zero endurance right now- how do you expect to hold a sword if you don’t build some stamina?”

“I could build stamina in other ways, asshole,” I hissed, trying my best not to die. I was _not_ an athlete- Grace was the runner in the family, and I preferred to cheer her on from the sidelines instead of huffing and puffing like a dying freight train. Which, incidentally, was exactly what I looked like right now. “Why did I have to get up at the crack of dawn for you to murder me- what did I do to you?” I stopped, bending over and holding my aching thighs.”I think I need an inhaler- I’m about to die,” I wheezed. 

Cullen stopped, putting an arm over me. “Are you all right, Samantha?” 

“No, I am not all right!” I hissed angrily, then took another wheezing breath. “My lungs are on fire, I’m hot, I’m gross, and I want a shower and a big ass plate of pancakes. That’s it- I’m leaving this world and I’m never fucking coming back.”

“I would be very sad if you didn’t come back,” he said. “And despite what you may think, you look beautiful right now.” 

I pushed my sweaty hair out of my face and stood up, turning to look at him. “You really think so?” I asked. "Even with my face all sweaty, and my hair all gross?”

“Even then,” he said, laughing. Then he smiled, touching his hand to my cheek. “You should know I always find you beautiful, Samantha.” 

I closed my eyes. “I’m dreaming,” I said finally. “That’s it- that’s what’s happening. I knew I wouldn’t willingly run a mile at five in the morning.” 

He laughed and shook his head, then rested his head on mine. “If this were a dream, then what would you want to happen next?”

“Um,” I said, eyes closed and inhaling the scent of him- I sincerely hoped I didn’t smell terrible. “I would want you to kiss me,” I whispered. 

“Then we have a problem,” he said, leaning down and whispering in my ear. “Because that’s exactly what I want to do right now.”

For a moment, right on the edge of the lake, as the sun crested in the sky, time stopped. It was as if all the sound from the world dropped away, and there was nothing left but the two of us as he tilted my face up to his, brushing my lips with his. I felt like the world had stopped spinning when I tasted the apple we had shared, and I closed my eyes, savoring the sensation of his fingertips against my cheeks as he cradled my face in his hands. Reaching up, I threaded my fingers through his curly hair, pulling him closer to me and deepening the kiss, moving closer so there was no space between us. Though he was moving with confidence, I could feel his heart thumping a mile a minute, the rapid pace telling me that he was just as nervous or excited as I was. 

Eventually, it felt like a piece of me was being ripped away when he pressed his forehead to mine and I gasped, opening my eyes and searching his face. He smiled, placing a soft kiss to my forehead, and pulling me close to him. “Maker, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he whispered.

“I wish you’d done it sooner,” I agreed. “We could’ve been doing that instead of running.” 

“I’m afraid you still have to run, Samantha,” he replied, kissing me once again. “We just have something to look forward to when we finish now.”

_ _

* * *

The sun had risen higher in the sky, and they were laying under a tree, her head on his chest as he played with her hair. Samantha was reading to him from the journal and he was staring down at her, trying to figure out just what he had done to have this girl literally fall from the sky and into his life. Her lips were painted that odd shade of purple that he found so appealing, and she was biting her bottom lip whenever she came across something that confused her. 

Cullen laughed, enraptured with the very sight of her, and kissed her on the forehead again. “Need some help?”

She looked up at him and smiled, touching his nose gently. “I’m pretty sure this is absolutely boring for you, Cullen. Feel free to tell me to go away- I know you have stuff to do.”

“Never, Samantha. If I could keep you with me, I would.” He trailed his fingertips up and down her arms, marveling at the feel of her shirt under his hands. “I can’t think of a single place I’d rather be.”

“Too bad we have this pesky blight to fight,” she said jokingly. “I can never keep anything good for myself.”

“You’ve got me,” he said, staring into her eyes and kissing her again. She started to close her eyes, but he stopped her. “No,” he said. “I want you to see me.” 

She looked up, confused. “Why?”

“Because you said you don’t have any good memories of me to draw,” he replied. “Why is it that you don’t realize how I see you, Samantha?”

“I don’t know. Nobody wants me- I’m usually invisible,” she said, lowering her eyes. 

“Not to me- I see you,” he said softly. “I see you in my dreams, and I want to see you when I wake up. I…” He started to say something else, then shook his head, not willing to go down that line of thought just yet. “Anyway, Samantha… I want to treasure this moment- I just wish you could see what I see.”

Samantha touched a hand to his cheek, then closed her eyes, breathing deeply. Then, they fluttered open and she stared at him, her green eyes bright and wide. “Cullen, do you really see me like that?” She shook her head and let out a deep breath. "If so, then that was definitely worth the headache.” 

“I do not know what you saw, but as I said before, I think you’re beautiful, Samantha.” Cullen kissed her again, then let out a chuckle. “I fear we’ve squandered our training time today- how many days before they reach Redcliffe?”

She thought about it for a moment, the corners of her mouth crinkling in thought. “Around four, I think. We’re being a little slow since Loghain and his lackeys have been spreading all these lies about the Wardens.”

He raised an eyebrow. “We? Are you planning on traveling with them?”

“Um, yeah… I’ll be camping with them every night. I just go home to sleep and grab things, mostly.” She frowned. “I thought I told you all this.”

Cullen rubbed the back of his neck and sighed. “Samantha, I… do not want you to put yourself in danger out here.” 

She laughed and placed a kiss on his lips. “I’m perfectly safe at camp- everyone in the party is a badass, and Alistair and Solana have this like darkspawn radar. Trust me, they got it covered- I’m the weak link there. Even the dog is more useful than I am.” She laughed mirthlessly. “I’m only good for food and information.”

“You are so much more than that,” he replied. Then he looked at the sun creeping higher in the sky, and he groaned. “I’m afraid I must get back to my duties.” Sighing, he stood up from his spot on the ground and extended his hand to her- she took it, rising slowly to her feet. “Will you send word that you got back to them all right?” 

Samantha nodded. “Of course I will.” She leaned in and hugged him, but he laughed, giving her a final kiss goodbye. “I’ll try to find you some real clothes,” he whispered, brushing his fingers across her cheek. “Just come back to me.”

“Always,” she said.

_ _

* * *

“MORNING!” I sang, prancing next to Lana and watching as the girl jumped about a foot in the air. “I’ve had a great fucking morning, even if it did start at the asscrack of dawn.”

Lana laughed. “Training went well, I assume?”

“Oh no, training was terrible,” I said, pulling out a breakfast burrito and handing it to Lana. “I’m exhausted- he made me run like three miles today- I wanted to punch him in his handsome face."

“This is delicious!” Lana exclaimed, then clapped her hands to her mouth. “Drat- I should have kept quiet. No one is in a good mood this morning- Alistair made breakfast and it was… not good.”

I giggled. “But the important thing is that he tried, right?” 

“No, the important thing is that you’re here with food,” she replied. “And apparently, a story, since you seem remarkably happy for someone who was running this morning. And also, where are your robes?”

“Long story on the clothes,” I replied. “More importantly,” I said, pulling another sandwich out of my bag, “Cullen kissed me.”

There was a happy squeal from behind me, and I turned around, startled. “Oh, that’s amazing!” Leliana said. Then, she looked sheepish. “My apologies at the intrusion, but I heard you arrive and Lana no longer sounded like she wanted to murder Alistair for burning the rabbit I caught this morning, so I figured there may be some additional food. And,” she said with a grin, “there appears to be good news to be shared, no?”

Grinning, I handed her the sandwich, and she nibbled at it tentatively at first, then closed her eyes with joy. “Solana, I must insist we keep Alistair away from the rations and let Sam handle the food. It seems safer for all of us that way.”

“I can’t let you guys get accustomed to this,” I said with a laugh. “What would happen to you if I didn’t come back?”

“Then the idiot would poison us all and we’d be forced to eat the dog,” Morrigan said, coming up to us. What are you all so joyous about?” Leliana waved her sandwich at Morrigan, who gave me a steely look. “If you brought food, then it is impolite not to share, particularly when it was your friend that caused all of our woes this morning. I’d like one of these items if you please. And if she doesn’t have more, you are sharing,” she hissed at Leliana.

In response, the redhead shoved the rest of the burrito into her mouth at once, smiling sweetly at the witch. Morrigan turned an interesting shade of red, pointed a finger at Leliana furiously, then turned to me, face flush with anger. “I. Want. One.” 

My chances of eating breakfast were dwindling by the minute, but I handed one of the few remaining sandwiches to the witch. “Here you go-“ I barely got the words out of my mouth before she’d snatched the item out of my hands, and I frowned. “No, thank you, Morrigan- it was my pleasure,” I said sarcastically. 

Lana put an arm around my shoulder. “So, tell us- what happened? I am starved for good news this morning!”

“I’m just starved,” came a voice. Alistair was now walking next to us and smiling at me. “So, Sparrow, what do you have in that magic bag of yours?”

“Oh come the fuck on, guys! I’m not a goddamn vending machine!” I said angrily. “Here, take the sandwich- I shouldn’t give you shit, cause this is all your fault in the first place,” I grumbled. Then I walked over to Sten and Dog and handed them each one, and to my dismay, I realized there were no more left for me in the bag- I sighed. “Fuck it,” I said with a sigh. “I guess I didn’t need breakfast anyway."


	16. The Undead? You shouldn't have... Really, you shouldn't have

_ _

* * *

They were set to approach Redcliffe sometime tomorrow, and everyone was sleeping except Sam and Lana. Sam was taking the first watch, as usual, but Lana couldn’t sleep- nightmares had been plaguing her since the joining, but tonight, they were exceptionally bad. When coupled with the news she’d received today, the combination made for a rather restless night. Frustrated by the fact that sleep kept eluding her, Lana walked over to talk with Sam, who was sketching by the light of the fire. “Do you have a minute?”

“For you, I have all the minutes, Lana Banana,” she replied, patting the seat next to her and placing her sketchbook on the ground. “What’s on your mind?” 

She looked around- though it appeared that everyone else was asleep or busy, she didn’t want them to overhear- this wasn’t her news to share, but she wanted to talk it through with Sam. Tentatively, she fingered the locket at her neck. _I talked with Alistair today._

Sam didn’t glance in her direction, but she raised an eyebrow, _Oh really? What about?_

Lana crossed her arms, staring into the fire in front of them. _Don’t play dumb, Sam- I know that you know._  
  
_I really don’t,_ Sam said finally. _I saw that he needed to tell you something, but I never saw what it was. I take it he told you, though._

 _Yeah, he did._ Lana let out a huge sigh. _After all this time, I just found out that Alistair’s a prince, Sam. An honest-to-goodness prince. Can you believe it?_

Sam laughed. _Prince of what? Bad cooking? Dad jokes? Adorkableness? I mean, this is Alistair we’re talking about- you sure he wasn’t just pulling your leg?_

 _I wish he were. It turns out that Cailan was his half-brother. That’s why we were at the tower instead of with the main troops- Duncan was trying to protect him._ Lana shook her head. _I can’t believe it- I’m traveling out here with the future king of Ferelden, making an ass out of myself._

Sam frowned. _Again, this Alistair we’re talking about- does he even want to be king? I get the feeling if you gave him the chance to hang out with Morrigan or entertain a noble, he’d choose Morrigan, and we all see how those two get along._

Lana finally cracked a smile. _According to him, he has no desire to be king. But with the state of the country being what it is, I wonder if he’s going to even have a choice._

Sam smiled. _Are you asking me or are you venting right now?_

 _I don’t know,_ she admitted. _I really like him, Sam. I just don’t know if I have a chance, considering who he is._

 _And who is he?_ Sam frowned. _Right now, he’s Alistair. If he didn’t tell you, I assume it’s because he didn’t want people treating him any differently. Look at us- do we treat him like royalty? I mean, I kicked him in the ass when he stole my dinner tonight- is that something someone who wanted to be king would tolerate?_ Lana laughed, and Sam wrapped an arm around her. _Look, Lana Banana, he’s still our Alistair. He’s the same one who was waiting at your bedside for you to wake up, the same one who can’t finish a sentence properly if you flirt with him, and the one who looks at you like you’re the only woman in the world for him. Don’t let what you think might happen stop you from having the life you want, Lana._

 _Lana looked at Sam teasingly._ Are you following your own advice? 

_About what? Cullen? I’m taking it as it comes_. Sam smiled. _Still can’t believe he wants me- kinda blows my mind. I feel like I’m waiting to wake up, you know?_

Sam picked up her book and began drawing again, and when Lana looked over her shoulder, she smiled at the picture. _That’s very pretty,_ she said, tapping the image on the page. Then, she thought about it for a moment. _Do you mind if I ask you a question, Sam?_

 _Other than the fact that you just did, sure thing._ Lana glared and Sam laughed, hugging the girl. _Oh, just ask your question, Lana._

 _Do you think you’d ever stay in Thedas? Like not go back home? I know it’s selfish, but I keep getting scared you’re going to leave and not come back- your world seems so wonderful, but I must admit, I want you here_. She turned to look at Sam, eyes bright. _And, I’m willing to bet that Cullen does as well._

 _If I had a good enough reason to stay, I would consider it,_ she said slowly. _But nothing changes for us, Lana. I can make you a promise- as long as you’re here, I will always come back for you, understand? You were my first friend here, the first one to treat me like a person and not a freak, and you will forever be my sister. In fact, once this blight thing is squashed, we’re gonna work on getting you a day pass back to my world so you can meet my family, ok?_

 _This sounds like a plan,_ Lana replied, turning her head to watch the shapes dance in the flames.

_ _

* * *

“Break free, Samantha! You should know how to escape this hold by now!”

Cullen had me in a tight grip, and we were working on escape moves. He said I would need it if I got caught in close quarters, but I just teased him, saying it was because he wanted an excuse for me to be pressed up against him. In the end, it didn’t matter- I sucked at escaping. I huffed and went slack, and he sighed, kissing my neck softly. “You have to at least try, you know.”

“No, I really don’t. I learned how to travel back home before my alarm goes off- if I fuck up that bad, I could just go home.” I said as I rubbed his arm. “So boom, I have a plan.”

He released me, tossing me the practice dagger we had been working with and picking up his shield, gesturing for me to come at him. “Have you ever considered that not being an option?”

I feigned left, then went right- he blocked immediately, and I huffed. “This seems to be a topic of conversation for everyone lately. Why the sudden interest in my residency status?” He blocked another one of my strikes and I lost my balance, crashing to the ground in a heap. 

Frowning, he offered me a hand and helped me up, shaking his head. “Your form is terrible, Samantha.” 

I took his hand, then headed over to my bag, pulling out the metal water bottle and sitting down. “It’s been four days, Cullen- I’m not a superhero. Besides, I’m thinking I’m not cut out for warrior tactics- I suck at this and you know it. I think I’m gonna ask Leliana to work with me on using a crossbow- at least I can actually lift that.”

He took the bottle from me and opened it, taking a long swig of the icy water. “You’ve gotten better, even in this short while.” I glared at him and he laughed, handing me the bottle back, albeit much emptier than before. “But you haven’t answered my question.”

“I don’t know,” I replied honestly, leaning against him. “I don’t have much of a reason to make this a permanent home- who in Thedas do I know besides you and Lana? You’re stationed at the Circle, she’s fighting the war, and I have no real skills to speak of. I don’t have a real place here, much as I-“ I cut myself off, realizing I was about to say something stupid. “… I enjoy my time here.” 

He stared at me intently, but didn’t say anything, just kissed my forehead. “I’ve got family in Honnleath- we could go visit them if you want.”

“Meeting the parents already?” I teased. "Why Cullen, what are you trying to tell me?” He flushed scarlet and I giggled, patting his chest. “I’m teasing you, silly. But still, when this is done, Lana is going to build her own life- I can’t expect to live with her in a house by the lake with Dog, you know- Alistair might be offended by the extra housemate. And I don’t think I fit in at the circle- this whole suffocation of rights and freedom thing just doesn’t give me warm and fuzzy vibes."

Cullen held me close, then closed his eyes. “If I weren’t stationed here… would you consider it? If you weren’t saving the world and if I didn’t have this duty, what would you do?” 

“That’s a lot of if’s,” I said quietly. 

“I’m not asking you to do it,” he said quickly. “I just need to know if it would be possible.”

I looked up, searching his face to see if he was serious. His amber eyes were locked into my green ones, waiting to see what I would say, so I decided to go with the most honest answer I could. “For the right reasons, I would consider it. A whim isn’t a good reason, neither is a good time or a fling.” I thought of the family legend, the one Mom was always warning us about, and I stared at him. “But I would for my last love.” 

Cullen looked at me as if he was about to say something else, but Lana cut into my thoughts, making me hold up a finger to silence him. _Sam, are you available?_

 _Yep,_ I said. _Good timing too- this was about to get deeper than I think anything should be before coffee._

Lana sighed. _I’m not going to address that right now. Though I hate to call you away, we need you. We’re coming up to the entrance to Redcliffe and I want to get some semblance of an idea as to what I’m walking into. We’ll wait here for you to arrive before we approach._

I rolled my eyes, and Cullen got an ‘aha’ look on his face, understanding that I was talking with Lana. “Tell her hi,” he said, kissing me on my neck. “And thank you for being so slow- I appreciate the time with you.”

I laughed. _I’ll be right there. Gimme like five minutes to go home and reorient myself. By the way, Cullen says hi._

 _Tell him hello as well, but he has to let you come here and do your duty now- playtime is over._ She chuckled softly. _Isn’t it inconvenient to have to go home every time you wish to travel somewhere, Sam? Wouldn’t it be more convenient to learn to travel straight here?_

_Oh no, you don’t get to lecture me about travel convenience, particularly when your shoes suck out here. I wound up with mad blisters fucking with those boots of yours till I fixed them. And if you can figure out how to get me to teleport, I’m all ears- I’m starting to get the feeling you think I can do a lot more than I actually can, Lana._

_Just hurry up and get here- Morrigan is getting restless and she’s flirting with Sten. It’s kind of uncomfortable._

_Ewww… Roger that, fearless leader. I’ll be there shortly. Love you, Lana Banana._

_Love you too, idiot._

I turned to Cullen, sitting up and reaching over into my backpack. “Time for me to go,” I said softly. “Duty calls. But… I wanted to give you this,” I said, handing him a picture I’d been working on. 

“It’s beautiful,” he said softly, staring at the image and tracing his fingers on the paper. “This is our first kiss.”

I nodded. “Sure is.”

“I can’t think of a better moment to commit to memory,” he said, gently folding the image and placing it in his pocket. “I shall keep it with me and treasure it always.” Then he pulled me close and sighed, resting his chin on my head. “I do not want to let you go, Samantha.”

“You have to,” I sighed. “I’ll always be here for you, but right now, duty calls for both of us."

“How I wish that weren’t the case,” he said sadly. “But there will come a day when it won’t,” he said seriously. “Remember that.”

“I’ll keep it in mind,” I said, reaching up and stealing one last kiss before I left. 

_ _

* * *

Lana looked over the quiet town and then back at Sam, who was clutching her sketchbook tightly. “Everything is about to change,” the girl whispered. “The man we need to see to save the world is in a coma and I’m in a village where the undead attack every night. This was TV level stuff before- now it’s Thursday.” Sam shook her head. “By the way, Morrigan is _NOT_ happy about this.”

“Whatever gave you that idea?” Alistair drawled. “Was it before or after she growled at Lana and stormed off in a huff?” 

“Somewhere in there,” Sam agreed. “But you didn’t need me to tell you that you should help, Lana.” She squared her shoulders. “So, what do you want to do first?” 

Lana looked thoughtful, taking stock of the town. “I’m thinking we should talk to the mayor first. He might have some ideas.” She turned to Sam. “Is there anything you see around checking with him first?”

“Nope. Go for it, sis. I’ll let you know if I see anything.” Sam shuddered. “But I’ll be honest, guys- if you didn’t help, there wasn’t going to be a town afterward. That whole path… ends. Which means,” she said slowly, “that this shit is bad.” 

Leliana put a hand on her shoulder. “Well then, it is a good thing we are here, no? Let us get started- after the mayor, we must still talk to Ser Perth, and nightfall is going to come sooner than we would like.” 

“That’s for damn sure,” Sam said bitterly. “God, what I wouldn’t give to have the Colt right now. Or any gun, for that matter. But enough whining- it’s time to save a town.”

_ _

* * *

“So, we got some shit to do,” I said with a brightness I didn’t feel as we stood near the Chantry. “We gotta convince an angry dwarf to help us fight and a drunk blacksmith to get us armor. Not to mention we gotta get magical feathers for the knights so they actually fight and save their own damn town.” I shook my head. “This shit is bananas, Lana- we gotta split up if we want to get this shit done before the undead decide to come and crash the party.”

“I agree. Morrigan, you and Sten go and handle the recruitment. Alistair, Leliana and I will talk to the blacksmith. Sam, you can talk to the knights. if I need you, I’ll reach out, but I suspect I won’t.” 

“Um, are you sure that those two are the best recruitment party?” Alistair asked, looking between Morrigan and Sten. “They aren’t exactly… sociable.” 

Sten glared at the warden. “I find that this one talks too much,” he said brusquely. 

“I’m inclined to agree,” said Morrigan. “I see no problem with this party- I think it should be free of inane chatter and we shall get straight to the point. If you are that concerned, why not ask our colleague about the consequences of that decision.” 

At that, all heads turned to me, and I sighed. “ _Fine_ …” I paused for a minute, then shuddered. “Ok, new suggestion- I’ll go with them. It seems… less bloody.” Then, I paused, squinting at the Quinari. “But I need to speak to Sten first.” I turned to him, hoping he wouldn’t kill me on the spot, and gave him a tentative smile. “Is that all right with you, Sten?” 

He nodded. “I see no benefit to the useless conversation,” he said. "But if it will move this along, then speak."

I walked over cautiously to him. “There is something here about you, but I can’t really see it. May I touch your arm?” He nodded, and I placed my hand on his arm, closing my eyes. After a moment, I looked up at him. “Your journey is set to take you back here, to this town, Sten."

His eyes widened for a moment, then narrowed. “Then you will come with us. I will talk with you later. Witch, small one… we must now begin our task.”

Lana looked around, raising her eyebrow. “Since that matter is settled, I suppose we should get to it.” Her gaze flickered between me and my party, and she sighed. "Sam, let me know if you need me.” 

“Will do.” I bounded towards the dwarf’s residence. "Come on guys- let’s get our party started.”

Morrigan sniffed. “If you are as righteous as your sister, then this will prove to be quite irritating.”

—

  
We arrived at Dwyn’s house, but there was no answer when I knocked, and the door was locked. “The mayor said he was home, right?”

The witch rolled her eyes. “Yes. You were there- I see no need to ask a question you already know the answer to.” 

“Well, I guess I get the chance to try out something I’ve always wanted to do,” I said brightly, pulling out a bobby pin and squinting at the lock. “I can totally open this.”

“If you feel you can, then do it instead of talking about it,” she sniped, rolling her eyes at me again- I wondered if it were possible for someone to sprain their eyes from rolling them so much. “We do not have all day to accomplish this foolish endeavor.”

“You’re a mighty pleasant person, you know that,” I said as I started to work the lock. In moments, it opened and I gave a triumphant smile to the witch, quite proud of myself. “See?”

“Congratulations, you did something useful- will wonders never cease.” She pushed me to the side and strode inside, Sten following right behind her. I was left alone on the porch holding my bent bobby pin and I sighed, following them in the house. 

As soon as I got in, I gasped- Sten’s paths came right back here, but I couldn’t tell why. There had to be something of his around, but I had no idea as to what it was- he obviously wasn’t chatty with me. Morrigan was berating the dwarf, which was getting us precisely nowhere, and I groaned, deciding to try a new tactic. I hoped the dwarf wouldn’t call my bluff, but we were running out of options. “So, Dwyn, is it?”

The dwarf sneered at me. “And what is it to you?”

I tried to look casual. "Look, it appears you have something that belongs to my big scary friend here,” I said, patting Sten on the shoulder- as I figured, Sten looked positively murderous at the unexpected touch, and I continued, hoping he wouldn’t try to kill me and ruin my ruse. “And he isn’t too happy on a normal day, so how about this? You give him his stuff and fight for your damn town, and we forget this whole thing ever happened. How’s that?”

Dwyn paled. “That blasted sword was his? That nug-humping Fayren didn’t tell me he stole it from a Quinari… fuck!” The dwarf sighed, then gestured to the back of the room, tossing a key at me. “Look, go in back and take the blasted thing, then tell Murdock I’ll help.” He shook his head. “No, better yet, I’ll go- May as well get one last drink before we die.”

“We’re here to help so you guys don’t die,” I said quietly. “If you can help Murdock train the townspeople, we have a better chance. He’s good, but he’s not you.”

Dwyn let out a harrumph. “Yeah, well flattery will get you everywhere, lady. Maybe you should teach your friends here some manners while you’re at it- you might get a bit further. Better yet, you might just want to get some new friends,” he said, glancing at Morrigan and Sten. 

As they left the house, I went to the back and unlocked the chest. “Sten,” I called softly, “the path stops in this chest. Can you come here?”

He did, and when he looked inside, I could have sworn I saw an emotion cross his face. “You have found my Asala,” he said as he picked up the sword. “My soul.” As he picked it up, he turned to me and offered a small bow. “I am in your debt, Samantha.”

“Yeah, well, you keep my sister safe and we’re good,” I said, patting him on the shoulder. “Let’s go meet up with everyone and see what else we have to do before this all goes to hell.”

\--

Night had started to fall, and we had done everything we could. Alistair and Lana had gotten the blacksmith to make the armor, and Leliana did god knows what to make the bartender join the fight and had the new owner give free out free drinks for the militia. She even picked up another fighter for the knights named Berwick. When I heard this, I instantly decided that if I lived through the night, I needed to sit down with the sneaky little redhead- she was certainly no mere Chantry sister, and I wanted to know her story. For my part, I was able to convince the Revered Mother to give the knights the amulets- she was uneasy about giving the knights the tokens when we both knew that they wouldn’t do anything, but I had to remind her that sometimes having a symbol to connect you to something greater than yourself could the best way to soothe a soul. She agreed and gave the knights the items, and we had just enough time to get situated before dusk. 

But, storytime with Leliana would have to wait- while Lana, Alistair, and Dog were at the windmill with the knights, Dwyn’s crew, and the creepy dude, Morrigan, Sten, and Leliana were outside the Chantry with Murdock and the rest of the militia. As for me, I was huddled in the chantry with Bann Teagan under the guise of offering him support as the last line of defense. Teagan looked over at me as I watched the door nervously, my daggers at my hips. Hopefully, I wouldn’t have to use them, because all they were really good for at this point were being waved around wildly and opening packages. However, he didn’t know that, so I tried to project an air of confidence I decidedly did not have. Tonight, I was banking on my friends being as good as I thought they were, but I wasn’t an idiot- I knew I was being hidden, but for once, I had absolutely no qualms with that. 

I reached out to Lana, hoping she was ready. _Hey, Lana Banana, still quiet out there? Mind if I watch the battle and let you know if I see anything weird?_

She was nervous but trying to be confident, just as I was. Unlike me, however, her life was on the line. _Oh, you mean other than hordes of the undead that are coming to drag off villagers to their doom? Is that what you mean by weird?_

_Yeah, I think that’s what I’m referring to, smart ass. I took a look around, but the area was still. I don’t see anything happening yet- do you hear anything?_

_No,_ she replied. _It’s still quiet out here. She paused. I’m scared, Sam. I won’t tell them, but I’m terrified right now._

 _Lana, I’d think you were crazy AF if you weren’t scared right now. I’m terrified and I’m in here pretending that I got this, but I most decidedly do not got this._ I swallowed nervously. _Not only are you are seriously badass, but you also have the biggest heart of anyone in Thedas, you know that? And even though I can’t help you do a goddamn thing, I’m willing to go into battle with you anyway._

 _Thanks, Sam_ , she said. _That means a lot._

_That’s good... because it’s starting. Eyes front, Lana Banana._

_Well, shit,_ came the reply as she took a deep breath and I could feel her prep her magic. _Let’s do this._

_ _

* * *

Lana was hot and sweaty and spent from the battle, but she would take it, as they were all alive. Though she was drained from healing the knights and freezing large swathes of the undead, she breathed a sigh of relief at the retreat of the horde. She wasn’t sure how much more of this she could take, but it was apparent that the battle wasn’t over yet. Sam broke into her thoughts just as the last undead had fallen under Alistair’s blade. _Lana! They’re coming to the Chantry- they need you guys over here!_

_Shit- we’re on our way! Where are they coming from?_

_The lake. Oh god, they’re coming up from the lake…_ Sam swallowed. _Fuck this, I gotta get out there- they can’t see them! They don’t know what’s coming!_

 _Sam, I’m on my way- you stay put!_ Lana felt her pulse racing with every step, knowing full well that if she didn’t get there quickly, the foolish girl was going to go outside and get herself killed. _Samantha! Stay inside, do you hear me! Stay inside! Sam!_

_There’s no time! I’m going!_

_Sam! Don’t you dare!_ There was no answer- Sam had already rushed out and cut the connection and Lana screamed in frustration. “Fuck!”

Alistair was racing by her side. “What’s wrong,” he huffed. “Where are we going?”

“The undead are attacking the chantry- Sam saw them coming up from the lake, and now that foolish girl is now outside with the others!”

“Fuck!” Alistair hissed, understanding her frustration. “We have to get over there!” 

They raced down the hill and towards the chantry only to find a scene filled with chaos- the undead had indeed surrounded the Chantry, and the defenders were barely keeping them back. Lana noticed, to her dismay, that Sam had been right- if she hadn’t gone out there when she did, they would have easily been overrun. Morrigan and Leliana were working in tandem, with the witch firing spells and Leliana attacking. Sten was taking down whatever he could find, and as she suspected, Sam was right in the middle of the fray, working to save the town.

That being said, the girl wasn’t doing well at all. By some miracle, she hadn’t succumbed to any major injuries, but she had definitely taken a beating. Her face was covered in scratches, her clothes were torn, and blood was everywhere, but she was still standing and there was a pile of undead bodies at her feet. Suddenly, as she came closer, she noticed something about the way the girl was fighting- Sam was trying to move them away from the others and take them one at a time, which was smart, as she wasn’t that efficient or quick with her strikes. But, Lana noticed that once she got one away, Sam would study it for a split second, then block almost every single attack until she found an opening, finishing the creature off. 

_She’s reading his attacks,_ she realized. _She can see what the thing is choosing to do and she’s using its decisions against it._

However, no one minded one bit when they joined the battle, and Lana and Alistair raced over to Sam, working to offer her some backup. “You bloody idiot!” Lana screamed as she roasted a wave of undead coming at them. One got away and ran towards Sam, who waited for a second before picking him off. “You could have gotten yourself killed out here!” 

“Better me than all of them,” she wheezed as she knocked one corpse back towards Alistair. “I had to tell them- I could see my consequence, Lana! If I didn’t they were going to die!”

“Less talking more fighting!” Alistair yelled. “There’s going to be plenty of time afterward to tell Sam what a blasted idiot she is!”

After what felt like forever, the undead finally stopped advancing. Lana and Morrigan were almost completely out of mana, and the others were breathing heavily, looking as if they were ready to pass out at any moment. The militia and knights were all badly bruised and some even had broken bones, but, thanks to Sam’s intervention, everyone was there to see the sunrise. Lana breathed a sigh of relief, but then turned to the girl, who was pale from blood loss and her injuries. “Sam!” Lana cried. “Stay with me!”

“Not here,” she whispered, grabbing Lana’s hand. “Can’t fall… asleep. But I’m so tired. Get me somewhere I can go home?”

Lana winced. After her heroic save, the town would definitely notice her leaving, but Sam needed rest, and that was more important. “Alistair, Sten, I need you. Let’s make camp so we can rest and regroup. Can one of you help me with Sam?”

To her surprise, Sten scooped up the tiny girl. “She needs rest,” he said simply. “She fought with honor today.”

_ _

* * *

I woke up with carpet in my mouth and the sting of peroxide on my face. “Ow,” I muttered, eyes still closed. “Whoever is doing that, please stop.”

“Sorry, Pipsqueak, you were bleeding all over the carpet,” Dad said lightly. "I told you gray was a bad idea, but you insisted on it."

“Neutrals are in this season,” I said with a groan as I struggled to roll over. “Besides causing me medical-based pain, why are you here, Dad?” I blinked and realized that my very eyelids hurt. “I feel like I’ve been trampled, then ran over for good measure.”

“You look like it,” he said, offering me two pills and a glass of water. I took his offering and blessed his foresight. “When your mom said you’d be dropping in, I didn’t think she meant you’d be hitting the floor like a sack of bricks- I was in my room and heard you hit the ground.”

“So why didn’t you move me? The floor isn't comfy, you know?”

Dad shrugged, handing me an ice pack. “One, I didn’t know if something was broken. Two, this was more fun- I’ve been waiting to see your face for a few hours now."

I put my head in my hands, relishing the coolness of the bag against my aching skin. “Shit, I gotta get-“

“Nope. You gotta get some sleep. Mom’s orders. She said you’re confined to this bed for at least the next six hours after that stunt you pulled. She also told me she’s ok with me hog tying or sedating you if I have to. However, that sounds really creepy, so I’m going with a more polite tactic of just telling you to stay your ass in bed.” He pulled out his phone, searching for something. “I wanted to make sure I got this right, so I had her text it to me… ’Tell Sam that she is an idiot- four days of half-assed training does not make her a warrior. When she wakes up, disinfect her so she doesn’t die, then have her let the templar and the mage know she's alive before you hogtie her ass to the bed for at least six hours. Shoot her with a tranq dart if you have to. Then, tell her I love her and I’m super proud of her, but if she does something that stupid again I’m gonna kill her myself. BTW, dinner is in the fridge. Love you.’”

I groaned. “She saw all that?” 

“Apparently so,” Dad said, helping me to my feet. “Now, do you care to tell me what it is that’s got my daughter looking like she came from a cage fight and my wife in a snit, or do I have to ask your mother and make her mad all over again?” 

“I kinda jumped into a fight with a horde of the undead,” I answered honestly. “I also only had two daggers I don’t really know how to use, so I almost got eaten a few times. Well, a lot, if we’re keeping track. But,” I said, holding up a finger. “In my defense, I saved half a town.”

“You are definitely my daughter,” he said, shaking his head. “I don’t know whether to laugh, cry, shake you, or give you a medal.”

“I think my friends are going to handle that whole spectrum for you,” I said. “I’m going to go take a shower- please don’t burn my clothes this time, Dad.”

Dad wrinkled his nose. “Good choice. At least when you smell like death now, there’s a reason. And fine- I’ll wash what I can and febreeze the shit out of what I can’t.” 

“I cannot go around with floral-scented armor, Dad,” I said, heading for the bathroom. "The darkspawn will laugh at me.”

“Good. Maybe then you’ll actually be able to land a hit on them,” he said as he kissed me lightly on the forehead. 

—

  
I decided to check in with Cullen first- hopefully, he’d be able to talk to me. _Cullen, can you hear me?_

 _I can…_ He paused for a moment. _You sound distressed. What’s wrong?_

I took a spoonful of the soup the Dad had brought up, wincing whenever I moved- I had definitely broken a rib. _Um… I realized that escape moves are not stupid, running is actually valuable, and I suck with every weapon right now._

The frown in his voice was evident- I could just see him furrowing his brow in consternation. _And how, may I ask, did you come to this conclusion?_

 _Promise you won’t get mad,_ I asked. 

_Now I am even more likely to be mad_ , he responded. _But that doesn’t mean I won’t listen to you._

 _I fought against a horde of undead and I broke a few ribs_ , I said quickly. _But I saved a lot of people. Also, my mom is already pissed at me, and I’m pretty sure Lana is going to break a few more of my ribs for being stupid when I join up with them again before she heals me._

There was a silence between us. _Samantha… please, stop being foolhardy- this world isn’t safe._

He was always a bit overprotective, but his tone was odd, even for him. _Cullen, I said with concern, what’s wrong? You sound upset._

He sighed. _It’s been uneasy here for the last few days. We’ve seen more and more instances of blood magic, which… is not good. I fear trouble is brewing._

Right now, I wanted nothing more than to reach out to him and hold him in my arms. _Is there anything I could help with? Do you need me to come?_

I could feel the force of his reply in my head, making me wince at his tone. _Maker, no! I want you as far away from here as possible until this is settled, do you understand me? It is not safe here right now!_

 _I understand,_ I said softly. _Is it cool if I check in with you… you know, to make sure you’re ok?_

 _I always want you with me, Samantha,_ he said after a moment. _I just want to be sure that you're safe even more._

 _Same,_ I replied. _Stay safe, Cullen._

 _Goodbye, dear heart_ , he replied. _May the Maker watch over you and keep you safe._


	17. Why is it Always Blood Mages?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We meet the best worst assassin ever, and the gang heads back to Kinloch Hold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: It's Broken Circle time.
> 
> I'm going to gloss over as much as I can because dwelling in doom and gloom isn't my style, but we all know it has to happen. So please, be forewarned- I'll never get too graphic, but we all know this part sucks. I'll do my best to balance it.

_ _

* * *

Lana was having an extremely bad morning, and everyone in her party knew it. 

It started when they were awakened from the measly three hours of sleep by Isolde, Arl Eamon’s wife. She was so obviously sending the Bann off into a trap that Lana just stared at Teagan with utter shock. He assured her that he knew it was not as simple as it sounded, but he decided he had to go anyway- no one had been able to get into the castle since the undead attacks had started, and Isolde’s appearance marked the first time anyone in the village had heard from someone that lived there. In response, Teagan quickly set off with the woman, stopping just long enough to inform Lana and Alistair about the secret passage and offering them his signet ring to make sure they could follow after him. For a moment, Lana found herself wishing she could see the things Sam saw, just so she could be able to yell at Teagan with impunity about the stupidity of his plan. 

And Sam… Maker take her, Lana just knew that girl's impetuousness would be the death of her. Instead of being with them, she was stuck at home, suffering from exhaustion and broken ribs. Lana realized that most of her irritation at Sam was relief at the fact that she was alive after the stunt she had pulled, but she couldn’t stop herself from being angry- it felt safer to Lana to ignore the other feelings of sadness and guilt. Those wouldn’t serve her well here, so instead, she chose to go with feeling annoyed at everyone and everything for the time being. 

But then, after getting into the dungeon of the castle, she saw Jowan. At the sight of the blood mage, she let out a guttural howl and tried to leap at him, but Alistair grabbed her back, suggesting she call for Sam instead. In the blink of an eye, she had almost reached through the bars of the cage to throttle him, and despite being separated by the bars of the cell, Lana itched to get her fingers around his neck. She was only mildly concerned about what the consequences of that decision might be, but Lana was also aware of the fact that she was tired and exhausted. So, though she wanted to roast Jowan where he stood, she called for her sister instead, sending the mage death glares the entire time. 

_Sam, are you there?_ Lana growled. _Of course, this would be easier if you were here, but I’ll take what I can get right now._

_Geez Louise, Lana- do you need a Snickers? My god, you’re bitchy this morning._

_Well considering my sister is home with broken ribs, I’m in a castle dungeon where there’s obviously a trap afoot set by the blond tart that passes for the Arl’s wife, and oh yeah, the blood mage who started this whole fiasco of an adventure is in a cell in front of me… for poisoning the very Arl I need to see! I think allowed to be a little testy, don’t you agree?_

Sam sighed. _I’m on my way. Don’t kill anyone till I get there._

_I make no promises._

_ _

* * *

Blood mages going around poisoning nobles was something that my relatively comfortable life hadn’t prepared me well for, but I thought I was doing pretty well with what I was being given, all things considered. I mean, I wasn’t even all that surprised to find out that Jowan was the one that kicked off this idiocy, and I was even less surprised to find out that Loghain had put him up to it- hell, it seemed like everything here seemed to be a cacophony of full-circle fuckshit when you came down to it. What I did mind, however, was being put in the unfortunate position of having to tell Lana that if she killed the mage, it was going to make it harder for her later on. 

“Are you certain about this, Sam,” Lana hissed through gritted teeth. “I’m feeling like I would rather like to destroy this man for _ruining my life!_ ” 

I shrugged and Jowan wisely backed away from the bars of the cage. Leliana and Alistair gave me a look, and I rolled my eyes.” _What?_ The man is a fucktard- this whole thing is his fault, and personally, I understand why Lana wants to make a kebab out of him.”

Leliana placed a gentle hand on my shoulder. “Sam, I understand how you two feel, but is that truly the wisest decision right now, with everything else we have to deal with?” 

I sighed and gave a huffy look at the redhead. “Ugh, don’t go around being all right about things- I’m allowed to be irrational every once in a while.”

Alistair pointed a finger at me. “You used up your quota of that when you charged into the fight last night.” He gestured to the mage. “So, time for you to do your weird non-fortune-telling thing. Chop chop- we’re on a clock to save the world, remember?”

I sighed, checking to see if our bloodlust was warranted, then blew out a loud breath and rolled my eyes. “Ugh, leave him here." Lana's eyebrows went into her hairline, but I didn't budge. "Trust me, life will work itself out later. In the meantime, I think we need to go and save Teagan, don’t you?”

Alistair nodded. ”Finally, we’re all making sense again. I’d quite like to get to Arl Eamon as soon as possible, and this-“ he gestured with disgust to Jowan, “can wait. Or rot, if we prefer.”

We left the mage in the cell and headed further inside, rescuing the blacksmith’s daughter and heading to the courtyard, where Ser Perth and the rest of the militia were waiting to storm the castle. Just as we were about to open the gates, we were halted by a huge scary thing brandishing a huge sword at us. I felt every single one of my bones ache again as I recalled the previous fight, and I was not exactly happy to be tossed into the fray again so soon- how they did this all the time was beyond me. Horrified, I turned to my companions, pointing into the courtyard. “Um,” I hissed, “does anyone care to tell me what the fuck _that_ is?”

“A revenant,” Morrigan said icily. “His appearance would seem to imply that we have demons in the castle.” As soon as she said it, corpses and skeletons began to rise from the ground, and I groaned, causing the witch to fix me with an icy stare. “While we proceed to fight and distract the enemy, go make yourself useful and open the gate. Surely even you can manage that without getting yourself killed."

I sighed, readying my daggers and hoping I would prove to be at least a modicum of help in this battle. “This is so not what I was expecting when I woke up this morning.”

\--

  
After the fight, we ran into the castle, and when we entered the throne room, I let out a low whistle. “Scratch that- _this_ is definitely not on the list of what I was expecting to see when I woke up this morning.” I had been expecting a horror show, but seeing Teagan dancing like a marionette on a string and hearing that creepy voice coming out of the small boy practically made my brain explode. “Everyone else is seeing this, right? Cause right now, I’m not sure that my dad didn’t slip a slow-acting mickey in my food to keep me in the house.” 

“Nope, I’m seeing this too,” Alistair said. “Funny, I was hoping I was the one going mad.”

Lana’s eyes darted across the room, watching as the small boy insulted his mother and sent Teagan and his guards to attack their crew. “Knock them out! The demon inside Connor is controlling them!” She began to prep to cast a lightning spell, and I had an idea, one I had wanted to try since we met up in the fade. Though I knew this plan was foolish, I had to try. If we could knock this fight out right away, it would be better for everyone- I could always recover later.

My mind made up, I quickly pulled the vial of lyrium I had procured from one of the chests we’d broken into, and raced over to Lana. “Use me, Lana- just like we did in the Fade!” Before she could say anything, I concentrated on what I wanted to do, grabbing her hand just as she started to cast a stunning spell. She screamed as our hands connected, and her spell exploded, knocking everyone in the room off their feet at once. The demon boy reeled, and Lana and I watched as Connor was himself for a moment before screaming and running out of the room.

As the edges of my vision began to darken, I was getting the sneaking suspicion that I should maybe have tried this idea out in a less chaotic environment first. Just as I was about to pass out, Lana hurriedly dumped the contents of the vial I was holding into my mouth, causing me to gag and splutter. “Ugh!” I moaned, “that tastes disgusting!” 

“Can’t be as bad as getting hit with a blast like that,” Alistair groaned, getting shakily to his feet. “Maker’s breath, what the hell was that? I’ve never seen anything like that before!” 

“Well that makes two of us,” I said with a cough. “I had an idea and I tried it.”

Morrigan was tangled up in a heap with Leliana and Sten, working furiously to get to her feet. “Next time, do us all a favor and prepare us for the next idea, you twit!" She glared at me as she smoothed her robes. "You could’ve killed us all!” 

I rolled my eyes at the witch, then Lana and I offered a hand to Leliana and Sten. “I’m sorry,” I said as I helped them to their feet. “Lana said knock them all out, and I was just trying to be efficient- I saw a chance and I took it.” 

Awake and no longer under the control of the demon, Bann Teagan groaned from across the room- Isolde ran over to him. “You have to save him! You have to save my boy!” She screamed.

Teagan started to say something, but Lana had reached the end of her rope, her face twisted with righteous fury. “I don’t have to do a damn thing!" Shaking, she thrust a finger at Isolde, her anger practically tangible. "This is all your fault, you stupid cow!” Now she had stepped over to the blond woman, and she was positively livid. "If you hadn’t hired a blood mage to try and teach him magic,” she snapped, "no one would be in this mess right now!” 

The blonde turned to us tearfully, and though I disliked her for causing this whole fiasco in the first place, I understood the need to protect her kid. I gently placed a hand on Lana’s arm, shaking my head. “Lana, not now,” I said quietly. She started to say something else, but closed her mouth and blew out a deep breath through her nose, nostrils flaring with anger. “Is there anything we can do to rescue him? Maybe we should go get Jowan and ask him- and hey, if he won’t talk, Lana and I can always barbecue him,” I joked. 

“You can listen to that bastard if you want,” Lana huffed, storming away from us. “But I need to get out of this room- I need some air.”

Alistair started to run after her, but I put a hand on his shoulder. “Let her go,” I said quietly. “When your life comes full-circle, sometimes you need a minute."

_ _

* * *

Thank goodness Sam was around- Lana knew that she needed to find a way to save the boy, but her emotions were getting the better of her. Lack of sleep and frustration were making it impossible to think, and she could not stand to be in the same room with the mage she once called her friend. That man had gotten her ripped away from almost everything she once knew, and just seeing him made her blood boil. As she stood outside the room and listened to him talk about using blood magic, she wanted to race inside and tear out his throat. Luckily, her sister understood what a horrible idea that was, and pressed him for another way. He had hemmed and hawed for a moment, but when Lana stormed back into the room and grabbed him by his collar, he stammered that a collection of mages might be able to assist and send a mage into the Fade to remove the demon from the boy. 

“Looks like we’re heading back home, Lana Banana,” Sam said brightly, trying to lighten the mood. “Shall I call Cullen and tell him to set a few extra places for dinner?”

She knew what Sam was trying to do, but she wasn’t in the mood. “We leave in twenty minutes,” she growled. "Be ready.”  
—  
_This is not the day_ , Lana growled. _Why is everything going to hell in a handbasket today? What is with the obvious traps?_

Sam had nudged her in her mind, warning her about the trap as soon as she saw the woman. But, though she wanted to ignore it, Sam told her that this one was important, and they should let it play out as it would. Now, as she stood over the elven assassin and he offered information on Loghain’s treachery, she understood- information was well worth the insignificant battle. 

“Ah, thank you for not immediately slaying me, my beautiful tempest- I am forever in your debt. Zevran Arainai, at your service.” He leaned over to place a kiss on her knuckles, and though she was quite peeved at the attempt on her life, she couldn’t help but note that she felt a flush when his lips brushed her hand. 

From her right, she heard Sam whisper to Alistair, “Yo, my dude, the elf assassin is putting the moves on your girl, whatcha gonna do about it?” 

Lana turned to the girl, her staff still at Zevran’s throat. “Sam, instead of harassing Alistair, can you please offer me a compelling reason not to roast this Antivan Crow now that I know who sent him? As of right now, I’m thinking we usually don’t keep people alive who intend to kill you.” She turned to the elf, who looked remarkably relaxed for being in a position where she could easily murder him. “Considering I could kill you while she verifies your intentions, you don’t seem too concerned for your welfare.”

Zevran shrugged. “Either way you choose, my life is forfeit. I cannot go back to the Crows, they will kill me on sight for failing to kill you. And you are well within your rights to kill me, as I freely admit I forced your hand in the matter. If I must go, I choose to die with the last sight being a beautiful woman, as there are certainly worse ways to go.”

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Alistair twitch. “I think Sten should be the one to do the honors. I’d prefer we not give this one the pleasure.”

“However, I would be remiss to not point out a third option, which is I… serve you instead. As you already know I am a skilled fighter, and I would happily pledge myself to the company of such lovely women in exchange for my life. But, as you are the injured party, it is your choice.” 

He rested his arms behind his head and smirked at Lana, which made her shake her head in exasperation, and she turned to Sam. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but Sam… what would happen…”

Alistair turned a fierce shade of red. “Absolutely not! Lana, you can’t be serious! We are NOT taking the assassin with us! Sorry, murder buddy, but this crew is full up- no more room for murderers in our merry little band of ruffians.” 

Morrigan snickered. “If it frustrates Alistair this much, then ’tis certainly to our benefit to include him on our travels. What say you, Sam- do we take him with us? I daresay it will give me great pleasure to watch as he attempts to whisk our dear Lana off her feet right under the nose of this bumbling idiot.”

Sam sighed. “Last I checked, Lana gets to choose who whisks her off her feet. But, I have to say, he’s telling you the truth. You do right by him and he’s going to be important later on.”

“At this point, who isn’t important,” Alistair grumbled, clearly upset at the way this was going and watching Zevran closely as Lana let him get to his feet. When the elf walked past, the warden placed a gloved hand on his shoulder and growled at the assassin, “I’m watching you- the first time you try something, make no mistake, I’ll kill you myself."

Zevran gave the man a sweeping bow. “I would expect no less, young warden.”

As Zevran walked towards Sam and Leliana, Lana found herself smiling for the first time today- though she’d deny it if anyone asked, she couldn’t help but feel slightly pleased when she realized that Alistair wasn’t just talking about an attempt on her life. 

_ _

* * *

As we made camp for the night, I tapped Lana. “I’m not getting a good feeling about this,” I whispered. “I’ve been trying to reach out and find Cullen since we left Redcliffe, and I’m not getting anything. No response, I can’t feel him- there's nothing. And that isn’t normal, Lana.”

She frowned at me. “Can you sense anyone else, or is it just him?”

I bit my lip. “It’s just him. I can see everything else just fine. Lana, he said there were problems with blood mages,” I whispered. “What if something’s going on over there?”

She put a hand on mine. “Then he’s darn lucky he’s got these two sisters here to watch over him, right?” Lana reached over and hugged me. “Sam, we’ll be there soon. Hopefully, you’ll see your strapping young templar and put all these fears to rest. Speaking of, what is going on with the two of you?” Lana leaned over and grinned wickedly as we sat next to the fire. “Dare I say this is serious?” 

“It can’t be,” I said honestly. “I like him, but we can’t be more than that.” She looked confused, but I sighed. “You remember when we met Flemeth, and she said something about the elder curse, right?”

She nodded. “I remember. You said you didn’t know anything about it.”

I fidgeted a little, shifting to see her. Even saying it to myself, it sounded crazy. However, we’d been through more than most, and if anyone deserved to know, it was Lana. “Technically, I didn’t say anything. But I know about it. We’re told the stories when we’re young. But I’m going to warn you, it sounds stupid… I’ve never told anyone.”

Suddenly, Leliana approached and placed a hand on my shoulder. How she moved so silently was beyond me- the woman was worse than a damn cat! “I’m sorry,” Leliana interrupted softly, “But I love stories. The best ones are unbelievable to start… until they turn out to be true.” Her blue eyes glinted with amusement. “Unless this story is private, I would love to hear it as well.”

I shrugged. “It's not private, per se, just… weird. I didn’t know if I believed it before… but I’m starting to. Well, so the story goes, all women in our family are doomed to have their first love end in tragedy and devastate them. And not ‘I’m going to eat a box of chocolates and feel better in a week’ type tragedy, I’m talking break your soul to the point you don’t think you’ll ever recover devastation.”

Lana stared at me in silent horror, but Leliana let out a shocked gasp. “Maker! That’s horrible! Why would such a thing happen?” 

I stared out into the fire. “To appreciate your second, I suppose. The story says that your second love will be the one you’ll fight for, not cry for. Instead of wanting to die because of it, you’ll want to live to experience all of it. That person that you fall in love with the second time will be the one that sees you for exactly who you are and loves you so much that not even death could keep them from you. And in the end, because your love for each other is so strong that your children have to go through the cycle to put things back to rights. But that’s it- the second is the last. It’s all about balance, I guess.” 

Leliana nodded serenely. “And you’re scared your templar is the first, am I right?” 

I nodded sadly. “Hence why I am not in a rush to get too cozy with him. It’s fun, but that’s all it is. That doesn’t mean I don’t care about him- I’m still really worried- I’ve never had an issue reaching him before.”

“Don’t worry, Sam- we’re going to get there and find your templar,” Lana said, hugging me. "And, I wouldn’t put too much stock in an old story- take it from me, I’ve sifted through countless tomes- they never mean what you think they mean anyway, so it’s no use worrying about riddles.” 

“You’re probably right,” I said wistfully. “You’re the best, Lana Banana.” 

“I know,” she said. “But try keeping that in mind the next time you decide not to listen to me."

_ _

* * *

That night while Lana was on watch, Alistair came over, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Want some company?” He asked as he settled in next to her.

She smiled. “Aren’t you supposed to be asleep?”

He shook his head. “Couldn’t sleep. Nightmares,” he said simply. “They’ve been getting worse lately.”

“I thought it was just me,” she said in a low voice. “I’m seeing… and hearing things. It’s like the archdemon is in my head.” She shivered and looked at the warden, noticing the dark circles under his eyes as well. “Is that what it’s like for you, too?”

Alistair nodded. “Yeah… guess it is true- this is a blight.” He sighed, running his fingers in his hair. “And we’re the last line of defense of the whole country. No pressure,” he joked. 

Lana smiled. “Maybe we could use a little luck.” She reached in the bag at her feet and handed a necklace to Alistair. “I saw this in the castle- figured you might want it. Morale boost and all- figured it couldn’t hurt.” 

His eyes went wide. “This… was my mother's. But, I don’t understand,” he said, turning the jewel over in his hands. "I smashed this when Eamon sent me off to the chantry. How did you-“ 

“I didn’t,” she said simply. “It was in Arl Eamon’s study- looks like he fixed it for you. I just saw it and remembered you saying that it was the only thing you had of your mothers- I thought you would want to have it.”

“Solana,” he breathed. “I don’t…” He shook his head, then looked up at Lana, amazement, affection evident on his face. “I guess I’m not used to people actually listening when I talk.” Suddenly, he reached over and hugged her, taking her breath away for a moment. “Thank you - I don’t think I could ever repay you for something like this,” he whispered in her ear. 

Lana’s cheeks were aflame as she hugged him back, closing her eyes and enjoying the feeling of him in her arms. “Alistair, you never have to repay me for something like this. Seeing your face and knowing that I made you happy is thanks enough.” She laughed softly when he pulled away, intently searching his face to gauge how he was feeling. “Besides, what are friends for, right?” 

His face was unreadable when he responded, but he didn’t turn away from Lana. “Yeah… friends. Of course.”

_ _

* * *

It was a perfect day- Cullen was given rare time away from his duties and Samantha had nowhere to run off to, so they were laying in the shade under the tree, staring out at the lake. He was absentmindedly playing with the strands of her long dark hair and inhaling the scent of her as she trailed her hands up and down his chest, staring at him with her green eyes. “This is perfect,” she said. “We could stay like this forever.”

He leaned in and kissed her, tasting the honey on her lips, and he frowned- Samantha hated honey. “Don’t you have to go back?” 

She shook her head, the scent of pine and flowers tickling his nose. “You wanted me to stay with you, remember? And if you want me here, that’s exactly where I’ll be.”

He sighed, leaning back. “But I have a duty to the order- I can’t abandon it, no matter how much I want it, and you have your family at home.” He kissed her forehead. “Seriously, how much time do you have left?” He glanced at the watch on her wrist, tracing his fingers on the band. “I want to enjoy every moment of this.” 

“I told them I was staying with you,” Samantha replied, arching her face up to kiss him, stroking his cheeks. “I’m not going anywhere.” When he didn’t respond, she rolled over and sat on top of him, placing his hands around her waist. She pouted and placed a finger on her painted red lips. “What, are you sad? Don’t you want me with you? I promise you, Cullen… this is exactly where I want to be.” 

His hand brushed against the leather pants she was wearing as she slid it under her tunic, moving it across her breastband and tracing the outline of her breast underneath. Startled, Cullen immediately jerked back. “Samantha, I don’t think we should-“ 

“Oh come now,” she laughed. “I know you want to. You’ve wanted to since you’ve seen me- I know how you look at me.” She leaned in to kiss him, and he noticed her eyes were a duller green than they normally were. “I want you, Cullen. I want you to have all of me.” 

She took her hand and started sliding it underneath his shirt, and he froze. “Samantha, no,” he said firmly, grabbing her wrist. “This is not-“ He stopped when he grabbed her hand and noticed her watch. He felt his blood chill when he realized he could read the words on it- he could never read the words on her watch before. Terrified, he pushed her off his chest, rolling her to the ground and scrambling to get to his feet. “You’re not her,” he croaked hoarsely. “You’re not Samantha.”

The creature that looked like Samantha smiled. “But Cullen, I could be. I can give you everything you ever wanted, everything that she never gave you.” She crawled towards him and Cullen backed away- now he could immediately see that this was not Samantha. This version was wrong- she was nothing like the girl he adored. “What gave me away? I can do better next time- you’ll never want for anything as long as I have you.” 

Frozen to the spot with fear, Cullen looked for an exit, but there was none- the creature pushed him to the ground, straddling him and leaning over his face. “Please,” he pleaded, turning his head away as she pinned his arms with a strength the real Sam didn’t have. “Please… just leave me alone. I don’t want this,” he whispered. 

“Hush,” it cooed into his ear, caressing his neck with its warm tongue. “I’m about to give you everything you desire, Templar.”

_ _

* * *

“What do you mean, 'we can’t go across'?” Lana said, hands on her hips. “This is Grey Warden business, and we need to get to the tower."

The templar crossed his arms. “I’ve got orders- no one is to go across. I don’t care who you are- you are not going across in this boat.” 

Lana frowned and started to say something, but Sam growled, pushing her way to the front. “There’s something wrong with Cullen, so I don’t give a damn what this assbiscuit over here says, we are getting into that tower.” She strode up to the templar, drawing herself to her full height- she didn’t come up to his chin, but Lana noticed that she was still quite intimidating as she poked him in the chest. “Look here, you metallic moron… you are taking us across to that tower. If you don’t, my sister over here is going to run a lightning bolt so far up your ass that we’re gonna be able to use your mouth as a flashlight and we’re taking the motherfucker ourselves.” She put her hands on her hips, staring the man in the eye unblinkingly. "Do I make myself clear?”

The templar stuttered. “Um… yes… I… sure.” He swallowed nervously, then looked over them. “Just… let me know when you’re ready and we can head out.” He turned away, muttering something about hating his job, and Lana snickered- ordinarily she would be more understanding, but he had earned every bit of the small girl’s ire. 

“So, who’s going with me?” Lana asked, staring at the group. “I don’t necessarily want to head into the tower with a small army.” She looked at Dog, who gave her a quizzical look. “Can you stay here? I don’t know how they might feel about a dog inside, even one as good as you.” The dog whined, but walked over to the shore and sat down.

“He understands,” Sam said with a grin. “Though I think you may owe him a treat afterward.” She gave Lana a hard glare. “Don’t even think about leaving me here- you know I’ll just go anyway.” Lana rolled her eyes- she figured that Sam had no intention of staying behind, no matter what she said. 

“Despite being left with the mongrel, I will stay here,” Morrigan said quickly. “An apostate with a tower full of what might amount to jumpy templars hardly seems like a good idea.”

“Then I will watch the witch,” Sten said simply. “Look after the small one, Warden.”

“Just because I’m tiny doesn’t mean I’m helpless,” Sam said with a laugh- Sten just looked at her. “Fine, you big jerk. See if I share my cookies with you anymore.”

His expression never changed. “Then I apologize.” 

Sam giggled, then reached in her bag and slid him a small bundle wrapped in paper. “Apology accepted.”

“I will accompany you, my lady. A woman should never go anywhere without a blade at her side,” Zevran said. “You may find that you require my… particular skills.”

“She won’t need anything from you,” Alistair growled. “Lana, I’m going with you. Leaving you and Sparrow alone is a bad idea.” 

“Ah, but my two favorite birds will not be alone,” Zevran tutted. “I will protect them with my life. I cannot let harm come to two beautiful creatures such as these.” He gave Lana a lascivious smile and she blushed, moving a hair behind her ear. 

Alistair turned purple and opened his mouth to retort, but Leliana put a hand on his shoulder. “It will be nice to have the company of both of you on this journey,” she said, giving Alistair a look. “I should like to accompany you as well.”

Lana mouthed a silent ’thank you’ to the redhead, who smiled and gave her a wink. “I think we are all set… let us get across to the tower before Sam decides we are too slow and swims across the lake to get over to her templar.”

_ _

* * *

“What the fuck! How the hell did this happen?” I was livid- Cullen had warned me something was going on, but I was too slow getting here. Now, I was terrified about what was happening up there. “Abominations and demons are running amok in the tower and you left him in there!” You sonofa-“

I lunged at Greagoir, but Zevran caught me, pulling me back. Then, he turned to the templar. “May we inquire as to what happened?” I started to say something else, but he turned his head, giving me a look that easily meant ‘shut the fuck up’.

Greagoir shook his head. “I do not know. As of right now, the tower is overrun, and I fear that no one even remains to be saved. I’ve sent word to Denerim for reinforcements so we can use the Rite of Annulment to purge the tower of the horrors within, but I have not received a response yet.” He looked at me sadly. “I do offer my sympathies, m’lady- I understand you care for Ser Rutherford, but I fear he may be lost to us all.”

I felt my knees buckle, then looked at Lana, who had turned pale. “Lana,” I said carefully, “What is the Rite of Annulment?”

“He intends to kill all the mages that reside in the circle,” she whispered. “Greagoir, there must be another way- Irving would not let everyone fall! Surely some still live inside!”

Greagoir gave Lana a sad look. “If I had another way I would take it, Warden Amell. But I cannot lose any more men to this- I do not have another option right now.”

“Let us look,” Lana pleaded. “These are my people- I have to try and save them. I do not believe that they are beyond hope.”

“I think you’re being foolish, but if you want to try, I cannot stop you. However, I will not be assured that the danger has passed until Irving himself stands in front of me.” He shook his head, then gestured towards the doors. “Maker watch over you as you embark on this fool’s errand, but I cannot let you return without the first enchanter.”

Lana turned to me. “Is this a good idea, Sam? What do you see if I choose to go inside?” I started to reply, but she fixed me with a look. “Answer me with your mind, not your heart, sister.”

I closed my eyes for a moment, feeling for the branches associated with her choice. In an instant, I saw it, then grinned. “Lana, not only is it a good idea, there’s someone inside- and they’re alive- that is a key player in things to come. So, contrary to the opinion of ser doom and gloom over here… there is most assuredly still hope,” I said with confidence.

“Then we go in,” Lana replied. “Are you all with me?” She looked around at each of us in turn. “I know this is dangerous, and I hold no ill will if you do not wish to join me.”

“Fucking hell, Lana Banana,” I griped. Can we just get in there already? You know I got your back. Team mage all the way, remember? Besides,” I joked. “You’re gonna need me if you want to activate our bomb-dot-com."

“You are not calling it that,” Alistair said. “And you know I’m not leaving your side since I can’t trust the two of you to not go off and do something stupid.” He paused for a minute. “Well, even more stupid,” he clarified. 

Zevran bowed, “As I said before, I am your man without reservation. I am honored to be by your side."

Alistair rolled his eyes, but Leliana broke in. “Agreed. We are all with you till the end,” she replied. “Now, let us stop this chatter and go save your circle, no?"


	18. You are getting sleepy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team goes to Kinloch to see what the heck is going on

_ _

* * *

“Well fuck, that’s one badass old lady- guess I see why she’s got a super branch,” Sam remarked as Wynne and a few other mages finished dispatching a rage demon. “I’m kind of impressed and feeling more than a little inadequate right now.” 

“As I do all the time,” Lana remarked. "That would be Wynne.”

“And I am starting to think that meeting your party was the best decision of my life,” Zevran said. “Working with you is simply showering me in beautiful women.”

“Wasn’t she at Ostagar,” Alistair asked as he ignored the assassin and squinted at the old woman. “She looks familiar.”

“Yes, she was,” Wynne replied, noticing our group. “I see Greagoir has finally sent help, thank goodness for that.” She turned to her party, checking everyone over, paying particular attention to the children behind her. “Is everyone all right?”

“We’re fine,” one of the apprentices said. “How are you? When you passed out before-“ 

“Nothing to worry about,” Wynne said, cutting the woman off. Then, she turned to Lana. “Nice to see you again, Solana. I wish it were under better circumstances.” Then she looked behind us, then back to Lana. “Where are the rest of the templars?”

“Well, about that...” Sam said, fidgeting with the hem of her sleeve, "Mr. Metal out there decided ‘kill all the things’ was the best option he could come up with, so he declined to RSVP for this party.”

Lana pinched her nose, trying to not yell at Sam for her flippancy- she realized she was nervous, and when Sam got nervous, her mouth got horrendous. “Wynne, Greagoir has sent for the Rite of Annulment, but I do not believe that the tower is lost. I’m here to look for Irving and show that we can handle the threat before it is too late. Do you have any idea what is going on here?”

Wynne frowned. “So Greagoir believes us beyond hope. I’m happy to see you do not share his opinion, Solana.” Then she sighed, looking over her group. “We had a small rebellion on our hands, led by Uldred. That bloody idiot tried to take over the Circle after we returned from Ostagar-“

“Well that certainly worked out well,” Sam deadpanned, causing Alistair to chuckle while Leliana elbowed him in the ribs and Lana glared at Sam. Appropriately chastised, the girl gave her an apologetic look. “Sorry, I couldn’t help myself,” she said with a grin. 

“Next time, try to,” Lana hissed, then turned back to Wynne. “Anyway… do you know where we can find Irving?”

“I’m not sure, but I’ll dispel my barrier and come with you. I will not see my circle fall due to the stupidity of one man,” she said bitterly. 

“Hell, I’m not turning down her help,” Sam said quickly. “She’s got skills, Lana.” Then, Lana could see the bravado fall away as Sam turned to the elder mage. “Wynne, have you heard anything about a templar named Cullen?” She was trying to play it off, but Lana could see the hope in her eyes. 

The old woman saw it too, and her face softened. “I’m afraid not, child. But if he is here, I will gladly help you find him.” Wynne then removed the barrier that separated them from the rest of the tower and turned to the group. “Come, let us go and see what happened and how to fix it.”

_ _

* * *

“I can’t understand why they put all of you in a tall ass tower,” I huffed as we climbed to the fourth floor of the Circle. “Seriously, I’m not getting a positive impression of your goddamn world here, Lana! What is it with this world and fucking blood mages? And now they can use mind control? What, did these motherfuckers level up when we weren’t’ looking?”

Zevran chuckled. “Our Sam is full of fire, is she not?”

Leliana ignored him. “Sam, if we can get the Litany of Adralla from Niall, then we won’t have to worry about it,” she said simply. “So let us not dwell on that for now and focus on the task ahead.” She turned to me, a soft smile on her face. “I understand you are worried, but we will find him,” she said, patting my arm. 

“Sorry… I know I’m a mess right now,” I said apologetically. “I just feel… weird, you know. Something isn’t right-“

“Obviously,” Alistair said wryly. “What was your first clue? The abominations, the corpses, the blood mages, or the demons?” 

“Asshole,” I muttered, shoving the items Lana had pointed out into my backpack. “You know what I mean."

The warden snickered at me. “Oh, so it’s ok for you to do it, but when I do it, you get testy?” 

I glared, pushing him to the side with my hip- he grinned. “If I had magic I would so fry you right now- one barbecue warden, coming right up,” I squinted my eyes and pointed at him, but nothing happened- I sighed. “Nope, nothing. Consider yourself lucky.”

“Focus!” Wynne snapped. “Look,” she said, peering into the hallway. “We need to check out these rooms. There may yet be survivors here.” 

“Zevran and I will scout the rooms in this corridor - the two of us can move quieter than a full group,” Leliana said softly. “We will find you and report back with what we see.”

Lana nodded, and the two crept off into the hallway. As their forms melted into the shadows, Lana suddenly stood at attention. “Listen- do you hear that?” We listened and heard a female voice talking with a man in a room and ran in, only to find a giant naked purple woman with horns and large claws draped over a templar. 

“Oh no,” Wynne whispered as she readied her staff and gestured for us to do the same, “A desire demon appears to have that Templar in her thrall.” 

When the demon looked up, she saw us in the doorway. “He is mine,” she hissed. “I have given him what he wanted- a home, a family… all things his order would have denied him.” I felt a lump in my throat, and Lana put a hand on my shoulder. “Leave him with me- you cannot remove me without killing him, so let me take him and leave you be.” She draped her arm around him again, kissing his cheek, then turned to us. “My quarrel is not with you- I have all the desire I need right here.” 

“What you offer him is false,” Lana said. “He does not need your dreams!”

“To the contrary,” the demon said. “It is most assuredly real to him. He will live out a happy life, blissfully unaware, until he falls into the sleep of death. I offer him painless death, full of dreams and pleasure, and you would you deny him that for what, a meaningless death out here? I see no benefit to that.”

 _Lana, we can get her out_ , I thought, _If you and I combine, we might be able to use that dispel thing you do and knock that bitch on her ass._

Lana raised an eyebrow. _You think so?_

I nodded. _I don’t think it’ll work if you do it alone, but maybe together…_

In response, she grabbed my hand. “Let him go, Demon!” She channeled her focus, and I closed my eyes, trying to send my will into her. Lana reached out and put a hand on the templar’s chest, sending a blast of magic into him that made the demon let out an ear-shattering shriek. 

“What have you done!” It screamed. “How have you done this?” The templar swayed on his feet, dazed but alive, and the demon turned on us, enraged. “How dare you take him from me!”

“Lana!” I screamed. “Nug roast!” She got the hint and grabbed my hand, shooting a wall of flames at the demon, incinerating her. I was swaying on my feet, feeling woozy, but it was worth it- within moments, the demon was nothing more than a pile of ash and the templar was on the floor, passed out but very much alive. “Good, that still worked,” I slurred, feeling myself slipping into unconsciousness. “Now, can someone save me, please?”

“Sam, you are a bloody idiot!” Alistair yelled as he ran over and gave me a lyrium potion. After a second, the color began to come back into the world, and I flopped to the ground. “Why would you do that!”

“He was going to die,” I said shakily, taking a deep breath to calm myself down. I reached in my bag and pulled out a handful of Goobers to remove the horrible taste of the potion from my mouth, and Lana sat down next to me, slyly sticking her hand out for some candy as well. “I didn’t want to be the one to kill him, and I couldn’t sit by if I could save him."

Wynne kneeled over me and peered at me. “Child, I’ve never seen a spell of that nature before.” She looked back and forth between the two of us with curiosity. "What did you two do?”

“It’s a weird sister thing,” Alistair said. “Put them together and-“ he made a gesture with his hands- “ _BOOM!_ Freaky magic.”

“Um, I hate to be the bearer of bad news after such a victory,” Zevran said as he and Leliana skulked back into the room, "but it appears that there is a blood mage across the hall that has a group of templars under its thrall. I do not see how we can avoid killing them.”

I paled- Cullen might be in there- there was no way I was letting that happen to him. However, Leliana took one look at me and turned to Lana, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Lana,” she whispered, “Do you think if we killed the mage, we could free them? Maybe stun the templars long enough to dispose of the mage and break their control?” 

Lana looked at me. “Sam, I hate to ask, but do you think-“ 

“Of course,” I said quickly, getting to my feet. “But after we do it, I’m going to have to go home and come back- I have no idea what’s going to happen to me if I take two of those disgusting blue potions again right away. You think you’ll be good without me?”

She paused for a moment, then looked over at Alistair. He nodded, and she turned back to me. “I think if you go back and keep watch, we should be ok. Just come back if you hear me calling you, and I’ll call you if I find Cullen. But I’m of a similar mind, Sam- I’ll kill no one that I might yet save.” She stood up and pulled me to my feet. “Are you ready?” 

I nodded. “Promise me- if you see Cullen before I do, you let me know immediately, understand?” 

“Promise,” she said solemnly. “Love you, idiot,” she said, hugging me tightly.

“Love you too, Lana Banana,” I said, shaking myself off. “Let’s go and save the day… again.”

_ _

* * *

Lana hated the feeling when Sam connected with her- it felt like she had gotten hit with a lightning spell in the palm of her hand, and it was usually all she could do to keep herself from screaming. But she couldn’t deny it worked, as the power that erupted from her was more than enough to stun everyone in the room long enough for the others to rush in and dispatch the mage. She felt Sam slip away and turned around, only to see Wynne and Zevran looking extremely confused at the empty space where Sam had once stood. 

“Where did the girl go,” Wynne asked cautiously. 

Lana looked at Alistair and Leliana- no one was sure how much information they wanted to share with an assassin and a Circle mage, but it didn’t look like they were getting out of this without some explanation. Lana looked up at the ceiling, trying to avoid the old woman’s gaze. “Well-“

Alistair looked at the floor. “You see, it’s like-“

Leliana sighed. “She’s recovering. She’ll join us shortly, and when she returns she will explain as much as she likes. But I do not think any of us wish to have this conversation with a room full of Templars recovering from the thrall of a blood mage, correct?”

Thank the maker for that girl, Lana thought. “I agree.” She scanned the room and let out the breath she was holding when she realized that Cullen was not amongst the templars in the room. Relieved, she shook her head at Leliana, and the redhead nodded. “Let’s go- we still have to find Irving.”

They raced into the central chamber on the fourth floor, only to be halted directly in their tracks by an abomination blocking their path. Wynne tossed her arms to the side, trying to stop them, but it was too late- the abomination turned to them, glancing at them in turn. “Oh look, visitors,” it said in a low voice. “I’d entertain you, but… too much effort involved.”

With a sinking heart, Lana noticed that it was standing over Niall. “What did you do to him!” she cried. She wasn’t friends with him, but he was always friendly to her, and she hoped that she could save him, not to mention he had the litany they needed to defeat the blood mages. Blinking back hot tears of rage, she turned to the abomination. “Let him go!” she yelled.

“He’s just resting,” the abomination droned. “Poor lad, he was so very, very weary. You want to join us, don’t you? It would be so much easier to just lay down and forget about this, don’t you think? You could rest… leave it all behind. Wouldn’t that be nice?”

“Absolutely not, demon!” Lana struggled to keep her eyes open with monumental effort. “You have no power over me!”

To her left, Alistair rubbed his eyes. “Um, is anyone else feeling… “ The warden forced himself to stifle a yawn. “…Really sleepy, or is it just me?”

“Resist!” Wynne screamed, shaking the mage next to her, but her eyelids began to droop as she spoke. “Resist, or all is lost!”

“But why would you want to resist,” the abomination intoned. “There’s no need to fight… you deserve to rest. You can relax,” it crooned. “The world will go on without you.”

The last thing on Lana’s mind before she slipped away was _Sam, I need you… come find me._

_ _

* * *

"Lana!" I yelled, racing towards her. “Shit- why are you in the Fade!”

She blinked at me. “What are you talking about, Sam? Isn’t it wonderful- we defeated the archdemon and the blight is over! We won!” Her eyes were glassy, almost as if she couldn’t see me. “We did it! We saved the world, and Duncan is alive!”

When I took a closer look at Lana, I began to see that she looked like the templar we saved from the desire demon, and I blanched. This was not good- her body had to be in the real world, but her mind was in the Fade, and she was in the thrall of a demon...

My face lit up when I finally put all the pieces together- _If we’re stuck in the Fade, I can control things here… which means I can get her out of this_. I took a moment to savor the fact that the most useless in the group would be the one to help save the day, and then I got a pang of sadness at the fact that Morrigan wouldn’t get to see me be useful for once. Placing my hand on her shoulder, I willed her to see where she was and to snap out of it- I had no idea what was going on, and I needed her to get me as much information as possible. “Lana,” I said gently, “are you here with me now?”

Lana blinked, and I could tell that she could see me again. “Sam?”

I gave her a big grin. “'Sup, Lana Banana- I see you’re still taking me to all the hottest vacation spots.” 

“Sam! It really is you!” She threw her arms around me, and I hugged her back. “We have to find everyone else- we got trapped by a sloth demon. Niall is in here too!” She looked around frantically. “How do we get out of here, Sam?”

“Hold my hand and think of who we need to rescue,” I said. “We’re not playing these games today.” We closed our eyes, and when I opened them, I could see Alistair with a girl and a bunch of kids. In spite of our predicament, I smiled to myself- _she would think of Alistair first_. Smiling, I nudged her. “Your boo is over there,” I said, pointing to the warden. “I’d go wake him up, but I think you should be the one he sees when he comes out of this.”

“Together,” she said. “We’ll do this together.” 

We walked over and I sent my will into Alistair, forcing him to question where he was. When the fog lifted from his brain, the warden looked at Lana, eyes wide in admiration. “Lana!” He pulled her close, giving her a tight hug and burying his face in her neck. “I can’t believe you came for me,” he said softly. 

“I will always come back for you,” she said, hugging him back. “Don’t ever doubt that,” she said huskily. 

As much as I wanted to watch this go down, we had a bunch of other people to rescue, so I had to interrupt. “Hey, guys,” I said gently, " I know this is a touching moment and all, but no one is kinda supposed to be here right now, so…” I shrugged sheepishly. “So, you mind if I invite the rest of our crew to this party?” 

I think that was the first time Alistair noticed that I was there with them- he jumped back as if I had shoved him with a hot poker. “Oh! Yeah, uh, others… right!” Then he glared at me. “Sparrow, you gotta stop it with the swooping and the sneaking- you’re going to kill me one of these days!"

“Technically, I just saved you,” I said, concentrating on the others and willing them to come to us. Within moments, they began to appear, looking very confused, but no worse for the wear. “Guys, is everyone ok?”

Wynne was the first to respond. “We’re in the Fade… One minute I was convinced I was surrounded by all the apprentices I lost because I didn’t act fast enough, and the next I just felt this overwhelming wave of clarity wash over me. After I looked around and saw things for what they truly were, I was here. What happened?”

“Welp, at least I did it right,” I said, glancing out at the faces of Leliana and Zevran, who looked as if they had come with similar stories. “That would be my doing- I had to pull you out because you’re under the thrall of a sloth demon.” I closed my eyes, trying to figure out how I could get them to wake up so we could get out of here- while I liked not being useless, I had no desire to stay here for the rest of my days. “So, suggestions?”

Lana frowned. “The demon also had Niall- we need to rescue him as well. Sam, can you see him?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know him, so I have no frame of reference for him, Lana.” I paused for a moment, thinking. “But, if you do, maybe we can connect and find him?”

Wynne, bless her paranoid little heart, put a hand on Lana's shoulder. “Solana, are you sure this version of your sister isn’t a demon? Unlike the Sam we know in our world, this version is rather powerful, not to mention her appearance is quite fortuitous. We should be cautious, as we all have seen the tricks that demons and spirits play today.”

Lana, Leliana, and Alistair all looked at each other, then back to Wynne. “It’s her,” Lana said. “Her locket is still the same- I wouldn’t dream the symbols I can’t identify, and a demon can’t recreate them well enough. Plus, I'd know her anywhere- that’s Sam, through and through.”

I smiled. “And this is why I’m always gonna be one-hundred percent Team Mage.” I gave Lana my hand, and she grabbed it. Instantly, I got a picture of a young man, and I paled. “We gotta go to him, guys. And when we get out, we’re gonna need some serious life magic to get him out of here- he’s not doing so hot.”

Lana gripped my hand tighter. “Then let us go to him, Sam,” she said quietly.

_ _

* * *

“Who are you? How did you travel to the other dream worlds?” Niall asked, incredulously. “I have not been able to figure out how to escape my world to even approach the demon who controls this area of the Fade.”

“We have a way to do so, and we would like to take you back with us, though I am aware there is a chance your body will not make it,” Lana said honestly. “But first, do you know what we need to do to escape?” 

“Kill the sloth demon that rules here, and we should all return to our bodies. But, if I do not make it,” he said sadly, “then take the litany off my body and use it to deal with the blood mages- I… would like to hope that my death would not be in vain.”

“You haven’t died yet,” Sam snapped. “I happen to know we have two kickass mages here, and I’m a pretty damn good battery. If there’s anything we can do to bring you back, these ladies right here are the ones to do it.” She looked over at Lana and Wynne appreciatively. “So, now we got our marching orders- are we ready to go find the sloth demon and kick its ass? I have to warn you, I can supplement your power, but I don’t think I can fight- as the realm gets weaker, so do I, and I’d rather conserve my efforts.”

“Fair enough. Get us to it and we’ll stab it with the pointy end of our swords so we can get out of here,” Alistair said with a grin. “Everyone good with that?"

They all nodded. Sam winked, giving Alistair a mocking salute, and soon, Lana could feel the world shift around them to expose the inner sanctum where the true form of the sloth demon lived. It turned, fixing them with a slow, evil smile when they appeared in front of it. “What do we have here? A rebellious minion? An escaped slave?”

Sam seethed. “Wrong thing to say around me, buddy. I don’t take too kindly to the s-word… kind of has a negative connotation for me.”

The demon let out a low, menacing laugh. “My, my, but you do have some gall. But it is of no consequence- playtime is over, and you have to go back now.” It cocked its head at Sam, giving her a curious look. “But you… you don’t have a dream. Isn’t there something you want? Is there a rest I can provide?”

“My dude, there is absolutely nothing you can give me that I can’t give myself in this world,” she said with a haughty laugh. "Well, except you dying- that would be nice.”

“Sam, let's not antagonize the abomination now,” Alistair said, eyeing the demon cautiously. “Nice offer and thanks for the nap, but I think we’re going to go home instead.”

“But what of me,” it said in a mocking tone. “Can’t you think of someone other than yourselves?” Though Lana couldn’t see the eyes, she could feel it leering at them, baring its sharp, exposed teeth. “I’m so very hurt right now.”

“I grow tired of being toyed with this way,” Zevran said dismissively. “My dreams should involve beautiful, buxom women in various stages of undress, not this. Let us do something about this matter and leave, shall we?"

The demon lost all pretense of being accommodating. “So it is a battle you want?” It let out a mighty roar and shifted into the form of an ogre. “So be it! You will learn to bow to your betters, mortal!”

Sam jumped back behind Zevran and Wynne immediately threw up a shield around the group. “Well fuck,” Sam said slowly, "I didn’t see that coming.”

“Just like I said,” Alistair yelled, charging the ogre. “You’re a crappy fortune-teller, Sparrow!”

_ _

* * *

I was getting tired of this goddamn demon. It had shifted forms again, from an ogre to a rage demon, then to an abomination, and now, it was in the form of some creepy spirit dude. Normally, creepy things don’t bother me- you don’t grow up in my house with my parents without coming up on your share of odd things- but what was annoying was the way it kept manipulating the air, whipping around blankets of frost that made everyone’s blood freeze in their veins, effectively turning my friends into popsicles. 

After it had frozen Zevran for the umpteenth time, I'd had enough. “That’s it! Lana,” I yelled. “Get your sparkly butt over here! Let’s end this!” 

Lana whirled around. “And how do you propose we do that! You have strategies for dealing with Arcane Horrors I don’t know about?” 

“Nug roast!” I yelled. “It worked before!”

“I wish you wouldn’t call it that!” Leliana called out from her position on the battlefield. “Nugs are adorable!”

“Less talking, more roasting!” Alistair screamed from our right. “We can talk about names later!”

“Fair point!” Lana grabbed my hand and prepped her magic. “Sam, get ready!” I steeled myself for the shock of connecting to her magic, and then it surged through us. A wall of flame came pouring out at the demon, and we heard that same shriek the other had emitted just before it combusted. Sure enough, when the flames died away, there was nothing but a pile of ashes left in front of us. 

“We could go on the road with this, Lana- we’d be a hit at parties,” I said as I kicked the ashes. “Instant fireplace, just add mage.”

Wynne let out an exasperated sigh, then she turned around. “Niall! You’re here!” She hugged the other mage. “We’re so glad to see you! I was scared we wouldn't find you again." She reached out to take the young mage's hand. "Now that the demon is defeated, let us return and save our home."

He shook his head. “Thank you for all you have done, but I fear I have been in this realm too long,” he said sadly. "It may be too late for me, but remember, take the litany- stop Uldred, please.”

“No, we’re going to-“ I started to say, but the world of the fade was receding as my friends began to wake up.

_ _

* * *

Lana awoke in the chamber on the floor and struggled to get to her feet. Around her, everyone was waking up, and she touched the locket. _Sam, where are you?_

_Coming- is everyone ok? How is Niall?_

_I don’t know yet,_ she answered. _We’re all just waking up._ She went over to check on Niall, who wasn’t breathing, and she felt her heart sink. _Sam, he’s not-_

_I’m coming! We can bring him back, we can-_

Lana shook her head sadly. _He was right- he’d been there too long. His spirit left him long ago._

"But we just saw him!” Sam cried, tears in her eyes as she appeared next to them. “We just rescued him!” She bent over his still form, weeping. “I’m so sorry! I tried to save you… I promised I would save you… I…"

Wynne kneeled next to the girl. “We rescued his spirit. We gave him peace- there is a victory in that, at least. But let us honor his sacrifice by stopping this madness so it claims no more lives.” She cupped Sam’s chin in her hands, forcing the girl to look at her. “Sometimes, we lose, dear child. We cannot save everyone, but it speaks to your heart that you want to try.”

Sam threw her arms around the old woman, who didn’t reject the sudden outpouring of affection. Instead, she wrapped her arms around her and nodded for Zevran to go through Niall’s robes for the litany. When he finished, he gave a silent nod to the mage and crept off to the side as Wynne gently guided Sam to her feet. She gave the girl a kind look and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Are you ready?”

Sam nodded, wiping her face on her sleeve. “Let’s get out of here, please.”

As they found their way out of the central chamber, a flock of dragonlings and a drake came rushing at the group. Lana sent a wave of ice at them, slowing them down, and Zevran looked at her in amazement. “Does this type of thing happen with your group often? Blood mages, abominations, dragons?”

“More than I care to admit,” Lana said with a laugh. “There must just be something about us that makes us irresistible,” she said with a smirk as she shot a bolt at one of the creatures. “What, you don’t see this daily as an assassin? I fear my perception of what your job entails may be skewed, then.”

“Most definitely not,” the elf said with a wink. “My targets are usually worth something to someone. Your work is too charitable for my tastes, dear warden.” 

From her side, she could hear Alistair grunt, but she couldn’t tell if it was because of the conversation or the drake that was busy trying to eat him while Sam poked at it with her dagger, so she ignored it. “I happen to feel a deep satisfaction with my work, dear Zevran. And though you may deny it, I daresay you are starting to see the benefits of it.”

“We shall see, won’t we,” he replied as he whirled to her side, sweeping her to the floor to dispatch a dragonling that had snuck up on her. “In the meantime, try not to get eaten, my dear,” he said, leaning over her to help her to her feet. “It wouldn’t be a good look for you.”

In an instant, Alistair had raced over to her side, shoving the elf out of the way. “Lana, are you all right?"

“I’m fine,” she said breathlessly, taking a look around. Then she saw a glowing purple cage near the steps of the harrowing chamber, and her face tightened. “Grab Sam… right now. Hold her and do not let her go until I say so.”

“Why?” Alistair asked, but it was too late- the tortured wail that emitted from her friend confirmed that Sam had already seen what Lana had noticed moments before.

“ _CULLEN!_ ”

_ _

* * *

I launched myself toward the cage, but Alistair caught me before I could crash into it. I struggled in his arms, but he held me tight. “Cullen! Cullen, it’s me! It’s Sam- look at me!” Cullen’s eyes were unfocused and wild, and he was staring past me, looking as if he couldn’t see anything. “Cullen, please!”

“No! You will not use her against me again- I won’t allow it! Begone, demon!” He put his head in his hands and closed his eyes. “Leave me be!”

I screamed. “Cullen, it’s me! Wake the fuck up, metal man!”

His eyes focused a little more at the nickname, and he blinked. “Samantha?” Then he shook his head as he approached the wall of light and stared at me with a hard glare. “Now you show the woman I love in another man’s arms? No- I will not be fooled by you again, demon.” 

I looked at Alistair and pulled away, walking towards the purple cage but careful not to touch it- even from far away, I could feel the magic coming off it in waves. “Cullen, it’s me. It’s Sam. Come on, you know me. I’m the girl who can’t run a mile without bitching. I’m the girl who crashed landed into your lap wearing graduation robes and a bad party wig. I’m the one who gave you a cookie because I wanted to make you smile.” I swallowed, reaching my hand towards the cage. “Cullen, it’s me…Samantha.”

He swallowed, shaking his head. “I cannot let you tease me again, he whispered. Then his eyes focused on my wrist, and his jaw twitched. “Show me your watch.”

I blinked. “What?” 

“Show me your watch or leave me be, foul demon!” he screamed, causing me to jump back into Alistair’s arms. “If you won’t, then leave me with at least one memory of her that your touch hasn’t ruined!”

Panicked, I held up my hands in surrender. “It’s ok, it’s ok,” I said, taking off my watch off and pressing it against the cage. “Here you are- take a look. I’m right here.”

He squinted at it and closed his eyes. “I can’t read it,” he said, exhaling shakily. After a moment, his eyes moved to my face, finally focusing in on me. “Samantha? Is that really you?”

I was almost in tears at this point as I put my watch back on. “Yes… it’s me. I’m here,” I said softly. “What happened to you?”

“Uldred,” he said bitterly. “He turned to blood magic and tried to take over the tower, then trapped me in this magic prison. They’ve done… things to me, Sam. They tortured me for I’m not even sure how long, but I would not break. The others…” his eyes darted around the room nervously. “The others broke, carted off to the chambers for their purposes.” His eyes flickered to Lana. “Your fellow mages-“ he spat angrily- “are inside the harrowing chamber, becoming abominations as we speak- Uldred is making an army of them.” His eyes widened, scanning the room and his voice rose in panic. “You must destroy them!”

“Hey, look at me,” I said, hoping he’d focus on my voice. “We’re gonna get you out of here, ok?” I turned to Lana and Wynne. “How do we break this goddamn cage?”

Wynne ran a hand along the purple barrier and shook her head. “It’s made from blood magic- the only way to break it is to destroy the caster, I’m afraid.”

I hung my head, dejected- I didn’t want him in here any longer than he had to be. “Fine- we’ll destroy the blood mages and the abominations," I said, turning to Lana. “Lana, do you think we can save the others in there?”

“With the litany and our powers combined, I believe so,” she said.

“NO!” Cullen screamed. “No one in that chamber can be allowed to leave- they are all blood mages! You can’t let them live!”

“Do not forget, both I and your beloved are mages, Cullen,” Lana said with ice in her tone. Then, she bent over, looking at him with pity and her voice softened. “I am sure some have not turned to blood magic. We save who we can- we do not blindly cut down others on supposition. If there are others in there who have not yet succumbed, we will rescue them from what Uldred has planned, I promise you.” She gave me a look. “We should go, Sam."

“She cannot!” He stared at Lana, wild-eyed. "You cannot take her in with those abominations- I will not have you lead her to the slaughter!” He turned to me, a pleading look on his face. “Go home, Sam- go home and never return.” He looked down and started to weep. "I would rather lose you to time than have you become an abomination.”

“Sparrow, we gotta go,” Alistair said gently. “The sooner we get Uldred, the sooner we can release him. I hate to say it, but we need you- you’re a terrible fortune teller, but combined with Lana, you make a pretty good team.” He placed a hand on my shoulder, gently pulling me away from the barrier. "Remember, I’m on Team Mage, too.”

“No,” I said, shaking my head. “I’m not leaving him. You see what state he’s in- I can’t leave him like this.” I turned to Cullen. “I’m not leaving you,” I whispered.

“Sam, you must,” Leliana said softly. “To save him, you have to leave.” 

“YOU CAN’T!” Cullen roared. “Lana, that is your friend- don’t let your compassion for those who don’t deserve it kill her! You’re going to doom us all!” 

“I’m coming back for you,” I said softly. “No matter what, I’m always coming back whenever you call me, understand?” 

“I will hold you to it, my heart,” he said in resignation as we walked up the stairs to the harrowing chamber. “Even if I have to find you again by the Maker’s side.”

_ _

* * *

Alistair looked at Sam and Lana with wide eyes as Uldred morphed into a pride demon in front of them. “I cannot believe I’m about to utter these words, but I think now might be a good time to hit the crazy blood mage with your bomb-dot-com special, guys.”

“I’m inclined to agree,” Lana said, readying her magic and grabbing Sam’s hand. “Whatever will make this easier to end- we must stop this right away.” She turned to Wynne and tossed the litany to her. “Toss a barrier around everyone that isn’t an abomination and get ready to use this! Also, someone needs to have a lyrium potion ready!” 

“Got it!” Leliana said, nocking an arrow. “We are ready whenever you are!”

“Sam…” she said, turning to the girl, whose face was a mask of grim determination- she hadn’t spoken a word since they left Cullen’s side, and she could see that whatever it took, the girl was going to take down every single thing that she deemed responsible for Cullen’s fate. Lana swallowed as Wynne recited the litany, trying to focus as she channeled her magic-

_BOOM!_

Before Lana could even think, the spell exploded. A shockwave rippled through the room from the force of the spell, and Sam and Lana were flung apart, sending Sam crashing into a stone pillar. An instant later, the walls reverberated with eardrum-shattering wails as the demons were wrenched back into the Fade, and from her position on the floor, Lana looked around the room. The harrowing chamber was a mess- everyone had been tossed to the ground, and Lana sat up gingerly, trying to get her bearings. “Is everyone okay?”

“Makers breath! What kind of spell was that!” Irving wondered, getting to his feet. “I’ve never seen anything like it before!” 

“I’ve been wondering that myself, Irving, but these two have yet to give me an answer,” Wynne said. “However-“

“Solana! Get over here now!” Zevran screamed from across the room. “I cannot rouse Samantha!” Lana ran to his side and immediately realized he was right- though he had poured the contents of the potion down her throat, there was no change- the girl was still and unmoving, but at least she was breathing. “What do we do?” 

“Wynne! I need you over here!” Lana cried and watched as Cullen raced into the harrowing chamber. He took a look around the room and spotted Lana and Zevran on the floor, scrambling to their side. Lana gave him a pleading look, but he glared at her and reached for Sam, cradling the girl in his arms. “Cullen-"

“ _NO!_ ” He roared. “I don’t want to hear a blasted word from you,” he spat. "You assured me you would keep her safe, Solana Amell, and look at this! What happened to her! I told you to leave her out of it, but you have to have everything your way, don’t you! Well, now it’s her that paid for your pride- are you happy with yourself!” 

“Cullen, come on,” Alistair said, placing a hand on his shoulder and looking over at Wynne, who was heading over to them. “Let Wynne take a look at her, ok?” 

“DO NOT TOUCH HER!” Cullen screamed, turning away from them. “Magic did this,” he sobbed. “Magic tortured me with images in my head of this very thing and now I wake to find it’s my reality.” He shook his head, his eyes narrowed. “I will never forgive you for this, Solana. Never.”

“Cullen, I’m so sorry to do this,” Lana said quietly, “but it’s for your own good.” She touched his neck and cast a small sleeping spell, and Cullen’s eyes rolled into the back of his head. When he began to slump over, Zevran gently pried Sam out of his arms, and Alistair caught him before he hit the floor, guiding him gently to the ground. Once they were separated, Lana looked at Wynne. “Do what you have to,” she said. “No matter what, Sam comes first."


	19. I'm not okay, but that's okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cullen reels from the aftermath of the events at the Circle; Lana sets out to find the Sacred Ashes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dang, we're in the thick of it now, so here's a super chapter to tide you guys over till Saturday!

_ _

* * *

Cullen awoke to a splitting headache and a girl sitting over him in a room. “Who are you? Where am I? Where is Sam?” 

The redhead laughed, a musical tone that was only undermined by the steel in her blue eyes. “So many questions, Templar.” She pointed to the bed across the room, where Sam was sleeping. “Sam, as you can see, is right there. After your outburst, Solana had to knock you out in order to save her. And to answer your other question, my name is Leliana, and I am here to watch over you both while Sam recovers. Solana did not trust you alone with her, but we couldn’t move her in her current state.”

Cullen caught the threat in her words. “And you think I would hurt her.” It wasn’t a question, but a mere statement of fact, aimed at the girl who stood between him and his beloved. 

“You did almost kill her,” she said with a lightness that was at odds with the hard stare she was giving him. “And I was inclined to agree with Solana's assessment- you are not well,” she said simply, her eyes flitting across him as she spoke, obviously gauging his reaction. 

“I am aware of that,” he replied stiffly as he moved from the bed to sit next to Sam, highly aware of her watching his every move. “But I am not leaving her.”

“I figured as much,” she said. “Then it appears you and I shall be quite acquainted with each other until Sam awakens, no?” 

“You won’t give me a single moment with her, it seems.” Again, it wasn’t a question, but a statement. Cullen leaned over and brushed a hair from her face and almost placed a kiss on her forehead, but thought better of it. From the corner of his eye, he could see the redhead shift slightly in her seat, presumably to give herself a better view. “What do you hope to accomplish?”

“I intend to make sure that you do not do anything to the girl in a fit of pique, or out of some misplaced sense of duty, as you’ve made your feelings about mages quite clear over the last few days.” 

“I was tortured by blood mages for days on end,” he said testily. “I’m allowed to have feelings about the subject.”

She tapped a finger to her cheek and faced the corner of the room, but her eyes were firmly on him. “But as we have established, your ‘heart’, as you put it, is also a mage. Is she a candidate to be exterminated as well?”

He blinked. “Exterminated?”

She gave him a predatory smile. “Oh yes, templar. When you arose from your slumber, you were quite adamant about the extermination of every mage in the tower. Including Lana and Sam, for ’the sake of their own souls’, if I remember you correctly. Seeing as Sam is firmly on ‘Team Mage’, as she calls it, I’m sure she'll be pleased about that sentiment when she awakes.” She finally turned her body towards him, folding her hands in her lap. “Now, do you see why you require supervision?”

Cullen felt a lump in his throat, and it was a moment before he could speak again. “If I’m such a horrible person,” he managed, “Then why are you allowing me to see her? If I’ve done what you’ve said I’ve done, I do not deserve to be near her at all.” 

“It isn’t for your benefit,” she said coldly. “Lana was worried about Sam’s health when she awoke and couldn’t find you. She assessed the situation and decided the needs of her sister outweighed the need to punish you.” 

“I… do not deserve that kindness,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I fear that I may have to apologize to Solana- I have been… unkind in my distressed state.”

Leliana gave a delicate snort. “That is one way to put it.” 

He sighed, then lay down in the bed with Sam, holding her sleeping form in his arms. “Sam,” he whispered, not caring if the redhead heard him. “I need you. Even if I do not have you with me, I need to know that you’re all right. You need to come back to me, Sam, for I need to be able to tell you how you make me feel. I need to be able to make amends to you and Solana,” he said in a tight voice. “You don’t need a broken man such as me, but I promise, when I am whole, I will spend the rest of my days trying to be the man you deserve. Samantha,” he murmured into her ear, “you are my star from beyond the skies- my life is not worth living when you are not in it.” He breathed in the scent of her, that smell of apples and cherries that was so uniquely Sam, and let out a sigh, resting his chin on her head. “Come back to me."

Leliana, who had been quiet the whole time, finally spoke. “I don’t believe I’ve ever heard her full name before,” she said softly. “Do you know it?"

“I do.” He sighed, rolling over and reaching for the item in his pocket, the one he never was without since she had given it to him. Even when they tortured him, he would find a moment to run his fingers over it, willing himself to stay whole for her. It was his one connection with the real Sam, the one thing that tethered him to reality when he wanted to break. “She signed it for me in her language and I asked her what it said,” he replied, handing her the picture she had drawn for him. “I keep it always,” he said in a quiet voice. 

Her eyes flickered across the drawing, then to the girl, and finally back to him. “You love her,” she replied. Like him, the girl had not asked a question, but he nodded in affirmation anyway. “Do you know if she loves you?” It was the first time she had ever asked him something that he felt he should offer an answer to, and he thought carefully about how to respond to the inquiry. 

“I do not know,” he replied honestly. “And if I am being honest with myself, I hope she does not.”

“That is a curious answer,” she replied, turning to look at him as she returned the drawing. “Why is that?”

“Because she deserves better than a broken templar,” he said bitterly. “I have nothing to give her.” 

Her gaze was piercing, every word carefully chosen. “Would you shake off everything you know and love for her?” 

Cullen paused. “I’m ashamed to say that I’m unsure what you mean, Lady Leliana.”

She laughed, tilting her head back in delight. “Oh, I am no lady, templar, but I am her friend, so my question stands- if she were to love you, she believes it would end in ruin or a love that lasts forever. So, I ask you again- would you be willing to shed everything you know for a chance at a life with her?”

He looked at her then, trying to comprehend the enormity of her words. “I would die for her,” he replied with conviction. “To keep her safe, my life is forfeit.”

She tutted a finger at him. “Ah, but that was not the question, was it? I didn’t ask you what you would die for- as a man of duty, dying is part of the oath you take- it is nothing for one such as yourself to offer your life for a cause greater than yourself.” She leaned forward, her voice low. “What I ask is, will you put her life on par with or above your duty? Will you give up the security of the life you know for her?” Her eyes held his gaze, blue orbs locked into amber, like a predator staring down prey. “In short, Cullen... will you _live_ for her?”

Cullen paused- every fiber in his being wanted to scream yes, but he could see the stone behind the young girl’s face and thought better of a rushed answer. “I would like to say yes,” he answered honestly. “But I don’t know if I can.”

“Then don’t let her love you,” she replied with conviction, settling back into her chair. “Let her know you, let her care for you, but until you know for sure, don’t let her love you. Because that is what she will give,” Leliana said as she stared at her sleeping form. “And that is what she needs in return.”

_ _

* * *

Lana was worried about Sam and everyone knew it- she was trying to hide it, but she knew her party could tell where her thoughts were. Over the past two days, there had been no response from her locket no matter how much she tried, and even when she entered the Fade to save Connor, she couldn’t reach her there either. Though the boy was safe and on his way to Kinloch Hold, she was still beside herself with worry. 

_Where was she?_

Though she was trying to downplay it for the others, she was nervous, and even with her efforts, it was coming out anyway- she was jumpier than normal, shorter-tempered, and easily distracted. It had been a day with no response- even when she had been out after Ostagar, Lana didn’t think it took her this long to recover. 

“Are you even listening to me?” Morrigan hissed. “Pay attention, Solana!” 

She pulled herself out of her thoughts, and with difficulty, turned back to the witch. “I’m sorry, Morrigan,” she apologized. “What is it that you were saying?”

The witch huffed. “As I was saying,” she said tersely. “If we could read it, you might have been able to find answers to the condition in that damnable book of hers. But, that also begs the question..” She trailed off, obviously waiting on Lana to catch on and getting disappointed when Lana stared back at her blankly. “Ugh, for such a gifted mage, you are as clueless as she is sometimes, Solana!”

“I’m afraid I'm in no state to guess right now, Morrigan. Can you please just tell me?” Lana replied wearily. “But I welcome any suggestions.”

“Can we reach out to the mage that wrote it!” Morrigan huffed. “Maybe she would have an idea about how to fix this! I’ve studied the girl, and much like us, her magic works with objects that focus her attention, correct? Maybe there is a clue to the author in the book she is always drawing in?” 

Sam always did say that her mother was powerful... maybe she could help? “Her book is with her at the Circle. We’d have to go there to get it.” Then Lana paused, looking thoughtful. “But Cullen has a totem as well… maybe if we worked together it might work?” 

Morrigan gave her an approving look. “And we all know the smitten templar will do anything to get his beloved back. So,” she asked, “what say you? Shall we gather the strays you have collected so we can return to the Circle? Perhaps we can rescue your misguided family member once we lead the boy to the tower?”

Lana nodded. “All we can do is try.”

_ _

* * *

Cullen stiffened at the request of the two mages. “You want to rifle through Sam’s things...to search for a connection to the author of the book… using magic that none of us understand? Have we learned _nothing_ from Uldred and the chaos at the circle?” 

“I am not practicing blood magic, Cullen, and you know it,” Solana said haughtily. "Which is why I am suggesting you help- besides me, you are the one with the strongest connection to her. I hope that we can convince her to offer us some assistance in the matter.” She fixed him with an icy stare. “I would think that _you_ , of all people, would be clamoring to do whatever we could to save her. Or is it that only non-mages are worthy of being saved?”

It was as if she’d slapped him in the face- he felt his neck muscles tighten and his eyes narrowed at the implication. “I would do whatever I could to save her,” he said through clenched teeth. “But I will not let you use blood magic to do so.”

“Oh for the love of the Maker, you blasted idiot!” Solana exclaimed. “If you won’t help me, then just give me the damnable bag and I’ll try myself!” She marched over, grabbed the bag, and began hunting for her sketchbook. “ _Where is it!_ ” Solana yelled, whirling around on Cullen and poking him in the chest with her finger. “I know you have it, so give it to me!” 

“I do _not!_ ” He retorted, drawing himself up to his full height. Solana was tall, but he was still taller- the two were nose to nose, and the tension in the air was palpable. “If I had the bloody thing I would have just given it to you! Are you in such a rush to fight with me that you’ll accuse me of thievery atop of everything else?”

“I don’t have time for this!” she screamed. “I have to stop a blasted _Blight_ , for Maker’s sake! I still have to recruit elves and dwarves _AND_ I have to save a sick arl! And _no one_ except this girl right here has given one damnable ounce of care to what I feel or need throughout this whole thing! And now, she’s like this and it’s my fault! If I’d only channeled the spell better-“ 

Realizing what she had been going through, Cullen felt his ire ebb away. “It’s not your fault, Solana,” he said wearily. As Cullen wrapped his arms around her, he remembered a time that he would have given anything to hold Solana like this- now, that seemed like a lifetime ago, and all he wanted was the girl that both of them needed. “We’ll find the book,” he said, rubbing her shoulders as he listened to Solana cry for the first time since he’d known her. "She always has it with her- it must be here somewhere.”

Just then, Leliana entered the room and gave them a sheepish grin. “I am afraid that I may have been the cause for this,” she said as she handed Cullen the sketchbook. “After you showed me the picture she gave you, I was curious to see other things. She has a myriad of pictures in there, so I’m sure one of them would be what you need.” 

Cullen sighed, not wanting to go along with this plan in the slightest, but fully aware that he was the missing piece in this puzzle. “The author is her mother,” he said quietly, flipping to a portrait in the book and pointing to it with his finger. “So, now that you know, what do you intend to do about it?” 

“Grab her hand,” Solana said. “She always said touching me helped- maybe it will work in reverse?”

Cullen nodded, and tentatively, they each grabbed one of her hands. Pausing for a moment and concentrating on the face in the sketchbook, they waited.

After a minute of nothing, they opened their eyes and looked at each other, while Alistair looked back and forth between the two of them. “Um… is something supposed to be happening right now? Cause I’m not seeing it?”

Cullen felt his hopes deflate, and he looked at his friend with resignation. “I’m sorry- I wanted this to work too, Solana, I truly did, but I don’t think we’re meant to use this magic.” He looked down at Sam, sleeping on the bed, and reached over, placing a kiss on the top of her forehead. “I am unsure of what else we can do.”

From the corner of the room, Morrigan began to huff, crossing her arms. “We could-“ 

Suddenly, everything around them froze. All of the others in the room were as still as statues, causing Cullen’s jaw to hang open in shock. A piece of paper that Zevran had knocked over was hovering in mid-air, and the candle flame on the nearby desk was also frozen. “Solana… do you see this?”

“I do… yes… Cullen, do you think _we_ did this?” Solana asked quietly.

“I certainly hope you were the ones looking for me, otherwise I might have stepped away from my dinner for nothing,” a voice from the corner said. “By the way, I don't normally do this kind of thing, so I suggest you two make the most of it- coming when called really isn't my style.”

“You are Samantha’s mother,” Cullen whispered. “I’m-“

The woman held up a hand. “I’m Nia,” she said simply. “I know who you two are. Cullen Stanton Rutherford, Templar. And you would be Solana Amell… “ Nia cocked her head at Solana and stared at her- her green eyes sparkled. “Or, is it Lana now? I realize my children invite nicknames, so I’m curious about which name you prefer.”

“Um… Lana, milady,” Lana stammered. “Thank you for coming to us,” she said. “We-“ 

Nia looked away and sighed. “You’ve come about my daughter, hoping I would be able to fix the situation. Am I right?” 

“Yes,” Cullen said. “We need her back… _I_ need her back,” he said quietly, trying to keep in mind that this was her mother her was talking to, and he wasn’t sure if she would approve of him with her daughter.

“No,” Lana said quickly. “I need to be able to read your journal- I think you have the answer in there already, but Sam won’t sit still and pay attention to anything long enough to figure things out.” The mage let out a sigh, then looked at the woman helplessly. “So I need to save her.”

“What would you do to save her, Lana?” Nia asked, folding her hands in her lap. “If I were to offer you the information you need in exchange for a favor, would you still want it?”

“I’d be wary,” Lana replied honestly. “Considering this is your daughter, I get the feeling you would offer us the information we need to save her anyway,” she said calmly. "But if you are asking me about the ability to read your journal, I would suspect that would come at a cost, which would make me leery of accepting the help. So,” she said after a moment of silence, “I suppose my answer would be no. I would like no favor, simply the information to help me save your child."

“Which, as you so rightly pointed out, may very well be the same thing,” Nia said with a smile. “Congratulations on not being as rash as my daughters, Lana- they’d have taken my deal without a second thought. I think I’d have been honored to have you as one of my girls,” she said with a smile. “At least then I would have had at least one who might think before acting.”

“I fear you may still be short on that count,” Cullen muttered under his breath. “They get on famously for a reason.”

“Right you are, Ser Cullen,” Nia said, smiling. “God, your journey is so _interesting_ to me,” she exclaimed, placing her head in her hands and staring at him. “I wonder, how far has my daughter knocked you off course? Or, has she just made the journey easier? I can’t be sure without checking, and I _do_ hate checking- it takes the fun out of it.” She stared at him for a moment, then she suddenly let out a laugh that was bright and weary at the same time, like she had lived through so much and had only recently found something to surprise her. “In fact, I _know_ she’s taken you off course because you haven’t tried to smite me or called me an abomination once- sounds like progress to me.”

He blinked- she was right. His first instinct would have been to tear her magic away, but this woman reminded him so much of Sam that the thought never crossed his mind. For starters, Nia's eyes were mirror copies of hers- they were that same brilliant emerald green that took his breath away. Sure, the skin was a little more tan, she was a little taller, and the hair was darker and curlier, but she radiated Sam in every other way. “Maybe it is,” he admitted. 

“Anyway, I don’t have long, so I’ll get to the point,” Nia said, staring at Sam in the bed then turning her attention to Cullen. “Do you love her?” 

Lana looked at him- it seemed as if she was awaiting his answer almost as much as the other woman. “Yes,” he said without hesitation. “I do.” 

Nia smiled, but there was no malice in it, just curiosity. “Cullen, what if I told you that by loving her, you’re binding yourself to her for the rest of your life? Would your answer change?” 

He thought about it for a moment- Cullen wasn’t one to lie. Lana was watching him closely, an expression of concern on her face, but he remembered his conversation with Leliana. “I would say my answer is still the same,” he said finally. 

“And if I told you there was going to be an ocean of time between you?” Nia looked at him with interest. “Or if I told you that years would pass before you could see her again?"

“Then I would see her in my dreams,” he answered honestly, “and I would savor every one of them till I could be with her again.”

She gave him a thoughtful look. “You’re nineteen, Cullen. How do you know what you might want all those years down the line?”

Now, something was tingling in the back of his head, and he smiled. “You can see the past, so you already know the answer to that question, don’t you?” She smiled at him and he knew he was right, but he also knew she wanted him to say the answer. _To declare it out loud makes it true,_ he thought. “I declared what I would do with my life at eight years old and I did not falter- I can declare my intention now just the same."

“Final question,” she said gravely, “and most important," she cautioned. “What would you do if she doesn’t feel the same?” 

Nia shot Lana a look that made Cullen shiver as if it were intended for him. He was curious what it concerned, but he turned to the woman, his head held high- he’d made enough mistakes lately and would not succumb now. “Then I will love her enough to hope that she finds someone else that loves her as much as I,” he said with conviction. “But to do that, we have to save her first.”

“So you do,” Nia said with a smile. “Funny, it seems like you already have something to do like this, don’t you Lana?” She fixed the girl with a stare. “Care to tell me how that’s been going?”

Lana’s eyes widened, then she gave the woman a slow smile. “The Sacred Ashes,” she said softly. “I thought that was to be a fool’s errand.”

“Well, a fool’s errand should always enlist a fool, and there’s no bigger fool than someone in love,” Nia said with a grin. “ And somehow, even though your crew seems full, I think you have room for more, don’t you?” Her eyes settled on Cullen, sparkling with delight. "Can you think of anyone that could go with you that may fit those criteria?"

“I’m sure I can come up with something,” Lana said with an equally conspiratorial smile, “ _if_ I knew where I was supposed to go to find these bloody ashes.” She looked at Nia, fixing her with a determined look. "It seems everyone is chasing shadows around here, but I’d like to not waste time.” 

“I can certainly sympathize with that, as you have already determined that I am more than a little invested in your success,” Nia agreed. “But, it looks as if you have questions, Lana. Ask it carefully, and if you do it right, I may even be able to answer it.”

“Is he the first or second,” she asked quickly. Cullen was confused- he assumed she was talking about him, but he had no idea what Lana meant. He gave her a look, but she wouldn’t return it, choosing to focus on the woman instead. 

“Interesting,” Nia remarked. “All the questions in the world and your first question is for her?” Lana didn’t budge- she just looked at her and Nia sighed. “Fine. You played by the rules, so I can give you that answer, but with another question. Which do you think he should be?” Before the girl could answer, she tutted her finger at the mage. “Careful now, you’re going to want to be honest with that answer- I abhor liars.”

She looked down, then looked at Cullen before she answered. “Second,” she whispered. “I want him to be the second.” 

The woman gave her a look that he thought resembled pity. “You realize what that means, right? Are you willing to pay that price for her to be happy?” Nia rose from her spot and put a hand on Lana's shoulder. “You don’t have to make that choice, you know." 

Lana nodded, then looked over at Sam. “She’s paying that price for us right now. This isn’t her world and yet she’s here, fighting alongside us- she could’ve left me at any time, but she didn’t. If I can do this for her, then I will.” She then gave a tilt of her head that Cullen had seen many times in the Circle- Lana had that fire in her eyes that meant she was not budging, no matter what it was that you said or did. “My sister would do it for me,” she said finally. “Without question.”

“You really could’ve been one of mine,” Nia said proudly, hugging the girl. “But, at any rate, I’ll give you your favor and your information, Lana. If nothing else, you’ve earned it.” As she stood up, Nia looked at Lana, then at Cullen. “I must say, both of you have surprised me today. Keep it up,” she said with a wink, heading for the doorway. 

“Oh, by the way, she said as she poked her head back into the room, “you know whatever it was that you two thought you were doing to get me here?” She laughed, and this time it was a melodious sound, full of such whimsy that it made Cullen wish Sam was there even more. “Yeah, that didn't work whatsoever- I just figured I’d give you points for trying.”

_ _

* * *

Suddenly, the room came back to life, and Morrigan’s voice cut through the stillness. “-just go to deal with one of the myriad other fruitless quests that everyone seems intent to send us on while we wait for you to try something even more pointless,” she finished bitterly. “Does her world not have summoning rituals?"

“Uh… no, I’m not sure if they do, Morrigan,” Lana stammered. Time had resumed like nothing had happened, but Lana and Cullen looked at each other, twin expressions of shock on their faces. Everyone was looking at them strangely as the two of them stood over Sam and held her hands, so Lana carefully released the one she was holding and sat forward on the bed, trying to get her bearings. Cullen remained where he was, which was no surprise to anyone in the room- he’d been hovering over Sam like a hawk since the others had arrived anyway. 

“Oh, my mistake- I didn’t mean to shuffle your missives,” Zevran said, staring at the papers he had accidentally knocked to the floor. 

Cullen dismissed him with a wave of his hand, eyes not leaving Sam as Lana did her best to ignore Morrigan. When the witch spoke, she could see the veins in his neck begin to pulse- _Morrigan makes him nervou_ s, she thought, even though she knew he wouldn’t say anything about it, particularly not after his previous outburst. Pushing these thoughts aside, she noticed that when the elf made a move to straighten up, Lana felt an overwhelming urge to pick up the scattered papers. Almost without thinking, she began to straighten up, arranging the scattered pieces in a nice neat pile. Once she had gathered them all and prepared to return them to the desk, she realized her initial assessment was incorrect- the pages _weren’t_ blank.

When she looked down at the stack she had to fight to suppress a gasp, for on the paper and in a neat script that she could _read_ , was a simple message- 

_Genetivi’s in Haven._

Dumbfounded, Lana looked up at the group, eyes lingering on Cullen for a moment. “I… believe I know where the ashes are,” she said carefully. “I think I know where to go, but Cullen, I think we need you to come with us. If the ashes will cure Eamon, then they should cure Sam too.” Cullen’s eyes widened at her declaration, but when Lana stared at him, he nodded- she knew that this was what her mother meant, and if she needed to bring the twitchy templar with them, then that’s what she would do. 

Alistair raised an eyebrow. “Don’t we have enough people?” He gestured to Cullen. “No offense, but aren’t you getting a little tired of recruiting people that want to see you dead? Last we checked, he was most decidedly not on Team Mage. Which,” he glared at the templar, “is led by a mage. You know, that one,” he said, pointing at Lana. "The one you pretty recently tried to murder.”

“In all fairness, I also tried to murder her,” Zevran replied helpfully, “and we get along just fine now." Lana watched as Alistair's eye twitched involuntarily. "Come now, warden,” the assassin said, slinging an arm over Alistair’s shoulder. “What are a few assassination attempts among friends?” 

“Not helping,” Alistair grumbled as he shook off the elf- Lana couldn’t help but giggle. “I don’t even like leaving him here with Sparrow.”

Cullen narrowed his eyes. “I seem to remember you being the idiot templar recruit that ran through the dining hall saluting the templar and mages half-naked, but yet we’re allowing you to save the world.” He crossed his arms and glared at Alistair. “So tell me, what does that say about _your_ qualifications?”

Lana almost choked and whirled around on Alistair. “Wait, what?” Then, she turned to Cullen. “How did I not know about this?"

Alistair turned bright red and immediately tried to avoid her gaze. “You were there?!” 

Cullen just smiled, letting go of Sam’s hand as he stood up. Then, without warning, he faced Alistair, saluted, then turned on his heel to march across the room, locking eyes with Alistair with a lewd expression on his face. When he got back to the bed, he sat down and smiled at the warden. “Yes,” he said calmly, “I was most assuredly there." 

She covered her face with her hands, but Lana couldn’t hold it in anymore- for the first time in days, she laughed, and it wasn’t the polite one she’d been offering recently to show she was paying attention. No, this laugh was loud, bright, and clear, and it rang out through the room, causing the others to smile, then slowly join in until the room practically sang with laughter. She laughed till her cheeks turned bright red and her sides hurt from it, but felt so right- just for a moment, they weren’t on a mission to save their friend or the world, nor were they warriors, scarred templars, assassins, or mages. Instead, they were just people sharing a moment, and it was exactly what they all needed right now. 

They could go back to everything else later. 

_ _

* * *

Cullen was walking with Lana, Alistair, Leliana, and Morrigan as they approached Haven. The group dynamics were not his choice at all- If he had to have another mage with him, he would’ve preferred it be Wynne, but no one was too keen on leaving Morrigan at the Circle or alone with Sam if they didn’t have to. On the positive side, he no longer felt so irrational in his distrust of the apostate, as Alistair was constantly glaring and trading jibes with the witch. This arrangement suited Cullen just fine- if she was annoying Alistair, then she wasn’t talking to him. To his dismay, the witch seemed to relish every opportunity she could get to strike up a conversation with Cullen, seeming to delight in how uncomfortable she made him. 

After a particularly tense confrontation, he excused himself from the group to catch his breath. Frustrated, he let out a yell and punched the nearby tree, trying to control his rage as he tried to calm himself. _It wasn’t her,_ he thought. _She wasn’t the one that did it… you can get through this_. He repeated the mantra over and over to himself, but the moment the witch had touched his shoulder, he was back in the tower and trapped in that prison once again, her arms all over him...

“It’s ok to not be ok,” a voice said behind him. Quickly, he wiped his face and turned to see Leliana watching him, sadness evident on her face. “No one expects you to be whole, you know.”

“I don’t need your pity,” he mumbled, slumping to the ground against the tree. “I will be fine.”

“No one implied that you did,” she said, slowly coming closer so he could hear her soft voice. “But you have my friendship if you want it.” She sat down next to him, close enough to hear, but far enough away as to not make him uncomfortable. “No one has asked, but I will- how are you doing?”

He turned his head to look at her, to see if she was mocking him, but the only expression he could detect on her face was one of concern. “Why do you care,” he asked bitterly, closing his eyes and reaching in his pocket to feel the picture, its weight soothing and warm on his fingertips. “No one except Lana wants me here, and even she has her reasons.” 

Leliana wasn’t deterred. “I can have my reasons as well, Cullen. So, I ask again- how are you doing?”

Cullen sighed- it appeared that he wasn’t going to escape this without talking to her. “I… am doing what I can, but circumstances are making it… difficult,” he replied, rubbing his temples with his hand. “I just want this to be over so I can get back to her.”

Leliana just nodded and rose to her feet, offering Cullen her hand. “If you ever wish to talk to someone, I am here. But in the meantime, let us keep moving- the longer we delay, the longer they wait, and we cannot have that, can we?” 

He looked up at her, grateful she didn’t push the matter further- instead, he took her hand, rising to his feet. “You are not a simple Chantry sister, are you?” 

“In all things, my faith and devotion to the maker are real,” she replied with a wry smile. “But as to my life before the Chantry, we shall have to barter- once you are ready to tell me your story, then I will tell you mine.”

He smiled back, feeling a bit more at ease now as they headed back towards the others. “But what if I’m never ready to tell you my story?”

“Then you shall never know mine,” she replied with a wink. “And I assure you… my story is quite the tale."

_ _

* * *

“This is… quaint,” Alistair said as they walked into the house and stared at the bloody altar. “I _so_ feel right at home here.”

“Well, I’m sure our resident templar is feeling spectacular right now, seeing as how ’tis human blood upon that altar,” Morrigan said with a cutting look at Cullen. “I wonder, will this be the spark that causes him to run us all through with his blade in a fit of rage, branding us all practitioners of blood magic?” She then turned to Lana, an evil smile on her face. “The suspense is delightful, don’t you agree, dear warden?”

Lana sighed. Though she wanted to dismiss the witch, she would be a fool if she didn’t heed at least the spirit of her message- Cullen was admittedly not well, and the situation wasn’t ideal. When they found the body of the Redcliffe knight, he had been tight-lipped but silent. When they had to fight the shopkeepers and the villagers, he was stone-faced but steady. Now, she was presenting him with a trigger of what was arguably the worst time of his life- if he did have an episode, one could hardly blame him. “Cullen,” she asked softly, placing a hand on his shoulder, “are you ok?”

He flinched at her touch, staring down at her hand- Lana could tell from his face that he was having difficulty keeping his composure. “I need some air,” he mumbled as he raced out the door.

“Well, that went about as well as could be expected,” Morrigan trilled. “At least he didn’t try to murder us all- I think shows growth, don’t you?”

Lana shot her a scathing look, but Alistair spoke first. “If he started with you, Morrigan, then I could die a happy man.” Then he turned to the others. “We should check and make sure he’s ok.”

Leliana started to move, but Lana put up a hand. “Let me,” she said softly. "He's still my friend and I think it's time that I reminded him of that."

—

She found him near the house, retching violently in a nearby bush. Careful to let him know she was coming, she walked over to him and cleared her throat. “No one blames you, Cullen,” she said quietly. “This situation is…less than ideal.”

He wiped his mouth as he leaned against the building, his head on the bricks and his eyes closed. “That would appear to be an understatement, Amell.”

“I thought we were at the Lana stage of our friendship since we’ve met a time-traveling mage and I saw you confess your undying love for my sister,” she teased. “Seems we should at least be on a first-name basis by now.” She leaned against the wall and offered him a soft smile, extending her hand to him. After a moment, he took it and she squeezed it back reassuringly. “It’s still me, Cullen.” 

“You were always more Sam’s friend than I,” he admitted. “I knew you all that time and I never did anything to try and be your friend. I... just admired you from afar.” He laughed, shaking his head. “And then that damnable girl fell from the stacks and did in days what I couldn’t in years."

She shrugged. “I will admit, she does seem to have that effect on people. I had never seen you smile before she came, Cullen.” She elbowed him gently. “It appears that you’re more you when you're with her.” 

“How can I be more me?” Cullen asked as the color slowly returned to his face. "I'm the same as I've always been."

“Not so," Lana replied, shaking her head. "You become a person around her- you’re not so wrapped up in yourself, all duty and decorum, and I don’t want to see those bastards take that from you. I didn’t know you even owned a sense of humor, and I should be very sad if you lost it just as I was discovering it existed,” she teased, elbowing him in the ribs. 

He smiled sadly. “This is so hard, Lana,” he said quietly. "Some days I am fine, but at night… the nightmares…" He shook his head. “I go right back there, no matter what I try.” 

“I have an archdemon in my head,” Lana replied softly. “Every night, I hear the screech and battle cries of the darkspawn in my head. I fight them during the day, and I can’t escape them when I close my eyes,” she said with a shudder. “The only person who understands is Alistair… and maybe you, now.” She turned to him, eyes serious. “Talking to him made me realize I wasn’t alone.” She put her hand on his arm. “You aren’t alone, Cullen.”

He sighed, closing his eyes and pushing off against the wall. “We have a world to save and we can’t do it with me losing my lunch out here.” Lana knew he wouldn’t instantly open up to her, but maybe now he realized that there were people that cared enough to listen if he wanted to talk about it. “Let us go find these ashes.” 

—

“You cannot possibly want to take him with us!” Alistair said incredulously, throwing up his hands in exasperation. “The man can’t walk and we just fought cultists, Lana!” He then turned to the scholar. “I’m sorry, Brother Genetivi, but you should go back to Denerim to recover.” 

“Absolutely not,” Leliana said as Lana worked on sending healing magic into the broken leg. “This is his dream and he has made it this far- he needs to be able to see it!”

“Do you plan on carrying the broken man up a blasted mountain?” Alistair asked, pointing at Genetivi. “Because I sure don’t!” 

Leliana narrowed her eyes. “If I have to in order to do what is right, then yes, I will. But I should hope between a Grey Warden and a Templar, we should be able to help him with his life’s work. Besides, he can help us get to the actual temple unless you possess a vast knowledge of Andraste that I am unfamiliar with!”

“This is pointless and not helping,” Cullen said wearily. “If he wants to come, I’ll assist him.” 

“Oh sure, Cullen- make me look like an ass for being reasonable for once,” Alistair huffed. “I’m only saying-“

“You don’t need any help looking like an ass, Alistair,” Cullen said with a small smirk. “You’re doing just fine on your own.” He looped the arm of the scholar around his shoulder, while Alistair begrudgingly hooked the other arm around himself- together, they helped the scholar to his feet. 

Leliana looked at Cullen, relief evident in her face. “Thank you, Cullen- you have my sincere thanks."

“It wasn’t for your benefit,” he said with a wink- the girl laughed. “Come now, Brother Genetivi,” he said to the scholar draped over his shoulder, "we require your assistance to get to these ashes as quickly as possible.”

Lana looked at him with a slight smile- she realized that this was the worst journey for him to be on, but Cullen needed to see that he was able to do it, despite the pain he was obviously in. It was no secret that the templar was going to need a lot of time to recover, but she hoped he at least knew now that he had people willing to help him. 

_ _

* * *

“That’s a dragon,” Cullen said incredulously. “There is an honest to goodness dragon asleep in front of us.” He blinked, then blinked again. "Does no one else see this?”

“This must be what the cultists were worshipping as a god,” Leliana whispered. “They mistook a dragon for the rebirth of Andraste. Stupid bastards,” she hissed. “I would recommend we try to get through this without waking it up. Right, Lana?” 

Cullen looked around, but there was no Lana. Instead, he saw her standing by the gong near the beast, a devilish grin on her face. _Oh no,_ he thought. _She wouldn’t…_

“Come on, guys! We’re on an adventure, and it could go and eat someone else later if we don’t handle it! And besides,” she said, the mallet in her hands, “What would Sam do if she was here!”

“LANA, WE DON’T PLAY THAT GAME HERE!” Alistair yelled, but it was too late- she had already struck the gong and was readying her magic to stun the dragon. Alistair shook his head and began racing towards the beast, while Leliana nocked her arrows and Morrigan changed into a giant spider, charging it. 

Cullen gave everyone a wide-eyed look, then raced after Alistair. “Is this normal for you guys?” He cried as he ran after the warden and readied his sword. “We’re charging a bloody dragon!”

“Looks that way," Alistair replied. “Must be Tuesday.

_ _

* * *

“I dislike you very much right now, Lana- you owe me a new shield,” Alistair grumbled. “I was quite fond of that one, too.”

“Oh, go wipe your tears with all your shiny new gold,” Cullen chided the warden. “And I seem to recall you finding quite a nice shield in the dragon's hoard that you immediately declared ‘mine’ and started hugging as if it were a newborn babe.” He shook his head. “What does it say about me that I actually found that… _fun_?” 

“That you may be more ’Team Mage’ than you give yourself credit for,” Alistair responded with a grin. “You should join- everyone gets cookies and the chance to fight an archdemon!” 

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Cullen said with a smile. “It seems like you let just anyone join- I wonder if I require a bit more exclusivity.” 

“You are all bloody morons,” Morrigan said huffily, her clothes still steaming. “Had I known this would involve fighting dragons, I may have reconsidered my services.”

“If I recall, you were drafted in our service,” Lana said with a smile. “But I cannot say that I don’t mind your assistance. By the way, I found this in the Circle- thought you might want it.” Morrigan gave her a curious look, but Lana simply reached into her backpack and handed the mage a black book. “I think you may be able to make more use of this than I.” 

“Mother’s grimoire!” She exclaimed, her face bright with excitement. “I had heard tales of it being locked in the Circle, but I never expected you to find it! I shall begin studying it immediately!” She looked down, thoroughly chastised. “You have my thanks,” she mumbled. 

Leliana, who had walked ahead, had started to signal the group excitedly. “I think this is it!” She pointed to a small building down the mountain. “There is a temple just ahead!” 

They all ran towards the building, pushing open the stone door and coming to a halt as a man stood in front of them. “Ah… I bid you welcome, Pilgrims. I am the Guardian,” he said gravely. “It is my duty to protect the urn of sacred ashes and prepare the way for those who wish to honor Andraste.” He looked over each of them in turn. “I have waited years for this, as you are the first to arrive in a very long time. ”

“We require the ashes,” Lana said gravely. “May we proceed?”

“Patience child- you will be able to honor Andraste if you prove yourself. But it is not my place to decide your worth- that is for the gauntlet to do. If you are deemed worthy, you may take a pinch of the ashes for yourself.”

Lana found herself biting back a retort, and realized that she had been more changed by Sam than she’d thought. Instead of saying ‘what happens if I’m not’ like Sam would’ve done, she simply nodded and tried to proceed, but the Guardian held out a hand to stop her. “Before you go, there is something I must ask, as I see the path that has led you all here was not easy.” He turned, glancing at each of them in turn. “There is suffering in your pasts.” He fixed his stare on Lana. “Solana Amell, do you feel as though you failed Jowan?” 

The shock on Lana’s face was immediate- she wasn’t expecting that question, but she could answer it honestly. “I didn’t fail him- he failed himself. I am not responsible for the mistakes of others- I make enough of my own.”

“Then you know your own heart, and though you seek to relieve the burdens of others, you do not carry their blame,” he said, nodding. And you, Alistair… do you think Ferelden would have been better off if you had died in the battle of Ostagar instead of Duncan?”

“Yes,” he said, with no hesitation. 

Lana immediately reached for his hand, squeezing it tight. “That’s not true at all,” she said as she stared at him. "We would not have been better off- I would not have been better off. You’re my light in this darkness, Alistair- don’t forget that.”

Before he could reply, the man had turned to Leliana. “And what of your visions, Leliana? Do you see yourself on par with Andraste, or are they the machinations of a poor girl seeking attention?” Her face twisted in response, but he continued. “In Orlais, you were someone. In Lothering, you feared you would lose yourself, become a drab sister and disappear. When your brothers and sisters criticized you for what you professed, you were hurt, but you reveled in it-” 

“Are you trying to say I made it up! How dare you!” Leliana retorted vehemently. “I know what I saw and I know what I believe!"

Cullen turned to the girl and took her hand- she looked up at him, eyes filled with grateful surprise at his touch. “It does not matter what others believe, Leliana,” he said quietly. “Sometimes it is merely enough for us to know the truth.” She nodded, and the guardian turned to Cullen, who swallowed. “Cullen, the templar who did not break, do-“

“No,” Leliana said simply. “Some things we do not lay bare in front of others. He will share his regrets with those he wishes to at a time of his choosing. I will not bear witness to his pain unless I am asked to by him.”

“Neither will I,” Lana said, grabbing his other hand. “I will let my friend choose to honor me with the truth when he is ready, and I will share his burden, not leave it for him to bear alone or offer judgment. This game is dangerous and he will not play, Guardian.”

“Yeah, what they said,” replied Alistair. Leliana shot him a look, but he shrugged. “What? You guys both said it better than I could, so why repeat it?” He turned to Cullen with a grin. “Told you it’s fun on Team Mage- we get all the best cookies, fight archdemons and dragons on Tuesdays…” 

Cullen closed his eyes, blowing out a deep breath. “They speak the truth. I cannot answer this now.”

“Wise enough to know that some things need to be told in their own time, surrounded by those willing to share your burdens,” he said with a nod. Finally, the guardian turned to Morrigan. “And what of you, daughter of Flemeth- “

She cut him off with a hiss and a dismissive wave. “Enough! I will not answer you- I refuse to play your game.” 

“Is that all we had to do?” Alistair asked incredulously. “You mean could have refused? Gah!” He glared at Morrigan. “Sneaky witch,” he muttered under his breath. 

_ _

* * *

When they had moved on from the Guardian and answered the questions from the spirits, Cullen was stopped in the hall by Nia. “Hello, Cullen,” she said lightly. “I see you made it through your trial.”

No longer surprised to see anything in this temple, he just stared at her morosely. “Why did you send me here?” Cullen asked. “I could have stayed by Sam’s side- I didn’t have to come along here.”

“I think you did,” Nia said. “You’ve been reminded that for all the bad, there are still those that would do good. That some will help you if you ask, and that despite the struggle and pain, when confronted with the unknown, you can still endure. That skill will serve you well in the future- remember that.” 

“I… I am not sure what to say,” he said finally, rubbing the back of his neck. “Thank you?"

“Don’t thank me- you chose to come. There's still have a lesson you haven’t learned, but I believe you’ll get there… in time,” she said with a smile. “Wisdom with age, I suppose,” she said with a shrug. 

“It appears I have a lot to learn,” he said after a moment. “But I will try.”

“That’s all anyone can ask,” she said lightly. “But, in the meanwhile, I will not ask you to endure the trials that are to come- some wounds don’t need to be opened.” 

He frowned. “If I don’t complete this, then I won’t be able to save Sam. As you said, I can endure some discomfort if it means I save her. I’ve gotten this far- I have to continue.”

She shook her head. “No, you don’t. I’m going to pay for taking away your choice, but if it’s going to spare you pain, I’ll pay the cost. I’ve done enough and tested you- I will not make you relive your pain on top of it.” She reached for his hand and dropped a small emerald ring into it. “Give it to her, and she’ll wake. But, if you don’t mean what you say, give it to Lana and have her give it to her.”

His fingers tightened around the ring, feeling it hum in his fist- this was no ordinary ring. “What kind of ring is this,” he said carefully, running his fingers over the stones. 

“What kind of ring do you want it to be?” Nia asked with a grin. “What should it be? Right now, it is a beacon, guiding her home when the darkness comes, an anchor in a sea of stars. But who it will eventually guide her to is dependent on who gives it.” She looked at him, eyes bright with amusement. “Oh, this is _exciting_ ,” she gushed. “I can’t wait to see what you choose!”

Cullen frowned, but he didn’t release the ring. “Don’t you already know what I choose?” 

Nia shrugged. “I could, but I won’t, so I don’t. I try not to read too far ahead when it comes to family.” He started to say something, but she held up a hand. “Don’t tell me about your choice. Tell her.”

But as he was about to protest, she vanished, leaving him alone in the cold hallway with the tiny ring thrumming in his hand.

_ _

* * *

The wall of flame loomed high in from of them, and Alistair looked at Lana. “What are we supposed to do now? Last I checked, I burned pretty easily.”

Leliana squinted at the altar. “Cast off the trappings of worldly life and cloak yourself in the goodness of spirit. King and slave, lord and beggar, be born again anew in the Maker’s sight.”

Lana looked at Cullen and noticed the veins in his neck pulsating. “It means to cast off your clothes and walk through the fire,” he said grimly. “Everyone, from the slave to the noble, is the same without the trappings of our wealth… which means our clothes.” He turned to Lana. “I… I don’t know if I can do that,” he said softly. 

“You don’t have to,” Lana whispered. “I understand- we’ll get the ashes for Sam another way. Maybe the Guardian will let us each take a pinch, or-“

“No," he whispered, taking a deep breath. “It’s her. I’ll do it. If Alistair can go through a mess hall in nothing but his smalls, I can do the same. I can do this. I feel like it’s a test,” he muttered.

“I’m here for you,” Lana said as she stripped off her robes. “Whatever you think you want to do, let me know and I will support you.” 

“You know, had this been us at the circle,” he said as he took off his armor, “I would have just about passed out to see you in your smalls, Lana.”

“Same,” she said, her eyes trailing over Alistair. “But I think I just might pass out anyway.” She turned her attention back to him. “You sure you’re ok?”

He nodded. “Let’s just do this quickly before I lose my nerve.” 

They all stripped down and walked through the fire, and Lana had her ice spell at the ready, just in case someone was reading this wrong and they really were set to be roasted to a crisp. She shook her head at the thought of what Sam would say if she saw them all in their smalls, walking through a wall of fire. _Nothing good_ , she thought with a laugh. _Though I daresay she’d be quite keen to admire the view_. 

For his part, Cullen was handling the experience with aplomb. She knew he was uncomfortable, but even Morrigan had stopped trying to push his buttons for the time being and he was staring straight ahead, muttering the Chant of Light to himself as he moved forward. Lana sighed and took a deep breath, trying to focus as they walked through the flames, working to keep her breath steady as they came out the other side-

“Well done,” said the guardian as the fire went out behind him. “You have been through the trials of the gauntlet, you have walked the trials of Andraste, and like her, you have come out the other side cleansed. Indeed, you have proven yourselves worthy,” he said as he looked them over. “You may now approach the sacred ashes.”

“So glad that’s over,” Alistair said. “I’m quite ready to get my clothes back on.” 

“I don’t know,” Lana quipped. “I’m quite content admiring the view. Besides, from what I hear, it's not like you kept your clothes on all that often, anyway.”

“ _It was one time!_ ” Alistair huffed as he reached for his clothes. "Cullen, I am going to tell Sten you have cookies in your pockets that you don’t want to share for telling them that blasted story!” 

“Oh for the love of-“ Morrigan snarled. “Let’s just get these bloody ashes so we can get on with this foolish task!”

No one objected. 

—

“What you’re suggesting isn't practical, Lana!” Alistair said plaintively. “We need to get to Redcliffe, and he needs to get to the Circle. And considering our pleasant friend over here hates the Circle, and Cullen and Leliana are more than capable of waking Sam up, it makes more sense for us to split up,” he explained. “And once Sam wakes up, you know that she’ll find you and then they’ll all come to Redcliffe- it just makes sense!”

“You know I am loathed to agree with Alistair on anything, but I find I must this time,” Morrigan said with a sigh, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes. “Do not make me regret that decision.” She turned to Lana, and Lana could see that she was less irritated by the situation and angrier at the fact that she had to admit Alistair was right about something. “You are not needed at the Circle. You are needed at the castle, as you are one of the two only remaining Grey Wardens, so do your duty and let the broken templar and Chantry assassin take care of the useless mage for you.”

Cullen looked up at Morrigan and sighed. “We are more than that, Morrigan- I’d prefer it if you didn’t reduce me to my tragedies.”

The witch gave him a shrewd look. “Oh, like you do for all apostate mages? Or is that level of faith only reserved for ones that catch your attention?” 

“I-“ He started to say something, but then he shook his head. “No. I will not do this with you while she lies ill.” He turned to Leliana and gave a slight bow. “Leliana, I would be honored if you were to accompany me. If,” he said, deferring to Alistair and Lana, “that would work for you. And Lana, I promise- I will save your sister. There is no other option for me.” Lana gave him a look, furrowing her brow in consternation- he gave her a small smile. “Go, handle your duty- I will save your heart. Trust me,” he said, reaching for her hands. “If you ever trusted me before, trust me now.”

Lana sighed, finally conceding defeat, then leaned in to whisper into his ear. “See that you do, Ser Cullen. Or the nightmares that plague you now will be nothing compared to what I will unleash upon you.”

Cullen looked at Lana- her face was serious as a stone. She did not want him to doubt for a second that she meant every word she had said and to his credit, he nodded. “I would expect nothing less from you, Solana Amell."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, guys, I just finished writing Chapter 23 (editing, not so much, lol), and it feels unreal that a story that I just started over the holidays is almost done! I'm on track for my two chapters a week publishing schedule, and I am so looking forward to having my updated workspace by the end of March so I can start cranking out Pt. 2 of this! 
> 
> Also, I hope you guys are enjoying this ride as much as I am- your kudos and comments make me feel less like a writing weirdo and more like I'm actually cranking out content people enjoy, so please feel free to let me know what you think!


	20. Friends are family you choose

_ _

* * *

Alistair was asleep in his tent while Lana was staring into the light of their campfire. For the last few hours, she had been fingering her locket and trying to reach Sam, and each time she was met with no success. She knew it was pointless, had been since she started, but yet she held out hope. _Cullen has to save her_ , she thought. _He simply has to._

Her thoughts were interrupted by the swish of skirts approaching, and she turned to see Morrigan walking up to her. “The templar isn’t that fast, you know- they won’t have reached the Circle yet. They are probably resting right now, just as you should be.” 

“I can’t sleep,” Lana admitted. It was rare that the witch wasn’t being mean, but then again, Lana had always taken Morrigan's curtness in stride. The mage knew what it was like to be lonely, and may very well have been the same if Sam hadn’t forced her way into her life. “But thank you for checking on me.”

Morrigan gave her a look that was out of place on her face- confusion. “Why do you do that? I do not understand you."

Now it was Lana’s turn to be confused. “Do what?"

“Why are you always so nice to me? I am not kind to you, nor have I ever endeavored to be.” She looked away. "But yet, you travel with me, offer me gifts, and you never seem to take outward offense at what I say. So tell me, why? What makes you this way?”

Lana shrugged. “I don’t think you mean to be rude, Morrigan. I think it is just your way. But you are smart and shrewd, and even though I may not like how you deliver the message, I would often be remiss not to listen to your counsel. So in short, it is because I consider you a friend, and I would like to think you consider me one as well.”

“I have never had a friend before,” Morrigan said with a voice that was uncharacteristically soft for her. “So I do not know if I can be one.” 

“I think you can,” Lana said with a smile. “But enough talk of feelings for now- I don’t think that brought you over to me. What’s on your mind?"

Morrigan gave her a grateful smile. “You would be right, warden. I did not come to talk about such frivolous things as these.”

“Lana is fine,” the mage responded. “Friends call each other by their names.”

“Lana it is, then,” Morrigan replied. “Though remind me never to use the oaf's name in proper conversation, as I would not want him to get ideas.” Lana chuckled, then saw the ghost of a smile pass over Morrigan’s face before the witch continued. “I realize we have a task, but I would like to ask you for a favor, if I may.”

Lana nodded. “Again, what’s on your mind, Morrigan. This seems serious if it warrants you asking for assistance.”

“It is indeed,” the witch agreed. “I have been studying the Grimoire you found in the Circle. It was most interesting and enlightening,” she said darkly. “Turns out it discusses how Flemeth seems to always live such a long and useful life.” Lana stared at her, not wanting to interrupt. She simply sat, waiting for her to continue, and sure enough, Morrigan did. “There are many tales of the Witch of the Wilds and her many daughters, but I have never met another one. I was curious as to why that was, but then I read the book. Now I know why,” she spat. 

“Why is that?” Lana asked softly. 

“Mother has daughters to possess them,” she said angrily. “She uses us when she is about to die to be her next vessel.” Morrigan donned a haughty look, but Lana had a feeling it was a mask for her fear. “Now that I know of her plans, I have no intention of being her next sacrifice.”

Lana’s eyes grew wide. “What do we do?”

“You kill her first,” Morrigan said seriously. "There is a real grimoire, one that I know she still keeps. Within it, there may be secrets to tell me what to do to stop her if she arises again.” She then brightened even more. “And there may even possibly be some information in the book your sister possesses to shield me from her if that happens.” She then looked down, apparently remembering that Sam was not in a state to help anyone at the moment, or the fact that the girl was nowhere near as forgiving as Lana. "That is if your sister would be willing to help me translate it.” 

“I understand your concerns, Morrigan- I do not like the idea of this any more than you,” Lana said carefully. “But I think this will have to wait until Sam awakens- I will not rush into a battle with one as powerful as she without information at our side.”

“Your concern is reasonable, as I will not be able to participate in your battle since I cannot offer her spirit a chance to possess me as soon as she is slain.” 

Lana tried to temper down her ire at this- _she wants me to fight a woman who could turn into a dragon without assistance?_ But, the mage took a deep breath and smiled softly at Morrigan- her news was distressing, to be sure, so she would give the witch a bit of leeway… this time. 

“We will handle this,” she said, placing a hand on hers. “You have my word.”

Morrigan offered her a rare smile as she got up from her seat and began walking back to her tent. “And you have my thanks... Lana.”

_ _

* * *

“Thank you,” Cullen said to Leliana as they rode the boat back to Kinloch Hold. “You did not have to stand up for me in the temple… I appreciate it.” He sighed and turned away, watching out over the water and turning the ring over and over in his palm. He had no intention of letting Lana give it to her, though he also had no illusions as to the woman’s hidden meaning. He knew he wasn’t in a place to make this decision now, but to lose the option for his future… Cullen felt his emotions roll as if they were one with the waves rocking the boat and he sighed, still just as unsure as he was before. 

“It is nothing. I know how it is to have regrets,” Leliana said softly, ignoring his gaze. “But they are to be shared at a time of our choosing, if at all.” 

He nodded, still looking out over the water. “May I ask a question?” 

“If you wish,” she said kindly. “And I may very well answer… or ask you one in return.” 

Cullen paused, looking at her for a moment. Her face was just as kind as it usually was, but there was a… _glint_ in her eyes that always made him nervous. He often thought she was like a bird, watching and waiting for the right moment, causing him to never feel quite at ease with her. Seeing her in a fight only cemented this- she was just as deadly with her arrows as she was with her daggers, and after the trials at the temple, he had no doubt there was more to her than anyone could have supposed. He wanted to know her story, but he also knew that he had no right to pry unless he was willing to share the secrets he kept as well, so he chose a different path instead. “How does one know if they’re doing the right thing?”

“Is it easy?” Leliana asked. “In my experience, when something is so large it has one pondering its effect, it is usually not a decision that comes easily.” She finally turned to look at him. “Why, do you ask, dear templar? Is there a decision you need to make?”

He nodded, showing her the ring in his palm- the redhead squealed with delight and clapped her hands together, then ran her finger over the stones. “Oh, Maker! It’s gorgeous! Is that what I think it is?” 

Cullen smiled. “And that is the part I am unsure of, Leliana.” He closed his hand around the ring and put it back into his pocket, letting out a sigh as he stared back over the colorless sea. “Right now, it is a cure. But it could- and should- be a promise.” He rubbed the back of his neck and closed his eyes. “But I’m not the person she needs me to be yet… I fear I need more time.” 

Now he had her full attention- she looked up, face thoughtful. “Does the promise have to be enacted today, or is this a promise that can wait till you’re ready? We are still fighting a blight, you know,” she said with a smile. 

Cullen chuckled. “I suppose the timing is poor. But is that possible? Or fair, even? To want someone at the end but not the interim?”

“I guess that would depend on why,” she said after a moment, then gave him that icy stare. “If it is because you wish to sow seeds in other fields before settling down, then do not risk another’s heart to indulge in your own selfish desires.” She narrowed her eyes at him. “That wouldn’t be the case, would it?”

“Maker no!” Cullen said with a furious blush. “Never- no- what- _why_ \- Maker’s breath, why would you say such a thing!” He looked at Leliana and shook his head fervently. “Nothing could be further from the truth!” 

Leliana laughed, seemingly delighted with his flustered behavior. “Then what makes you hesitate now but think you’ll be certain later?”

Cullen looked down again. “I am not fit to be anything to anyone right now. I… need to work through this, and besides, I am still bound by my duty.”

“I was not under the impression that Templars were forbidden to marry,” she said with a smile. “Are your devotions stronger than most?"

He laughed. “No, but I am stationed in the Circle. Even if I were to get permission to marry, I’ve no place for a family.” 

The redhead laughed, trailing a lazy finger in the water. “And there are no other places you can go to?” She turned back to him, amusement etched on her face. “Surely, one such as yourself who is working with the Grey Wardens to stop the blight and save the Arl of Redcliffe could be able to petition for a change of station, no?”   
  
In spite of himself, Cullen began to laugh. “Maybe I _could_ get permission from the Order to go somewhere else…” He shook his head, thinking once again that he would need to learn who this woman really was. "I just don’t know. Life is just… not right at the moment.” 

“Life is never right,” she countered. “But we must do with it what we can.” The redhead looked at him, appearing for all the world as if she was sizing him up, and Cullen couldn’t be sure if he’d passed or been found wanting. “Present the options and see what comes of it- you may well be surprised at the answers you find.”

“I’ve discovered over the last few months that the list of things that would surprise me grows smaller and smaller the longer she’s in my life,” Cullen responded with a soft laugh. “I daresay I don’t even recognize my old life anymore.” 

“Is that a bad thing?” Leliana asked, her tone laced with curiosity. “Would you go back, if you could?”

“Never,” Cullen answered quickly. “Even with everything I’ve been through, I wouldn’t trade this experience for the world.”

“Then I think you have your answer,” she said, turning back towards the water. 

_ _

* * *

If it weren’t for Alistair next to her, she could have easily stormed off once the Arl had awakened. When he discovered what Loghain had done, he proposed the idea of calling the Landsmeet and acknowledging Alistair as the rightful king. When he proposed the idea, Lana felt her breath coming out in short, ragged bursts and she tried to calm down, but it was a losing battle- she was failing miserably. It seemed that at every turn, she was being asked to do just one more thing, and it was all too much- she was a _mage_ , not a warrior or a noble, being asked to do the impossible, but no one seemed to understand. She was trying her best to look like she cared, but she was finding it hard. 

_Who does Eamon think he is, making plans to take away my best friend and make him king while my sister is still unconscious? The gall of him!_

Alistair, for his part, was no help- he had almost gone white as a sheet, but Lana stepped in and politely pointed out that they still had treaties to enforce, and that as a Grey Warden, his help was required. He’d squeezed her hand in silent thanks, but it was far from the reassurance that she needed.

The pressure in her head was building and Lana felt herself becoming a ball of fear and rage, so instead of losing control, she mustered up all the politeness she could and politely excused herself from the political posturing. She heard Alistair call out to her, but she couldn’t stop- she ran down the hall, trying to get away as quick as she could. 

As her vision began to blur with unshed tears, Lana ducked inside a nearby room and found a wardrobe, shoving her tall, lanky form inside, finally allowing herself to cry all the tears she’d been hiding once she had shut the doors. Safe in the darkness and quiet, Lana cried and cried, hoping her loud sobs were muffled by the fancy clothes she was undeniably staining with her tears, but a few moments later, there was a soft knock at the wardrobe door. Too exhausted to care, Lana ignored it as she continued to cry silently, wrapping her arms around herself and hoping whoever it was would get the hint and go away.

However, the person outside didn’t leave, and once again, the soft raps on the door filtered into the cabinet. “Hey, unless there’s another Grey Warden in the castle I’m not sure about, I’m pretty sure that’s you in there, Lana."

“Go away, I’m… looking for something,” she said finally, wiping her eyes. 

The wardrobe opened, revealing Alistair looking down at her. Lana blinked at the sudden influx of light into the darkened space, and Alistair got down to his knees. “Hey, come here,” he said softly, pulling her to her towards him and wrapping her in his arms. The warden took one look at her tear-stained cheeks and a soft smile crossed his face. “Hey, none of that,” he said, pulling away a bit so he could wipe her tears away with his thumb. “At least, not until you tell me why you’re here hiding from me in Isolde’s spare wardrobe.” 

Lana didn’t respond, she just looked down. “It’s nothing,” she said brusquely, turning her head away from him and wiping her face with her sleeve. “I just needed a minute to myself, that’s all.” 

She started to try and get to her feet, but Alistair held her in place. “Can I talk to you for a moment, Lana? I just need a minute of your time before you rush off to investigate any more wardrobes.” She smiled in spite of herself, and he kept an arm around her as he reached inside his pack for something. Soon, he turned back around to her, handing her an item. “Lana, do you know what this is?”

She looked at the rose in her hand, then back up to him, wiping her eyes. “Your new weapon of choice?” 

“Yes, that's right. Watch as I thrash our enemies with the mighty power of floral arrangements!” She giggled, and he grinned back at her. "Feel my thorns, darkspawn! I will overpower you with my rosy scent!”

Lana laughed, bringing the rose to her nose, inhaling the sweet scent of it. She smiled as she looked up at him. “It’s lovely,” she replied, “but why are you giving it to me?” 

Alistair smiled, his arm still around her, fingers gently touching the petals. "I picked it in Lothering. I remember thinking, how could something so beautiful exist in a place with so much despair and ugliness? I probably should have left it alone, but I couldn't. The darkspawn would come and their taint would just destroy it. So I've had it ever since."

Lana looked up at him in amazement. “That’s… very nice of you, but I’m still not sure as to why I deserve it.”

He squirmed a little, but she didn’t move.”Well, it’s… it’s just that in a lot of ways, I think the same thing when I look at you, Lana.”

“Really?” Lana gave a sad smile. “What makes you say that?"

He stared up at the ceiling, pausing for a moment. “I just thought, here I am doing all this complaining, and you haven't exactly been having a good time of it, yourself. You've had none of the good experience of being a Grey Warden since your Joining. Not a word of thanks or congratulations. It's all been death and fighting and tragedy.” He blew out a deep breath, looking her in the eyes, face anxious. "I thought maybe I could say something. Tell you what a rare and wonderful thing you are to find amidst all this…darkness.”

“You have no idea how much this means to me right now, Alistair.” Lana replied as she leaned against him. “Thank you- I will treasure it always.” 

"I'm glad you like it,” he said with a grin, tracing a finger on her cheek, wiping away what she was sure had to be a trail of dust and tears. "Now, if we could move right on past this awkward and embarrassing stage and get right to the steamy bits, I'd appreciate it."

Lana let out a loud laugh, then put her hand to her mouth. "Sounds good. Off with the armor then.” Then she gave him a wry smile. “Or do we have to have a wall of flames or a mess hall full of people for that to happen?” 

“You… are not a nice woman,” he said, leaning his forehead to hers and closing his eyes. “Why do I keep you around again?” 

“Because you’re firmly on Team Mage,” she whispered, tilting her face up to his, moving close enough to feel his breath on her lips. 

“Am I?” he asked, bringing his mouth down to hers and placing a soft kiss on her lips, causing her to let out a soft gasp at the connection. Surprised, he started to pull away, but Lana didn’t want to break the spell he had over her- she reached her free hand to his neck, gently guiding him back and meeting his mouth with hers. She could feel him smile as she nibbled his bottom lip and he pulled her tighter towards him, wrapping one arm around her waist and threading his hands through her loose red hair. It was all she could do not to pinch herself- if it weren’t for the sting of the thorns against her palm, she could have sworn this moment was nothing but a wonderful dream.

When they pulled apart, it was as if time had frozen again- they just sat there, staring at each other as if in disbelief. Eventually, Lana stared up at him, her lips swollen and her face flushed, trying to make sense of her spinning world. “So,” she said breathlessly, running her fingers through his hair, “I take it that’s a yes?”

He leaned back in and gave her another kiss on the forehead. “As long as the other members don’t get these same privileges,” he responded as he wound his fingers in hers, "then yeah, I think I’m firmly on Team Mage. Unless… I’m fooling myself,” he asked tentatively, looking her over. “Do you-“ 

Lana leaned in and stopped his question by quickly placing a finger on his lips. “It’s about bloody time, you git.” She laughed, looking into his warm brown eyes. “Alistair, I’ve wanted you since the moment I met you.” 

“Glad to know the feeling was mutual,” he murmured as he pulled her in for another kiss.

_ _

* * *

Cullen was flying up the stairs of the tower, but he still felt like he wasn’t moving fast enough. 

When he got to her room, the dog was curled up at Sam's feet while Wynne was arguing with Zevran. Sten was in the corner, looking bored, but since everyone was still breathing he was pretty sure this was their normal for the past few days. 

“We got the ashes!” Cullen exclaimed breathlessly, brandishing the pouch. “Wynne, can you-“

She deftly plucked the parcel from his fingertips and smiled. “I can and I shall. Give me a moment to prepare the potion, and I’ll be right back. In the meantime, Sten, Zevran, can you come and assist me?” 

Sten folded his arms. “I am not leaving the small one with the templar.” He narrowed his eyes at Cullen. “I do not trust him.” 

Leliana walked over and placed a hand on the Quinari’s arm. “But there are cookies in the kitchens- I’m sure Sam will be all right with Dog and myself for a few moments while you get a snack, don’t you agree, Cullen?”

Cullen nodded, once again grateful for her assistance. “Yes, they do keep some for special occasions- I’m sure Wynne can assist with getting you some.” 

Sten gave a soft harrumph as he walked to the door. “I will return to my duties shortly.” He pointed to Cullen. “If I find that you have harmed her-“

“I give you my word, no harm will come to her,” he replied as he sat next to Sam on the bed. Dog gave him a look, then glanced over at Leliana. “And I give it to you as well,” he said to the dog, who let out a low woof, hopping off the bed and walking over to the door. Though he couldn’t speak, the intent was clear- _I’m watching you_. Cullen couldn’t blame anyone for the way they were treating him- he understood that he’d been an absolute shit after his ordeal, but them thinking he would hurt her still stung. Resigned to his status as persona non grata, he stared at Sam- her eyes were closed and her skin was pale, but at least she was breathing. Her stillness was driving him crazy- he was desperate to see those strange green eyes stare at him or to hear her tease him about something or another. But as he held her hand, Cullen discovered all the doubts he had on the way over were nothing compared to how he felt when she was near- with her, he was complete. 

“Come back to me, Sam,” he said, slipping the ring onto her left hand. “Lana’s lost without you… I’m lost without you,” he said softly. “I’m not what you need right now, but one day I will be… if you let me.” He looked at her and stroked her cheek with his fingertip, savoring the feel of her skin under his. "I love you, Samantha Winchester,” he said quietly, not caring if anyone heard him. "From the day you fell into my lap from Maker knows where, it’s been you, and it’s always going to be you... if you allow it.” Cullen leaned his head on her chest and let out a soft sigh, desperate for a connection with her, even if it was only her heartbeat. “And if you need me to, I’ll spend the rest of my days waiting for you, Kitten- you deserve that much.”

“What I want is for you to stop calling me Kitten,” she said hoarsely, squeezing his hand with her fingers. “And heaven help us all, but I love you too, Metal Man."

As Cullen swept Sam up in his arms, he decided that he had never heard anything more beautiful in his life, and he vowed to do whatever he could to make sure he heard it for the rest of his life.

_ _

* * *

“You have to drink all of this,” Wynne said in that patient tone that you only heard from teachers and doctors. “If you don’t, it won’t be effective.”

I grimaced. “Look, I am highly appreciative of everything you have done to keep my stupid ass alive, but I will have to take a hard pass on drinking any more liquid dead person. And if you try to shove it on me, I will promptly disappear on you before you can get close enough to try.”

Wynne chuckled. “You really are just as hard-willed as Solana- I can see why you two get along so famously.” 

I grinned, adjusting myself to a seated position on the bed. “Yeah, that girl is my home slice. I love her to bits.” Then I sighed and gave the old mage a sheepish look. “Look, I’m not trying to be difficult- I do appreciate everything that you’ve done for me. It’s just I have to draw a line at drinking a dead lady. Even you gotta admit that shit is creepy as all hell, Wynne.”

“When you put it that way, I suppose you have a point,” Wynne said, laughing. “I’m glad to see you well again, Samantha.”

“Thanks, Wynne,” I said, shifting my weight to get comfortable on the bed. “And despite my best efforts, I’m still in the Circle. Joy,” I said, frowning.

“There are worse places to be,” she said with a kindly smile. “Remember, you’re talking to a resident here.” Wynne leaned down, running her healing magic over me. “Other than your reluctance to drink a dead woman, how are you feeling?”

“Pretty good, actually,” I said, flexing and stretching. “Not my best hotel stay, that’s for sure, but I can’t say I mind the hospitality.” 

She shook her head, patting me on the leg. “You are a strange one, Samantha. No magic yet tons of power, and the ability to slip from the world and return at will. What is that all about?”

“Part of my charm, I guess,” I remarked, reaching in my bag and pulling out my sketchpad. The woman didn’t have as many branches as the others, but she was still strong enough to make my head hurt. “You got some branches coming off you, Wynne,” I said as I started to sketch the kindly older woman. “And they lead far beyond here… you decided to come with us, didn’t you?”

“How did you know?” Wynne asked, shock evident on her face. “I never told you that.”

I tapped my head. “I’m a weirdo, remember? You decided and I saw it.” I paused for a second and put my hand on her knee, trying to make sense of what I saw from that decision. “Wow… the consequences are reaching out pretty far from that one.”

Wynne gave me a curious look. “How does this work, exactly? I decide and you see the results of whatever decision I make?” 

“Not necessarily the results, but the consequences- like how much impact does that choice have. Sometimes I can see the results or a semblance of it- I freely admit I’m not all that good at it. I didn’t bother to read or learn all that much from my mom, and I’m sort of paying for it now, as evidenced by me requiring dead girl juice."

Her lip twitched. “You do realize you are talking about the ashes of the Maker’s bride, Sam? Might you want to extend a bit of respect?” 

“Wynne, you haven’t met my mom- I lost reverence for religion a long time ago. Long as we were on our best behavior when deities pop over for tea, mom called it a win."

She looked at me again, and I could tell she was debating on whether or not to believe me. “Samantha-“

I held up my hand. “Call me Sam, please. And I know it’s a lot to swallow- heck, I wouldn’t believe it if someone told me. But if you want to test me, feel free. Ask me about the consequences of something I shouldn’t be able to know.”

She sighed, obviously wondering if she should take me up on my offer. “All right, let’s say for a moment that I believe you. Tell me this- would Aneirin have been better off without me as a mentor?”

I looked at her sadly. “I can’t see the result of the past. Can’t read minds. But if you ask me about a decision you want to make, I can tell you what stems from that.”

“Interesting,” she said. “Then let’s rephrase that- what would happen if I were to try to find Aneirin?”

“Now that I can answer,” I said. “Give me your hand.” She did, and I searched the branches. Surprisingly, it was easy to find- the choice wasn’t too far in the future. “Well, when were you planning on doing this? It seems like it’s coming up fairly soon,” I said. 

Wynne jerked her hand back. “That’s not funny, Samantha. You don’t get to do that to people,” she said, shaking her head. "I don’t care how irreverent you wish to be- some things just aren’t done.”

“Um, WTF, Wynne? Are you ok?” I gave her a confused look. “Why are you acting like that?”

“Aneirin is dead,” she spat. “And I don’t find it funny that you would toy with me about something like that.”

“Wynne, what the fuck?” I stared at her, eyes wide. “I don’t know who he is or where you’re getting your information from… but he’s totally alive.” 

Ashen, Wynne sank back into her chair. “Maker… you can’t be serious. It… can’t be."

Unabated, I continued. “It can, Wynne,” I said with a soft smile. "And since you asked, I’m going to tell you- if finding him is really a decision you want to make, then your path will take you right to him."

_ _

* * *

_SAM!_ Lana cried excitedly. _You’re awake!_

_Yep, alive and kicking. And I might be engaged or something, but I’m not sure._

_Oh, Maker, you have no idea how much I’ve missed you!_ Lana replied happily. _I’ve been waiting for you to wake up for what feels like forever._

 _Well, I’ve been trying to wake up forever, so I guess we’re even,_ Sam replied with a chuckle. _Was kind of hoping the blight and everything would have been over and done with by the time I came to, but oh well, can’t have everything, I guess._

 _I’ve missed you so much,_ Lana cried. _And now that you’re awake, YOU’RE A BLASTED IDIOT, SAM! If I were there I would hit you, you know that! All you had to do was read your bloody book and we could have avoided this mess!_

 _Really? What did I need?_ Sam paused. _And wait, how do you know that?_

 _If you’d have bothered to read the damn journal, you would have known that you needed a guidance totem to send you back home if you lose your connection to the world!_ Lana screeched with frustration. _Don’t you ever do that to me again, understand!_

Alistair stared at her for a moment, then his face brightened. “Are you talking to Sparrow? She’s awake?”

Lana gave a frustrated chuckle “She is. And I’m giving her a piece of my mind right now.” 

“Good,” he said, kissing her on the cheek. “She deserves every bit of it.” 

_Wait a minute_ , Sam asked. _Did I just see that?_

 _See what?_ Lana asked innocently. _By the way, didn’t you just mention something about being engaged?_

 _Dirty pool, sister of mine. We’re having words as soon as I arrive_. Sam let out an exasperated sigh. D _id you know that they won’t let me just pop over there? I have to wait and travel by friggin’ boat? Cullen won’t let me out of his sight, Wynne and Zevran are looking at me like I’m one of those damn abominations, and Sten keeps raiding my bag when he thinks I’m not looking. That bastard ate all my candy, do you know that? The only one who isn’t being a little shit is the dog, and I think that’s because he can’t talk._

_You deserve everything you’re getting and more, Sam._

She laughed, and Lana felt her heart swell from hearing the sound again. _Just so you know, I’m going home. I suspect it’s going to cause a riot, but I really want a toothbrush and a shower. My hair and my mouth feel gross, Lana Banana._

 _Sam, everyone is there because of you, you realize that, right?_ Lana said, rolling her eyes. _Be nice- you can deal with our backwater methods of bathing for a minute._

_Or, I could send everyone on and just meet them there, considering we have a blight to handle… or did you fix that when I was sleeping? By the time I finish at home, they’ll still be on that goddamn boat. Look, I’m just all about saving time. And eating. I want food, damn it._

Lana put a finger to her lips and smiled. _Well, I might be able to come around to your way of thinking if I was the recipient of some of those tasty sandwiches. Alistair tried to cook for us when we were getting those blasted ashes- you owe us all._

 _Oh stick it up your ass, Lana, you’re in a castle right now,_ Sam replied with a giggle. _You’re eating better than us!_

 _Trauma,_ Lana chided. _I’m holding you responsible for trauma. And besides, none of the kitchen staff know what a breakfast burrito is._

 _Whatever… love you, Lana Banana,_ Sam replied. _I'll see you soon._

_Love you too, idiot._

_ _

* * *

“I’m going with you,” Cullen said firmly, his knapsack slung over his shoulder. “End of discussion.” 

“Um, I’m pretty sure I can’t take people with me when I go home,” I said cautiously. “It tends to be a solo trip.”

“No, I mean on this-“ he gestured to the boat- “quest of yours… fighting the blight.” He sighed, wrapping me in a tight hug. “Sam, I’m not leaving you alone again- I’ve fought with them once, I’ll do it again.”

I frowned. “You’re babysitting me,” I said plaintively. “Last I checked, we weren’t married and I wasn’t your kid.” 

Cullen sighed, then looked over to Leliana. Since I woke up, I had noticed that the two of them were pretty tight- she was the only one who didn’t look at him like he was about to run me through with his sword at any given moment. She gave me a look that I had often gotten from Mom and Dad- it was the one that said I was being an idiot. “Samantha, having another sword in service of stopping the Blight is not the worst thing. And without Lana, you have limited powers. Having Cullen with us would be a boon… if he is willing, that is.” 

“I am,” he said quickly. “And we should get started on this journey- I fear Lana has lost some time waiting for you to recover, Samantha.”

“That is a low blow and you know it,” I said, pointing a finger at him. To his credit, he didn’t deny it- the insufferable bastard simply shrugged. “Fine,” I said with an exasperated sigh, “under two conditions.”

“Name them,” he said as he and Sten gathered up bags to take to the boat. 

“One, Lana is in charge, not you- what she says goes or so help me I’m personally going to help her nug roast your ass.” 

Leliana made a face as she climbed in the boat. “Can you please stop calling it that, Sam!” 

“Sorry, Leli,” I said with a grin. “Anyway, number two, I do not come first, you hear me? It is a mission to save the world, not your-“ I thought about it for a moment, and realized I didn’t have a clue what I was. “I don’t know what I am, but it isn’t about saving me- it’s about stopping this blight. If it comes down to it, you stop the blight, do you hear me?” 

He paused at that and turned to me, face twisted. “That’s not fair, Sam. You cannot ask me to willingly stand by and watch something happen to you.” 

I glared at him, then poked him in the chest. “You. Barely. Know. Me.” 

Cullen glared right back. “I fought darkspawn, cultists, spirits, and a dragon for you. I’ve walked naked through a wall of fire for you. I have eaten Alistair’s cooking for you. I’ve spent time with Morrigan for you.” Then, he poked me back. “I. Am. In. Love. With. You.” He leaned over me, arms crossed. “Sam, if I have to travel across the ass end of Thedas to keep you safe, then that’s what I will do, do you understand me?” 

“Well… damn,” I said, gulping. “Is it wrong that I find that a little psycho and a little hot at the same time?” 

“Probably,” he agreed. “But I’ll take it.” Then he leaned down, giving me a kiss in front of everyone that made me blush. “So, are we done performing for everyone out here, or shall we get to stopping the blight?”

“Blight… definitely the blight,” I agreed. “Lead the way, metal man.” 

—

“Sparrow- you’re back!” Alistair exclaimed as we got off the boat. As soon as my feet touched the ground, he picked me up and whirled me around in a circle before standing me on the dock in front of him. “I’m so happy to see you!” Alistair said right before he took off his glove and smacked me gently upside the back of my head. “And that’s for being a moron- you could’ve killed yourself!” 

“Ouch!” I said, rubbing my head. “That hurt, your majesty,” I said teasingly. “Should the king really go around beating his subjects?”

“If his subjects are irritatingly infuriating girls that almost get themselves killed and leave everyone else to worry sick about them, then yes,” Lana said, running up and hugging me. “It’s been maddeningly normal around here without you!” Then she looked over at everyone else getting off the boat, and noticed Cullen. “And what do we owe this pleasure, Ser Cullen?” 

“I figured you could use another hand with this one,” he said, gesturing to me. I stuck my tongue out at him, and he kissed my forehead. “Thought you might want to concentrate on saving the world instead of watching out for her, so I decided to help with that.” He then leaned over and gave Lana a deep bow. “My sword is at your service, Warden Amell.”

“I accept your services, Ser Cullen,” Lana said with a slight giggle. "And if you can cook better than Alistair, you’ll prove to be worth your weight in gold around here. In fact, it may prove useful, as we have a few things we need to take care of before the Landsmeet.” She began to count on her fingers. “Let’s see… we still have to see the elves, the dwarves, I have to go see Flemeth-”

“The witch! What do we need to see the witch for!” Alistair exclaimed. “Haven’t we done enough on that front?” 

Lana sighed, but I noticed her grab Alistair’s hand. “I have something I must do for Morrigan-“

“This just keeps getting better and better,” he said, rolling his eyes. “Is this something that we have to do right now, or couldn’t we just put it off till, oh, I don’t know, never?"

Before they could get into a snit, I interrupted. “Tell me what you need and I’m there, Lana.”

“I need you with me on the Flemeth situation, Sam. Leliana, I also want you there. Sten, I know you’re all about getting the blight stopped, so let’s have you go with Alistair. Dog, you’re with me.” She turned to the other warden, who was looking at her with confusion. “Alistair, I need you to go meet with the elves.”

“What?” Alistair squawked. "Lead? Me? No, no, no. No leading. Bad things happen when I lead. We get lost, people die, and the next thing you know I'm stranded somewhere without any pants.“

“Wouldn’t be the first time.” Lana laughed, then reached up to kiss him on the cheek. Cullen and I looked at each other for a moment, shocked, then back to them when Lana began to speak again. “You can and you will- we need a Grey Warden to do it, and that’s you. Take Morrigan-“

His head jerked back. “Again, WHAT??? This plan of yours is just getting better and better, Lana!”

“-Sten, Wynne, and Zevran, and go see the elves and collect on their treaty.” She finished, ignoring his outburst. “Since Cullen is with us, he can come with me and Sam, and after we finish with the Flemeth situation, he can go to Honnleath with me so we can check on that rod we got. He knows the town, so he’ll be a good guide to have.” Then she gave Cullen a brief guilty look, and I braced myself. “Sam, after we finish at Flemeth, can you go and find Alistair-“

Now it was Cullen’s turn to squawk. “ABSOLUTELY NOT!” He yelled. “She is not going to trek across Thedas alone!” 

I placed a hand on his shoulder. “She means she wants me to go home first and pop back over to them. It’ll take me five minutes. And, no one notices me until I want them to… except for people like Flemeth. I’ll be fine.” He started to protest, but I put a finger to his lips. “Remember what we talked about? Lana is in charge, right?” I kissed him, hoping to calm him down. “We’re here to help her, remember?"

Cullen frowned. “Sam-“ He started to say something else, but Leliana shook her head and he sighed. “Fine. We follow Lana’s plan.” Then, he turned to her. “I held up my end of the bargain. Now, it’s my turn to ask the same of you, Amell,” he said as he extended his hand to her. 

“I expect nothing less, Ser Cullen,” she said as she shook his hand.


	21. My heart isn't made of stone

_ _

* * *

_Sam… now is the time to offer me some information here,_ Lana hissed in her head as we stood in front of the witch. _Do we have to fight or should we just let her go?_

I closed my eyes, searching for the proper thread, and when I found it, I narrowed my eyes at Flemeth. “It doesn’t matter what we do, does it,” I asked the witch. “You come back no matter what, so why go through this?”

Flemeth tossed her head back and let out a loud, raspy laugh. “The little bird finally sees! I wonder, do you ask your mother those same questions?”

“Leave my mother out of this,” I growled. “I asked you a question, Flemeth.”

“And I asked you one in return,” she said with delight. From the corner of my eye, I noticed Cullen wrapping his hand around his sword, face tense, and Leliana was looking remarkably relaxed, which meant that she was probably tense enough to strike at a moment’s notice. “But because I find you interesting, I will answer you, little bird. No, your choice does not matter to me- either way, I engage in a bit of fun, and either way, I will see her again one day. But not today, and when I do, it will be due to a folly of her own choosing.”

“Lana, it’s up to you, but I suggest we leave this alone,” I advised. “Unless anyone here has a hankering to get into a pointless fight with a lady that can turn into a dragon, I say let’s get the book and get out of here. We’ve got bigger fish to fry.” 

“I don’t know what that means, but I’m just happy you’re no longer talking about roasting nugs,” Leliana said as she appeared to stare lazily at Flemeth. “As for me, I’m inclined to agree with your plan, Sam- let us take the book and go.”

“If it doesn’t involve us fighting a dragon, I support this decision,” Cullen said quickly. “I wasn’t pleased about the first one we fought.” 

Lana nodded. “Fine,” she said. “We will take the book and leave.” 

“A wise choice, considering you and the little bird would try to create a storm. Wouldn’t want her caught and unable to return home so soon after the first time, would we? Perhaps you should save the storm when you come upon the living death- it may be better suited for times such as those.”

I narrowed my eyes. “What are you talking about?” 

“Ah, but I’ve already answered my question, little bird, and there’s no fun in giving you all the answers!” She turned away from us and waved a greeting as she disappeared, leaving the hut in a quiet stillness that did nothing to mask the menace that Flemeth left behind. 

While we were staring at the spot the witch had once been, Leliana came running out the hut with a large book in her hands. “I got it!” She exclaimed breathlessly, unzipping Cullen’s knapsack to place the book inside. “Let us make our way to Honnleath, shall we? I think we have had our fill of this area, and I am not keen to stay any longer than we must.”

“I’d have to agree,” Lana said. “Let us go.” 

_ _

* * *

As they were on the road to Honnleath, there was an ambush. It was nothing that they couldn’t handle- even Sam was able to assist with a single bandit or two with Cullen only having a minor fit. But, just as Lana was about to dispatch the last one, Leliana placed a hand on her shoulder. “Don’t kill him, Lana.”

Sam jerked her head up. “In the absence of Alistair being the voice of reason, I’mma have to step up and say WTF Leli! They tried to murder us!” Then she got a sheepish look on her face and stared at Cullen. “No offense, hon.”

“None taken,” he replied, holding his sword at the bandit on the ground. “Leliana,” he asked calmly, “Why, pray tell, should we not end the man who tried to end us?”

“Because these are no ordinary bandits,” she said tersely, walking closer to him. “Their weapons and armor are of fine make, and they are well-trained.” At that, Dog growled at the man on the ground, baring his teeth, and Lana got the message loud and clear- _I don’t like them_. Leliana leaned over the bandit, her dagger to his neck. “You know what I’m talking about, don’t you? Who are you?” 

He didn’t respond right away, so she pressed the point into his throat. Realizing he was rapidly running out of space between her knife and the inside of his throat, he swallowed carefully. “Look, I’m just someone who regrets taking you on. We were supposed to just kill the little red-haired girl, and do with the others as we pleased. Didn’t know there’d be two of you and templars.”

Leliana was furious. “You…you came to kill me?” She grabbed the bandit by his collar, pressing the point into his neck. “Who sent you? Why am I wanted dead?"

His eyes darted back and forth between Lana and Leliana, clearly nervous. “It don’t pay to ask why someone wants someone else dead. I just need to know what to do and where to do it.”

Sam gave the man a hard look. “You know, there are few consequences to killing this man, if you were so inclined, guys. Just sayin’.”

The man’s eyes widened. “No no no, let’s not be hasty here- It wasn’t me that wanted you dead! I’ve got no real quarrel with you- but I know how you can find the one that does!” He looked at Leliana, who still had the point pressed against his throat. “Look, I’ve got some directions written down on how to get to the house in Denerim. You can have ‘em!”

“Give them to her,” Leliana said in a low voice and inclining her head at Sam, “and if you try anything, your blood will decorate this ground in a pattern of my choosing.” 

Wide-eyed, Sam moved toward the bandit, extending her hand to him, but he wasn’t looking at her- his eyes were fixated on the knife aimed at his throat. “All right! I ain’t tryin' nothin’” he said, reaching in his pocket and handing it to the girl. “Here you go, see? Now can I go?” 

Leliana removed the blade, allowing the man to rise to his feet. “Thank you,” she said sweetly. “Now leave- I never want to see you again.”

“You won’t,” the bandit said, clutching his throat and wiping off the rivulet of blood that had gathered there. “I’ll be off and trouble you no more.”

As he lopped off into the distance, Leliana stayed on the ground, sighing. “It’s Marjolaine,” she said sadly. “It has to be.”

Cullen caught Leliana's eye, and she nodded. “I think we should set up camp for the night,” he said with a tone that brokered no argument. “It appears we all have stories to tell."

_ _

* * *

They sat around the campfire that night, eating something that Sam had called a s’more. She had gone home for a moment, saying that if they were to have a campfire conversation, then they should have campfire food as well. For dinner, she had brought sticks of meat that reminded him of sausages that they put on sticks and charred over the flame, though when he asked her what it was, she insisted it was best if he didn’t think about it. By now, Cullen knew better than to question her about things like this, particularly when she was so obviously trying to make them all feel better, so he just relaxed with the tiny girl sitting between his legs and enjoyed the strange dessert sandwiches she had made for them. The s’more was sticky, messy, and delicious, but everyone was enjoying them except Dog, who could not have one, so Sam gave him extra meat sticks instead. 

As he laughed at the sight of Sam licking the extra cream off of his fingers, Cullen began to realize how settled he was around these people, and it wasn’t a feeling he was used to. In the Circle, he found that the nightmares would come rushing back, almost crippling him with terror. But being out here, under the open sky… Cullen discovered that he felt _free_. When he was with them, he felt safe, which was not a feeling he was accustomed to having lately. He hadn’t told anyone what happened yet- he was too scared of what they would think, but he knew if he was to expect honesty from them, he should be willing to do the same. Though the tiny redhead was still as enigmatic as ever, the templar saw a crack in Leliana today, and he wanted to show her that they cared enough to listen to her story and help… just as she had done for him.

“Can I tell all of you something?” Cullen asked quietly as they sat near the flames. It was almost time for bed and he knew Sam would be taking her watch soon, but he wanted her to hear this- he didn’t want to have to repeat it ever again after tonight. These three ladies were the only ones that needed to know- despite his best efforts, they all held the different pieces of him and he knew he had to let them in. If he didn’t, he was scared he would drift away, far beyond the stars where he was unsure even Sam could find him. 

“Of course,” Sam said, staring up at him and placing her hand on his, the emerald ring sparkling in the firelight. “What’s on your mind?”

“I was told that I needed to share what happened in a time and place of my choosing. And now, I think I am ready to share that with you… if you are all right with listening,” he said softly.

Leliana looked at him and smiled- she knew what he was saying, and she walked over to where he was sitting, patting his hand. “Of course we are,” she said softly. “Whenever you are ready, we will listen.”

_ _

* * *

I felt sick to my stomach when Cullen finished talking. 

Shaking with rage, I got up, trying not to lose the contents of my dinner as I patted him on the shoulder. He glanced up at me, his eyes questioning as I kissed him on the top of his head before heading off for a grove of nearby trees. There were no words for the way I felt right then- if I could have gone back and murdered the entire tower, I may well have. The rants people told me about suddenly made more sense, and I had a newfound respect for the man- if it had been me, I couldn’t be sure that I wouldn’t have spat at me on sight and tried to lop my head off with the nearest sharp instrument. But no, here he was, sitting with us in the middle of nowhere, and even after everything, he still wanted to be around. I owed him an explanation- it was probably too late since the cycle had been triggered one way or the other, but still, he deserved to know. 

I heard the rusting of footsteps behind me, and without turning around, I knew who it was. “Hey, Lana Banana,” I said, still kneeling on the ground. “Fancy meeting you here."

“Hello Sam,” she said. “What goes on with you? Care to share? It seems as if this is the night for it,” she quipped gently. 

“It’s just… dear lord,” I said, shaking my head. “He went through all that… with that _thing_ that wore my face while it did it, and he can still stand to look at me? How? I don’t even want to be around me.”

“Because he loves you, I suppose.” Lana kneeled next to me, placing an arm around my shoulders. "But if you want to be sure, you’d have to ask him, not me.” She let out a soft exhale. “This is the first time he’s talked about it, Sam. He wouldn’t say anything to us before, but he did when you were here. That alone says that he trusts you.” I started to protest, but Lana shook her head. “And the last thing he needs right now is to think that you care less about him right now. Process your feelings later- process his now.”

“How did I wind up with another bossy ass sister?” I asked, wiping my eyes. “Thought I escaped that when Grace left.”

“You’re just lucky enough to get family that will kick your ass when you need it. Which, it seems, is all the time,” Lana said, standing up and extending her hand. “So, are you coming back with me, or are you going to make all of us come over to you?” 

“Ass,” I said, reaching up for her. “I’d say I don’t like you, but I’d be lying.”

_ _

* * *

Lana watched as Sam settled back into her seat, whispering something to Cullen as she sat back down. She smiled at the two of them, then turned away to pull another of the fluffy white pillows from the bag and put it on the stick, sighing as she watched the outsides turn from white to golden brown in the flames. She was aware of Leliana sitting next to her, grabbing a pillow of her own and holding it over the fire, and she looked over at the other redhead. “Funny how things change, isn’t it?”

“I would have to agree,” she replied, staring over at Cullen and Sam, who were lost in their own conversation. “Quite a change from the man in the tower raving about blood mages, no?” 

“Oh, he’s still there,” Lana said. “But he’s got a world to save and her to protect- it’s occupying his mind right now. He’ll get past it.” She shifted to face Leliana, taking her smoking dessert off the flame and blowing on it gently. “But I wasn’t really talking about him, Leliana.”

“I guessed as much. For a mage, you’re quite perceptive, Lana,” she said with a smile, removing her item from the fire and holding it in front of her. “Are you sure you aren’t secretly a bard?” 

“Pretty sure,” she replied. “How about you, Leliana. Were you a bard?” Lana asked gently.

Leliana sighed, moving over to be closer to Cullen and Sam, where they could listen to them if they wished. When she approached, the two didn’t move- they just watched silently. “Yes, I was a bard… back in Orlais.”

“What’s a bard?” Sam asked softly. “Cause in my world, that just means you sing songs at taverns and stuff. Somehow, I don’t think that’s what you mean, though.” 

“Here, that would be a minstrel,” she said kindly. “Not all minstrels are spies, some are just singers and storytellers, just as you said. But some of them are... are what we call bards.” Leliana sighed, glancing up at Cullen, who said nothing. "Many bards work alone, or in small groups, doing the bidding of a patron who pays for their services. If there is an organization behind it all, no one knows who they are.” She shook her head, laughing softly. "In secret, they plot and scheme to destroy each other. It is a game completely meaningless to anyone but its players."

“The Grand Game,” Cullen said quietly. “I’ve heard of this, but I’ve never met a player before.”

“You wouldn’t,” Leliana said lightly. “And be thankful for it. It is a game, one that can be won with little bloodshed if one plays well, but it is also not an encounter many survive.” 

“That doesn’t seem like you, Leli,” Sam said, leaning her head on Cullen. “I don’t know if I can see you as the femme fatale spy- you like nugs too much to hurt things for fun.”

“Who wouldn’t love nugs?” The bard said with a laugh. “But alas, we sometimes we must do terrible things to get what we want. However, if it is any consolation, I always tried to use non-violent means to achieve my ends.”

“How so,” Lana asked, genuinely curious. “You’re quite deadly in battle- what are your non-lethal tricks?” 

Leliana looked away. "Everyone can be seduced by the right woman. The trick is predicting who she is and becoming her. Master the game, and no one can resist you.” Her eyes flitted to Cullen for a brief moment, then looked down. "People respond eagerly to others who they believe understand them. They seek approval, friendship... sometimes love. This can be exploited.” 

Cullen’s jaw tightened, and Lana could see Leliana’s face fall slightly- Cullen's voice was tense when he finally spoke again. “Like with me?” 

She nodded. “At first, yes. You were an unknown, a threat. I would be remiss if I didn’t vet you, Cullen. But I am pleased to say that has changed- you are a man of honor, and I respect that. Now, I trust your sword at my side, just as you trust my blade at yours. I have a past, as do we all. And like you, I wish to not be judged for mine.” 

Leliana looked up at Cullen, her blue eyes pleading with him, and after a moment he gave her a curt nod. “I can understand that.” Sam rubbed his arm, and he placed a kiss on her knuckles. “No one has escaped this life unscathed, it seems."

“So,” Lana said as she patted Leliana on her knee. “What of this Marjolaine? Why are there bandits out here trying to kill you? I must admit, it’s refreshing that they’re not trying to kill me for once, but I can’t say I’m not curious.”

“I was framed for treason by Marjolaine,” Leliana answered. “I loved her… once,” she said wistfully. “But Marjolaine grew paranoid- she feared that one day that I would surpass her skills and be able to strike her down. Alas, that is the life in the game, as my mentor struck first and had me framed, arrested and abused for crimes I did not commit,” she said calmly.

Cullen paled at this, and Lana felt her mouth open in shock, a matching expression on Sam’s face. _No wonder Leliana offered to take watch over him,_ Lana thought. _She recognizes what he went through_. 

Lana started to speak, but the bard cut her off with a gesture and a smile. “Do not waste your condolences on me, my friend. I was not without resources- eventually, I escaped, and made my way to Ferelden, devoting my life to the Maker, for it was by his grace that I was set free.” She gave a soft laugh and reached over for Lana’s hand, who happily obliged. "It is funny, no? I escaped to the Chantry to get away from her and my past, but it seems as if it has caught up with me. And,” she said with a sigh, “it has brought you into it as well.” 

“Well, that’s what family does,” Sam said nonchalantly. “Grace and I used to have a saying- if you fuck with one of us, you fuck with both of us.” Lana looked at her with shock, and the girl laughed. "Could we have framed it better? Probably, but that’s pretty much the gist of it- if it’s your problem, it’s our problem.” She turned to look at Cullen, holding his hand. “Whatever you need, Leli. You’ve been here for us, so we’re here for you- don’t worry about it.”

The bard looked down and shook her head. “As always, the Maker has brought me into your life for a reason, it seems.” She raised her eyes to Lana, twisting her fingers with a nervousness that was uncharacteristic of the young assassin. “If we can, I would like to seek Marjorlaine out when we visit Denerim. It appears that she and I have much to discuss.”

Sam nodded. “And if you need us to, Lana and I will nug roast that bitch… right, Lana?” She extended her palm to her in the gesture she had taught her was a high-five and Lana laughed, slapping her outstretched palm with hers. “Out here, we’re Team mage all the way, baby- Marjorlaine picked the wrong bard to mess with."

Leliana shook her head, giggling to herself. “I’d chide you on your language, but you won’t listen to me anyway, Sam.”

Sam just smiled, popping one of the white pillows into her mouth. “Probably not,” she agreed. 

_ _

* * *

“I said I wanted to go with me to Honnleath,” Cullen said, nuzzling his face into my neck as we lay in his tent, “but I didn’t think it’d be to collect on that damnable statute in the center of town.”

“Did you know it was alive?” I asked, reaching back to run my fingers through his hair. “Can I ask Shale to spill some of your secrets from when you were a boy?”

“You can ask, but I think Shale would be more likely to crush you like a grape if she hears Alistair call you Sparrow,” he said with a chuckle. “That thing really hates birds, it seems.”

“You go that long being crapped on by birds and see how you like it,” I said, rolling over so I could face him, “I got pooped on once and I have a vendetta against pigeons myself- we should compare notes.”

He laughed, pulling me closer to him. “Do I get to see these notes on bird destruction, or are they private?” I giggled and he leaned in, pressing a kiss to my lips. “Maker, how do you always make a bad day better, Sam?”

“All I did was tell the truth,” I replied. Cullen’s family wasn’t in Honnleath any longer- he had gone white as a sheet when he realized no one was still there, but when we rescued the wizard we were able to learn that lots of families had exited days before. After we heard that, I took a look to see what I could find, and discovered that his family did escape the village. I couldn’t tell him anything else, but hopefully, we could find out more soon- for now, we at least we knew they had a chance. 

“And having you in bed with me doesn’t hurt, either.” I raised my eyebrow at him and he chuckled, pulling me closer to him so there was no space between us. “Gah, that sounds so much more lecherous than I intended it to.” 

I laughed, then reached up and pulled his face down to mine, kissing his top lip. “I guess I should get used to it, huh?” I looked up, gazing into his amber eyes. “Right?” 

“Hopefully one day, you won’t disappear from my arms as soon as you fall asleep,” he replied sadly. “I’d like to wake up to my wife in my arms one day.”

I stared up at him in amazement. He was right- ever since we’d been on the road, I’d lay with him till I fell asleep, but as soon as I did, the ring would send me home. Granted, it was better than being trapped in that nothingness- according to Lana, I couldn’t access the fade without help, so when I was out, I had nowhere to be. And to top it off, when he said things like that, I got twin sensations of 'oh no, he can’t be serious’ and ‘oh wow, I can’t believe he’s serious’. It was giving me emotional whiplash, so I figured I should talk to him about it before I dozed off and left him again.

“Cullen,” I said slowly, “you do realize you’re nineteen, right? In my world, the only people who tend to get married that young are reality TV stars or teens that failed at sex ed. In some cases, it's both.” I gave him a grin, hoping to lighten the mood. “I mean Grace says I’m usually an emotional wreck at the best of times, so I know I take things way too seriously, but I’m curious- how do you know you’re ready for this?”

“I cannot imagine a situation where you take something too seriously, Sam,” he replied as he brushed a hair away from my face. “Actually, it's not uncommon for us to be married by now- In fact, I’m practically considered old,” he said with a chuckle. “But in answer to your question, yes, I am sure,” he replied as he reached down and fingered the ring on my neck. “If I weren’t such a fool I would have told you how I feel long ago. However, I think a better question is, would this be what you want, or are you just playing along for my sake?”

“Ouch, go for the jugular, why don’t you,” I said lightly. I tried to turn away, but he used his finger to gently guide my face back to him. “I’m just going to say that I meant it when I said I love you, Cullen.”

“But,” he prompted. “It feels like there’s something you aren’t saying, Sam- what is it and why do you feel that you can’t talk to me about it?” I squirmed, but he held me firm. “Answer me, please… I need to know,” he said softly. “Whatever it is, I’m not going anywhere.”

I bit my lip. “Cullen, I’m scared,” I replied honestly. “You’re the first guy I’ve even been in love with, and it terrifies me.”

“Why? What is it that you think will happen?” Cullen asked gently. “And let me say, I’m honored that you chose me to give your heart to.” 

“You may not be so honored afterward,” I warned. “There’s a legend in my family, that says your first love is destined to break your heart, but your second love will be your last. Cullen,” I said, swallowing nervously, “you’re my first, and I don’t want to go into this, only to have you destroy me later- I know I won’t be able to take it,” I whispered. 

I looked over at him, but Cullen appeared to be lost in thought as he processed what I'd said. “First or second,” he murmured. “Lana asked your mom if I was your first or second, and your mother told her to choose. I wondered why she chose second,” he said softly, kissing my forehead. “Her choice didn’t make sense to me at the time, but now it does.”

“Still not making sense to me,” I said, trying to read his expression. “I haven’t been in love with another person, besides you- how could that even be possible?”

“You said first love, not the first person you’ve been in love with,” he replied softly, “Who else do you love as much if not more than me, Sam?”

Understanding washed over me and my eyes grew wide. “Lana,” I whispered. “Lana is the first, and you’re the second.” I buried my face in his chest. “Are you sure about this?” I asked. “I’m not from here, I can’t even stay with you, and I’m a mage- are you sure you want to do this?” 

He began to stroke my hair, then placed a kiss atop my head. “Sam, we have a blight to fight. Not to mention the fact that I’m still a Templar and I have to get permission to marry you… which I will,” he added. “But for now, we each still have our duties to uphold- yours to your sister and me to the order, remember?”

“So what do we do?” I asked. “How do we make this work?” 

“By staying together,” he said simply. “You have my heart, Samantha- No matter what, I will always stand with you."

I smiled as I snuggled closer to him, trying to eliminate all the space between us. "I think I just might hold you to that."


	22. Under the light of the moon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Mage goes to visit the Dalish; Sam and Lana discover they need to communicate a little better.

_ _

* * *

“How’s it going,” I asked Alistair as I settled next to him in their campsite. “Getting along with everyone?”

“SPARROW, STOP IT WITH THE SWOOPING!” Alistair yelled, jumping about a foot in the air. “How do you do that, anyway?”

“Geez, we’re mighty jumpy, aren’t we,” I said with a grin. “Had I known I could sneak up on you so easily, I may have done it a long time ago.” He glared at me and I held up my hands in mock surrender. “I come from our camp, bearing gifts of meat and marshmallows,” I said, sitting the bag on the ground as I went into my knapsack. "I had to wrestle them from Lana and Dog, but I figured you guys might be able to use it more.” I frowned, unable to find my sketchbook- I wanted to draw Zevran and Wynne since I hadn’t had the chance to yet. “I don’t know if it’s appropriate breakfast-“

“Mrmmmph?” Alistair replied with his mouth full of marshmallows, staring at me with an innocent expression on his food-stuffed face. 

I gave him the evil eye. “Are there any left in that bag, or did you just shove all of them into your mouth?” I checked the bag and noticed that there was still food left in it, so I shook my head and snatched it away before he could eat the rest. “Hey guys, I brought snacks!”

“Ah, Sam, you have arrived! I have been looking forward to having the chance to speak with you,” Zevran said as he approached. “But first, I must mind my manners- how are you doing as of late?"

I put a hot dog on a nearby stick and placed it over the flame, giving it a nice char as I turned to look at him. “I’m awesome- thanks for keeping an eye on me as I slept. I didn’t know Antivan Crows could be such good bodyguards, Zev.”

“If you would allow it, I would be happy to guard your body a bit more closely,” he said with a smile. I playfully rolled my eyes, handing him the hot dog. “But if I cannot, I will take the food as a fair exchange. Are you to accompany us to the Dalish camp today?”

“I am, but haven’t you guys already been there? What happened with the treaties?” I asked as I added more hot dogs to the stick. Sten approached and I offered him a marshmallow, which caused him to incline his head at me and sit down. “How long have you guys been here?”

“We’ve been here since yesterday,” Wynne said, taking the other seat nearby. “The Dalish are not able to honor the treaties yet because they’ve been afflicted with a werewolf curse.”

I turned to the old mage. “Like seriously? Real werewolves? You mean actual howl at the moon and wolf out type werewolves?” I gave her a wide grin. “I know I shouldn’t think this way, but this is so cool!”

Wynne just smiled and shook her head. “I am glad you think so, Samantha. But the situation is serious here- the Keeper, Zathrian, will not be able to honor the treaties unless we find him the heart of Witherfang to break the curse, and no one will talk with us right now. However, I suspect the keeper is not being as truthful as he could be. Sam, from what I hear, you seem to have a knack for discerning the truth- maybe you should try to ask him about it?”

I frowned. “That’s not how this works, guys,” I replied as I handed out the rest of the hot dogs. “I don’t read minds.”

“Curious,” Zevran replied. “Then can you explain to me how it does work? I admit, Alistair and Morrigan have been less than forthcoming about your skills, and I think I would like to know a bit more.”

I groaned- Zevran was a sneaky bastard- he was trying to trick me into talking. “You didn’t have to try and trick me- you could’ve just asked.”

“But where is the fun in that?” he asked with a grin. “Disarming and flustering you makes it fun, my dear Sam."

_ _

* * *

Lana was walking with Shale and Dog while Cullen and Leliana talked, leaving her alone with her thoughts. She’d tried to chat up the golem, but it was positively taciturn. Suddenly, Dog barked and Shale looked down at it with as condescending a look as a creature made of stone could give. "I am watching you, dog,” Shale intoned. "Do you know how many of your kind urinated on me in that village? And all I could do is stand there and watch, helpless.“ Shale stared at the dog unflinchingly. "If I see one of those legs of yours lift so much as an inch in my direction— _pow_!"

Dog stopped, letting out a pained whine as he ran behind Lana’s legs, and Shale gave a soft harrumph. "I am glad we have this understanding, Dog. At least your kind can be reasoned with... unlike those damned feathered fiends!”

Despite herself, Lana let out a giggle. “Why do you despise the birds so much, Shale? I seem to notice that there is a conspicuous absence of birds on our travels nowadays.”

“Damnable creatures,” Shale grumbled. “All of them.” She looked back, staring at Cullen and Leliana. “What happened to the smaller flesh creature that was previously with us?"

“Who, Sam?” Lana asked. “Oh, she left to go with our other friends. We’ll be meeting up with her when we talk with the Elves.”

“Pity,” Shale replied. "It was at least reasonable, as it also saw the necessity for the extermination of the wretched things. I would have liked to talk with her more about her methods.”

“I would be happy to learn your thoughts on pigeons,” Lana said with sincerity. “I must admit, being locked away in a tower for most of my years has left me a bit ignorant about nature.” 

Shale looked at her. “Why would it be locked in a tower? You had no control rod- you were free to do as you pleased.”

Lana shook her head. “I was not free- I am a mage.”

“As evidenced by the fact you can wield ice and lightning,” Shale said dryly. “The other flesh creature is a mage, and it is not confined. Besides, my former master was a mage and he was not confined to a tower. Had he been, I would have enjoyed pushing him out of it. So, why was it confined?”

“Templars kept us locked up, presumably for our safety,” Lana said sadly. “Sometimes I enjoyed the freedom of being able to pursue my craft, but for the most part, the tower was like a prison.”

“And yet you keep one with you,” Shale remarked. “If I were to crush him like a grape, would that help? He looks remarkably similar to one of the humans that used to play beneath me in the square.” 

“Very possible, Shale- he was from the town. But no, I don’t wish you to crush him. Sam would be sad if you did,” Lana said with a smile. “She may even defect to the side of the birds if you did such a thing.”

“What a horrible thought,” the golem said with a shudder. “If the Templar pleases it, then it can stay… for now. But if it supports the birds, I may have to rethink my offer.”

_ _

* * *

“Morrigan, may I talk to you for a moment?” I asked nervously. The witch was decidedly not my biggest fan, and I usually made it a point to stay out of her way as much as humanly possible. But, evil as she was, I knew she was worried about Flemeth, so I figured giving her the book might at least allow her to arm herself against whatever machinations the old witch had planned, even if I knew that the old witch would be back one day. 

“What is it that you want? Unlike the others, I do not find your inane chatter appealing.” She looked me up and down and sniffed. “All that power is wasted on you. You have no idea the amount of knowledge you have access to, what you could do with it. Instead, you choose to hide yourself away, only showcasing a fraction of what you’re capable of, and I have no time for those who self-imposed limits on their ability.”

I sighed. “I didn’t come to fight with you, Morrigan. I came to give you this.” I handed her the grimoire out of my bag. “I know you want to use it to protect yourself, so I didn’t want you to wait for Lana to get back with it.”

She gave me a strange look for a moment. “Why do you two do that? It’s most unnerving.” I looked at her with utter confusion, and she let out a deep sigh. “You are much like your sister, it seems. Either you have an odd enjoyment for my disdain, or your overwhelming need to be a nice person overrides any sense of pride you should have. Either way, it makes no sense to me.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a good person, Morrigan,” I said quietly, putting my hands in my pockets. “I don’t want to see anyone hurt. And,” I said, popping a mint in my mouth, “I don’t have as much power as you think. My magic is weird here- I know there’s more I can do, but I’m also not willing to endanger myself or my friends to test my limits.”

Morrigan fixed me with a stern look. “Then you are not as dedicated to your sister as you say you are, Sam, for if you truly cared, you’d give her every advantage you could think of.”

“That’s low, Morrigan,” I whispered. “Even for you, that’s a shitty thing to say.”

She shrugged, walking towards her bedroll with the book in her hands. “I speak the truth. How you take it is up to you, so do not get angry with me for pointing out how you're failing your friends. 'Tis your issue, Samantha… not mine.”

—

The next morning, we made our way back to the Dalish camp. Initially, I thought it would be like being in Rivendell from Lord of the Rings, but in actuality, it was a rather large campsite, with elves going to and fro, trying to tend to the sick and handle their day to day chores. It was breathtaking, but also a little sad- it felt like nothing in this world was as it should be. As I leaned over to examine a beautifully-crafted statue, I stepped in front of an angry-looking elf. The look he gave me was almost pure hatred as he shoved me to the side. “Out of my way, human,” he hissed. “You shouldn’t be here anyway!"

I stared at him in confusion, blinking at the vitriol in his tone. “I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to get in your way…but I’m confused- what did I do?” 

The elf didn’t respond- instead, he glared at me and stalked off to the campfire and I just stood there, open-mouthed as I tried to figure out what I had done wrong. “Geez, who pissed in his cheerios this morning?” I asked, staring at the elf as he settled in and whispered something to a companion at his side. “I just got here- I can’t have annoyed anyone already."

“Don’t take it personally,” a female voice said, and I turned to see an elven woman with beautiful tattoos all across her face, and her short white hair was braided in a crown. She looked at me curiously, but not unkindly as she spoke. “Sarel has been out of his head with grief as of late.”

My face fell. “Oh no, that’s horrible!” I wanted to ask what happened, but he wasn’t my friend and it wasn’t my place to pry. “I’m sorry for his loss, whatever it was.”

“That’s quite a compassionate response,” she said with a smile. “I didn’t think a human would be capable of kindness.”

“You guys keep saying human as if it’s an insult,” I said. “Why is that?” I looked over and noticed she was standing with what looked like a small herd of white deer. “By the way, my name is Sam,” I said as I extended a hand out for the deer-creature to sniff, who was chuffing restlessly nearby away from the rest of the herd. “Pleased to meet you.” 

“And I am Elora,” she said, stroking the creature's nose. “My apologies- humans are not always seen in the kindest light here, I am afraid.”

“Ah, kinda figured he wasn’t offering me a compliment,” I said with a smile. “Nice to meet you, Elora.” I reached up to touch the creature’s soft-looking fur as she had done, but I stopped, thinking better of it. “May I pet the deer?”

She laughed. “It is not a deer, it is a Halla,” she replied. “And if she lets you, I would see no reason you couldn’t. However, do not take offense if she is reluctant- she is ill. We’ve had a run-in with the werewolves at camp, and she has been acting strangely recently, so I moved her over here.”

“Is she ok?” I asked. I felt so sorry for the poor creature, as agitation was coming off her in waves. I wished I could talk to the animal, but like Dog, she didn’t think in words- nothing was clear. Every time I tried to listen, all I could get were flashes of emotion. “What’s wrong with her?"

Elora shook her head. “I am unsure. I can’t find a bite, but nor can I seem to calm her to discern the problem. If this continues, I will have to put her out of her misery- I can’t have her live like this.” 

“Oh no!” I said as I offered my hand to the flank of the halla. “What happened to you?” Trying to both comfort the animal and focus my thoughts, I pressed my hand to her side. Instantly, I gasped, turning to Elora. “Is there another one that’s sick?” 

The elf looked at me curiously. “There is another that she is usually close with, but he has not been acting as she has. What would make you say that?” 

“When I touched her,” I said slowly, “I just got the picture of another one. It’s all she can think about, so…” my voice trailed off. “Maybe we should go check on him, just to make sure he’s ok?”

“We?” She raised an eyebrow at me. “Why would a human such as yourself want to help?” She patted the creature again as she turned to look at me. “And how do you know what she is thinking?”

I gave Elora a look. “Why wouldn’t I want to help her? She’s in pain and we might be able to do something about it- I think that makes the decision pretty easy, and as for how I knew, I translate almost every language."

“Explains how a human speaks fluent Elvish,” she said simply. “I was curious, as you replied in our tongue to him.”

I paled. “Whoops, I don’t mean to do that- it just sort of happens.”

She gave me a dismissive wave. “It is nothing, as you treat our tongue with the respect it is due. Now come, let us see about her mate.” Elora turned and gestured for me to follow her to the larger herd, giving me a slight smile."Maybe you can help me determine what is wrong with her mate, and learn a little more about the halla as we do.”

“I’d like that,” I replied with a smile. “Lead the way.”

_ _

* * *

_Hi Sam, how goes it,_ Lana asked. I haven’t _heard from you in a minute. Cullen is concerned- you could stand to let him know that you’re ok every now and again, you know._

 _Well, I’ve been busy_ , Sam replied. _Apparently, I speak elf. Who knew? Once we discovered that nugget, things went a lot smoother here. Sorry to make you come out this way to help- I know you wanted to get out to see the dwarves, but at least the Dalish now seem ambivalent instead of outright hostile- I consider that a massive improvement._

 _Sam,_ Lana sighed. _You aren’t antagonizing our allies, are you? Please say you aren’t_. Lana felt the beginnings of a headache coming on- with Sam and Alistair being left in charge, she was just hoping that they didn’t incite a war. Anything short of that would be progress in her eyes. 

_Actually, I’m doing the opposite. Even Morrigan is being helpful- the guy who hated my guts seems like he tolerates her. And I got to save a Halla, Zevran helped a dude get a girl, and we got an order to find some kind of wood while we’re out in the forest. Seems to be going ok with everyone else, but we got a problem,_ Sam said. _The Keeper is on BS._

 _What are you talking about, Sam?_ Lana asked with confusion. _Full sentences are key when I have no idea what you’re rambling on about._

 _Turns out the werewolves aren’t mindless._ Sam said dryly. _They talk very well. And bite. I almost found that out the hard way. Tell Cullen thank you for the running drills- they came in handy today._

 _I am not telling him that- he’ll have a fit if I do._ Lana sighed. _So, what do we do about the werewolves? Can we save them?_

 _I think so,_ Sam said carefully. _We gotta find Witherfang but get this- when I search for them or the Lady of the Forest that the leader of the wolves mentioned, the paths all head to the same place. I think we're looking for the same person, Lana. Or thing. Or whatever._

_That helps, I suppose. So where is the Lady? How do we find her?_

_Not sure,_ Sam replied. W _e’re going to camp tonight, figure it out in the morning. There seems to be some freaky magic blocking our way, so I assume that’s where we need to be. Let me know when you want me to pop over and get you guys- this forest is pretty gnarly._

 _How do you even know where you are?_ Lana wondered. _You aren’t from here but yet you can find your way almost anywhere? Why is that?_

She could hear the grin in the girl’s voice. _I cheat- cosmic GPS, remember? It’s like following a path- once I know who I’m looking for, I can usually find them again._

Lana paused, a plan forming in her head. _So, these werewolves serve the lady of the forest, right?_

_I’d guess so- I didn’t exactly get a chance to quiz him on his loyalties when he was trying to take a chunk outta my ass, Lana._

_So,_ Lana said, ignoring her outburst, _you guys didn’t kill the leader, right?_

Sam sounded confused. _No… what part of me running away like my pants were on fire did you miss? What are you getting at?_

 _Well,_ Lana replied patiently, _if he’s alive… you can track the leader of the wolves. Who, by extension, should lead us to the Lady of the Forest._

 _Ohhhhhh,_ Sam replied. _That makes… a lot of sense. I didn’t think about it._

_That’s why I’m in charge and not you, I guess._

_No one likes a smartass, Lana,_ Sam huffed. _See if I help you when wolf-boy tries to take a bite of your butt._

Lana laughed. _See you soon, Sam._

_ _

* * *

“I’m so sad that I’m in a world where no one else thinks we look like we belong in a high school production of West Side Story right now,” I groused. “Cause seriously, we are rolling up to their house deep as hell! If I ever saw this many people coming to my house without an invitation, I think I’d crap my pants.”

Alistair let out an exasperated breath and started to say something. “I don’t know what-“ 

I held up my hand to cut him off. “If you finish that sentence, we cannot be friends anymore, Alistair. I don’t care if you don’t know, but you damn well better pretend that you do, because I am so planning a Thedas production when this is over- you people need culture.”

Alistair looked at Cullen with raised eyebrows, jerking his thumb at me. “And this is what you’re signing up to stay with for the rest of your life? Did that dragon succeed in taking a bite out of you back there?”

“Some days I wonder myself,” Cullen replied good-naturedly, placing his hand on the small of my back. “But overall, I’m pretty confident in my decision.”

“Thank you, hon,” I said, sticking my tongue out at Alistair. “Some people just don’t appreciate art. I’m glad some people-” 

“Does this magpie ever shut up,” Morrigan interrupted, rolling her eyes.

“MAGPIE! WHERE???” Shale exclaimed, turning around in a frantic circle. “I will crush it to a fine powder!”

Lana hung her head, pinching the bridge of her nose and sighed dejectedly. “Maker, it only seems to grow worse the more nervous you get, Sam- it’s like setting off a chain of foolishness."

Lana brandished the branch from the rhyming oak tree, and I watched in amazement as the fog blocking the way dissipated. “That’s it, Lana,” I cried excitedly. "I can see the path again! We aren’t that far now.”

“Can you check, please? I don’t want to backtrack because you think you see something ‘cool’.“ Lana made air quotes with her fingers. “I’m cold, tired, and hungry, and you’re trying the limits of my patience right now. I swear- Sam, if you let out one more wisecrack, Maker help me I’m going to freeze your damnable mouth shut!” 

I gave a startled gasp, then narrowed my eyes, wheeling around on her. “Pardon me for coping with a fuckton of tragedy the best way I know how, fearless leader. Glad to know you’re tired, cold and hungry- it’s almost like the rest of us aren’t feeling the exact same fucking way!” Cullen tried to calm me down and place a hand on my shoulder, but I shrugged him off angrily, as I had already lit my fuse and I had full plans to go with it- my nerves were shot and I was on edge. No one else spoke- everyone just stared at me and Lana. For better or worse, all the emotions I had been feeling over the last few days were coming out at once, and she was getting the full force of it.

"Do you realize that I’ve been beaten up by a _tree_ , Lana? Like seriously, a goddamn _TREE_ just came to life and kicked my ass, not to mention you got me out here scouting paths like Dog over here so I can roll into the werewolf party we damn sure weren’t invited to, and you want to know why I’m a little jumpy?” I turned around, fuming- I knew it was fear more than anything else, but I didn’t have another outlet at the moment. "You know what? You want me to shut the hell up? Cool- go find this shit yourself. I’m out,” I said, tossing up my hands.

She started to say something and Cullen began to protest, but I began to disappear, flipping her off as I went. 

_ _

* * *

“Well, that could have certainly gone better,” Alistair said. Lana shot him a murderous look, and he gave her an apologetic one in return. “You think maybe you guys could’ve handled that differently?”

“She is an adult,” Lana snapped. “She should act like one.”

“Easy there,” Wynne said with a smile. "You are an old soul, Solana- you must remember, you are all young, and youth comes with its ups and downs,” The old mage placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. “Don’t lose sight of that.”

“Easy for you to say, Wynne,” Lana groused. “You’re a natural leader- I don’t see you making these kinds of mistakes.” 

“That’s because I’ve already made them,” she said with a smile. “I was the youngest in my circle to undergo my Harrowing, like you, and I had an apprentice named Aenerin, who I pushed too hard in my drive to be the best. Until young Sam came around, I thought I had gotten him killed.”

“What changed?” Lana asked carefully. “How does Sam have anything to do with it?”

“She said that I would find him again while I was out and that she would help me find him. However, with her gone, I’d have no idea where to look.” Wynne looked around and sighed wistfully. “But, It is of no matter- I’ll just take her assurances that he is alive. That, at least, is more than I had before.”

“Bah!” Lana exclaimed, kicking a log nearby. “That blasted girl getting in a snit is messing up everything! I can’t just up and bloody quit- why does she get to?” Amidst the odd looks from her companions, Lana stomped off to a nearby log, crossing her arms in a huff. She put her head in her hands and began to take deep breaths, struggling to compose herself.

“Do you bear no responsibility in this at all?” Cullen asked quietly as he sat down next to her. “Granted, Samantha is being a bit... emotional... right now, but do you think that there may have been a different way to do this?”

“Oh go away, Cullen,” Lana grumbled, scooting further away from him. “You’re only saying this because you’re ass over teakettle for the girl, so take your bleating somewhere else.”

“I don’t think I will,” Cullen said, scooting closer to her. “And if you keep on moving, you’re going to fall off this log, and we’ll see who’s ass over teakettle, won’t we? So instead, let’s have a chat, shall we?” She grunted but didn’t move, and he laughed, placing his arm around her. “So, talk to me- why is your sister’s everyday behavior suddenly rubbing you the wrong way?”

Lana sighed, relaxing against the templar. “It’s not fair, Cullen. I love her to death, but she doesn’t have these burdens. She can afford to be flippant- it’s not her country on the line. She can afford to fall in love- she isn’t a mage in love with a king. She can be sure in her decisions, and I cannot,” Lana said helplessly. “But mostly I’m envious that she can be afraid, I suppose, If I were to act as she does, this party would fall apart.”

“Last I checked, you aren’t the only Grey Warden in this traveling party, and I believe that no one else is lacking in battle skills.” Cullen reminded her. “It’s ok to share your burdens, Lana. As you told me, we are all here for you. You are not weak,” he said, rubbing her shoulders. “And admitting you are scared doesn’t make you so. Sam wears her emotions on her sleeve- you never have, Solana Amell. You are fierce and prideful, even when it is to your detriment.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Lana asked. “Because if that is the case, I believe you are missing something.”

“I am merely stating facts,” he said, staring out into the forest. “Your sister is prouder of you than you realize, but when you’re angry, she responds in kind. She acts on pure emotion, whereas you are a creature of study and habit.”

“I can find no fault with your logic,” she admitted. “But this doesn’t help me right now.”

Cullen smiled. “Maybe it just means that you should embrace what makes you two unique. Maker knows you’re never going to be as flippant as she is, and she will never be as disciplined as you, but you can recognize and respect each other.“

“I do respect her,” Lana said with a huff. “I would give anything to have the certainty that she does.”

“She’s certain with you because she can see you succeed,” he responded. “She trusts you’ll always save her- that’s why she can be scared. But what you don’t realize is that no matter what, we’re always going to save you, even Sam. She’ll give everything for you, Lana. I think that’s why she takes such offense when you get mad at her, but I could be wrong.”

“You’re probably not,” she said. “I am loathed to admit it, but I need her now,” Lana lamented. “But I am afraid I may have made a mistake.”

“Then tell her that, not me,” Cullen said with a shrug. “She’ll never let you live it down, but you know she’ll never leave you again, either.”

_ _

* * *

They were walking in what seemed like circles for half an hour when Cullen felt Sam in his head. _Hey_ , she said. _How’s it going?_

He frowned- granted, he was happy to hear from her and know that she hadn’t abandoned them completely, but he was not pleased that the spat between her and Lana was probably the cause of an easily preventable loss of life. They were wasting precious time in the forest, traveling in Maker knows how many circles, and all because the two of them decided that traipsing through the forest was a perfect time for bickering. 

He must have taken too long because she cut into his thoughts again. _Cullen, are you ok?_

 _No,_ he replied. _I am cold, tired, and hungry, not to mention my beloved has left me in the forest with the same trees you mentioned earlier. So no, I am not okay, Sam._

She paused. _I’m sorry,_ she said. _I had to get out of there before we came to blows... I’ve been on edge for the last few hours, and I know it wasn’t just her fault, but she made me so goddamn mad..._

Cullen could hear her exasperation, but it hadn’t done much to mollify him. _You left us_ , he said angrily. _You abandoned your duty for your own petty reasons, Sam. That’s not how this works._ He swallowed, realizing he was about to do exactly what he was chastising her for, and stopped. _You abandoned me, Sam. We’re in this together, and you left instead of turning to me to work it out._

When she responded, her tone was mildly angry. _Would you rather I started yelling at you? I was frustrated, Cullen- rather than get angry at anyone, I decided it was best for me to just leave._

 _How fair is it that you’re the only one that has that option?_ Cullen asked bitterly. _I cannot whisk myself away when I get upset- I have to deal with it. So when you run away and leave us here, it makes me think that you see this as a game._

_I go home every night, Cullen. How is this any different?_

_You don’t choose to do that- you have no choice,_ he answered. _There's a difference between being forced to leave and storming off like a petulant child, Sam._

He heard her suck in a breath and he closed his eyes, bracing for her anger, but to his surprise, it was quiet. _You’re right, she said._

He felt his jaw open in shock- Cullen couldn’t believe what he was hearing. The templar wanted to question the girl, but he also knew that was the equivalent of poking a bear, so he tried a different tactic. _Have you talked to Lana yet?_

 _No,_ she said sadly. _I don’t know if she’s still angry- I don’t want to make this worse. I know I’m easy to rile up, cause I don’t turn off my feelings that easily. And this shit out here is scary as hell, Cullen. You guys are dealing with some next-level crap out here, and I know it’s probably not appropriate, but that’s how I cope._

 _Alistair does the same thing,_ Cullen reminded her. _You laugh so you don’t cry, which I understand. But Lana doesn’t do that- she thinks she has to be more than what she is so everyone can get through this. And_ , he said, pausing to make sure he got his thoughts together, _she doesn’t see that your ways can also inspire._

 _HA!_ Sam chuckled. _I’m not inspiring- I’m annoying, pig-headed, and stupid, remember?_

 _I don’t believe anyone said those exact words to you, dear. I will not lie, you can be some of those things, but that is not who you are. And you are inspiring- you bring hope in the darkness out here. Lana forgets that sometimes that is just as necessary as a steady mind and a sharp blade._ Cullen stood still for a moment, looking at Lana contemplating what she wanted to do next and sighed. _The two of you complement each other, but you’ll also fight- just remember to try and see things from the other side every now and again._

 _When did you get so wise?_ Sam asked. _Did you grow up when I wasn’t looking?_

 _Come back and find out,_ he said with a smile.

“I’m already here,” she said softly. 

_ _

* * *

“Um, we need to go east,” I said to Lana, hands in my pockets and staring at the ground. “Wynne needs to see someone over there.”

“Good,” Lana replied. “We’ll start in that direction immediately.” She turned, her jaw still set and squared, and I sighed- she was obviously still mad, and I couldn’t blame her. Out of nervous habit more than anything else, I went into my pocket and pulled out a bag of chocolate-covered almonds, feeling comforted by the salty-sweet combination in my mouth as I watched her give me a well-deserved cold shoulder. Suddenly, I heard her sniff, and she turned around to face me. “Is that candy I smell?”

I hung my head. “Yeah, I grabbed it off my nightstand when I realized I was coming right back. You know how I get- give me bad things and I go for the candy.”

She frowned, then stuck out her hand. “We certainly have a lot of bad things going on right now- is there even enough candy in the world to mitigate that?”

“Probably not, but I can try anyway,” I said as I poured some of the candies into her hand. “Lana, look- I got out of sorts cause I’m freaked out. I know you got a lot on your plate, and it wasn’t cool of me to bounce. Cullen made me realize that what I did was a bitch move, and I am so sorry. Can you forgive me?”

She turned and fixed me with a stern look, then popped a candy in her mouth as she started to walk towards the grove I pointed out. “Your templar certainly seems to be on a roll today, as I got talked to for not leaning on my team. I also apologize, for I am not handling this well- there’s too much at stake and I feel like the world is depending on me.”

“Us, Lana,” I corrected her. "The world is depending on us. Not just you- you are not by yourself out here. How many mages from the Circle can say they put together a badass crew like this to stop the blight when they just became a Grey Warden? You're out here changing the world and I’m just your weird cosmic magic eight-ball.” I felt tears pool behind my eyes as we heard Wynne gasp at the sight of the young man standing near the campfire. “I’m not like you, Lana Banana- I’m not strong, I’m weird, and I’m scared all the time. But I’ll never leave you again- well, outside of sleeping, but I can’t help that. But-“

“Sam, hush,” she chided. “Do you see that? You just allowed Wynne to reconnect with someone she long thought dead- that’s not something I can do. And, you’re helping us find a leader that I have proven I can’t seem to locate,” she said with a twinge of exasperation. “And though you admit that you're scared, you came back, and you didn’t have to. This isn’t your world and this isn’t your war, but I value your help as much as anyone else back there. Sometimes, even more so,” she said quietly. 

I was touched at the sentiment, but it confused me. “I don’t see why- you got two damn good assassins- well one, cause Zevran sucked at killing us, but Leli would totally murder us in our sleep, a badass old lady mage, a bonafide witch, a Grey Warden, A Quinari, a Golem, and a templar. Outside of being the shittiest fortune teller and a battery, I have zero talents here. Why would I be valuable?”

“Because,” she said, putting an arm around me and sneaking her hand back into my bag of candy. “They can help me save the world, but it is you, dear sister, that saves my soul.”

—

After we left Aenerin, I concentrated on finding the werewolves, which led us to a ruined temple deep in the forest. “Guys, this is it,” I said nervously. “Are you ready? I’ll admit, I’m totally scared they’re going to eat us.”

Shale sniffed. “Not likely. Unlike it, I am made of stone. They will not be able to consume me as they would one of you puny flesh creatures.” She turned to Morrigan. “Perhaps you should learn to turn into a golem. It may offer more protection than the scraps of clothing it wears.”

Morrigan gave the golem a haughty look. “Keep it up, and I’ll turn into a bird, hovering just out of reach as I-“

“Never mind,” Shale said quickly, stomping off. “Stupid flesh creatures and birds- sometimes I wonder if I should have ignored it when it activated me.” I sniggered and looked at Alistair, who was having trouble keeping his laughter in check as well. To my right, I heard a chuckle and looked over to see Lana covering her mouth with her hands, and Zevran was watching the exchange between the two with a bemused expression. Cullen, Wynne, and Leliana all had looks on their faces that clearly said they thought we were idiots, but I didn’t care- it was funny and I didn’t do it, so I was going to take massive pleasure in watching. Plus, it had made Lana laugh, which was worth its weight in gold to me. 

When we got inside the temple, we noticed a few werewolves go into a chamber, shutting the large door behind them. Sten ran to the door, but it wouldn’t budge- I let out a frustrated grunt. “Great, we know where they are, but we can’t get in. What do we do?”

Zevran pointed down the tunnel. “Perhaps we can explore and find another way around? There seem to be some corridors down the hall that may lead us into their chamber.”

Cullen frowned. “We aren’t even sure we can get in from anywhere else. And besides, the longer we wait, the longer this curse stretches on. Can we, I don’t know, break the door down?”

“Unless you possess the strength to break down a stone door, I don’t think that’s going to be an option,” Zevran said pointedly. "Great idea though… I am sure that Samantha would love to see it.”

I rolled my eyes and shoved the elf. “Anyway… as much as I would love to see a demonstration, I’d much rather get inside. So…” I swallowed nervously. “How about I go home, pop back inside on the other side of the door in stealth mode?” Cullen’s face twisted in horror and he started to argue, but I held up a hand. “Look, I know I bounced before because I was mad, but now I need to- I can’t slip out of perception while I’m here, cause I already did that once. So I need to go home, and I need to place myself on the other side of that door so I can open it for you. Unless…” I turned to Lana, an idea forming in my head. “Do you think we can create enough ice that we can shatter this door?”

“Now that I may be able to get behind,” Lana said thoughtfully. “I’m not too keen on traveling into the unknown myself, but as Zevran has pointed out, this is a stone door. I don’t think it’s going to just go easily, Sam.”

My eyes lit up. “Oh, Lana Banana, I gotta tell you about this thing called physics,” I replied with a grin. “You know, if you get enough ice inside of the spaces of the stone, we can shatter that bitch. However,” I cautioned, “I would highly advise the rest of you to get out of the way- it’s about to get deathly cold in here.”

“Sam, if you give out that much power, you’re going to pass out,” Cullen said grimly. “We can’t lose you like that.”

“Pshh… I’ll transport home. I’ll be right as rain in a few hours,” I replied nonchalantly. “This is more important- I think we need to get in there quickly and this is a way to do it, and unless you want to go trekking across this cavern for god knows how long, I say we try it.”

Cullen was turning a shade of purple, but Lana placed a hand on his shoulder, stepping forward to stand next to me. “Cullen, we can discuss how reckless Sam is later, but right now, I believe she has a point. So, Sam,” she said as she grabbed my hand, “Show me how one can freeze stone."

_ _

* * *

Lana felt like her very spirit was pouring out of her and into the stone door, but as Sam predicted, she began to see the rocks crack and split apart. Sam was growing paler by the minute, but her face was wrenched in concentration as they pumped more and more ice magic into the stone. Then, just as they were about to both be spent, they heard a voice call out to them from inside the chamber. “That’s quite enough,” a female voice said. “Cease your efforts, and we will allow you safe passage inside.”

“It’s a trap,” Zevran whispered. “Do we keep going or no?” 

“You’re not the one freezing your tits off trying to break a door,” Sam muttered between chattering teeth. “I say we talk to her.” She let go of Lana’s hand, then turned to her. “Ask the question and I can see if we should do it.”

Lana stopped her spell, and turned to Sam, breathing heavily from the effort. “Why must I ask? It is your destiny as well as mine, Sam.”   
  
“Exactly,” Sam said, reaching into her bag and eating the last of the almonds. "I can’t see my own destiny. Hence why you have to ask, not me."

“These semantics are pointless,” Morrigan huffed. “But fine- Sam, what are the consequences if we accept her offer?” 

Sam closed her eyes and thought about it for a moment. “Nothing bad. All our paths continue, nothing stops. Again, I say let’s go for it.”

Lana nodded. “All right- we accept your offer. We wish you no harm- we only desire to talk.”

Cullen looked at Alistair. “Are you just going to let them do this? We know nothing about what is beyond that door! You’ve fought these werewolves before- this could be an ambush!”

“You know as well as I do that short of knocking them out, I couldn’t stop them even if I wanted to,” Alistair said with a shake of his head. “If a little potential for dismemberment is turning your stomach, you may want to head back to the circle, because this kind of thing happens when you travel with them… without fail. I mean, I said we shouldn’t take the witch, they didn’t listen. I said let’s leave the crazy chantry sister, nope. I told them we should leave the Quinari who murdered a family in the cage, but no one else thought it was a bad idea. I said let’s kill the elf that was paid to assassinate us, but everyone else thought he was cute and ignored me. And now, we have a golem and a mean old lady traveling with us, so I’ve just learned to shut up and let her make the decisions.” He shook his head and shrugged. “Trust me, it’s easier that way.”

“How do you do this?” Cullen hissed, either unaware that Lana could hear him or just not caring. “Sending the woman you love into danger without a second thought? How are you still functional?”

“Because I know that I’ll be at her side, no matter what the world throws at her,” Alistair said confidently, and Lana felt her insides warm at the fact he didn’t refute Cullen’s statement. “And I suspect the same is true for you because you certainly could have stayed in your cozy circle tower, so let’s just embrace their particular brand of crazy and get this over and done with, shall we?” 

_ _

* * *

“I knew that sonofabitch was shady!” Sam crowed as they walked out of the temple. "I called that shit without even checking!"

Cullen sighed. This was getting worse and worse by the minute and there was nothing he could do about it, so he decided to take a page from Alistair and push onwards, hoping that making a plan would settle his nerves. "So what do we do about it? The keeper is not likely to come quietly."

Just then, Leliana pointed at a figure that was waiting for them at the entrance of the tunnel. "It seems we do not have to worry about him coming, but I fear quietly may be another story."

Sure enough, the keeper was standing at the entrance to the temple, irritation written on his face. "So you've found the elusive Lady of the Forest, I see. Do not be fooled by her- she is Witherfang and her death is the key to ending the curse."

"Funny, she says there's a way to save those afflicted with the curse," Cullen said stiffly. "I think we're more inclined to go that route."

"Nonsense," Zathrian spat. "She'd say anything to save herself. You have to end her!"

"I can't do that," Lana replied. "Not while there's a peaceful option. Please, come with us, Keeper- she wishes to talk with you, nothing more."

Zathrian gave the girl a withering look. "You know this is a trap, correct?"

Cullen rolled his eyes."Seems to be a theme with us," he mumbled and Sam let out a soft snort as the keeper glared in their direction, evidently unamused by their commentary. "We have little choice in the matter and you have little to lose. Will you accompany us?"

The keeper stared at Lana. "Will you protect me if I accompany you?" 

Lana nodded. "I will stay neutral and do my best to stay that way. I want no bloodshed today."

Zathrian gave her a curt nod as he walked into the temple. "Then let us hope they share your sentiment, Grey Warden."

_ _

* * *

"What is it with people and testing us all the time?" I screamed in exasperation as we wrestled the keeper to the ground. "Do we just give off this 'I don't have to listen to you' vibe? Is it because she's a girl? Because I could've sworn Lana told you we didn't want bloodshed here today?" I looked around the room at all my companions, who were grim-faced. "Did anyone else hear that, or was it just me?"

"I believe I heard that as well," Leliana said, as she knocked an arrow at the keeper's throat. "Will you please listen to reason instead of fighting? The curse has gone on long enough, Zathrian. Your vengeance has been felt, but now you're enacting a curse on the very people you swore to save. It is time to move on."

"I... Do not know how to," he said softly. "It has been too long."

"Then that's when you need to let it go," I said, kneeling next to him and placing a hand on his back. "There's no more paths for you, Zathrian," I said gently. "Make your last choice live on for you and your people instead of just leaving a legacy of suffering."

He sighed, reaching out to me so he could stand. "What happens to my clan if I'm not there?"

I smiled at him with a kindness he didn't deserve but needed. "Make a decision and I can tell you," I said, holding his hand. From my side, Cullen's lip was twitching due to my proximity to the keeper, but I needed to do this for everyone. "I can at least give you peace in your decision once you make it."

“I would be remiss if I did not take the opportunity to ask a prophetess about my destiny,” Zathrian said wearily. He stood up, closing his eyes. “Please tell me… what happens if I decide to break the curse?"

I closed my eyes and focused. Normally, I just saw the branches and how they would extend, but I wanted to give him more. I knew it was going to hurt and I was going to pay for it dearly, but he deserved to know and my companions needed to see what happened if I tried to go too far. So, ignoring the blinding pain, I went to look. Once I had the thread, I started to pull at it, well aware of the pressure in my head mounting from speeding up time. I could feel my nose beginning to bleed, but I didn’t care- they all needed to know this. Finally, I couldn’t take any more- I dropped the thread and gasped, touching my hand to my face to stop the bleeding. 

“Sam!” Lana and Cullen cried in unison, rushing to my side. “You damnable girl!” Lana exclaimed. “What was so bloody important that you had to push yourself like that?”

“His death makes a difference,” I gasped. “When he releases the curse, the werewolves go back to the way they were. The first becomes a keeper and the Dalish fight with you against the blight.” I turned to him, vision swimming and trying to keep myself awake. “Without them, Thedas falls,” I said to the keeper. “Your death means the world lives, Zathrian- I can’t think of a greater sacrifice than that.” I turned to Lana, completely spent. "Now that I've just mic dropped the future, I think it's time for me to go home, cause I feel like absolute death right about now."

Cradled in Cullen's arms, I gave a weak wave and tried to smile, but I was coughing too bad to make it seem like a joke. "Anyway, I'll see you on the flip side," I announced as I began to fade away, watching while my friends, including Morrigan, looked on in horror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bonus posting! I realized I had a lot more done than I thought (I like a backup log of 2 chapters or more, so I was able to get this one out ahead of schedule and I'll see you guys again on Saturday. I can't believe that there are only 3 more chapters left to write in part one- where did the time go?


	23. Coulda, Woulda, Shoulda

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets scolded while Team Mage screws things up in Orzammar

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe this is pretty much done, so as a bonus and a way to light a fire under my butt, I'm posting chapters 23, 24, and 25 this weekend. Enjoy some reading while the Midwest is stuck in a sucky weather pattern.

_ _

* * *

The first thing I heard when I came to was, “Do you ever learn?” 

Groggily, I opened my eyes, only to see my mom sitting on the edge of my bed. To my surprise, the sunlight was streaming in my window, meaning I had been out for a while, and I winced, both from the pain between my eyes and the knowledge that my friends were going to kick my ass. “Ouch,” I groaned. “That one really packed a wallop.”

Mom’s lips twitched. “Yep, sure did. Moving forward in time isn’t the most pleasant sensation, remember? And it’s definitely not a good idea when you’re not in the Waystation or tethered to a point in time, kid.” I gave her a look and she sighed, placing an ice pack on my forehead. “Your brain just basically ran a marathon while you stood still, Sam- that level of exertion is dangerous. Hope whatever you were trying to prove was worth it.”

“Yeah, I’m starting to think it wasn't,” I said, closing my eyes and relishing the cold on my aching skin. “You know, you could warn me about these types of things, Mom.”

Her perfectly-groomed eyebrow arched upward. “Funny, I thought I did warn you about that exact thing once before… and yet you went ahead and did it anyway.”

I twisted the hem of my nightshirt, realizing that Mom must’ve cleaned me up and changed my clothes. “Did you give me a bath?” 

She grinned. “Had to- you were covered in blood and you smelled like wet dog. Must be the werewolves you were running around with, huh?” When I covered my face in embarrassment, she let out a loud laugh. “Really, Sam? Do you honestly think I’m not keeping an eye on you?”

“If you were, it wouldn’t be the worst thing if you could help, Mom,” I said, opening one eye. “Also, I could stand to be a little more useful out there, so teaching me something so I don’t pass out would be amazing.”

“Fine,” she said with a hint of irritation. “I’m surprised you haven’t figured it out yourself yet, though.” She gestured to a glass of juice on my nightstand. “Drink up."

“You sound like Morrigan, Mom,” I replied with a giggle that made my body hurt. “And yeah, that’s not a good thing, either.”

“Anyway,” she said with a smile, ignoring me, "your magic runs on energy. When you’re here, you pull it from all around you- it’s your home, the energy you’re used to. Make sense so far?” I nodded, and she continued. “But when you’re over there, you pull the energy from yourself- hence, why you get weak.”

“Makes a lot of sense, actually,” I said, furrowing my brow. "But how do I fix it so I don’t have to go home every time I do something?” 

Mom gave me that ‘you’re an idiot’ look. “How do you get energy, Sam? Better yet, let's make this easier- what type of food gives you energy?” I looked at her blankly, and she smacked herself in the face. “Carbs, Samantha!” Mom said with a note of irritation. "And what're some of the quickest ones you can eat?”  
  
“Sugar,” I answered quickly. Suddenly, understanding lit up my face and I moved the ice pack. “Wait… my candy! Was I… _self-medicating_ this entire time?” 

“ _Ding!_ Give my child a prize, but not first place,” she said with a smile, rapping lightly on my head. 

“Holy shit, I’m a magic diabetic,” I said with a grin. “I have a legit excuse to eat candy!”

“I wouldn’t go that far,” Mom said with a chuckle. “But it’ll keep you upright and give you a chance to recover- wait long enough and eventually, you’ll feel better. However, if you let it get too bad, you’re basically just going to pass out… as you well know.” She placed a hand on my leg. “It’s going to be much better if you manage it your way since you should avoid the lyrium at all costs. Also, if you come across any that's red, I need you to promise me something, kid.”

“Sure,” I replied as I grabbed the glass of orange juice and taking a swig. “What do you need?"

“Sam, this is serious- if you don’t pay any attention to anything else I tell you, you need to listen to this.” She grabbed my hands, and her face was deadly serious- I hadn’t seen her look like this too often, and I felt myself nod in response. “Sam, if you see any red lyrium, I don’t care what anyone else does... I need you to run. And if you can’t run,” she paused, looking more shaken than I’d ever seen her before, “then you do everything you can to avoid the stuff, you understand? Do not be a hero, because I love you too much and that is going to be one battle you can't win."

_ _

* * *

“Lana, if you finger that any more you’re going to wear the lettering off,” Alistair said with a smile as he laid down next to her. “Sparrow’s a tough little bird- she’ll turn up… she always does.”

She sighed, turning to face the other warden. “I’m worried,” she said simply. They had laid like this ever since he'd given her the rose in Redcliffe, sharing a tent and resting next to each other. At first, she told herself it was simply to chase the nightmares away- she’d had terrible nightmares since the joining, and if Alistair ever heard her thrashing in her sleep, he would come over and stroke her hair to calm her down. Finally, in an effort to help them both sleep through the night, Alistair had offered to go to bed with her, which had caused Sam to spit out her dinner and applaud him on his boldness. Despite the tone of the question, Lana had laughed and happily accepted, relishing the feeling of falling asleep in his arms. Eventually, they gave up the pretense and it simply became a habit- two tents gradually dwindled to one as Lana would fall asleep in his arms each night, secure in the knowledge that he wouldn’t let anything happen to her. 

Tonight, she needed his comfort more than ever, and as usual, he offered it unwaveringly. “Hey,” he said, stroking her cheek as they lay side by side in the darkness, “Can I talk to you?”

“Always,” Lana said, rolling over to look at him. “What’s on your mind?” 

“Well,” he said nervously. “I-“ He looked away, blushing furiously. “Gah, you would think after all this time this would be easier, considering I’ve spent every night with you for the last few weeks. Ugh, I can’t think straight when I’m around you- I feel like my head is about to explode.”

“Thank you?” Lana said with a smile. “Alistair, I promise I don’t bite… you can talk to me about anything.” She reached up to touch his face, tracing her fingers over the soft stubble on his chin. “Maker knows I talk your ear off with whatever pops into my blasted head at any given point.”

“Ok… I can do this,” he murmured, steeling himself to continue with a line of conversation that seemed to be very important to him. “Look,” he said nervously. “being near you makes me crazy, Lana.”

She frowned, shifting from her place beside him. “I’m sorry… do you need me to go away? I-“

“No,” he said quickly, grabbing her and holding her close to him. “Blast it, that’s not what I meant!” He kissed her on the forehead and sighed, the warm air passing over her cold cheeks. "Lana, here’s the thing- I can’t imagine being without you… not ever.” He lowered his eyes. “After what happened today, I realized that I could never forgive myself if I didn’t tell you how I really felt.”

“Which is?” Lana closed her eyes, hoping for the best but bracing for the worst. 

“I love you, Solana Amell. And, I know it might sound weird, but I’ve loved you since the first day I saw you.” He let out a deep breath she suspected he had been holding for a while. “I know this might be too fast, but I don’t care- I know how I feel.” 

Lana felt her blue eyes open wide with surprise and delight. “I love you too, Alistair. I’ve been sitting here for months thinking I could never have you when all this time I should have just told you.”

“I wish you would have,” he said leaning over and giving her a kiss that made her gasp for breath. “May I ask you something without sounding too much like a bumbling fool?”

Lana grinned, nipping his lip and watching as his eyes rolled into the back of his head. “No matter what you say now, I’m afraid you’ve tainted it with that comment, love.”

“The sound of you saying that is sweeter than anything I have ever heard,” he said, letting out a soft groan.

“I’m glad you approve,” Lana responded, nuzzling into his neck, “because I’ll be saying it for -“ Lana almost said the rest of our lives, but stopped herself just short of that- Alistair cared about her, but she knew she couldn’t allow herself to think about that just yet. “As long as you want me to,” she finished, closing her eyes and gathering her thoughts. 

For once, there was no joviality in his tone. “If I have my way, it will be the rest of my life, Lana.” Her eyes flew open with shock and he smiled, pulling her next to him and giving her a kiss that left no doubt of his sincerity. "I wanted to wait for the perfect time, the perfect place… but when will it be perfect?” He let out a short laugh, and she felt his head rest against hers. “Ha- if things were perfect, we wouldn’t even have met.”

“You did say that the one good thing about the blight was the way it brought folks together,” Lana reminded him with a soft chuckle. “I daresay you were worth it."

“So I did,” he replied. “And so you are."

_ _

* * *

After a night filled with particularly bad nightmares, Cullen was sitting by the lake and staring off into the distance. Since Sam had disappeared, a pallor had been cast over the entire party. It was as if no one wanted to remind Lana and Cullen that she was gone, for the only people talking to them were Alistair and Leliana. Even the redhead had been quieter than usual when it came to him, most likely sensing that he didn’t want to talk most evenings. Instead, he would sit by the fire with her sketchbook, thumbing through all the pictures she had drawn of them throughout their adventures. One of his favorites was of Lana presenting Morrigan with a golden mirror, and he noticed that the image on the paper caught the witch’s face perfectly- it was as if Morrigan had never learned how to smile, and was giving Lana a look like she had sat on a jar of bees but wanted no one to know it. Morrigan had spluttered something about how thankful she was and scurried off, leaving the rest of them to chuckle at her attempts at being human for once. 

“Sovereign for your thoughts?” Leliana asked, sitting next to him. He shook his head, wondering how she moved so silently, but then thought better of it- Leliana wouldn’t tell him anyway, so it wasn’t worth the effort to ask the question. “As for me, it appears that I have made a new friend,” she said politely, gesturing to the charcoal-colored bird sitting next to her, watching with critical beady red eyes. “He has been following us for days now.”

Cullen flitted his gaze to the bird for a moment, then gave Leliana a sad smile. “Too bad Sam isn’t here- she could probably tell us what it wants."

“Funny thing about that,” the redhead remarked, proffering a piece of parchment she had in her hand. “It came with a note, written in a strange language.” Her eyes looked to Cullen, no doubt looking to his reaction as she handed the item to him. “What do you make of this?"

He unfurled the tiny roll, and his eyes widened. “You said the bird had this?” When she nodded, Cullen felt his heart begin to race in his chest- he put his head between his legs to steady himself before he went faint. “Get Lana over here, and tell no one else of what you found.” His tone was sharper than he intended and he shook himself, hoping the tiny assassin wouldn’t take offense to it. “She is the only one that can read this,” he explained, hoping she would forgive his previous transgression. “Until we know what the note says, I’d like to keep this between us, for now.” He looked over at the bird, checking for anything out of the ordinary but found nothing. “And the bird found you?” Cullen asked cautiously. “Was it hovering near Lana or myself and we didn’t notice?”

She folded her arms. “You, Ser Cullen, are terrible at the Grand Game.” His eyes widened in surprise and Leliana gave a true laugh, letting him know he had not offended his unlikely friend. “If you are asking if the contents of the note were not meant for me to know, then I would respond with that is very unlikely, as our little friend sought me out. However, since the language is only one that I’ve seen in context with our friend Sam, I figured the contents would need to be discussed with the two of you.” She gave him a stern stare, her blue eyes piercing him with their gaze. “Is that a sufficient answer to your question?”

“You are terrifying, Leliana,” he said with a shake of his head. “Absolutely terrifying. Please, grab our fearless leader, but keep your feathered friend away from Shale- I fear our messenger may not survive the encounter."

_ _

* * *

“Lana, I must talk to you,” Leliana whispered in her ear, causing Lana to widen her eyes in surprise- if anyone else had seen them, they would have had no idea that the girl had started a conversation. The smoothness in which the girl had requested her attention caused Lana to take notice- it wasn’t often that she held a conversation with her that others were not meant to hear, so she nodded in acquiescence. Leliana began moving towards the lake where Cullen was, and as she thought, came to a stop next to the Templar. 

“Lana, thank you for your discretion,” Cullen said as he gestured for them to sit. "Before we start, would you do us a favor and cast a silence spell around us for a moment?” 

Confused at the behavior of her friends, Lana did as she was asked, and once she was finished, she turned to them. “Now that we’ve gotten that handled, would the two of you care to explain what is going on here?” 

Leliana gave a slight nod. “Of course, but I think it would be better if we showed you, no?” 

Cullen nodded in agreement as he handed the rolled-up parchment to Lana. “This arrived by raven this afternoon, and we thought we should give it to you,” he said carefully. “Would you mind telling us what it says?”

“I could,” she said as she slowly unfurled the parchment, “but I don’t understand why-“ Lana stopped mid-sentence as she glanced down and noticed the language written on the note. “It’s Sam’s language,” she said incredulously. “How did your raven get this?” 

“We are not sure,” Leliana said. “Maybe the answers are in the note you hold. I have tried, but I have not yet been able to decipher the girl’s strange language. However, you can read the writing, yes?” 

“I can,” she said firmly. “And since we cannot determine who sent it, would that be the reason for the sudden burst of secrecy?” When they each gave a small nod, Lana stared down at the slip in her hands and began to read the note aloud to her two curious companions. 

“Since my daughter has taken you in as a sister, then this means I must give you some of the same considerations I would give a child of my very own, warden. My apologies for any inconvenience this may have caused you, but I must insist that Samantha rest for the moment. However, as your journey is too important to wait for her recovery, you should continue on your quest while she rests. Tell the templar she has not abandoned him, and if it is acceptable to you, I still require his continued services with your company.”

Cullen looked at the two women in shock. “This is from her mother,” he whispered. “She sent the note and the bird.”

Eyes wide with amazement, Lana continued to read. "In addition, since it seems the sister is quite the animal lover, I will entrust my friend with her- please treat him well, as he is temperamental at the best of times, and I do not wish an injury to anyone on my conscience. In spite of that, I think you will find him quite useful, as he has the unique ability to find anyone using the utmost in discretion- take that as you will, and may this gift help you during your travels.”

Leliana looked at Lana, then back to the bird. “So, that note is saying that this bird can travel anywhere.” She then turned to the bird, cocking her head in a reasonable facsimile of the expression the raven was giving the three of them. “If you are to stay, you need a name, dear bird.” 

Cullen paled. “Must we do this now?”

Leliana reached out a hand to the raven, who eyed it curiously and hopped upon it, walking slowly to her shoulder. “And why wouldn’t we? The note clearly said to treat him well, and part of that is to be friendly. I certainly like to have names for my friends, don’t you?” She used a delicate finger, then stroked the bird on the crown of his head. “I shall call him… Baron Plucky.”

Lana and Cullen looked at the girl as if she’d lost her mind. “Are you mad?” Cullen asked. “That red-eyed bird looks like a murderous beast, and you give it a name akin to a child’s toy?”

Lana was going to interject, but the way Leliana stared at the templar gave her pause. “That is precisely why he will have that name. When people see me, they underestimate my skills. When they hear his name, they will dismiss his importance.” Her look was calm yet venomous, and as she fixed her eyes on him, Cullen swallowed nervously. "Never let the surface dictate the substance, Cullen- you’d do well to remember that lesson in the future.”

_ _

* * *

Ready to get back in the fray, I grabbed my locket from the desk. Mom and I had gotten into a mild screaming match this morning when I discovered that not only had she taken my locket, she’d also reset my watch so time was passing without me. I yelled that she had no right, and she retorted that I had no right to be selfish enough for the blight to politely wait on my recovery. I wanted to say something else, but she’d simply sighed as she handed over the locket, patiently explaining that I couldn’t use any of my charms while I was healing if I wanted to get better, and she knew that if she’d left them with me that I would have done something stupid, which I had to agree with. In the end, she gave me the locket and a bag of Jolly Ranchers, telling me to be careful and safe out there. 

Just as I was about to call out for Lana, Mom rapped on my doorframe and I turned, glancing at the two large paper bags in her hands. “Um, is this my first day of kindergarten or something? What’s with the sacks?”

She had the decency to look sheepish. “It’s been over three weeks and they’re stuck in Orzammar. With you gone, they’ve had nothing but dwarven ale and Alistair’s cooking- it’s my way of saying sorry.”

Though I wanted to stay mad, I felt my mouth twitch upward into a smile. “Yeah, this might make them forgive you... if Alistair and Lana don’t eat it all first.” 

“I just provide,” she said with a shrug. “You’re in charge of distribution.” Mom’s eyes looked me over, making a mental checklist of my preparedness. After staring over me a few more times, she sighed. “Be careful, Sam- this journey isn’t going to be easy.”

I laughed as I kissed her on the cheek, preparing myself to leave. “Well that’s a relief,” I replied, checking my ring and focusing on Lana. “They’ve never been easy- I’d be worried if they decided to let up now.”

—

When I arrived in camp, it was a shitshow.

"Did anyone say anything about you two morons entering a fighting tournament?” Lana screamed, thrusting her finger at Alistair and Cullen with each word. “Of all the stupid, idiotic-“  
  
Alistair stiffened, but the templar wasn’t going to take the slight. “At least we didn’t go around spreading gossip with the elven assassin!” Cullen huffed. “You ended up taking a trip into the Deep Roads for a signature when you knew Bhelen’s lackey was lying- why would you even listen to him in the first place? I thought Grey Wardens were supposed to be smart and handle things honorably, not like some-”

“How dare you question how I do my job!” Lana hissed. “Of all the insubordinate, pig-headed-“ 

Just then, Leliana, Morrigan, Wynne, and Sten came back, looking remarkably dusty and holding a long-eared pig. “We have good news and bad news, friends,” Leliana sang. “Jarvia has been taken care of!” Expecting a more jovial reception, she looked at the faces of the others in the camp and frowned. “May I ask what is going on here?"

The mage broke her tirade long enough to whirl around and stare at the redhead. “More than can easily be explained,” she growled. “And what, pray tell, besides that bloody animal is the bad news in this situation, Leliana?” Lana asked through gritted teeth. “Please tell me it’s something remarkably mundane, like Morrigan breaking a nail or you spilling something on your shoes.” 

For once, all the ladies were in agreement- their faces were perfect mirrors of Lana’s irritation. Sten, however, was matter-of-fact, ignoring Lana’s rage. “We have broken a house,” he said simply. “The owner is not pleased with us.” 

“For the love of the maker!” Lana screamed and threw up her hands. “Is everyone around here nugshit insane? These blighted idiots get into a tournament that is usually _to the death_ while you guys come back with a pet and destroy a house! Maker’s breath, are you all trying to kill me?” 

From our position on the outskirts, Shale leaned over to me, “You may not want to approach it at the moment- it appears as if it wants to murder the other flesh creatures right now."

“Certainly seems that way. ” I let out a low whistle that caused Dog to perk up as Leliana reached for her dagger. Suddenly, she thought better of it, counting backward in an attempt to calm herself down. “Is it terrible that I want to say I am slightly pleased that they fucked this one up all on their own and I didn’t have to say or do anything to set them off?” Shale chuckled at my comment, and then I realized the golem wasn’t a part of the carnage. "How did you manage to escape this fuckery?"

Shale shrugged. “I did not fit, so I stayed outside and kept watch- in retrospect, this appears to be the wisest decision of the day. Seeing as this bickering is a result of its absence, you would also do well to leave her be.”

“If I leave her be, I’m not sure we’re going to have a party afterward,” I replied. Watching in horror as Lana prepped an ice spell, I put my fingers in my mouth and let out an ear-splitting whistle. Everyone jumped about a foot in the air and Dog yelped and ran behind Shale, but I continued. “Will all of you please sit down and shut the _entire fuck up_!”

Alistair was the first to recover, blinking and rubbing his ears. “Sparrow? Is that you?”

I put my hands on my hips and gave him a wide grin. “Who else would it be? I swear... I leave you guys alone for a few days and everything goes to shit. I don’t care what you say, Morrigan- I have now been proven one-hundred and ten percent useful.”

“Never said you weren’t,” Lana replied, rushing over and hugging me tightly. “You’ve spoiled us- without you here, everyone else takes the brunt of my yelling.”

_ _

* * *

It had been the longest three weeks of his life, but holding her in his arms, Cullen finally felt better. Of course, the food didn’t hurt matters either- Sam’s mother had sent them a large dinner, which had gone a long way towards quelling the argument that had been raging when the girl arrived. Now, sitting by a blazing fire with Sam in his arms, he felt much more at ease, even if the dwarven kingdom and its politics unnerved him. 

“So,” Sam mused, sucking on an apple-scented candy, “Who do you want to be king, Lana?” Cullen shifted to the mage, equally as curious- Lana had made them speak to both heads of the houses to get more information, but she’d never made it quite clear if she was partial to Bhlen or Harrowmont ruling. Personally, Cullen wanted no part of it, but it appeared that no one in the world could do a blasted thing without them. 

“Honestly? I was stalling until you came back, Sam,” she replied with a contrite expression. “I feel like this is a decision that is beyond my skill set, and I’d appreciate a little guidance. Harrowmont is a better person, but Bhelen is an ass that wants to improve the lives of his people. I can’t decide what to do. What happens if I support Bhelen?”

“Well, what happens if we support Harrowmont,” Alistair said. “I didn’t just almost get my head taken off with an ax by a mute woman for nothing!”

“So you want your sister to ease your guilty little conscience, eh? Fine,” she sighed, starting to close her eyes. When she did, Cullen jabbed her in the ribs and gave her a stern frown- he was in no way interested in her overtaxing herself again so soon after he’d gotten her back. When she noticed his expression, she laughed, sliding the green jewel of candy between her teeth for him to see before sucking it back in. He noticed her lips were sticky with sugar, and he wondered if she would taste as good as she smelled to him if he kissed her right then.

“No worries this time- I’ve got a bag full of sugar to keep my energy up while I search this time.” He sighed dejectedly and she craned her neck to give him a quick kiss on the lips before closing her eyes. As she went off into the trance he hated so much, his tongue licked his lips- immediately, he realized she would taste like a tart green apple if his mouth met hers, and he vowed to test this theory the first chance he got. 

“So, the good news for both of you is, neither of these errands means jack shit right now,” she said brightly. “Cause you’re both going to end up in the exact same place. So, yay for stalling?”

“I could use a little more to go on than that,” Lana said, munching on an actual apple. “Though admittedly, I’m not looking forward to you bleeding and passing out on us again, so if we could avoid that I think Cullen and I would both appreciate it.” 

“Hell, I’d appreciate that,” Sam retorted. “It’s not so bad- I’m only going a few days into the future and I’m hyper AF right now, so I should be cool. I’m probably going to want to go to bed right afterward though.”

“I don’t want you to do this,” Cullen responded, nuzzling his face into her hair. “You just came back to me- I don’t want to lose you again.”

“You won't,” she promised, cupping his face with her tiny hands. “Mom got pissed off with me for almost murdering myself all the time and finally taught me something. I’m not going to let this take me down.” She reached into the bag and unwrapped another piece of candy. “I know they’re going to the same place- I just want to see if it's for the same reason.” She popped the other candy in her mouth and closed her eyes. After a moment, her eyes fluttered beneath her eyelids, and she wobbled in his arms- Cullen tightened his grip on her, refusing to let her go. If she started to fade, he’d do whatever he could to keep her in his arms, consequences be damned. Luckily, Sam let out a soft gasp, then fixed her wide green eyes on him. “Does the name Branka mean anything to anyone?”

Leliana nodded. “She was a paragon. I saw her name in the hall of heroes when we came in.”

“Ah… I hope you got some more info on her, cause that’s who you both are looking for. Like I said, yay for stalling.” Sam reached in the bag and pulled out a third piece of candy, then grimaced. “Okay, don’t tell my mom, but this is officially no longer the kickass idea it once was- my mouth is starting to hurt from all this sugar."

Cullen laughed. “Your secret is safe with me,” he replied, kissing her sticky lips and tasting the mingling flavors of her candies. “Though I must say, I don’t mind the remnants of your sugar rush.”

“Bah!” Morrigan spat angrily. “Can you stop with the senseless necking and focus for a moment? I’m starting to think I’d prefer to face the darkspawn than watch you two mindlessly eat at each other’s faces.” 

“Anyway,” Sam said as she kissed him again and shot Morrigan a look. “I also saw two branches there- one leads where you are, but one leads back to Kinloch- we got some mages in Orzammar besides us?” A soft chirp came from the side of Leliana and Sam raised an eyebrow. “And by the way, what the fuck is with the bunny pig over there?”

Leliana laughed as Cullen turned red, scooping the creature up into her arms. “I believe I may be able to answer both questions, Sam. This,” she said, holding out the animal in front of her, “Is a nug! Isn’t it adorable?”

Sam raised an eyebrow. “It’s a long-eared pig, Leli- in my world, we eat those. It’s called bacon.” She leaned over and cooed at the nug. “Aren't you just a tasty little fucker?” She stroked its ears and it chuffed happily. "Can I eat you? You’ll be so good on my sandwich, yes you will!”

Alistair let out a snort, while Leliana turned pale. “Sam, you will do no such thing! Schmooples is not food, he’s family!” The bard hugged the nug close to her. “He’s like your nephew- Cullen got him for me, so you can’t eat your nephew!"

Cullen put a hand on the back of his neck, clearly embarrassed. “She kept talking about how cute it was, so when a guy in Dust Town needed money, I traded him for the blasted thing.” Knowing what this could look like, he looked at Sam, trying to gauge her expression. “I thought it would be a nice gesture after all she’s done for me on our trip.”

“It is a nice gesture, dear,” Sam said as she patted his shoulder. “But he just looks so sweet and tasty- every time I see him I just want to make little meat diagrams on his side.”

“Careful, Sparrow,” Alistair said between fits of laughter. “Leli looks like she’s about to stab you over besmirching the honor of Schmooples over there.”

“Fine, I won't eat the damn pig,” Sam said laughing. “Anyway, what’s with the mage?"

Leliana gave a soft huff, obviously still offended over the nug incident. “Well, there appears to be a sweet dwarven girl who wants to study with the mages. We found her outside-" It was now her turn to turn red, and she sighed. “… The shop we destroyed. It turns out that the shopkeeper is her father.” 

Sam frowned. “Well it’s her destiny to go,” she said firmly. “We gotta get her in there.”

“Sam, I would love to get her message to Irving,” Lana said gently, “but I don’t have the time to go all the way back to Kinloch right now.” 

“Then let me do it!” Sam exclaimed brightly. “I’ve never had my own mission in Thedas before, and it’s so stupid simple that it’s perfect for me.” Cullen stiffened, but she tugged on his arm. “Come on, even you gotta admit, I’m an amazing choice for this- I go home tonight anyway, right?” 

“Don’t remind me,” Cullen growled. “It’s not something I’m looking forward to.”

“But,” she continued, grinning like a loon, “I could just travel to Kinloch, talk to Irving, then meet up with you after I tell her what he said. I won't even lie and say I’ll be done before you wake up, but I should be done by the time we go looking for this Branka chick. It makes sense, right?”

Lana looked at Cullen, who felt himself growing hot in the face. He knew she was making sense, but he had no desire to leave her on her own. However, this was Lana’s team, not his, and he knew that his desire to keep her close and safe would always play second to the needs of Thedas. “Cullen, you’re pretty good at strategy, and we all know Sam is utter garbage at things that resemble plans. Luckily, her ideas are often brilliant, so I’d like to hear your thoughts on the matter.”

He started to answer her, but the small smile on her lips gave him pause- instantly Cullen understood her game. “This is payback for the tournament, isn’t it? Any other time you’d be ranting and raving about your sister going off on her own, just as I would.” 

All he got in response was a shrug. “Maybe I think it’s time Sam got a chance to show what she can do without us coddling her.” 

Cullen realized that she had won- if he protested any more, his beloved would be furious with him. He narrowed his eyes at the mage but spoke directly to Sam. “I just want you to be safe, dear heart. I only just got you back."

She turned around and sat on his lap, touching her forehead to his. “Cullen, this is something I can do.” Her green eyes locked with his, pleading with him. “Trust me, just this once, ok?”

He sighed. “I always trust you, Sam. I just worry.”

“There’s nothing to worry about- it’s a simple in and out type of job.” Sam shrugged. "Besides, all I’m doing is talking to Irving… what could go wrong?"

Alistair groaned, tossing his hands in the air. “Well, now you’ve gone and done it, Sparrow- you never ask that question. Now we’re going to have death, mayhem, and fiery rains of destruction, and it’s all going to be your fault.”

Sam leaned over and punched him lightly in the shoulder, then grinned. “That’s good- that means it’ll just be a normal Thursday around here then.”


	24. The roads we walk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After going to see if Dagna can get schooled, the team continues on the quest to settle the dwarven royal rumble

_ _

* * *

_Okay, in and out,_ I thought. _Don’t fuck this up, or they’ll never send you on another mission in your life._ Taking a deep breath, I pushed open the doors, and entered the halls of Kinloch Hold, feeling very small and out of place in my light armor as I approached Greagoir. 

When I walked up, he gave me a curious glance. “Ah, the mage traveling with Warden Amell,” he said casually. “What brings you back to our Circle today?”

I swallowed nervously as he stared at me- based on what Lana had said on how most templars felt about non-Circle mages, I wasn’t feeling too good about the way he was looking at me. “I come on business for First Enchanter Irving from Warden Amell,” I responded, hoping Lana’s title would supersede his desire to clamp me in irons at the first opportunity. “May I speak to him, please?” He inclined his head toward the back of the room, and I scurried over to the enchanter, not willing to draw this out any longer and have to deal with the ‘I told you so’s’ of my group when I returned. 

Irving was talking with a group of mages when I arrived and didn’t notice my approach, so I cleared my throat, hoping to get his attention. He turned around at the sound, his eyes widening when he realized who I was. “Lady Samantha,” he said with surprise. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit?”

“Wow, you should really teach some manners to your templar friend back there,” I said as I pointed to Greagoir. When he raised an eyebrow, I realized what I said and immediately smacked myself in the head. “Oh shoot, I’m sorry- I don’t mean to be a jerk. Kinda forgot where I was for a moment.”

To his credit, he didn’t start braying for my removal. “No harm was done, Samantha. Besides," he chuckled good-naturedly, “You and your friends saved the Circle- I think you’re allowed a bit of leeway, don’t you?”

“My sister did that,” I said proudly. “I just helped a little where I could.” 

He gave me a strange look but didn’t push it. “Anyway,” he said, leading me over to a corner of the hallway where we were away from most of the noise. “What brings you to see me today?”

“Oh yeah, almost forgot,” I replied sheepishly. “We have a request from a young dwarf who wants to study at the circle. Her name is Dagna, and she’s super smart and a total geek about magic. ”

Irving gave me a sad look. “I’m sorry, Samantha, but your friend will never be able to do magic- dwarves are not connected to the Fade, and no matter how hard she studies, she will never even be able to perform even the simplest of spells.” 

I shrugged. “I’m pretty sure she knows that- from what I hear, the girl is a walking encyclopedia of magic. She just wants to study with you guys- I don’t see that being a problem, do you? I mean, the tranquil can’t do magic, but they get to stay. She’d just be a much more excitable tranquil, you know?”

The first enchanter looked at me like I had grown three heads, then threw his head back with laughter. “I would never have thought to put it that way.”

“So, is that a yes? Can Dagna come to study here?” I asked hopefully.

He laughed. “If she wants to study, I see no harm in denying her request.” I let out a sigh of relief, but then he fixed me with a look. “However, I do have some questions for you, Samantha.”

“Ugh,” I groaned. “I’m really not that interesting, trust me.”

“Funny, I find that hard to believe,” he replied as he looked me over. “Considering what you and Amell did for us in the Harrowing Chamber. And,” he said with a knowing smile, “considering how protective Ser Cullen was of you, it appears he knew you better than most, wouldn’t you say?”

I turned as red as my skin would allow. “I don’t think that’s entirely fair to say, Enchanter Irving. Lana’s the mage here- she saved you, not me. I just got knocked out.”

The enchanter simply shook his head. “You are an odd one, but I cannot force you to talk if you don’t wish to. Please, tell your friend she’s welcome to attend and help us rebuild- I certainly won’t turn down the help. As for you,” he said quietly, “make sure you get a handle on your magic- most people don’t take kindly to apostates running around, even if they are with Grey Wardens. Tread careful, Samantha.” 

I gulped, catching the meaning in his words- I shouldn’t have put so much faith in trading on Lana’s name. Irving, however, just laughed. “But that is neither here nor there today, as this is still my Circle- return to your friends, and I shall walk you out.”

I gave the man a nod of silent thanks and followed as he escorted me from the Circle, making sure to disappear as soon as I was out of sight. 

_ _

* * *

Leliana, Shale, and Morrigan were with Cullen, waiting for Sam to return with news about Dagna. Morrigan had surprised him, requesting to wait with them, but considering they would be heading into the Deep Roads to meet with the others, he couldn’t complain about the extra support. 

“How long do we have to wait for it to arrive,” Shale asked impatiently. “I grow tired of standing around- it is too similar to being in the village square.” 

Cullen frowned. “Sam should be back shortly, barring any issues.” Then he turned to Leliana. “Do you think we need to send word with your friend?” 

Leliana shook her head. “We all know that Sam is not an early riser- she likely got a late start this morning.”

Morrigan sighed. “I am starting to agree with the templar. The girl has been gone for quite some time- is there a means to get ahold of her that we should employ?”

“Since when do you care about what happens to Sam?” Leliana wondered aloud. “You treat her with almost palpable disdain every chance you get, so I’m curious- why are you worried about her now?” 

“I do not wish to see her hurt again,” Morrigan huffed. “It causes massive delays and we cannot afford to waste any more time. Plus, I am due to have a conversation with her, and I am reluctant to wait for our dialogue."

“Of course there’d be something in it for you,” Cullen said dryly, crossing his arms. “Why would I ever think that you may actually be concerned about someone besides yourself?”

Morrigan turned an angry shade of red. “You arrogant, ignorant-“

Before they could continue the argument, Sam appeared in front of them, causing everyone except Shale to take a step back. “Hey, guys! Guess what? I did my job and nothing blew up! Dagna can go to the Circle- isn’t that awesome!” She grinned happily, then looked around at the faces standing next to him, confusion evident in her face. “So, why do I get a whole welcome wagon? I thought I was just meeting you, Cullen.” 

He smiled, his irritation at Morrigan forgotten for the moment. “Leliana and Morrigan are the ones who know where the girl resides, so they will take us to her so we can deliver the good news.” He looked at Shale and grinned. “And Shale is here to accompany us if we need to meet Alistair and Lana in the deep roads.” 

Sam nodded. “Welp, that works for me, but we need to get a move on and find my sister. So, let’s go give this kid her acceptance letter to Kinloch so we can find this Branka person and settle this royal rumble.”

_ _

* * *

_Hey sis,_ Lana heard in her head. _I’m back!_

_Sam, good to hear from you- did you visit the Circle? Is Irving going to take the dwarf in?_

_Yep, Dagna gets to go to school,_ Sam said with a smile in her voice. _By the way, Morrigan actually apologized for calling me useless today. Do you think I should take a three-week vacation more often?_

 _No, I would prefer it if you didn’t do that again,_ Lana thought. _Once was more than enough._

 _That’s fair,_ Sam replied. _Anyway, we’re on our way to you, but I noticed that there’s a branch nearby. Anything interesting going on over there?_

 _Funny you should say that,_ Lana replied. _We’re getting ready to head into the deep roads, but there’s a dwarf here who reeks of alcohol and is insisting on coming with us._

Sam paused. _And why are you listening? My sister was a bit of a drinker... Not usually advisable to take her anywhere when she was a bit sauced, so maybe not the best idea to have the drunk dwarf handle sharp objects?_

 _This drunkard says he used to be married to Branka, Sam,_ she thought dryly. _Sound familiar?_

 _Oh shit,_ she breathed. _He’s probably the branch I saw, Lana. Guess Team Mage gets another member, huh?_

Lana let out a groan, causing Alistair to look at her curiously. "Something you need, my dear?"

Realizing she'd been caught, Lana let out a weary sigh. "Just talking to Sam, that's all."

He shook his head. "I don't care how many times you do it, that will never cease to be one of the weirdest things I've ever heard of.” Lana rolled her eyes, making the warden laugh and kiss her on the cheek. Trying to maintain at least the premise of professionalism, she scowled at him, which only made Alistair chuckle more. 

Desperate for him to stop, she thwacked him lightly with her staff. “Stop being such a… a… you!” She hissed. "It’s not exactly normal for me either, but then again what counts as normal nowadays?"

Alistair gave her a look that easily meant that he saw through her mock irritation, giving her a light squeeze on the shoulder. “You should probably get back to your sister- I can only imagine what naughty things she thinks we’re talking about right now. "

Watching his retreating form, Lana groaned again. _Why does this happen to us, Sam?_

_No idea, Lana Banana. Probably for the same reason we’re about to host a Deep Roads AA meeting. But, all things considered, I guess it could be worse- at least I now have a way to find this chick and save us some time._

Lana let out a huff of irritation. _Do we really have to take him with us? Can’t you, I don’t know, just read him before we go or something? I don’t think you fully understand my situation, Sam- the man is like a bar on legs._

 _If he’s still upright, it can’t be much worse than my sister after an open bar party._ Lana didn’t find this statement reassuring in the least, and her grunt of displeasure only served to make Sam laugh even harder. _Look at it this way,_ Sam reasoned. _Once I get there and I can use him to get a bead on Branka, I can give you directions and we won’t have to take directions from a walking beer barrel._

_Then please, for the love of the Maker, get here as fast as you possibly can- he just let out a belch and I could swear I saw fumes erupt from his mouth._

_On our way, Lana Banana._

_ _

* * *

“Aye, how does the little one with the rack know where we’re supposed to be going? Is that a Grey Warden thing?” Oghren looked me up and down, then turned to Lana while Cullen let out a small growl of displeasure. “You two got some fancy surfacer magic that’s supposed to help us find that sodding Branka?”

“Something like that,” Lana said with a measure of exasperation. “Sam here can find almost anyone.”

“Sounds pretty damn handy,” he said as he took a swig from his flask, then belched. “Especially considering that one is bloody useless in a fight.” He looked over at Cullen. “Maybe she’s got other uses, eh son?"

I could see the vein in Cullen’s neck begin to pulsate. “If you say one more word about my future wife, you won’t have to worry about the darkspawn, dwarf,” he hissed, clenching his fists at his sides. 

Oghren let out a bellowing laugh. “Oh, I’ve touched a nerve! So the man with a stick up his ass knows how to have some fun after all!” He turned to me and grinned wildly. “I see you got a thing for tall, blonde, templars, kid. Ever think about mixing it up with someone a little closer to your own height?” 

Cullen looked like he was about to lunge for him, but I put a hand on his shoulder before he could get into it with the sauced warrior. "Honey," I said as I ran my hands down my sides and slapped my ass, "you couldn't handle all this jelly."

From behind me, I heard Alistair splutter and Zevran began to laugh boisterously. "Now there is a woman after my own heart! Cullen, if you decide that you would like to pursue other interests, I would be more than happy to see to Sam’s…” he placed a slender hand on my shoulder. “… needs,” he purred. 

“I assure you, I am more than capable of tending to any need my wife has, which means you can kindly remove your arm, Zevran,” he growled. “Maker’s breath, is nothing sacred here?”

I blinked at his statement, but before I could say a word, the other warden chimed in. “Now you know how I feel,” Alistair called out from the other end of the ruin we had entered. “I’ve been dealing with that blighted elf hitting on Lana this whole time, so I can’t say that I’m all that sorry his attention’s shifted.”

“That is where you are wrong, dear warden,” the elf tutted. “Unlike you, I’m just widening my realm of possibilities- can you not imagine the delicious things these two sisters could do together?” 

“Oh, I like these two!” Oghren crowed. “It looks like you surfacers might actually be worth something after all!” 

“Is that all it took? Geez, Oghren, you really couldn’t handle a girl like me, could you?” I winked as I strode past him, hip checking the dwarf and laughing as I pointedly trying to ignore the fact that the man who was apparently my future husband looked like he was about to have an aneurysm at any moment. I made a vow to draw the dwarf as soon as we got to camp- he seemed like he was going to prove interesting later on. 

_Grace is going to eat him alive,_ I thought. _Maker help this poor man if he meets any more of my family._

_ _

* * *

_"First day, they come and catch everyone.”_

Lana heard the haunting words and felt her blood run cold. Even Sam, who was guiding them down the halls, had a stutter to her step. “Um… Do you guys hear that? I’m getting some major Nightmare on Elm Street vibes here,” the girl said. “And I seriously feel like the co-ed in a horror movie, cause we definitely have to go that way."

_"Second day, they beat us and eat some for meat.”_

Oghren frowned, looking down the hallway and squinting into the darkness. “That voice sounds familiar.” He looked over at Sam, shaking his head. "By the stone, Sam- you did it!”

“Did what? Find a creepy person spouting a creepy AF nursery rhyme? If so, then yep, sure did. Not exactly feeling too good about it though, considering we still gotta keep going to find Branka.” She looked over at the flesh sacs that lined the hallway. “And I’m like two seconds from losing my shit, Lana. Like, run home and hide under the covers levels of losing my shit.”

_"Third day, the men are all gnawed on again.”_

Lana reached over and hugged her sister, seeing the terror on Sam's face even as she tried to keep her tone light. “I’m right here, Sam. I’m not going anywhere.” She looked over at Cullen, who had a tight grip on Sam's hand- between the two of them, her sister would be safe. 

_"Fourth day, we wait and fear for our fate.”_

“This shit is getting bad,” Sam whispered. Even in the dim light of the tunnel, Lana could tell that she was growing pale and her steps were even more hesitant as they went further into the cavern. “I… Lana… I can’t do this. I… I can do a lot, but I don’t think I can do this.”  
  
Before she could reply, Sten walked over and kneeled in front of the girl. “You must be a warrior, Sam. Do not let your fear make you into a coward, for you are braver than you know.” When Sam’s breath began to come in fits and starts, the Quinari stared her in the eyes and placed a hand on her shoulder. “Do you wish to walk with me and the templar?” 

Surprised at the warm treatment she had never seen from the hulking giant, Lana watched as Sam nodded, threading her other tiny hand in his and walking between the two warriors, trying hard not to flinch as the voice echoed off the walls once again.

_"Fifth day, they return and it's another girl's turn.”_

“My word, this is a dreadful poem,” Wynne said as she sent another wisp of light to guide the group as they continued down the corridor. “This is getting to be quite unnerving.”

“Getting to be?” Alistair shuddered. “I passed unnerved about two turns back and I’m smack dab in the middle of trying very hard not to soil my britches."

_"Sixth day, her screams we hear in our dreams.”_

“Yeah, well I’m gonna hear this psycho bitch in my dreams for a very long time,” Sam muttered. “I think I’m going to have all kinds of nightmares and I don’t even have to sleep down here. On the plus side, I don’t think you have to worry about me going home tonight, at least.”

“Why not?” Cullen asked. He gripped her hand in his own as they walked into the barely lit cavern, his other rested cautiously on his sword. 

“Because there is not a doubt in my mind that I’m going to be wide fucking awake all night after this shitshow,” Sam replied grimly."

_Seventh day, she grew as in her mouth they spew.”_

Leliana gently gripped Lana’s arm and leaned into her ear. “I understand that none of us are ok with this horror show going on, but I just wanted to check on you. You’re not showing the same amount of distress as Sam is, but I realize that means nothing."

Taking a deep breath, Lana clenched her teeth and shook her head. “There’s nothing I can be except okay- to let myself not be would damn us all.”

“Like I told Cullen, it’s ok to not be ok- don’t be afraid to lean on us, Lana,” the redhead whispered. “We are here for you.”

“I swear, I know that voice,” Oghren murmured. “I can’t place it, but I’m sure I’ve heard it before."

_“Eighth day, we hated as she is violated.”_

“Oh god,” Sam moaned. “Is she talking about what I think she is?” She turned green, then buried her head in Cullen’s chest. "Oh god, oh god, oh god-“

“Who is this God you speak of?” Morrigan snapped. “You are not an elf, so stop with the bloody elven prayers and lead us through this damnable cavern, Samantha! You don’t see anyone else shaking like a leaf, so pull yourself together and learn to display a modicum of self-control!” 

“Watch your tone, witch,” Sten warned. “Kadan is afraid but not cowardly- we will show her and the warden the same respect they show us as they lead us despite their fear.”

_"Ninth day, she grins and devours her kin.”_

Alistair bristled. “I sense a large gathering of darkspawn ahead. Sparrow, get to the back- once we take care of this, you can pick up the trail.”

Sam straightened up, her expression defiant as she unwrapped one of her candies, obviously anticipating a fight. “I’m not leaving Lana- together, we’re the strongest thing you got, and you know it.” She cast a glance over to Lana, who nodded- she was secretly grateful to have Sam there, as whatever was singing this horrible lullaby made her want as much power at her disposal as humanly possible. 

Wynne swallowed nervously, the cracks in the older mage’s visage finally starting to show. “I agree with Alistair, Sam- save your strength. Without you, we’re lost, and I have no desire to be trapped down here."

_"Now she does feast, as she's become the beast.”_

“Hespith!” Oghren shouted. “That’s who that is!” He looked around wildly. “She was Branka’s lover- she took the whole house with her when she went searching for that bloody Anvil of the Void! By the stone, the girl did it! She found Branka’s trail!” 

“Oghren, focus!” Alistair hissed. “We can worry about Branka in a second- right now, there’s something ahead that I’m pretty sure doesn’t want to shower us with jewels just up ahead, and I didn’t get this far to die right now, so I’m going to need you to get it together!”

_"Now you lay and wait, for their screams will haunt you in your dreams.”_

“Get ready,” Cullen said tersely. Everyone prepped their weapons, moving forward in a small tight group as the sounds of wet flesh smacking against the walls assaulted their ears, and the stench of rot and blood wafted toward them, seeping into every breath they took. Lana grabbed Sam’s hand as she stood behind the warriors, waiting to get an idea of what was at the end of the tunnel. She stared in the faces of her friends, her mouth set in a grim line as they approached the open area, and felt herself biting back a scream when she saw what awaited them in the center of the room. 

_“Broodmother."_

_ _

* * *

If I never saw anything else like that monster for the rest of my entire life, I might be able to sleep without waking up and calling out for my mom. 

The broodmother, as Hespith called it, was a horrible slug-like thing, with tentacles and huge, draping teats and mottled pink flesh. The screams reverberated across the walls, making me want to cover my ears as it wailed and thrashed about, trying to attack us from its centralized location. Though this was all horrible, the worst part was that the thing looked vaguely humanoid. I was stunned as I stared at it in shock, but the words from the horrible poem washed over me and I realized what the disturbing lyrics meant. 

“Holy shit, guys- that sonofabitch used to be a person!” I screamed. "That’s what the creepy poem was trying to tell us!” 

“Don’t care right now!” Alistair screamed, trying to attack the creature. With all of his attacks, he must have hit a sensitive spot, because suddenly tentacles began to burst up from the ground, sending us flying across the room. 

“By the stone, what the hell is that thing!” Oghren yelled. “I’ve never seen anything like it!”

“Per our creepy poet, it’s a Broodmother!” I yelled, trying to scramble across tentacles to get to Lana- if we could get together, maybe we could combine and knock this thing out. I looked around and found her on the side of the room, vomiting and trying to stand- the blow had staggered her and she was not doing well at all. Feeling my heart drop into my stomach, I ran as fast as my feet could carry me, grabbing a potion out of my bag and tipping it down her throat as soon as I reached her. “Lana, talk to me- what’s going on,” I asked breathlessly. “What the hell happened to you?”

“I got hit in the head,” she said groggily. The potion was slowly taking effect, but she was still swaying and I knew she couldn’t channel enough magic to help me right then. “Give me a moment- I’ll be fine,” she said, staggering to her feet. “We must help them.”

“No, we won’t,” I said firmly. “You’re not in any shape to fight till Wynne can get over here. We got enough fighters over there, and I’m gonna stay with you until you’re steady.” I strained my head to see what was going on, and all I could see were figures dancing around the large creature. Tentacles were jutting from the ground in haphazard locations, and my friends were dodging them as best they could. Morrigan had even turned into a giant spider, trying to attack the creature from above, but it was of no use- no one could gain any ground. I bit my lip- they needed us, but even with the potion, Lana was in no condition to fight. 

“Wynne!” I screamed. “Lana needs you!” 

“I’m coming!” The elder mage yelled, racing towards us. In her haste to get to Lana, she didn’t see that the Broodmother had summoned a cadre of darkspawn, and they were coming for us from every possible angle. Seeing the impending horde and knowing my friends wouldn’t be able to defend themselves against this, I began to panic, feeling the terror rise in my chest as I saw one of the creatures draw a blade and swing it at Cullen’s back-

“NO!” I screamed as I clutched Lana, watching in amazement as a shockwave rippled across the room. To my utter surprise, everything except my friends froze instantly- the blade aimed for Cullen’s back paused in mid-air, the tentacle that was rising out the ground beneath Wynne’s feet froze, and the acid that was preparing to cascade over Oghren and Zevran hovered just above their heads. 

“Sam, what the-“ Cullen said, turning to see the blade inches from his spine and stabbing the creature who would have killed him. “What did you do?”

“I.. don’t know,” I said incredulously. “All I know is I don’t know how long this is going to last or what it’s going to do to me, so we better move fast.”

“Agreed,” Wynne said, rushing over to Lana’s side and healing her. While Oghren and Zevran moved out of the way of the acid bath, Alistair took advantage of the frozen creature and began to climb on its back. “I’ll take it from here, Sam,” Wynne said as prepped her healing magic. “But you need to let her go so I can heal her.”

“Okay,” I said, dropping her hand and watching in horror at the scene starting again in front of my eyes. In an instant, the room roared back to life- the creature Cullen stabbed fell to the floor, the acid washing over the spot my companions had been standing and left scorch marks on the floor, and the creature began to thrash as it noticed Alistair clinging to its back like a spider monkey, trying desperately to lop off its head.

“Would it have killed you to have held it for ten more seconds, Sparrow!” Alistair screamed as he held on for dear life as the creature bucked around and tried to throw him off its back. “Just ten bloody seconds!” 

“I wasn’t trying to stop it!” I screamed. I tried to recreate the magic, but it was of no use- I ended up unsheathing a dagger and stabbing a darkspawn that had rushed towards Lana and Wynne. “Just stop bitching and kill the damn thing, would you?”

In response, he let out a bellowing cry and drew his sword, stabbing it through the creature’s neck and falling as it let out a screech that echoed across the cavern as it fell forward. Zevran and Sten had to jump out of the way to avoid being crushed under the fleshy carcass, Oghren and Dog stepped back as the tentacles that they were fighting suddenly stopped moving, while Leliana, Shale, and Morrigan finished the remaining darkspawn and ran over to us, thoroughly shaken by the fight. I stood next to Lana and Wynne, completely stunned by what had just happened, and Cullen ran over, wrapping me in his arms. “Sam, are you ok- what just happened?”

“I… don’t know…” I stammered, clutching him tightly. “I just saw Lana go down and then the darkspawn was about to stab you and I… I freaked out.” I buried my face in his chest, trying to stop my tears. “I couldn’t help anyone… and seeing both you and Lana in danger like that, with nothing I could do…” I let out a strangled cry, all the stress from earlier erupting in hiccuping sobs. “I can’t lose you, Cullen."

“You won't,” he assured me. “I’m right here.” I started to sob and he stroked my hair, trying to console me. “There, there love- we’re right here and we’re ok. No more tears, alright?”

“Yep, everyone’s safe, thanks to me,” Alistair groaned, dusting himself off. “But no tears for your savior? No ‘oh Alistair, you were amazing! Thank you for saving all of us with your brilliant idea and bravery?’ I see how it is, Sparrow- you play favorites.”

When I looked up, the warden winked and I ran over to hug him. “You know you’re the shit, Alistair- you don’t need me to tell you that. But,” I said as I looked over at the corpse on the floor, “that was pretty fucking amazing. You deserve mad props for that one.”

“I’ll assume that means that your sister should be impressed with what I just did instead of giving me looks of death,” he replied as he looked to Lana, who was resting against Wynne. “However, I’m not willing to do that again anytime soon.”

“You all done with the hugging and the crying?” Oghren yelled out from his new position across the room. “If not, get done, cause I just saw Branka up ahead!”

“Well, at least we weren’t off-course,” I said shakily as Cullen took my hand. “C’mon, let’s go get this lady- I don’t want to be stuck down here any longer than I have to."

_ _

* * *

Never before had Cullen felt such hatred for a person, but Branka had quickly knocked Morrigan out of the top spot for his least favorite person in Thedas. In her zeal to obtain the Anvil, she had sacrificed every member of her house, leaving the women to die or become those creatures they had fought. He’d hated her for that alone, but when she trapped them in a room filled with poisonous gas and golems, his feelings toward the woman were cemented. It was only thanks to Leliana and Zevran’s swift actions that they were able to shut off the gas before they all succumbed to the noxious fumes, but when he saw Sam retching in the corner from the poison, Cullen had firmly decided that if he got the chance he was ridding the world of Branka, consequences be damned.

By the time they reached the antechamber, Shale was just as frustrated as he was. “I would like to crush the female dwarf like a grape if I could. Leaving it with a flock of birds is too good for it- I would like to pinch it’s tiny head between my fingers to make it stop squawking so.”

“You and me both, Shale,” he growled. “I’d gladly send her to you if I could.”  
  
Shale nodded in approval as she destroyed another of the corporeal spirits while Lana and Sam tried to solve the trap. “Hmm, it appears that it is not wholly unreasonable then. Does this have anything to do with its adoration for the tiny one?”

He thought about denying it as he used his shield to bash one of the creatures, but thought better of it- Shale was right, so what was the point of lying? “It does,” he grunted.

“Good. It admits it, unlike the other who hides everything under a joke,” Shale said approvingly. “I do not see why we need to hide things under a mask of frivolity.”

“Are you two done having a heart to heart!” Alistair yelled as a spirit landed a lucky blow and knocked him to the ground. Cullen reached over and pulled the man to his feet, knocking the perpetrator back as Shale finished it off. “Glad you stopped chatting and started helping,” he said as he got shakily to his feet. “I could use the assistance.”

“You looked like you had it well handled,” Cullen said as he staggered a nearby spirit. “What are those two doing? I thought they were trying to stop this madness?”

“Your guess is as good as mine,” Alistair said as they stood back to back, fighting the second wave of apparitions. “For once, can’t we just have a nice relaxing day? Is that too much to ask?”

“Yes,” Shale said bluntly. “Now stop talking before something, namely me, decides it is not worth the air it breathes and remedies the situation.” 

Alistair let out a shudder. “Remind me why you guys decided to bring Shale with us again? I feel like I’m missing the appeal of the bird-killing golem that consistently implies that it wants to murder me.”

“Shale is an acquired taste,” Cullen agreed. “But you must admit, it’s bird-extermination skills are unsurpassed. I’ve yet to be tormented by a single one since Shale has joined us."

“It seems the flesh creature that the tiny one has deemed worthy of her affections is smarter than it looks,” Shale announced as it joined the two warriors, knocking back any spirits surrounding them. “Now if only the other would stop talking long enough to come up with a decent thought, it might be worthwhile as well.”

“Uh… thanks?” Alistair said, confusion written on his face. “Was that a compliment?”

“No,” Shale replied curtly as the previously blocked door opened in front of them. “It most certainly was not.”

_ _

* * *

Branka snarled at the mage Grey Warden. “Give me the anvil, you stupid bitch! I will use it to bring glory to the dwarven people- that stupid golem just wants to destroy it!” 

Lana looked at the crazed dwarf that had led them into the chamber with the Golem paragon. Caridin did want the Anvil destroyed, but Branka was out of her mind and insane with the thought of using the Anvil for her own purposes. She looked back and forth between the two nervously- though she wanted might on her side for the fight with the archdemon, she knew that there was no way anyone should be trusted with this much power. Based on the treatment of her house members, Lana knew that she would no doubt cause history to repeat, and she couldn’t have that on her conscience. Though it meant that Orzammar wouldn’t have a vote from a living paragon, she knew she had to side with the Golem on this one. 

_Sam,_ she thought. _Pop one of your candies and come here- I need you._

The girl nodded and reached in her bag, unwrapping a cherry-scented candy as she approached. Branka and Oghren looked at the girl with utter confusion at her causal demeanor, but Lana and Sam paid it no mind. _Whatcha got planned?_

 _I need to see what happens if I destroy the anvil,_ Lana thought. _That’s my decision, but I want to know if I’m dooming the dwarves to indefinite civil war._

 _Gotcha._ Sam closed her eyes for a moment, but when she opened them again she had a grin on her face. _You’re good, Lana Banana. Caridin can help you choose a king if you ask- your paths don’t end here._

Lana closed her eyes and blew out the breath she’d been holding. _Thank the Maker,_ she thought with relief.

 _Um,_ Sam said with a slightly chagrined expression on her face. _She’s not gonna take it well, just so you know._ Her eyes flitted to the golems in the room. _She’s got a control rod, FYI._

“Fuck,” Lana spat, forgetting to censor her speech. Everyone looked at her and she groaned, knowing her stalling would have to come to an end. Sam just gave her a grin, apparently amused at hearing one of her curses slip from her sister’s lips. 

“What the hell is going on here?” Oghren asked. “What are those two broads doing over there?”

“Call them that again and I’ll shove your flask down your throat,” Leliana said mildly, looking between Lana and Branka. “This is all your wife’s fault, after all.”

“Enough!” Branka screamed. “Will you give me the Anvil so you can name your stupid king?”

Sam squeezed her hand. _You still got an ace in the hole, Lana Banana- the moment she gets out of pocket, we can nug roast her ass. Deal?_

Not wanting to give anything away, Lana set her lips in a tight line and squeezed her sister’s hand in return, glaring at the dwarf who’d caused so much death and destruction. “No- we cannot use the anvil. I’m sorry, Branka, but it must be destroyed.”

“I knew it was reasonable,” Shale intoned as it glared at Branka. “Unlike the drunken flesh creature's companion.”

“You stupid bitch! I’ll destroy you all before I let you ruin a piece of our history!” Branka screamed, raising the control rod she did indeed have in her hands. “Golems, to -“

To her surprise, Sam cut her off with a scream.“NUG ROAST, LANA!”

Everyone except Shale and Oghren took an immediate step back as Lana let out a jet of flame at the dwarven woman, incinerating her before she could activate the nearby golems. Her screams sounded throughout the chamber and she was slowly reduced to ashes, stopping the battle before it even began. After a moment, the flames died down, and when the woman was nothing more than a pile of ash, Shale stomped forward and kicked the pile with its foot. “Well that was not what I expected,” the golem said with mild astonishment. “Does it not think it might have overreacted a little?” 

“I’ll fucking say,” Oghren grumbled, looking at the pile with remorse. “That was my wife, you blasted mages.”

“She was going to try to kill us all,” Sam said quietly. “I saw it.” Oghren jerked his head up, but Sam just looked at him, remorse in her green eyes. “She wasn’t wrapped up too tight, Oghren- I’m really sorry."

“Ah, sod it,” he said with a shrug of his shoulders. “Blasted woman was always two nugs short of a barrel, so I guess it’s not all that much of a surprise.”

“Not the outcome I was expecting, but I’ll go with it,” Alistair said, putting away his sword and turning towards the golem, “Caridin, we still need help from a paragon though- will you help and choose a king for us?”

Caridin shook his head. “I’m too old to get involved in the affairs of the surface. My time has come and gone, but as I am indebted to you for your assistance, I will put hammer to steel one last time and grant you a boon.”

“I don’t want a fucking necklace, I want you to help us choose a king,” Sam grumbled. “I’m getting really goddamn tired of all this running around.”

Lana wanted to chide the girl on her choice of words, but considering she felt the same way she could hardly get mad at Sam for it. “While I don’t agree with her language, I agree with Sam- we need something that will help us settle who should be king- we have a blight to fight above.”

Caridin nodded. “If that is what you wish, then I will craft a crown of paragon make- give it to the candidate of your choice. There will be no doubt of its make or craftsmanship, and it will help you crown the king of your choosing.”

Sam gave the golem a nod. “About fucking time someone did something straightforward for once, so thanks, stone dude- your help is much appreciated.”

Lana just shook her head as the golem gave the girl an askew glance, putting his hammer to the anvil for the last time.

_ _

* * *

When we emerged exhausted from the deep roads, I had never been happier to leave somewhere in my life. “I don’t care what you do, Lana,” I said, but I’m taking a goddamn bath.” I shuddered at the memory of our trip and decidedly felt the absence of the adrenaline. “I’ve been up so long that I now think I know what it feels like to be on a cocaine binge. I want to get rid of all this muck, burn these clothes, and go to bed. You’re lucky we left the bunny pig with the merchant Leli, or he’d so be on the menu right now."

Cullen placed a hand on my shoulder. “I would agree with you, but I don’t want you disappearing just yet,” he said quietly. “Can you rest with me before you go?” 

I frowned. “Cullen, no offense and I know this is going to sound spoiled as hell, but if I have the choice between a frozen river and a hot bath, I’m gonna choose the hot bath and we can let the chips fall where they may afterward.”

He laughed, placing a kiss on a semi-clean spot he’d located on my forehead. “What if I could find that here, along with a bed? And would I get bonus points if I found you some new clothes?” 

“You secretly a mage or something?” I asked warily. “Cause what you’re talking about seems to be too good to be true.”

“No, just observant,” he replied, pointing to a vendor and the inn nearby. “I think we can solve both of these issues in this area.”

I had to admit, I was intrigued. “Lana, what do you think?” I asked, looking at my weary sister- she looked like she was about to fall over, but there was still the matter of the dwarven ruler to be decided. “Do you need me to go with you?” I was tired, but there was no way I was leaving her alone if she needed me.

She sighed, looking us over. “No, I’m done torturing everyone. Take a break- get rooms at the inn, and get one for me and Alistair. Shale and Oghren will go with us to get this blasted matter of who deserves to be king decided, then we’ll meet you back here. Sam, I fully expect to not see you again till you return from home, so I request breakfast burritos.” I gave her a confused look, and she pointed a grime-covered finger at me. “Sam, I have EARNED that fucking burrito. In fact, I have earned a bag full of them. If you can make that happen, then I will gladly let everyone get up to their own devices tonight, with no begrudging from me. So it is up to you- do we have a deal?”

“Lana, they’re dollar burritos from McDonald's,” I huffed. “Seriously, they aren’t even good enough to get all worked up over them.”

“Oh, are these the delicious things you brought the day your templar stole your heart?” Leliana gushed from behind me. “If so, then I say they are and I think you should agree. But not to her getting the whole bag- the rest of us have suffered too, so we deserve food just as much as she does.”

Wynne and Shale just looked confused, while Morrigan nodded in approval. “I’d like some too before the wardens decide to inhale all of the food. It will be nice to enjoy a meal that is not charred beyond recognition, so I am in agreement- be useful and procure us some food, Samantha."

“What in the void are they talking about?” Oghren asked, looking at Zevran. “This is even crazier than what I thought was normal.” 

The elf shrugged. “I do not know, but when the lovely Sam gets food, it is always delightful, so I find that it is best to just sit back and enjoy the dishes she brings. It really is a treat- you’ll get used to it.”

“I don’t believe this,” I said exasperatedly. “You seriously want me to head over to _McDonald's_ for breakfast? You do realize you’re asking me to go on a food run for eleven people? Not to mention there’s a Quinari and two Grey Wardens here? Do you know how much food that is?”

“I think my offer is quite reasonable,” Lana said, crossing her arms and narrowing her eyes at me. “I do feel so faint, after all,” she said, draping her hand over her head dramatically and closing her eyes. “You wouldn’t want to be responsible for anything happening to me, would you?”

“You are such a bitch,” I said with a laugh. “And you’re lucky I love the shit out of you, Lana Banana.”

She opened an eye, still in her drama queen pose. “Does that mean you’ll get food?” 

“I hate that I ever started this,” I grumbled. “You’re goddamn lucky that they serve breakfast all day now, cause if I had to get up early for this shit I’d tell you to fuck all the way off.”

Lana and Leliana ran over to me and gave me a big hug, squealing with delight. “No you wouldn’t,” Lana chided, tapping me on the nose. “You love me too much."


	25. Terrible Templars and Toasts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam gets burritos in exchange for a favor. (NSFW, but this doesn't apply to the burritos)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note- The beginning of the chapter is NSFW, so if you want to skip it, just go to the middle of Sam's first section.

_ _

* * *

Cullen laughed as Sam grumbled to herself. “Can’t believe these bastards want me to go get food for all these fucking people. Do they understand that I’m going to look like I’m higher than a kite ordering twenty-something breakfast burritos? Not to mention how long that even _takes_? Ugh, they’re lucky I love them.” 

He paid for a new set of light armor for her, chuckling as she groused about her upcoming task. “Hey, I love you too- does that help? Besides, I’ve never had one of these magical things- are they like the Oreos you brought me before?”

This got a laugh out of her as they headed towards their room. “Nope, these are food. According to Mom, it’s still junk food, but Dad says its a gift from the road trip gods and we should be thankful.”

He gave her a look. “What are these gods like? Do you use food as an offering to them?” 

At this, she let out a peal of laughter and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek. “No, it’s an expression, silly.” She shut the door to their room, finally taking a moment to gauge their surroundings. “So this is a hotel in Thedas, huh?”

“Different from what you expected?” He went to the fireplace and began pouring the hot water into the cask, prepping a bath for her. “You can go first… I know how much you’ve been anticipating a bath. I’ll-“ It was at that moment Cullen discovered he didn’t think this through- to bathe, she’d have to get undressed in front of him. “I- um, there’s a screen, and -“

Sam let out another soft laugh. “For someone who’s been professing his undying love for me this whole time, it’s kind of hilarious that you're afraid of seeing me naked.” She began to take off her boots, wrinkling her nose at the smell. “Oh dear god, we need to burn _everything_. I don’t think this travel-sized Febreze is going to save us, but heaven help me if I don’t try.” She pulled out a small bottle and began spraying her shoes fervently. “That is so much better,” she sighed, moving the shoes to the far side of the room. “You mean to tell me you never snuck a peek when I was unconscious?”

He felt a furious blush creep across his face as he took off his boots. “Why would I do such a thing? Besides, I wasn’t even around most of the time- I went on a quest to get your cure, remember?”

“Oh, that’s right,” she replied, walking over and using the spray in his boots as well.

The sudden floral scent that wafted from them was decidedly more pleasant and Cullen couldn’t help grinning at her. “This potion of yours would be in high demand in the barracks,” he teased as he started to remove his armor. “Would have made the living conditions a bit more pleasant, that’s for certain.”

“If I had to smell feet all day, I’d lose my mind,” Sam agreed. “But seriously,” she said, looking up at him, “if the thought of me being undressed around you makes you uncomfortable, I can go home- it’s not that big a deal, promise.” She smiled, gesturing to the tub. “Having a hot bath all to yourself won’t be the worst thing, you know.”

 _Did she think he didn’t want her around?_ “Maker, I don’t want you to leave! That’s the furthest thing from my mind. I-“ He rubbed his neck, acutely aware of his lack of armor and feeling very vulnerable at the moment. “I want this… with you,” he said shyly. “For the rest of my life.” 

Sam smiled, and it wasn’t the cutting grin she often hid behind when she was nervous. No, this smile was soft, serene, one he’d only seen when it was the two of them alone and there was nothing to hide. “Cullen,” she said quietly, “I’m going to need you to tell me exactly what you want, cause I’m never going to do anything you don’t want me to.”

Just then, he felt like his world had narrowed to solely her- he couldn’t focus on anything else except the gorgeous woman in front of him. “I want you, Sam,” he said in earnest, walking towards her. “And anything you’re willing to give me. Nothing more, nothing less.” 

“Then let's start with a bath and see where we go from there,” Sam said shyly, taking off her shirt and pants, standing before him in just her smalls. “How does that sound?”

Cullen felt like his throat was dryer than the desert as he tried to respond. When he discovered that he couldn’t make his mouth say the words he was dying to say, he simply slipped his shirt off his head and took off his pants, standing before her in almost nothing at all. Watching as her eyes widened as she took him in, Cullen knew he wanted this with her. If she could stand before him like this, almost completely bare and unafraid, he knew he would gladly stand by her side for the rest of his days. “That sounds wonderful,” he said huskily, leaning in to touch her bare shoulders, running his hand up to her hair and freeing it from the elastic with a tiny button attached that she usually wore when they traveled. He missed the days when she wore her hair wild and free, with the dark strands fluttering around her face. Tonight, he’d have her how he wanted her, up until that horrible moment time took her from his arms and for once, he wanted nothing to come between them. 

“You should get in first,” Sam said softly, closing her eyes as he ran his hands through her hair. “Like I said, I can wait.”

“But I can’t,” he murmured, leaning into her neck. “I’ll only get in if you come with me.”

“I’ve never done this before,” Sam whispered to him. “So, if that makes you not want to do this-“

Cullen let out a low laugh. “Samantha, neither have I.” He moved back, smiling as his amber eyes locked with her green ones. “And I don’t want to share something like this with anyone but you for the rest of my life, so if that’s an issue, tell me now.”

“How can you be so sure, Cullen?” She looked down, biting her lip, and he wished he could do anything to prove just how much she meant to him. “I just can’t believe that someone like you would want someone like me.”

As reticent as he’d been to start, he now wanted nothing more to prove his devotions to the woman who would one day be his wife, so he smiled. “Why wouldn’t I? I’d actually think it was the opposite, if we’re to be honest, Sam.” Emboldened, he took a deep breath and removed his smalls, heading for the tub and trying his best not to think of the woman behind him. The water was still quite warm when he stepped in and he felt his skin heat up, though he couldn’t be sure if that was from the temperature or the woman that was with him. Either way, the heat felt amazing on his sore muscles, and he draped his arms over the sides, turning his head to see her smiling at him. “Would you grant me the pleasure of your company, Sam?”

She bit her lip again, but this time there was a hint of a smile at the edges of her mouth as she began to slip the straps of her breastband from her shoulders, walking toward him. “You sure?”

He leaned over to look at her and he began praising the Maker that he was hidden by the water in the tub, even though he knew she would figure out the extent of his desire soon enough. “Always, Sam."

“Good,” Sam said, removing the fabric and stepping out of her light blue smalls. His breath hitched in his throat and felt himself twitch under the water when she stood before him. “Cause I feel the same way, and I think it’d be really awkward right now if you didn’t.”

“Couldn’t have that,” he agreed, reaching for her. “Come here, Sam.” She took his hand and helped her into the tub with him, settling her between his legs. He knew he was pressed against the small of her back, but if it bothered her, Sam said nothing as he took the rag and began washing her back, watching her shudder every time he touched her. “Are you alright? Do you want me to stop?”

“Hell no,” Sam said softly, causing him to smile even more. “I’m just in shock, that’s all.”

“Why?” Cullen leaned over and ran the rag down her neck, kissing her newly cleaned skin. Hesitant, he moved his hand in front, feeling her breast beneath his hand and listening to her breath stutter in her throat as she jerked against him. “I can assure you, there is nowhere else I would rather be, Sam.” When she nodded, Cullen moved his other hand between her legs, delicately stroking the folds between her legs and listening for her as he dropped the rag in the tub, all pretense of bathing forgotten at the feel of the silken skin beneath his fingertips.

“Holy shit, Cullen,” she breathed, reaching a hand up behind and tangling it into his curls. “I’m going to stop you right now, only because if we don’t I’m going to try to ride you like a show pony and we are absolutely filthy, dude.” 

He let out a barking laugh, not expecting her outburst. “You sure about that?” Cullen asked as he nipped her neck, knowing that he was probably going to leave a mark and also not caring about it in the slightest- she was his and if everyone else knew it, all the better. He’d deal with the teasing- everyone suspected it anyway. 

Her response was a low moan and her fingers clutching at his hair- at that point, he knew that this bath was going to be worthless for cleaning. Soon he was entranced with Sam, watching as she started to grind against him and sloshing the water between them. “Cullen,” she moaned. “I want you.” 

At that moment, he didn’t recognize himself- it was as if someone else had taken control of his body. Gone was the bumbling templar who was scared to be with this beautiful woman laid bare before him and in his place was someone who knew exactly what to do. This man was on the edge of release at the sight of the woman pressing into his palm, her head thrown back in ecstasy as the water moved between them. Moments later he felt her whole body spasm against his palm and satisfied that he’d given her the release she desired, he moved his head to whisper in her ear. “Then I think it's time we got out of the tub, Sam.”

_ _

* * *

Cullen carried me out of the tub and to the bed as if I weighed nothing at all, and I couldn’t decide if I wanted to be cold from the air rushing against my wet skin or ready to combust from the closeness to him. As he set me gently down on the bed, I stared up at him as he towered over me, blond curls going every which way thanks to my frantic grabbing, and his muscled torso glistening from the water that clung to the soft hairs on his chest. 

His amber eyes stared down at me as he tilted my head to meet my lips. “Are you sure you’re okay with this, Samantha?” 

I nodded. “I trust you, Cullen.” And to my surprise, I discovered that I meant every word- I had not a single concern about being in a strange world and giving this man the most intimate part of myself. “And if this whole legend is true and this is the rest of my life, then I’ll be perfectly happy with it. With you,” I corrected myself, touching his cheek and feeling the stubble that had grown there. “I’m perfectly happy with you.”

Cullen smiled. “So if I officially asked you to be my wife right now, what would you say?”

“That you have horrible timing and you should probably wait till we’re not in such a compromising position,” I replied as I kissed him. “Besides, I thought you did that… or maybe you didn’t, I don’t know. It’s been kind of a blur lately.”

“I’m going to agree with you- this is not the conversation I want to have right now,” he said as he leaned over to nip my neck, making me gasp and dig my fingers into his back. As my nails pressed into his skin, his head dropped to my shoulder and he shivered. “Samantha,” he murmured, “how did I get so lucky?” 

“If I could answer that, then I’d know how I got this lucky,” I responded, gently kissing his neck. “And I still can’t figure out how I got you to love me.” He chuckled and I smiled, nipping at his ear. “But I think we’ve stalled long enough, don’t you? I think it’s time you put out, Cullen Rutherford.” 

His head snapped up in surprise, but I cocked my head to the side and curled a finger at him. “I believe I said I wanted you a while ago, so…”

Cullen laughed, the tension finally broken. “Well, I would be remiss if I kept you waiting then, wouldn’t I?” 

“Yes,” I said, nodding seriously as I reached behind his head, guiding his lips to mine. “You really would.”

When I felt him connect with me, I let out a loud hiss and he stopped in alarm. “Did I hurt you?” 

He did, but I knew from my sister’s extremely graphic and unwelcome stories that this would pass, so I simply smiled up at him. “It’s nothing, just keep going slowly. Happens when you’re in mint condition, I hear.”

Ever the white knight, he frowned at my joke. “I’m serious, Samantha. You have to talk to me- I admit, I’m at a loss here, so I’m relying on you to help me here.”

Shaking my head, I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. “I’m only going to be hurt if you stop,” I said, nibbling his bottom lip. Even now, the pain had subsided, leaving only a comfortable feeling of fullness and connection I’d never felt before. Relishing in the new sensation, I closed my eyes and focused solely on being with him. “I love you, you know that?”

“And I you,” he replied, stroking my hair as we continued, two inexperienced people beginning to forge a connection that I never wanted to end. True to his nature, he was considerate, checking on me at every step of the way, and true to my nature, I tried to hide my insecurities with jokes, hoping he wouldn’t see how nervous I was. But soon, even my frivolity gave way to passion and I relaxed, content to simply be his and give him as much enjoyment as I was receiving. Soon, I could feel him tense against me, and at that moment I wanted to be his everything. For the moment there was nothing else- I was his past, present, and future, all wrapped up into one. 

His face was tight with the strain of fighting as he leaned his head against me. “I can’t-“

“Then don’t,” I whispered, trailing my fingers up and down his back, nails lightly tracing patterns on his skin. “Let go.” 

He groaned, bucking against me and permitting himself to seek his own release, just as I had earlier. Not willing to create any space between us, I held him tightly and a shudder went through both of us as he finished, collapsing against me and shaking as his breath came back to him in short, ragged bursts.

Once he finished, Cullen tried to roll away but I wouldn’t let him, too scared to untangle myself from him. Instead, we remained joined and rolled on our sides with my leg draped over his as he stared at me, pupils blown wide and face flushed and sweaty. 

“You ok?” I asked softly, smiling and pushing a sweaty curl out of his face.

Cullen smiled, tracing a finger along my jawline. “I don’t think I have the words right now to properly express how I feel,” he replied shakily. “That… that was incredible.” I gave him a sleepy smile as I twirled a finger in his hair but his face dropped as he stared sadly at me. “No, Sam… don’t do that, please.”

I frowned as I tried to focus on him. “Why? What did I do?”

“You look like you're going to fall asleep, and I can’t let you go… not just yet,” he said, closing his eyes and kissing my forehead. “Samantha, I hate this,” he said sadly.

Now I was wide awake, the fog of sleep cleared from my brain as I tried to process his words. “What do you mean?"

"I hate that I can’t stay with you, that I don’t get to wake up by your side,” Cullen answered, running his hand down my arm and folding his fingers in mine. “There is nothing I want more than to see you with me for the rest of my days, and every time I fall asleep with you and wake up alone, my heart breaks a little.”

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes, feeling remarkably foolish. “So, should we just stop this, then? I’d say before we go too far, but I think it’s a little late for that.” 

I felt a strong pressure on my hand, and my eyes snapped open, staring directly into two golden ones that were shining with worry. “Maker, _no!_ ” Cullen exclaimed. “Far from it- I was going to say that I want to ask for your hand, Samantha.” 

Knowing that I heard him wrong, I just blinked at him, too stunned to do anything else. He’d been saying little stuff for a while now, but to hear him say those words, in this kind of setting… I felt as if my entire brain was short-circuiting. However, it seemed like I was the only one of us who had lost the ability of rational thought since Cullen had started speaking again. “You stopped me earlier, but I need to ask.” He fingered the emerald ring on my finger, then took a deep breath. “Your mother gave me that ring,” he said slowly, “and I asked her what kind of ring it was.”

I frowned. “Did she give you a straight answer? If so, then this little fucker works miracles- I don’t know if mom even knows _how_ to directly answer a question.” 

“Well, not really,” he said with a chuckle. “She said it was a way to guide you home, but she said it could eventually guide you to someone else, and I want that to be me one day, Samantha. I want you to always come home to me.”

I tried to lighten the mood, hyper-aware of what I thought he was saying. “Won’t it be a little hard to fit in your bunk at the hold? If I recall, you weren’t too pleased when I landed on top of you- might make living there a bit awkward.”

“You joke, but I’m serious, Sam- when this is done, I want a future with you.” He took a deep breath. "I want to marry you, Samantha. I can’t do it right now because of the order, but as soon as I can, I want us to be wed.”

I couldn’t help it- I laughed. “Did I just get the Thedas equivalent of ‘as soon as I can leave my wife, we’ll be together’?” Reeling from the absurdity I let out a snort of laughter, but he frowned. “Oh come on,” I said lightly. “Even you gotta admit, this shit sounds sketchy AF, Cullen.” His frown didn’t leave his face, so I stroked his jaw. “I mean, it’s alright if you don’t want to- we don’t have to put a label on this. No matter what, I love you, Cullen Rutherford- I don’t want you to ever doubt that at all.”

His face was set in the hardest line I’d ever seen it. “So if I asked you to get married right now, what would you say?” I started to smile, but he cut me off and I closed my mouth, eyes wide. “No. No jokes, no games- since you assume I’m lying, I’d like to hear your answer.” 

I blinked, then stared at the man. “Is this the Twilight Zone? Are we playing chicken with a marriage proposal right now?” He didn’t say anything- he just stared at me. After a few moments of this, I realized that the man was waiting for an answer, so I decided to give him one. “If I thought you were even _remotely_ serious and not just testing me, I’d say sure, let’s do it. Bring on the flowers and the white dress- well, not anymore, but you get the idea,” I joked. 

“Do you own one?” Cullen asked. 

“Do I own what?" I gave him a confused look. "A white dress?” He nodded and I laughed. “Of course I do- it’s not like it’s a rare color back home-"

“Go get it.” At that, Cullen got up, heading across the room to pull his spare pair of pants out of his knapsack. Thoroughly confused, I watched as he started getting dressed, but he turned and gestured to me. “I was serious, Sam- go home and get into it. And call Lana- ask her to come here.” I let out a chuckle, but he just stared at me as he continued to get dressed. “Did you call Lana? I can’t tell when you do your connection thing.”

“You’re serious,” I said slowly. “You actually want-“

“Call your sister,” he repeated, lacing his boots. “And go get dressed. That is, unless you weren’t telling the truth, because I assure you, I am most certainly serious, Samantha. Last chance,” he said, pulling his shirt over his head and trying to bring some order to his curls. “I mean, it’s alright if you don’t want to- we don’t have to put a label on this.”

 _Oh, this motherfucker_ … I thought. _He’s using my own words against me!_ “You serious? You really want me to call Lana over here and get dressed? Like right now?”

He crossed his arms. “I said I did, didn’t I?” 

“Fine,” I huffed. “I’ll be back in thirty minutes. Well, make that an hour- if I come back without these damn burritos, she’s gonna murder us both.” 

“Do what you must,” he said stiffly, but now there was a gleam in his eye. “I’ll be waiting for you."

_ _

* * *

Lana was exhausted- after giving the crown to Bhelen and watching the madness in the assembly unfold, she simply wanted to go to her room and sleep. However, Sam hadn’t helped matters, as the girl’s missive was maddeningly cryptic, simply telling her to go see Cullen and she was on her way to get burritos. Confused at the message but happy about the promise of food, she wearily prepared to knock on Cullen's door, only to see it fly open beneath her hand as the templar emerged, fully dressed. “Good, you’re here,” he said. “Now we have to go get Leliana.”

Lana held up a hand. “I’m not going to get anyone until someone tells me what in Andraste’s knickerweasels is going on around here, Cullen. And since Sam is gone that leaves you, so start talking.”

“We need to go see Brother Burkel,” Cullen said simply. “He wants to start a chantry in Orzammar.”

The warden blinked, not following the line of conversation in the slightest. “And what does this have to do with me, Leliana, Sam, and my burritos?” 

Cullen grinned. “I need you to convince the shaperate to let him do it so he’ll officiate my wedding.” 

Lana’s jaw dropped. “Your _WHAT?_ Did you just say what I think you did?”

“Yes,” he replied simply. “And I want you and Leliana as witnesses. Speaking of, we need to go and get her, so come on, let’s go,” he declared, taking her wrist and dragging her to Leliana’s room. “Sam’s going to be back soon and I want this ready.” He walked down the hall and knocked on Leliana’s door, waiting on the redhead to answer.

“I can’t believe this,” Lana grumbled. “All I wanted to do was sleep, and now I’m roped into yet another favor for someone else.”

“For your sister,” Cullen said as Leliana opened the door, bleary-eyed and looking at the templar as if she were considering stabbing him on the spot. Knowing the redhead, she may well have been thinking such as thing, but since Cullen was her friend, she most likely had decided against it. 

“No, for _you_ ,” Lana corrected. “I don’t think Sam just woke up and said ‘hey, let’s find the only dwarf that wants the Chantry in Orzammar and get him to marry us with no notice whatsoever!’ My sister has had some nutty ideas, but somehow I think this one was all you, Cullen.”

“Pardon me... I understand that I’m very sleepy, but did I just hear you correctly?” Leliana asked, looking back and forth between Cullen and Lana. "Did you say ‘marry’?” 

Lana gestured to Cullen and yawned. “All yours, my good man- please, enlighten us with your plan."

_ _

* * *

“This has got to be the best idea or the stupidest one, but I can’t be sure just yet,” Alistair said as they stood in the building Brother Burkel had been using to prepare his sermons. “You do know if they find out about this, there’s going to be hell to pay, don’t you? I fell _asleep_ in a sermon and almost got caned, but you’re getting married without clearing it first!” Alistair shook his head. “And I thought I was a terrible templar!”

“I’m not a terrible templar,” Cullen admonished him. “I’m going to redo this properly when I get full permission and get re-stationed, but right now it’s more important that Sam knows how I feel. And considering we’re fighting a war, I didn’t want to wait to tell her. Like _some people_ ,” he said pointedly. 

“Unlike you, I prefer not to strong-arm my future wife into a wedding!” Alistair hissed. “Did you really just go 'nice night for a wedding, think I’ll go bribe the shaperate so the weird dwarven guy will get me around these pesky Chantry laws I’m bound by!’ Maker’s breath, I thought I was insane!”

“Shut. _Up_!” Cullen hissed back. “This right here is why I didn’t invite you in the first place! I figured you’d be better off knowing after we did it, so you wouldn’t feel guilty at all.” 

“If you brought Lana into it, you brought me into it,” Alistair huffed. “I’m not letting her take the blame for this to help you out.”

“Sam too,” Cullen reminded him. “Does no one remember that she agreed to this as well?” He rolled his eyes at the warden and scanned the room, waiting for the women to enter the makeshift chantry.

“Sparrow doesn’t count,” he grumbled. “She’s not from here, so she doesn’t know how much of an idiot you’re being!” 

“I think she does,” Cullen said with a grin. “But I’m her kind of idiot, which just made her rise to the challenge."

“Maker help you both,” Alistair said, shaking his head, then raising his eyebrows in surprise. “But, at least if we’re all going down for blasphemy, I’ve gotten to see Lana in a dress before I go.”

“What?” Cullen whipped his head around to the back of the room, where Sam was in a soft white dress that came to her knees and had thin straps crisscrossing across her shoulders, showing off her tanned colored skin and the locket that sat nestled in the valley between her breasts. Her hair was in a neat braid and hanging off to one side, and he could hear the soft click of her blue heeled shoes as she approached the front to stand by his side. Her emerald eyes were lined with kohl to make them even more piercing, and the purple lip stain she always loved was painted on her mouth, and she held a single white rose in front as she approached. He realized that no matter how she styled herself, she would always be beautiful, but the sight of her as she prepared to take his name simply took his breath away. 

“Maker,” Cullen breathed. “She’s gorgeous.” 

“I’m almost starting to forgive you for this, Rutherford,” Alistair said quietly, never taking his eyes off Lana. While Sam had gone home and indeed gotten into a white dress, she’d made sure to grab dresses for Lana and Leliana. Both in shades of green, the two redheads walked into the room with her. Since Sam was noticeably shorter than Lana, the dress the warden was wearing was quite short, stopping well above her knees and giving the other warden a great view of her shapely legs, causing Cullen to chuckle to himself. When he looked over at Leliana in her similar but much longer dress, Cullen realized that the women had given that dress to the taller woman on purpose, and had to put his fist in his mouth to bite back the laughter that threatened to escape when he looked over at the other man. 

Brother Burkel cleared his throat. “As I was told that this needs to be done quickly, I would like to start the ceremony, if that is all right with you.” When Sam and Cullen nodded, the dwarf gave them a warm smile. “Do you have rings?” 

Before Cullen could protest, Leliana walked up and handed each of them a ring, smiling as she returned to her place behind them. When he looked over at Sam, he noticed that the one she was holding was the same one he’d given her that day in the tower and he laughed, realizing that his life had come full-circle. “Yes,” he said happily, “we do.”

Burkel smiled. “Then repeat after me if you will, Cullen Rutherford- 'I swear unto the maker and the Holy Andraste to love this woman the rest of my days,’ and seal this promise with a ring of faith.”

Cullen looked over at Sam, never been happier to say any words in his entire life. "I swear unto the Maker and the Holy Andraste to love this woman the rest of my days.” He then slid the emerald ring on her finger, noticing then that the stones matched her eyes perfectly. “My love for you knows no limits, neither of space nor time, for wherever you are, so am I.”

The brother turned to Sam. “And you, Samantha.”

Sam smiled at him, making Cullen felt like he’d died and gone to the Maker’s side. For a moment he was terrified that this was all a dream and he’d wake up, but he felt her take his hand and heard her soft voice, for once not teasing or joking. "I swear unto the maker and the Holy Andraste to love this man the rest of my days. You are the second love, the truest love, and I vow to honor you and the gift you’ve given me forever.” She slipped the ring onto his finger, then quirked her lips upward into a smile. “For wherever you are, so am I.”

“Cheater,” he whispered with a grin. “Come up with your own vows.”

“I did,” she replied with a grin to match his. “But I thought you said it so well that I had to repeat it."

Brother Burkel just shook his head good-naturedly and clasped their hands together. “Then by the power vested in me by the Orzammar branch of the Chantry, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” The dwarf released their hands and smiled, gesturing to the two of them. “You may now kiss the bride.” 

With that, Cullen pulled Sam over to him, sharing their first kiss as husband and wife in front of their closest friends. 

“And... we’re all doomed,” Alistair said as he held Lana at his side. “But looking at the two of them over there, it just might be worth it.” Then he sniffed the air, and looked over at Sam. “Um, Sparrow, care to tell me why I smell food in here?”

Sam just gave him that cocky grin as she walked to the back of the room and grabbed a cup, taking a sip of the beverage inside of it. “That would be because my sister only agreed to this if I told her I’d bring food, so what you smell would be my personal shame of going to McDonald’s and ordering thirty breakfast burritos, twelve hash browns, and a single cup of coffee because _fuck everyone else._ ” To prove her point, Sam reached in the bag and handed a log-shaped item to Lana, who snatched it from her hand and began devouring it with an expression of sheer delight. “Figured we may as well eat something decent before we trekked all the way over to Denerim."

“Sound logic,” Cullen said as he kissed his new wife, holding her close. “No matter what she had to do to get you here, I’m glad you all were a part of our day- I could not imagine doing this without you.”

Leliana smiled, nibbling on one of the items Sam called a hash brown. “It was our pleasure- I have not needed to wear such beautiful clothes and shoes for so very long, and this was the perfect chance to do so. Not to mention I got to see a wedding between my two best friends.” She smiled, taking another bite of her food. “It’s a perfect way to end a trying day.” 

“Mrhghhhh Wldmmme,” Lana said, then swallowed the mouthful of food before trying again. “You’re welcome,” she repeated. “I wouldn’t miss this for the world… once she said there’d be food."

“And now I have officially been to the best wedding in all of Thedas,” Alistair said, grabbing one of the sandwiches. “Short and to the point, with food that I want to eat- now this is a ceremony I could get behind. So, in honor of that, I’d like to propose a toast,” Alistair said, unwrapping sandwiches and handing one to everyone in the room, including the dwarf, “to the new Mr. and Mrs. Rutherford- may they be blessed with health, happiness, and love for the rest of their days.”

“To the Rutherfords,” the attendees said in unison, happily raising their sandwiches in the air.


	26. Something's rotten in Denerim

_ _

* * *

"So, this is Denerim, huh? Kinda…dirty,” Sam remarked as they stood at the gates of the capital city. “I gotta say, I was expecting a bit more from the crown jewel of Ferelden. I’d also forgotten that proper cities smell… pungent.” Wrinkling her nose, Sam looked over at Leliana, “You said that bitch who sent those bastards after you stays over here, right?”

Leliana nodded. “Yes, Marjolaine. And I am certainly due to pay her a visit.”

“And if it isn’t too much trouble, I’d like to look up my sister,” Alistair said quietly. “She lives here and I was wondering if we had time… maybe we could visit her as well?”

Wynne raised a slender hand. “While you guys handle personal business, I would like to stop off and chat with Brother Genetivi. I would love to talk with him about his experiences at Haven and find out more about the Sacred Ashes.”

Lana nodded- all these activities made sense, but she was still uneasy. “Sounds fine to me, but I think I want Sam to do us a favor, first.” She looked around the town, trying to see if there was anything suspicious. Loghain had to have spies everywhere and they were still wanted criminals, so going in blind would do them no favors. Every advantage they had, Lana would take. “Sam, can you scan around and see if there is anything we need to be concerned with?"

“Wow, Lana Banana,” Sam remarked dryly. “That’s not vague at all- would you like me to save you the trouble of passing out and just go home now? Cause that’s what’s liable to happen with a request like that.” 

“No one wants you doing that, Sparrow,” Alistair said quickly, smirking at Cullen. None of them had mentioned anything about the wedding ceremony, as they didn’t want to draw judgment from the others, but Alistair had taken to teasing the templar even more than usual. The only difference was that the ring that was previously around Sam’s neck was now on Cullen's finger, but no one mentioned it. Lana strongly suspected Zevran knew, but he’d kept his tongue, at least to her. “I’ll start- what happens if I go and find Goldanna?”

“At least someone knows the rules, even if he is treating me like a goddamn magic eight-ball,” Sam stuck her tongue out at Lana, who smiled in return- as much as Sam groused, Lana knew her sister didn’t mind checking into things for them. Sam closed her eyes and began to search for answers, but Lana noticed a frown rapidly appearing at the corners of her mouth. “Hey, Ali, you mind if I talk to you for a minute?”

Lana exchanged a look with Alistair, who scowled. “You can tell me right here- I’m a big boy, I can handle it.” 

Sam shook her head. “That’s not fair, Ali- I don’t want to do that here.” 

As usual, when she didn't want to get into a fight, Sam spoke inside her head. _Lana, this isn’t fair to do to him in public- news like this isn't for everyone. Hell, it's not even for you and me- this is like prime not-my-business shit_. 

_Well as the de facto leader of this group of miscreants I need to know, so tell me what's wrong._

Sam sighed. _He should not go meet that woman... at all. As for me, I want to go meet her just so I can punch her in the face._

Lana felt herself go pale. _What happens? Can you tell me?_

Sam sighed, causing Alistair to look at her curiously. _She’s a bitch, Lana- she begs for money and makes him feel like shit, and Ali doesn’t need that from anyone. If he still wants to go, that’s fine, but don’t take me cause I promise I’m hitting her in the mouth_. Suddenly, the girl smiled wickedly. _Maybe I should go then- I could punch her stupid face and then disappear_. 

_No punching people when we’re wanted by the crown, Sam_. 

_She really deserves it, Lana._

Lana sighed, then placed a hand on Alistair’s shoulder. “I would advise against going if we could. But if you insist, under no circumstances are you to take Sam with you. My recommendation would be to talk to Sam about it later, as she suggested.” She then turned back to Sam, eager to shift the topic of conversation. “What of Wynne and visiting Brother Genetivi?”

Sam paused, then shrugged. “Nothing. No issues.” The girl turned to Leliana. “However, you got some choices, Leli- a branch is coming off you right now, but that shouldn't be all that surprising, all things considered.” 

Leliana looked at her with resignation. “Thank you for your insight, Sam. Though I do not need a prophet, I'd be happy to have a friend- you are more than welcome to join me if you wish.” She also inclined her head toward Cullen. “And you as well- I would be remiss to not use the services of a warrior if they were available.”

"It's a good thing they are, then," Cullen replied, winking at the woman. “I am at your service, Leliana- my blade is at your side.” The templar looked over at his wife, who just smirked and shook her head. “We’d be happy to accompany you on your task."

“I will stay with the old one,” Shale said. “It seems frail, and I would hate to see it fall apart before it returns to the other flesh creatures.”

Wynne’s lips twitched with mirth at Shale's assessment. “I’ll take the offer of your company, Shale, but I’m a bit tougher than I look- I’m not likely to expire soon.” 

“You did pass out after our last fight,” Zevran remarked, looking over the older woman. “Though not said in the most complimentary of terms, I think our stone friend here has the right idea in keeping an eye on you.” 

Wynne gave the elf a look. “I am hardly a child that needs looking after, Zevran, though I do appreciate your concern. I think these old bones of mine are perfectly capable of surviving a drink and some academic conversation,” she teased. 

"If that is the case, why have you not yet let me rest my weary head on your heaving bosom?" Zevran asked cheekily. "If it pleases you, we could always view it through an academic lens- there are tons of things we could accomplish... In the name of science, of course." 

Before they could get into the conversation any further, Sam cleared her throat. “Um, don’t look now, but I think the really big group of super odd people that so don’t go together just attracted the attention of that angry-looking dude over there.”

To Lana’s chagrin, she was right- a man in uniform was walking over to them. He had a decidedly weary look on his face, but his strides were purposeful- he was most certainly on his way to visit them. “Quick, Sam- is there something we need to do? What happens if we talk to him? Should we fight, run, or stand our ground?”

“Well a group as large as ours taking off at a run is might be just a tad suspicious, so I’mma go with no on that one. As for the other choices…” She stared off into the distance, then returned her gaze to Lana. “Just hear him out. He’s on our side. In fact, he’s got a job for you.” Sam instantly brightened. “Hey, I’m getting better at this- no headaches and I can see a little without wanting to die, so I call that progress.”

“And I still call you irritating,” Morrigan said with a huff. “At any rate, this man does not need to speak with all of us, so why are we still standing here like morons?” She glanced over at the two wardens and sniffed. "Well, other than Alistair, but we all know that’s his natural behavior.”

Lana gritted her teeth. Once again, there was that good advice couched in condescending behavior that she loathed from the witch. “Morrigan… has a point. Sam, you, Leliana, Cullen, and Oghren, go find Marjolaine. Shale, would you and Dog accompany Wynne and meet us back at the estate, while the rest of us can see what our new friend needs?” 

Realizing that this type of quest was exactly what irritated the quinari, Lana looked apologetically at Sten. “I know you are not much for this, but I find that I would appreciate your sword if the need for a battle arises, Sten.” The quinari said nothing but gave a slight nod, signifying his acceptance of her request, causing Lana to let out a small sigh of relief and turn to Sam. “Keep me informed on what goes on, please- once we finish here, we can do what we need to in order to get this Landsmeet started."

Shale turned to Dog, who gave a happy yip. “I see no issues with this. Your canine has respected me thus far, so I feel no need to step on him.”

The mage sighed- it wasn’t worth arguing over, and the man was almost upon them. “Good, that’s settled then- we’ll meet up with everyone later. Just… don’t break anyone's house while you’re out, ok?"

_ _

* * *

“Samantha,” Leliana growled through gritted teeth as she touched the blade to the bard’s throat. “Give me a reason not to kill this woman.”

I looked at my friend and shook my head sadly. Despite what Leliana was hoping for, the woman we found was as cutthroat as she was crazy- she couldn’t believe that her protege had discovered the Thedas equivalent of Jesus and decided not to be an assassin anymore. To be fair, if someone had told me that same statement I might not have believed them either, but add in a dash of paranoia and manipulation skills politicians on Earth would kill for, and you had a grade-A case of crazy that ended in a fight between warriors and assassins. 

Since I was decidedly not anything close to either of those things, I promptly moved my useless ass out of the fray and hid under a table - close-quarters combat was not good for my life expectancy. I could see why Leli asked for a warrior to come with her- Marjolaine may have been crazy, but she could still fight. The room was teeming with activity as assassins moved throughout the room, the walls ringing with the sound of metal on metal. However, the close quarters also proved fatal for them as well, since Oghren was what he called a berserker. If it meant something to Cullen he didn’t say, but to me this just meant the dwarf was able to plow through the rogues like a bull in a china shop, flinging bodies everywhere with hapless abandon. The sounds of battle swirled around me, but soon the madness died down and Marjolaine was pinned down by Cullen and Leliana. Even then I didn't trust it- only after a nod from Cullen did I crawl out from my hiding place, trying very hard to ignore Oghren’s chuckles at my self-preservation skills.

“Leli, I don’t want this for you,” I said softly, moving to her side. “But I don’t see a future where she doesn’t die as a result of this.”

“Are you sure?” Cullen asked, sword hovering over the woman, his breath coming in ragged bursts. “Does she always go after her? Does Leliana ever get to be free of this wretched woman?” He narrowed his eyes at the bard, who was still laughing despite having two blades dangerously close to her person. Considering Zevran was similarly composed when we were ready to kill him, I supposed it must be an assassin thing. _Maybe it was part of the job posting- must be able to laugh in the face of certain death._

“Only when she’s dead,” I replied, shaking myself out of my irreverent thoughts. “But not even then, because this waste of space and your past will haunt you if you kill her. But Leli,” I said with the utmost sincerity, “you are not her. You weren’t before, and you don’t have to be now. Don’t let her tell you who you are- be who you want to be.”

“I agree,” Cullen said grimly as he drove the blade into the bard’s stomach, causing both me and Leliana to jump back and gasp as we watched Marjolaine’s life ebb away in front of us. I looked at him in shock, but he didn’t seem to notice- he just cleaned his sword as if he hadn’t just stabbed a woman as casually as someone squashes a bug beneath their shoe. 

“Why would you do that?” I hissed. I’d been looking for Marjorlaine’s death, but I hadn't been searching for the path that involved Cullen skewering the bard like a piece of meat, so I was struggling to wrap my brain around this new development. Frantically I checked the threads, but I couldn’t find any changes- either the decision didn’t affect anything or the consequences were too far off to see. Maybe it had been there all along and I just couldn’t see it- with my skills being what they were, it was certainly a possibility.  
  
Once his blade was clean and put away he turned to Leliana, the bard's expression unreadable. “I’m sorry, Leliana, but I couldn’t let you do that,” he said quietly. "You are not that woman, and I do not wish to see you become her.” He walked over and placed a gentle hand on her shoulder and I tensed, sure that she was going to stab him, but she remained still. “You told me once that friends do not leave each other to carry burdens alone. This was going to weigh on your soul, so as your friend, I took that burden for you.” He lowered his head, offering himself to her judgment. “If you feel I have overstepped, I understand, but I do not apologize for something I would do again.”

“Damn, Cullen,” I said incredulously, “if I weren’t already married to you, I would’ve just stepped off and told Leli she needs to hit that because that was some major white knight shit right there.” Oghren raised his eyebrows and I giggled a little, hoping to cut the tension- if it wasn’t out before, our status was definitely known now. “Leli, I know you’re my girl, but are you sure you two don’t have a side thing going on that I don’t know about?"

At this, her expression changed, finally offering a smile. “I’m afraid not, Sam- your templar may be heroic, but he is not my type."

“Ah, the stabby one likes the ladies,” Oghren offered- the three of us turned to him with a scowl, but he simply laughed. “Hey, no shame in it.”

Leliana rolled her eyes. “I like who I like, Oghren- it simply depends on the person,” she said pointedly. “But in this case, I value my friends more.”

“Good,” I replied as I hugged her, making her gasp in surprise. “Cause I damn sure couldn't beat you in a fight, so I’d just be short a husband."

_ _

* * *

“Zevran, do you mind if I talk to you for a moment?” Lana asked as they approached the Pearl. Sergeant Kylon had asked them to remove a band of ruffians that were causing chaos for the working girls and since he was willing to help them clear the names of the Grey Wardens, she was willing to assist with a small task while the others handled their issues. Truth be told, she was stalling, since getting to Arl Eamon would mean that she was one step closer to making a decision about Alistair being king- despite her best efforts, she was in no condition to make that choice just yet. 

“But of course,” he replied. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this conversation? You’ve already showered me with gifts and graced me with your witty banter, so if you keep this up I’m going to suspect you have a desire to leave the dashing warden for something a bit more flavorful.” He winked as he hip-checked her, causing her to giggle. Even with his flirtatious ways, Lana enjoyed Zevran’s company- something she never thought she’d say when she met him. 

She brushed a stray hair from her eyes. “I just wanted to say thank you for all you’ve done. This isn’t your fight, and I appreciate your assistance with my sister and with everything else during our travels. I’m proud to have had you with us, Zevran, which is not something I thought I would ever be saying about an Antivan assassin sent to kill me.”

“I aim to defy expectations and provide pleasure in all areas,” he said with a grin as he pushed open the door to the Pearl. “And besides, how could I not be thankful for your company? I’ve seen the whole of Ferelden, traveled with beautiful women, eaten exotic foods, and tested my blade in all sorts of interesting situations. Throw in the fact that you’re taking me to the best whorehouse in Denerim, and I’d marry you right now if your warrior weren’t so smitten with you.” He smiled over his shoulder as he entered, the others following behind him. “Though I could join you in bed and give you some tips, since I’m sure Alistair’s lack of experience is leaving you less than satisfied, no?”

Alistair turned bright red, having caught the tail end of this conversation. “What? Why would you say such a thing?”

“Because of the lack of noises that come from your tent at night, of course! What good is intercourse if it doesn’t leave your partner singing your name loud enough for the world to hear? I could hear the templar and Sam just fine, so I assume he’s got no issues in that department. I just assumed you needed some assistance in pleasuring our friend here- it wouldn’t do to send her into battle less than satisfied, you know.”

The other warden was beyond flustered at this point, struggling to even get words out. “There is no need for your expertise, Zevran- Lana and I are just fine!”

Morrigan was leaning against a wall, chuckling to herself at his obvious discomfort. “Oh?” The witch asked as a wicked grin spread across her face. “Is it a lack of practice that makes you apprehensive? If so, we are at a whorehouse- surely even you can find someone that would let you paw blindly at them before you malign our dear friend here with your clumsy ministrations?”

“I can’t believe this,” Alistair growled, storming off in a huff. “I’ll be outside,” he yelled over his shoulder as he flung open the door. 

Zevran frowned. “I was only offering him pointers- I did not mean to insult him. In the Crows we often shared tips- it helped us learn new and interesting ways to seduce our marks.” 

Lana sighed- traveling with her friends had left her with a perfected exasperated sigh, which was not to be confused with the weary one she usually reserved for Sam. “Zevran, can you go inside and see about handling that situation… _without_ killing anyone?” He frowned at her, but she gave him a look. “If you kill them, we don’t get paid,” she responded, hoping to appeal to his baser nature and his love of shiny objects. Some days she thought him part magpie, though she’d never say such a thing with Shale around- the golem was likely to crush him if she even thought he resembled a bird. 

He let out a dramatic huff, patting her on the shoulder. “If I must,” he droned wearily. “Just when I think you know how to have fun, you go and steal all my joy.” 

“Oh you,” Lana said with a laugh. “I only give you these assignments because I trust you enough to keep the others in check. Who else is debonair enough to soothe both Morrigan and Sten?” 

“No one you know,” he replied with a grin. “Now go, rescue our warden and I’ll handle things in here. But be forewarned, I may require a few moments afterward to… _peruse_ the merchandise.” 

—

“Is there a gathering of darkspawn I don’t know about over here?” Lana said brightly as she sat next to Alistair on the ground. She wasn’t as light with words as Sam, but she hoped it would at least somewhat lighten his dour mood. “Need some help vanquishing them? I hear floral arrangements work quite well.” 

This got a tiny chuckle from the warrior. “I’m fresh out of flowers- I seem to have given my last one away.”

“The recipient appreciates it,” Lana said, moving over to lean her head on his shoulder. “I couldn’t think of a better gift.” Finally, Alistair gave her a tiny smile and she cupped his face in her hands. “Talk to me, love- what’s wrong? The two of them poke at you constantly- it’s not like you to get upset about it."

“It’s everything, Lana. This Landsmeet, Sam and Goldanna, _us_ …” Alistair sighed, running his fingers through his hair. “I’m at a loss right now.”

“I can assist with two of those things if you talk to me and I’m happy to listen to the other. To start, I know what Sam saw when she searched for your sister,” she said quietly. “And based on what she found, I would agree with her sentiments. The woman would just hurt you, Alistair- she wasn’t the loving woman you saw in the Fade. Sam threatened to ‘punch her stupid face’ if she met her, yet you know my poor sister would likely break her arm if she tried doing something like that. But she was mad enough to do it for you, and I would’ve sent a bolt of lightning at that woman if I saw her so much as cause a frown to cross your face.” 

“She’s the only family I have, Lana,” he replied sadly, hanging his head and avoiding her gaze. “I’ve got no one else.”

“That’s not true,” Lana barked, shocking him with her sharp tone. “That’s a lie and you know it.” She tilted his head so he could raise his eyes to hers. “You have me, Sam, Cullen, Wynne, and Leliana- we are your family. I’d even venture Zevran cares about you, seeing how he teases you so, and Shale hasn’t threatened to murder you in weeks. Like it or not, Team Mage is your family, Alistair.”

He finally offered her a small smile. “I get that, and I appreciate it more than you know. It’s just… she's my _sister_ , Lana. How can my sister reject me?”

Lana took his hand. “Families are not always those that we are born into, Alistair. Samantha is not my actual relation, but she is closer to me than anyone else. I don’t even remember my birth family- they abandoned me to the circle as soon as my magic manifested. I used to be bitter about it, but ever since I found Sam, I realized that it was okay… because I found my own. So when I say _I_ am your family… I mean it.”

“Thank you, Lana,” he said, resting against her forehead. That means a lot to me. It also brings up my other concern, with us and this Landsmeet,” he said quietly. 

“What does that have to do with us?” Lana asked, staring up at him. His brown eyes were sad, running over her face as if he were trying to memorize it. 

“If I… become king,” he said sadly, “then this… _us_ … we can’t be together. Even being a hero that’s stopped the blight, Ferelden is so backward that they’ll never accept a mage queen.”

And there it was, the reason she’d been holding him at a distance all this time. He wasn’t telling her something that she didn’t know already, though she would have never admitted it aloud. However, her concerns were not the issue, nor was the state of the country. At this moment, her concern lay only for the man in front of her. “What do you want, Alistair? 

“What do you mean, what do I want?” He frowned, kicking a rock down the street. "I don’t have a choice in the matter. I get to rule a country and lose the woman I love because of a stupid rule that means nothing. Whee.”

She smiled, kissing him gently. “I didn’t ask you what you thought would happen, I asked you what you wanted. If you could have whatever you wanted… hang your bloodline, hang what others think you should do… what do you want, Alistair? Do you want to be king, or do you want to stay a Grey Warden?” He started to say something, but she cut him off. “And take me out of the equation, Alistair. I’ll stand by you no matter what, even if it means I can only be your friend. My only concern is what you want, love.”

“Huh,” he said thoughtfully. “I don’t think anyone’s ever asked me that before.” 

“Well I am,” she said, tapping him lightly on the nose. “I want what’s best for you. Whatever you choose is what I’ll fight to make happen, and if I can’t make it happen I’ll sic Samantha on anyone who disagrees.” 

Alistair let out an actual laugh. “Maker, I would pay to see that.” She didn’t reply- she just smiled and waited for him to respond, and eventually, he sighed. “I think I want to stay a Grey Warden,” he said finally. “It’s the first thing I’ve been good at in my entire life.”

“Then I’ll support you in that goal, no matter what,” Lana said resolutely, giddy with relief. “You and I will go and save the world together as Grey Wardens- Anora can have the blasted throne."

“Is that what you want?” Alistair looked at her, hope shining in his eyes. “To be with me?”

“Since the moment I met you,” Lana replied. “I haven’t changed my mind yet.” He laughed and Lana felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders as Alistair stood up, offering his hand to her and pulling her into his warm embrace.

“You know Eamon is going to have puppies when we tell him this, don’t you?” Alistair said into her hair. “I don’t give one whit about Anora being on the throne, as long as I get Loghain’s head for what he did to Duncan and the Wardens. That’s the only reason I’m willing to deal with this Landsmeet.” 

Lana nodded, stroking his hand with her fingers. “Then let’s go make sure that the others haven’t killed our assignment so we can get on with it. Can’t very well stage a coup from jail, can we?”

_ _

* * *

_Lana, what the hell is taking you guys so long? We’re all here and I gotta tell you, this Eamon dude is a bit of an assbiscuit,_ I grumbled. _I’m about ten seconds from checking my destiny threads and seeing how much I screw up your world if I tell him to go fuck himself_.

 _I suppose I can just be happy you’re only considering it and haven’t done it yet,_ Lana replied slowly. _What has you in such a state?_

 _He’s just an ungrateful asshole,_ I spat. _He’s out here talking about finding Ali a ’suitable wife’ when he becomes king. I politely told him to save that shit for someone else cause Ali’s head over heels for you, and do you know that motherfucker looked at me like I was shit on his shoe? He even had the nerve to ask who the fuck I was! Now granted, I wasn’t as polite as I should’ve been at this point, but he pissed me off._ I shook my head, still angry. _I swear, if I had your magic, I would have roasted his ass on the spot. God, I wish I could fight well enough to knock him on his smug little ass_. 

_Considering we need him, it’s a good thing you can't, isn’t it?_ I could tell Lana was smiling now. _What did you tell him? How much trouble are we in when we return?_

 _Yeah, well, I could search for a way for us to do this without him_ , I huffed. _And all I did was tell him I was the sister of the girl that went up a fucking mountain to save his ass, so he needed to show you a little fucking respect. After that, the prick got super red in the face, and Cullen made me go sit in the lobby with Shale until I felt like apologizing or you returned, whichever came first. Needless to say, I’m still in the lobby._

Lana paused. _I want to be mad at you, but I’m secretly giddy with joy that you did that, Sam. But I can’t have you inciting a riot, so how about you come and join us? I’m in a whorehouse playing cards with a buxom pirate captain and I think Zevran may have just died and gone to the Maker’s side- I think it should be a lot more fun for you here_. 

Give me two minutes to refill my bag and I’m so there, I replied with relief. _Dad brought me a bag of Twix bars last time I was home and I am so ready to smash one of those right now._

My sister paused, most likely trying to figure out what I just said. _Do you conveniently forget that I have no idea what you’re talking about half the time, or do you just not care? With you, I can never tell._

 _Not important- be right there, Lana Banana._  
—

“Oh man, that was amazing!” I cried as we walked back from the Pearl. “I just met an honest-to-goodness pirate! And she taught me how to use my daggers properly!”

“Well I’m not so sure about the honest part, but she was most assuredly a pirate, Sparrow,” Alistair said with a laugh. “So, are you leaving us to become a pirate queen now?”

“Only if I can be Captain Jack Sparrow,” I said with a grin, swaying my hips and dancing around them, giving my best Johnny Depp impression. “Savvy, mate?” When they just looked at me, I groaned. “Oh god, Thedas has no culture at all, I swear. When this blight is over, we are so taking a trip home and having a movie night- you’re missing out on way too much.”

“Am I invited to this movie night?” Zevran asked with a grin. “And does it involve seeing my two favorite sisters in their smalls?”

“Only if I get to paint your nails and do your hair,” I replied, leaning on his shoulder and flicking his blond locks. “It’s the price of admission.”

The assassin wrapped his arm around my waist, leaning down to whisper in my ear. “Are we sure your strapping young templar husband won’t mind?” I looked up at him in surprise, but he just laughed. “I’d be a very bad assassin if I didn’t notice my favorite templar suddenly sporting a wedding band.” I just gaped at him, but he simply placed a kiss on my forehead. “Congratulations, Sam.”

Just as I was about to say something, a voice began to laugh from above us and I felt Zevran tense up next to me. “You should go home, Sparrow- trouble is coming.”

“You know that voice, don’t you?” I asked with a frown. When he didn’t answer, I took advantage of the contact with the man and searched for the question I could feel thrumming through his mind. “If you fight, you are family forever,” I whispered to the assassin. His eyes widened slightly, which was the only indication he’d heard me. “Zevran, you don’t need the Crows- Team Mage is there for you, without question and you know this- you knew it the moment you decided to team up with us, so don’t doubt us now,” I pleaded. “We can’t do this without you."

Zevran squeezed me around the waist. “Go home, Sparrow,” he said firmly. “I vowed to your sister and husband to keep you safe, and I do not go back on promises."

“Then promise I’ll see you at home,” I responded, voice shaky. 

“But of course, Sparrow,” he replied with a grin, gripping his daggers. “How else would I have a movie night with my two favorite sisters?”

It was only as I prepared to return to the Arl’s estate that I realized the elf never actually given me a promise.

_ _

* * *

“Unhand the queen!” A voice barked at them as they tried to exit the estate of the recently deceased Arl Howe. 

Drawing a deep breath and taking a moment to reflect on the situation, Cullen supposed it wasn’t all that much of a surprise that everything went to hell for them. His first clue should have been when Sam got into a shouting match with the Arl- not wanting to get thrown out before Lana and the others arrived, he’d separated them, only to discover she’d disappeared soon after. He wanted to send Baron Plucky out with a message, but Leliana insisted that by the time they’d even finished with the missive, one of the others would be back by then. So, he tried to cool his heels, nervously pacing in the hallway while Oghren made jokes at his expense. 

Then the elven handmaiden came in, screaming about how Rendon Howe’s men had captured the Queen Regent and locked her up at Howe’s estate. Cullen failed to see how this was their problem, but after Sam’s abysmal manners, he felt honor-bound to ask Eamon what he thought they should do about the situation, hoping to ease at least a modicum of the Arl's anger towards his wife. No doubt he wanted to keep Alistair out of anything remotely resembling trouble until the Landsmeet, he’d asked them to look into her concerns. Cullen thought this was a horrible idea, but he wasn’t in a position to negotiate- as no one else was clamoring to make a decision, it fell to him to lead their noticeably smaller team on the mission to rescue the queen. He wanted the golem with them, but the elf witheringly pointed out that they required stealth to enter the estate, and a humongous monster made of rock certainly did not count as stealthy. The templar found that he had to bite back the urge to tell the woman where she could shove her tactical assessments, discovering that his wife’s temper may have been rubbing off on him even more than he thought. 

True to his initial thoughts, trying to sneak around the estate was a horrible experience- they were almost caught countless times, only saved by Leliana’s skills at deception. Cullen thought he could breathe when they got to the room the queen was being held in, but she was trapped by a glowing purple barrier. Since nothing that they did could go ever go right, they were informed that had to eliminate the mage that cast the spell, since Wynne couldn’t break the barrier and Sam and Lana weren’t with them. Anora said she’d heard them talking about going to the basement, and immediately, Cullen realized that the wretched little man they were facing was the one they called the Butcher of Denerim. When they descended on the lower levels of the mansion, the templar decided that if the state of the people that were trapped here before their arrival was any indication, Howe had more than earned the name. 

Right away, they rescued Riordan, the Orlesian Grey Warden, giving him directions to head back to Eamon’s estate. But, as they’d gone deeper into the dungeon, he’d had to focus on keeping his breathing calm- the atrocities Howe was committing in there were too close to what the blood mages had done to him, and every time he blinked, he could see the scenes playing out in front of his eyes again. The only thing that brought him back to reality was fingering the band on his hand, realizing that if that was real, then nothing in his head was either- he’d already survived his trials, so he needed to focus on getting others out of theirs. 

When they had rescued all the prisoners, they found the mage that was controlling the cage Anora was trapped in, and the team had gone to work eliminating him and Rendon Howe. He wasn’t used to fighting without Lana- Wynne was more defensive, which forced him to reconsider his tactics. Luckily, his battles with Lana had taught him how to hone in his abilities, weakening only the mages in his vicinity and sparing the ones on his team, and he made sure to use every advantage he had to bring down their enemies as quickly as possible.

Once their enemies had fallen and all the others had been freed from their prisons, his team raced upstairs only to find Anora out of her room and waiting for them. Happy to see the end of this wretched adventure in sight, they quickly raced to get to the exit, only to be greeted by Loghain’s forces as they entered the main hall. Upon hearing her braying voice, Cullen felt himself struggle not to roll his eyes into the back of his head- after all the lunacy they had been through, now the forces come to rescue the queen? 

If their arrival was pure happenstance, Cullen would eat his britches. Or worse, more of Alistair’s cooking.

“That’s them,” a voice said from next to Loghain’s lieutenant. “The blonde and the redhead are the two Grey Wardens!” At this, Cullen looked around, extremely confused- had Alistair and Lana arrived in the interim and he’d not noticed? “Those are the ones Loghain wants!”

“You ain’t capturing shit!” Oghren said, readying his weapon. “I’ll fight the whole lot of you sodding bastards! Bring it on!” 

Cullen scanned the room, trying to process the situation. They could try to fight, but they would likely lose due to the sheer numbers they were up against. But if they were captured, Lana and his wife would certainly come for them, even if it meant leveling the whole town to do it- of that, he had no doubt. Since getting killed over this wasn’t the brightest option, Cullen decided that if surrendering meant that he could get Oghren and Wynne to safety, he’d do it. Without being able to call for Sam as Lana did, he needed a way to get a message to the others, and the sooner the better- he didn’t trust Anora to do anything on their behalf anymore. His decision made, Cullen glanced over at Wynne- the older mage nodded, understanding his plan without him saying a word. 

The templar let out a tiny sigh of relief as he raised his hands in the air. “There’s no need for all of this- we surrender."

“You,” the lieutenant said, pointing at Cullen. “What is your name?” 

Though he often gave the man grief for his similar appearance, Cullen was never more thankful that he and Alistair favored each other than right at that moment. “Alistair Theirin,” he said with a straight face. For extra emphasis, he puffed up and glared at the lieutenant “The true King of Ferelden,” he added haughtily. 

“And I am Solana Amell, Grey Warden and savior of the Arl of Redcliffe” Leliana lied smoothly. “Let our companions go, and we shall come with you quietly. Otherwise, we’ll take as many of yours with you before we reach the Maker’s side, and I can personally guarantee that there will be a high number of your troops joining us.” 

The lieutenant paused for a moment, then nodded. “Guards, take the wardens away, but leave the old woman and the dwarf- they are not our concern."

Cullen said a silent prayer of thanks for the redhead’s quick thinking and tried to suppress his panic as they clapped him and Leliana in irons. As he angrily locked eyes with Anora, he hoped with all of his being that the others would come to get them, all while keeping their covers intact. He had a feeling they were being used as bargaining chips, and Cullen hated to think about what would happen when they realized that their prizes didn’t quite have the value they thought they did.

“You realize that Sparrow is going to have an absolute fit when she hears about this,” Leliana whispered as they led them out the building.

“I’m counting on it,” Cullen replied softly.

_ _

* * *

“Where is everyone?" I asked Shale as I popped back into the main hall. The palace was unnervingly quiet- Lana and the others hadn’t come back yet, but I could find no signs of Cullen or the others. “Did everyone get kicked out of here while I was gone?”

“No,” Shale said simply."Some whiny flesh creature came in screaming about how the Queen was captured, and your flesh creature went off with the others to save it. I voted to let it die, so they told me I had to stay here. The only one that remains with me is the dog.”

When I realized that I was practically helpless, I felt my stomach sink to the floor- I couldn’t call on either of them with the charms, as they were most likely in the middle of a fight where even a momentary distraction could cost them their lives. Besides, without Lana, there was nothing I could do, even if I did seek them out. “I think we’re fucked,” I groaned.

“Probably,” the golem replied. “But on the bright side, at least there are no birds here right now."


	27. Did I make the right choice?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lana and Sam set out to save Team Mage from themselves; We have ourselves a Landsmeet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> While I work on part 2, I figured I would post a bonus chapter this week
> 
> Note: Mild NSFW at the end of the chapter.

* * *

Just as I was about to lose my entire shit, Wynne and Oghren raced inside the door, looking extremely disheveled."Sam," Wynne said breathlessly, "you need to find out where they took Cullen and Leliana."

That snapped me to attention. "What the entire fuck? Who took them? What happened?” My head was spinning and I felt like I wasn’t getting enough oxygen or information. “I need a lot more than that to go on, because right now I’m short one husband and friend, and I’m about two seconds from freaking the entire fuck out!"

“Aye, well get ready to get your knickers in a twist, because Loghain's men thought your sweetie and the bard were the wardens," Oghren replied. "Clapped 'em off in chains and dragged them away. Thought me and the old lady weren't worth their time."

I went pale. "Loghain's men have my husband?"

"That's what I said, isn't it? What, did you get stupid or something when you got hitched? So go on and do that freaky shit you do, kid.” He gestured to me as I stood there, staring at him in shock. “Stop staring at me like you’re a lyrium-addled fool and start talking to the boss- we gotta go rescue those stupid kids."

I wasn't processing what he said- I had moved straight into freaking out. “I… I’m going to see if I can reach Cullen and Leliana, see what’s going on. Maybe they can give me something to tell Lana and the others about where they are.”

Wynne reached over and hugged me. “Do what you must, Sam- we’re here to help.” Oghren started to say something, but Wynne shot him a murderous look and he went quiet, taking a sip from the flask at his hip. For a moment, Wynne looked like she was going to say something, but then she just wordlessly reached out for the flask, taking a sip as soon as he gave it to her. 

Comforted by their presence, I calmed down enough to reach out for him. _Cullen, please tell me you’re there- I need to know you’re okay._

 _Sam!_ Cullen responded excitedly. _Did Wynne tell you what happened?_

Upon hearing his response, I fell to my knees with relief and Wynne wrapped an arm around my shoulder. _Yes, and I’m freaking the hell out over here. Where the hell are you? Are you ok?_

_Leliana and I are in Fort Drakon. Anora was kidnapped-_

_We’re gonna talk about that bitch later. How do I- never mind._ Now that we were connected, I took a look around where he was- no one was around except Leliana in the cell next to him. _Hang tight- I’ll be right there._

 _Sam-_ he started to say something, but I cut him off, transporting myself home so I could go get to him, making sure I concentrated on being outside of the cell- it wouldn’t help anyone if I ended up behind bars with them. Once I got the information, I’d contact Lana, but right now I needed to make sure they were safe, even if it was relative. Since traveling in this agitated state was just asking for trouble, I knew I needed to calm down. So instead of freaking out like I wanted to, I took a deep breath and reached out for Cullen, praying that this would work.

For once, I hit my exact target with no difficulties.

_ _

* * *

Cullen couldn’t believe his eyes when she appeared in front of him, her green eyes wide with shock as she opened the door to his cell- he thought she might be a dream. “Sam,” he whispered incredulously, “Is that really you?”

Sam was too distraught to even tease him. “Don’t you two ever do that again- I was terrified! In fact, I’m still fucking terrified- I don’t know how we’re going to get you out of here.”

“Go get Lana,” Leliana said calmly. “They think us wardens, so they’re waiting for Loghain’s orders before they do anything to us,”

“I’m not leaving you two to sit in a cell with nothing but your skivvies on,” Sam spat angrily. “There’s a trunk down the hall- I think your stuff might be in there. The guard is gone, so if you hurry you can grab your weapons and armor.” Suddenly her eyes closed, and though she remained silent, Cullen could instantly tell that she was talking to Lana. Sam was quiet for a few more moments as a frown crossed her face, but her expression soon softened, instantly replaced by a bright red flush. After letting out a deep sigh, she turned to the two of them. “Just talked to Lana- not only did Zevran stay with them, but he’s also got a plan to get you guys out of here. In the meantime, go get your stuff and be ready- we’re probably going to cause a bit of a commotion.”

“When do you not?” Leliana asked with a smile. “Just keep Cullen informed of what we need to do on our end.”

Sam gave her a mock salute. “The human walkie-talkie is at your service.” She turned to him and he noticed her face was still tight, but her eyes were sparkling now. “And now I get to be part of a rescue mission.”

Cullen smiled. “I knew you’d come to save me- you always do, Sam.” She blushed and he chuckled, kissing her quickly on the forehead. “As much as I love you, I’m going to have to ask you to leave- we have supplies to steal back, and you need to go so you can come to get us out of here.”

She looked like he had splashed water on her face, and she let out a nervous chuckle. “Oh, right! Leaving- sorry!” 

Leliana looked at him with a smile. “Are you ready to stage your very first prison escape, dear templar?”

He paled as he stared at the bard, who looked surprisingly at ease considering what they were about to do. “Maker’s breath, you think there’s going to be more of these?”

She shrugged. “It’s Samantha and Lana- when it comes to them, one can never be too sure."

_ _

* * *

  
Lana wanted to strangle the queen for her role in the idiocy that put her in the awkward position of staging a prison break. She put her head in her hands for a moment to collect herself, then looked up angrily at Zevran and Sam. “I feel bloody ridiculous right now.”

Sam chuckled. “Hey, my clothes aren’t that bad- we wear this outside all the time!” They were in short, thin dresses that barely concealed the daggers they had strapped to their thighs, and the neckline was so low that she could see the lacy fabric Sam called a bra. She wasn’t as endowed as Sam was, so she’d had to stuff it with a pair of socks to fill it out properly. Lana felt ridiculous in the getup, but Zevran was convinced he could get them past the guards this way. Alistair was livid after hearing about what had happened but had gone apoplectic at the sight of the two girls with the elf. 

“You have got to be kidding me right now,” he growled. “First we fight your former assassin crew, and now this? How in the Maker is dressing Sam and Lana like harlots even remotely supposed to help Cullen and Leliana?”

Sam hit Alistair in the arm and glared at him. “I’m starting to get a little offended here- these are my clothes, remember?” 

“Don’t care, Sparrow,” he grumbled, crossing his arms. “The elf here has been dreaming of this day since he discovered you were sisters and we just served you two up on a silver platter for him.”

“Offering two beautiful ladies to the captain in charge is the perfect cover to enter the prison, my dear warden. And as for me, just think of it as a reward for my continued service,” Zevran purred. “A very, very enticing reward that has the added benefit of making two of the most deadly women in Thedas look positively docile. Which,” he looked at Lana, who had her arms crossed over her chest and was trying to murder him with her eyes, “we all know couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“In Lana’s case, that’s true. Me, I’m about as lethal as a nerf gun.” Sam put her hands on her hips and blew a stray hair out of her face as she placed her hair elastic on her wrist. “I’m sure my wild flailing with a dagger will be super useful.”

“I don’t know,” Lana replied, looking over her sister and chuckling at her pique. “You handled yourself okay in Redcliffe- you’re not as bad as you think, Sam. I think you’re just comparing yourself to everyone else.”

“Yeah, that's high praise, Lana Banana- I’m out here with assassins and warriors and I can barely stick the pointy end of my knife into a slow-moving zombie. Face it, I’m only here as a glorified map and battery pack for you.”

“You are mighty in your own way, Kadan,” Sten interrupted, surprising Lana. The quinari rarely spoke to any of them, but when he talked to Sam he was downright personable. “Skill with a blade can be taught. Bravery and loyalty cannot.”

Sam smiled, then gave the quinari a hug he reluctantly accepted. “I’d rather have the skill, but since that’s not happening, I’m glad I got you looking out for me. Wish I’d had you when I was in high school- would’ve resulted in a lot fewer ass kickings for me.”

“As heartwarming as this is, your party needs to get over to the Fort,” a voice interrupted. The Orlesian senior warden, Riordan, had entered the hallway. When he saw Lana, he politely averted his eyes and cleared his throat. “Loghain wants to eliminate the remaining Grey Wardens, so you should get to your friends as quickly as possible- we need to put a stop to him, and soon.”

“Gladly,” Lana replied. “The sooner I can get out of this ridiculous getup, the better- I’d rather be fighting the darkspawn."  
—  
When the trio arrived in the cell, Cullen just blinked at the two women and the elf staring in front of them. “Is there a reason that you two are dressed like that?”

“Newest fashions in Orlais,” Lana intoned dryly. “Perfect for making old lecherous captains think you’re going to sleep with them.”

“Seriously, guys, these are my clothes!” Sam protested. "I wore that dress to my sister’s graduation, for heaven’s sake!” After looking put out by their teasing, Sam turned to Cullen with a glare. “And as for you, that was absolutely terrifying! Don’t you ever do that to me again, you hear me?” 

Ignoring her mild tantrum, Cullen's lips twitched upwards into a smile. “Technically, you started this by starting the fight with the Arl and storming off, dearest- had you just stuck around, you could’ve told us this was a trap, so I’m thinking we can all blame you for this one.” His wife’s mouth dropped into a wide ‘o’ of shock, and the templar chuckled. “But, seeing you dressed like this somewhat makes up for it.”

Lana looked at Zevran, then rolled her eyes. “I’m glad you two perverts approve of Sam’s scandalous choices in clothing, but we have a Landsmeet to get to, remember?” She looked at Leliana, who nodded. “Can we please get out of this prison before they realize that Sam and I are decidedly not on the menu?”

_ _

* * *

Despite the odd looks I was getting from my companions, I was not changing out of my sundress- Denerim was hot and smelled like ass. If I had to deal with the smell, the least they could give me was relaxing in comfortable clothing. Cullen looked like he was about to have kittens, but I could care less- I was going to enjoy the feel of the sun on my bare skin for once, and unless someone threatened to arrest me for public indecency, I was staying in my dress. Hell, no one ever said anything about Morrigan dressing like a renaissance fair version of a pole dancer, so why did I have to change? 

We were making plans for the Landsmeet- Alistair and Lana said they wanted to support Anora as queen, which pissed Cullen off. “Why would we support her after she just got Leliana and I arrested? How is she any better for Fereldan than her father?”

“Because I am not my father,” the woman said, coming up to us as we talked. She took one look at my outfit and her eyes widened, but I wasn’t having that- very respectfully, I smiled and flipped her off, causing Lana to put her head in her hands and groan. Clearing her throat at the slight, the queen resumed talking. “Unlike my father, I want what’s best for Ferelden. After all he’s done, I cannot see my father being the proper option to rule.”

“Your dad’s a dick, and so are you,” I spat. “You could’ve stood up and saved them that trouble.” 

“Lady Rutherford, you should learn to hold your tongue a bit more,” Anora said calmly. “I am playing the game to win against my father, nothing more. I hold no ill will for the wardens- if I did, I would have outed your friends at the first opportunity instead of coming here to assist you.”

At the mention of my new surname, I raised my eyebrows and crossed my arms, only going still when Cullen put a hand on my bare shoulder. “Patience, Sam- there is more at play than you know."

 _I’m so not made for nobility,_ I thought to him. _I’m liable to murder someone before the day is over at this rate._

His eyebrows jerked in surprise, clearly not used to me talking to him in this way when people were around. _That would be unwise. Besides, I rather like hearing her call you by your new name._

_Hey, I like hearing it too... just not from her. Can I please punch her?_

Cullen chuckled, getting odd looks from the others. _What is it with you and punching people? Lana told me you wanted to punch Alistair’s sister as well- what is the fascination with your fists lately?_

“Anyway,” I replied out loud as I gave the queen a hard stare. “What is it that you want, Anora? I don’t like you, and you think you’re better than me, so under normal circumstances, we should have nothing to talk about.”

“Then it’s lucky for us that these are not normal circumstances.” Lana stepped over and glared at me for my flippancy. “Sam, all I ask is a bit of decorum for a moment, please? I know it’s probably outside of your skillset, but I would at least hope you could try for at least a moment, as we need some answers."

I stared at Lana in shock. “You can’t be serious, Lana- I have absolutely zero desire to help her."

“Well, she’s not asking you to- your sister is,” she replied gently. “I need to know what happens if we support her as queen.”

“I don’t have to look cause I can tell you what happens- I get pissed off,” I retorted. “You’re being awfully nice for someone who’s been perpetually fucked over, Lana- I love how you don’t have any fucking rights at all but yet no one in this piece can make a single fucking decision without you.” 

Everyone except Morrigan looked scandalized, which should have been the first clue I was treading on thin ice. “What? You’re a mage, which apparently gives Eamon back there carte blanche to treat you like shit when it comes to Alistair, who by the way, he shipped off to the Chantry without a second fucking thought for a stuck up piece of ass. But as soon as he gets a whiff of Ali possibly being king, all of a sudden he’s out here trying out for surrogate father of the year and running your name through the mud like you’re a two-dollar whore.”

“What’s a dollar and how do I get two of them?” Zevran whispered to Leliana, who quickly elbowed him in the ribs.

“And as for this one,” I snarled, turning to Anora, “She’s too worried about her own fucking skin to do anything for anyone else. Technically, this woman has been queen since Cailan died, but it’s really fucking funny that every single issue has had to be solved by us- you know, the people the crown wants to murder! As far as I’m concerned, Dog would do a better job of running the country than her- at least he gives a shit about something!” 

Lana’s lips tightened. _You aren’t wrong, but you aren’t helping, Sam._

I flinched upon hearing her voice in my head. I _hate this country, Lana. I hate the way they treat you and I hate that you have to accept it-I don’t want to help her keep doing shit like this. You’re making me part of the problem. And I love him to death, but Ali isn’t innocent either. He could stand up for you, make this shit better by being an example, Lana._

 _This isn’t your home, Sam- they’d kill us first_ , she replied sadly. _Is that what you want?_

 _Then let’s leave_ , I pleaded. _Help them win this stupid ass war and come back with me- let them all stew in their own stupidity. Eamon and Anora have their heads so far up their own asses they probably wouldn’t even notice._

Her lips turned upward into a slight smile, alerting the others to our conversation. _I still love Alistair, Sam. And what of your husband? You’d leave him and never return?_

 _I love him to the moon and back, but you come first and he knows it,_ I replied defiantly, staring at my sister. _If it’s for you, we’d make it work._

She walked over and wrapped her arms around me, tears in her eyes. _Alistair and I want to stay on as Grey Wardens, but we need Anora as queen in order to do it. That is what I want, Sam- will I get a chance to get what I want? Can he stay a warden with me if I make her queen?_

I thought about it and sighed, speaking out loud for everyone and the bitch queen’s benefit. “Yes. If you support Anora, you can get what you want.” _But, Loghain still has to be dealt with, Lana, and she isn’t going to take too kindly to that. Just a little FYI._

Lana looked at me and nodded, understanding what I was saying. “I love you, Samantha Rutherford.” _I’ll handle that. Don’t worry about it- Loghain will not live to see the end of this war._

I gave her a smile in return. “Love you too, Lana Banana.” _I want to help when you do it._

Oblivious to the secondary conversation taking place, Anora looked over at me. “Lady Rutherford, you are correct- I have allowed my people to suffer unjustly at the hands of my father. And as the rightful ruler, I need to atone. I require your help, both to get evidence against his crimes and to ease the suffering of my people.”

 _Oh, here this bitch goes again_ , I thought. “What do you need, Anora?” 

She nodded, looking over at Zevran. “There seems to be something wrong in the alienage, and I think my father is behind it. Can you and your companions look into it and see if you can get proof of his wrongdoing?”

Zevran looked mildly confused. “Is there a particular reason she’s looking to me when she talks of the Alienage? The last time I checked, I lived in Antiva, not a slum in Denerim.”

I was confused about why she’d look to him, but then Anora started to blush. Not wanting to expose my ignorance, I silently turned to Lana. I _know she just took a shot at Zevran, but I can’t figure out how. What’s an alienage?_

Her face darkened. _It’s an elven slum in the middle of the city. Not all elves live in the forest, as you well know. But the ones in cities tend to be treated particularly poorly_. 

_Well, that’s just great,_ I groaned, shooting a glare at Lana. _You so fucking owe me._

Despite her anger, Lana smiled. _For once, I can’t argue with you on that._

—

“South reach stands with the warden!”

We were at the Landmeet, where I finally got to see this Loghain asshole. After Cullen and Leliana told me about all the things they found out while they were in Howe’s house of horrors, we spent the rest of the day strategizing, courtesy of Leliana. With a combination of my searching for threads and her ability to charm the pants off almost every living thing, we were able to secure quite a few favors in the Landsmeet- more people than not were tired of this dickhead, so we had a shot at being able to choose our destiny, even if I didn’t agree with the choice. Since it wasn’t my world and it wasn’t my fight, I had no choice but to simply support my sister, using her moments of controlled silence to send her messages about which things we could say to sway the room in our favor. I wished Grace was here- she’d always been able to talk her way out of almost any situation, but I was too easily frustrated with people. I was glad this was Lana’s show and not mine- I would have told everyone where they could step off. 

“Western Hills stands with the wardens.”

Lana, for her part, was a powerhouse. Every move Loghain made, she countered. Some asshats were still loyal to the Tern, but by and large, people were pretty sick of his shit- he’d committed way too many crimes. He’d captured a templar, locked up the Orlesian warden, captured Bann Sighard’s son, and that’s not even counting the fact that he poisoned Arl Eamon and left everyone to die at Ostagar. 

"I stand with the wardens," a voice rang out from the hall that almost made me jump out my skin. "They've assisted me with a family matter... and I don't forget favors."

Cullen and Lana turned to me, their eyes wide with shock- it was the first time Lana had shown any emotion during this whole circus. "Samantha," she whispered, "is that-"

"My mom," I finished softly, shocking Alistair and Leliana, who were both standing next to us. "She came to help you, I think. With her, I can’t be too sure."

Alistair looked over at us and raised his eyebrows. “You got anything you want to tell me, Sparrow? Anything regarding a certain noble who just threw her lot in with us?”

I shook my head and stared in the direction of the voice, her face hidden from our view. “Not unless you got a shitload of time and a hankering for a cosmic headache on top of all this fuckery we’re dealing with.”

Cullen tensed at my side, gripping my hand tightly. "What happens now?"

“We wait to see what the outcome is,” Lana replied grimly. “I’ve presented all the evidence- there is nothing more I can do until I have the floor again.”

“I stand with the warden.”

Anora had approached, looking as queenly as possible as she strode into the chamber. Her very presence still made me want to punch her in the face, but there was something about knowing my mom was there that made me force my face into a smile and let her pass without tripping her. When she passed without incident, Alistair casually leaned over to whisper in my ear. “I don’t want the throne, Sparrow. Anora can have this- I can do more out there.” 

“Anora can suck a sandpaper dick,” I muttered under my breath. “I hate this damn place, Ali.”

"But you're still here, so you love us, at least." The warden’s lips fought against turning up into a smile. "You can't say things like that when we're supposed to be all serious and stuff. Besides,” he teased, “aren’t nobles supposed to be well-behaved?” 

“I will fight you,” I growled under my breath. “You aren’t a king, remember?”

Lana rolled her eyes at our conversation, then stepped forward- apparently they were talking to her. “I move that Loghain is to be removed and sentenced for his crimes against Ferelden and the Grey Wardens, effectively immediately. Just as he sentenced us, so shall his sentence be. Death for the usurper is my vote, and the Landsmeet stands with me.” She fixed Anora with a look that clearly said _don’t fuck with me or I’ll end you, too_. 

Anora went pale. “Warden Amell,” she croaked. “You cannot-“

“I can,” Lana replied tersely. “A life for the thousands he stole with his ineptitude and cowardice.” She looked at Alistair and me, her face taut. “And it will be by my hand.” 

Alistair looked furious. “Lana, no! He’s mine! That bastard deserves to pay for his crimes by my blade!” 

I put a hand out to stop him. “Shut. _Up_.” I hissed as I lowered my head, realizing the game she was playing. “You’re still a royal, but to them she’s just a mage. If this goes sideways, they take her, not you- she’s saving your life.” I squeezed his arm, willing him to listen to me- the last thing we needed was him causing a bigger scene than what was already going on. 

Anora looked at her father, looking for all the world like she was making calculations in her head. “So be it, in honorable combat. I will not allow you to execute him without giving him one last chance to preserve his honor.”

“He has none left, Anora,” Lana snarled. “He was stripped of that when he left your husband to die.”

“Then challenge him, mage,” she said curtly. “And prove you are worthy to take the life of the Tern who once saved Ferelden.”

Lana nodded, looking at me. _Go home and come back invisible, Sam. Today, I am going to show them the power they think beneath them, and I need you by my side._

A smile crossed my lips. _I’m ready to fuck his shit up, Lana. Let’s give em hell._ She nodded and I disappeared, calling out to her right before I returned. _I can’t talk to you when I come back, but know whatever you do, I’ll be by your side whenever you’re ready. He messed with the wrong sisters, Lana._

 _Come on back, Sam_ , she thought angrily. _Let’s show these bastards what a mage can do._

_ _

* * *

When Sam disappeared and Lana didn’t react, Cullen knew something was about to happen. 

What he nor Alastair expected to happen was to hear Lana yell out “ _FOR THE WARDENS_ ” and then call down a lightning bolt that struck Loghain dead on the spot. When she turned back to the queen, defiant fire in her blue eyes, he knew instantly what had happened. 

“Was that the bomb-dot-com?” Alastair whispered in his ear. He nodded, and the other man let out a low whistle. “Well, that wasn’t the way I would have done it, but you can’t deny she and your wife just put on one hell of a show.”

Cullen just nodded, staring at Loghain’s charred remains. “I would say so, yes.”

“Queen Anora,” Lana said calmly, as if she hadn’t just reduced her father to a pile of ash with less effort than a thought. “We must stop the blight- the archdemon will not wait for Ferelden to get its kingdom in order.”

Anora just looked at her and nodded. “I would agree, Warden. Let us unite and gather our armies before there is nothing left to rule.” Lana nodded at her, then turned on her heel and strode away, heading past a very red-faced Arl Eamon.

“Well, that went better than I expected,” Alistair said slowly. “I sort of thought I was going to have my head on a stick today, so anything that doesn’t involve that is a delightful upgrade.”

“Same,” Cullen replied, watching as Lana exited the chamber. “I was wondering if we were all going to head back to Fort Drakon for high treason. Glad to see that the women are a bit smarter than we’ve given them credit for.”

“You mean than _you’ve_ given them credit for,” Alistair corrected, walking out the room. “I’ve always known Lana was smarter than I.”

“Is that why you haven’t made it clear how you felt about her?” Cullen asked as they pushed through the throng of people. “You realize she was willing to sacrifice her heart for the good of the country if you wished to be king, don’t you? What are you willing to sacrifice for her?”

Alistair paused, staring at the templar next to him. “Everything. I would do anything to make her happy.” He shrugged. “But now I have both- I have the ability to serve the way I wish and the woman I love by my side. Surprisingly everything has worked out, which makes me incredibly nervous- we don’t tend to be that lucky.”

Cullen chuckled. “You’re right- we never are. Wonder what life has in store for us now?”

“If I recall correctly, a blight and an archdemon that are currently marching towards Redcliffe- that sounds like more than enough to me.” Alistair sighed as he glanced at Lana and Sam, who were leaning against a column in the hallway. “But for now, I think we have two sisters we need to talk to.”

_ _

* * *

“Excuse me,” Lana said, voice thick with disbelief. “You cannot be serious.”

“But I am,” Morrigan said, staring at the warden. “You know it to be true- the senior warden told you, did he not?”

After they had arrived in Redcliffe and secured the castle, Eamon had informed them that the horde was headed for Denerim. To make matters worse, Riordan had told them the secret to why Wardens were the only ones that could stop a blight- they were the only ones who could slay the archdemon, since their souls would trap the essence of the old God. However, this meant that whoever struck the killing blow would die as well, leaving both Lana and Alistair stunned at the news. Riordan assured the two of them that he would be proud to do his duty and take the blow, but something nagged at the back of Lana’s mind, making her stomach churn- _if he fails,_ she thought, _Alistair or I have to deliver the blow._

_To stop the blight, one of us will die._

“I am offering you a way out,” Morrigan said plainly. “Is the idea of your love sleeping with me so distasteful that you are willing to sacrifice one of your lives to keep me from it?”

Lana stared angrily at the apostate. “While I find that idea horrid on its own, that is not the problem. The problem is a blood magic ritual that puts the soul of an old god in an innocent child- that is my issue, Morrigan. You know me better than that- how could you even think that I would agree to such a thing?”

“Because you want to live,” she replied smoothly. “Because your sister would want you to live. Because Alistair wouldn’t want you to die in service to a cause you didn’t even wish to be part of. I’m offering you a life, Solana.”

“With a cost I’m not willing to pay,” Lana replied. “Morrigan, if you were my friend you’d know how I feel about this. There is no chance I will have the man I love take part in such a ritual- I’d be no better than the people I’ve cut down.”

“So you’d leave everyone behind in service of a high-minded ideal? You’d leave your lover and your sister?” Morrigan stared at her angrily. “You would leave me, knowing I could have saved you?”

Lana reached out, but Morrigan jerked away from her- the mage sighed, dejected. “It’s not that I want any of us to die,” she answered sadly. “It’s that I couldn’t live with myself if I did go through with it.”

Morrigan’s yellow eyes were wide and pleading, but Lana had to look away as she willed herself not to cry. “Will you not offer them the chance? Why not give Alistair the option?” 

A single tear ran down Lana’s cheek. “Because I will not bind him that way. I’ve railed against such magic my entire life and I will not fear my death- If I die, it would be with honor, not cowardice.”

“You are a fool,” Morrigan spat. “I thought you smarter, but you are nothing more than a high-minded fool that would die needlessly.” 

Lana crossed her arms. “That is your opinion and you are welcome to it- feel free to ask Alistair for his if you wish, but I will not give this idea my blessing.”

The apostate huffed. “Should I ask Samantha for hers? What would she say?”

“The last time I checked, this is between Alistair, you, and I,” Lana answered, anger present in her voice. "As I said, if you want to ask him, that is fine. But, do not bring my sister into our quarrel- I will not have you burdening her with this.”

“I wash my hands of this… and of you,” Morrigan hissed. “I’ve offered you a gift and you throw it into my face, Solana Amell. Know this- when one of you dies, it will be on your head and yours alone. I hope those ideals offer comfort to the ones that remain, but I will not stand by and watch as you throw your life away.”

“So that’s it?” Lana asked. “You'd leave us?”

“I cannot watch you do this,” Morrigan replied, her tone clipped. “May your Maker watch over you.”

Lana watched sadly as Morrigan turned into a bird and flew out of the window- she was pretty sure she wouldn’t see the apostate again, Granted, they hadn’t always seen eye to eye, but she still considered the woman a friend- while she was more than welcome to her opinion, her absence felt like a betrayal. If Lana were to be honest with herself, she was more upset because she thought the woman might be right- was it possible that if Riordan failed, then she had just sentenced one of them to die?

“My, you kids are certainly entertaining, I’ll give you that.”

Lana whirled around, surprised to hear the voice of Sam’s mother coming from behind her. The woman was leaning against the wall, an unreadable expression on her face as she looked at the young girl. “The mage wasn’t wrong, you know. One of you is going to die in this battle.”

“We don't know that,” she answered halfheartedly. “Riordan could defeat the archdemon and all of this would be for naught.”

NIa gave her an amused look. “Do you really believe that?”

“No,” she replied honestly. “But I have to- otherwise I have to make peace with the fact that I just condemned myself or the man I love to a certain death.”

“And yet you’re still here, not begging or pleading for a reprieve that won’t come,” Nia said evenly. “You would have made a great leader, Solana Amell. Perhaps you’re just a few years too early.”

“Not much I can do about that now.” Lana shrugged helplessly and let out a sad chuckle. “And you know what’s the worst of it? Leaving everyone behind,” she said sadly. “I’ll be gone, but they have to live with the knowledge that I could have stopped this.”

“How are they to know? Morrigan is gone, dear child- she will not return in this lifetime.” She raised an eyebrow at her. “And aren’t there two of you? Why are you so convinced that it be you to make the sacrifice?”

“Because I decided against the ritual,” she said emphatically. “I didn’t give him the choice to live, so I won’t be the one that lets him die, either.”

Nia smiled. “Don’t tell Sam I said this, but she was finally right- why are you being so selfless for a country that would rather you didn’t exist?”

“Because someone has to be,” Lana admitted. “If they can’t realize my value in life, maybe they’ll find it in death.”

“And what of those that know your worth? Aren’t they the ones that matter?” Nia eyed her curiously. "Why waste your breath trying to prove something to those that will never see? Value yourself more, Lana- don’t be content to be a mere footnote in the annals of history. Wouldn't you rather make history instead?" 

“Funny, I thought I was,” Lana joked weakly as she started to cry. “I guess a mage stopping a blight still won’t even warrant a mention in the history books.” At that, Nia crossed the room and took the girl in her arms, stroking Lana's hair as she cried against her. When she inhaled, she noticed that the woman smelled like the ocean mixed with apples, sage, and cinnamon, and when she closed her eyes she felt like she could see another life, one where she was on a blanket laughing with Sam and another girl who resembled her, only with curly brown and blond hair. Lana could almost feel the cool air against her skin as they shared a secret amongst themselves, stretched out and gazing up into the night sky, and when that vision of Sam looked up at her she could feel a sob well up in her throat.

“I don’t want to die,” Lana whispered. “But I couldn’t live with myself if I took her offer. I couldn’t unleash that type of thing on the world for my own selfish purposes.”

“You should have been one of my kids,” the woman said softly. “Thank you for saving my daughter, Lana. She wouldn’t be the person she is without you, and she becomes the person she needs to be because of you. For that, I am in your debt.”

“I don’t know why… this is going to kill her,” Lana replied sadly. “I’m going to be her curse- my selfishness will doom her.”

“If you could,” Nia asked carefully, releasing Lana from her embrace, “would you truly be her sister? Would you be willing to endure that same curse?”

Lana looked up at Nia, her eyes clear and bright. "In a heartbeat,” she replied with no hesitation. “She’s the first person that has ever truly loved me unconditionally and I’m going to lose her. For her, I’d gladly trade my life."

Nia laughed, startling her. “What is it with you kids and being willing to trade your life away? Do you not realize that you only get one?” Lana gave her a confused look, but Nia just shook her head. “If you truly are willing to die to save your world, then maybe your world shouldn’t be so quick to be done with you.” The older woman sighed, looking her over with sadness. “I can’t change your fate, Solana Amell- you understand that, right? I must warn you, you are going to break my daughter- of that there is no doubt, and your other friends won’t fare much better- like it or not, your decision will change the world.” 

“I understand,” Lana said softly. “I made this choice, I accept the consequences.” 

“Good,” Nia said. “Accept your fate and remember that bravery when the door appears- if you can step through with no hesitation, you may yet have a chance to change your destiny. And may I offer you a piece of advice for the future, however long it may be?”

“I never refuse advice or assistance,” Lana replied. “Please share whatever you wish.”

“Someone in my world once said that well-behaved women seldom make history.” Nia stared at Lana, her deep green eyes appearing to see into her very soul. “So when you’re given the chance, not only do you make history... you make damn sure they remember your name.”

—

“I’m scared, Ali,” Lana admitted as he held her in the darkness of their room. “I’m terrified I’m going to lose you.”

Alistair sighed, wrapping his arm around her and kissing her on the neck. “You won’t. We’ve got a long life ahead of us, Lana- can’t let the Rutherfords have all the fun, can we? I’m determined to spoil any of their future kids rotten so they can make their father’s life a living hell.”

Lana giggled and snuggled closer to Alistair, burying her face in his chest. “You wouldn’t want your own? No smart-mouthed Therin boys running around to terrorize Ferelden?”

“I’d only want them with you, Lana,” he replied, kissing her on her shoulder. “But you and I are at a slight disadvantage, as it’s quite difficult for two Grey Wardens to have kids. Makes sense, with that whole pesky calling that we’ve got coming for us in thirty years- tends to be a downer on namedays.”

“Difficult, but not impossible, right?” She took his hand in hers and brought it to her lips, kissing it softly. “We specialize in impossible on a daily basis, so difficult should be no trouble at all.”

“My love is an optimist,” he teased. “Sounds like we’re missing a step first- maybe Cullen wasn't the idiot that day,” Alistair mused, running his finger through her hair. “I feel like I wasted a perfectly good opportunity.”

Lana tried to smile, but she felt like her soul was being torn apart. “Maybe we did,” she said quietly. “I wish I were your wife, Alistair.”

“Hey, it’s not like we can’t,” he replied softly. “Riordan is going to do everything in his power to make sure we don’t have to make that sacrifice, Lana. And when this is over, I’m going to marry the greatest Grey Warden Ferelden has ever seen. We’ll be the ones to beat the odds and have a brood of children that will drive Dog crazy as he tries to keep them safe.”

Despite her sadness, Lana let out a small laugh. “And they’ll climb all over Shale while Wynne yells at them for putting holes in their socks.”

“And they’ll get into Sam’s stash of candy and steal Sten’s cookies,” he said with a small grin. “Good thing their uncle is a templar and can help them learn to fight because I think Sten would challenge them over his dessert.”

“He certainly would,” Lana admitted. “But Leliana and Zevran would have taught them to hide in the shadows, so they’d be the sneakiest candy thieves around. And if they were anything like their father, they’d just try to charm their way out of any situation they got caught in.”

“Or they could be as powerful as their mom and just freeze us all while they ran amok,” Alistair said with a small smile. “Then we’d have to convince Sam to find a way to smuggle us to her world so she could help us deal with a brood of children that dropped icicles down our breeches. I know that’s what I probably would’ve done, at least.”

“No circles for our kids,” Lana said emphatically. “Sam’s mom is one of the most powerful mages I’ve ever seen and she’s not from a circle. Our children would actually listen to her teaching, unlike Sam.”

“We’re going to have a great life, Lana,” Alistair said as he kissed her on the forehead. “Our wedding is going to have breakfast burritos for everyone, with a cake made entirely of her Oreos.”

“And M&M’s sprinkled on the top,” Lana agreed. When Alistair looked confused, she leaned up and kissed him. “Those are the colorful candies with the chocolate inside, remember?” Lana laughed, running her hands through his disheveled hair. "You ate the whole bag after Sam told you that you could only have a few.”

He laughed at the memory, kissing her neck. “I don’t think she spoke to me for the rest of the day.”

“So we’ll have to make sure we have her bring a bag just for you,” Lana said as she nipped his bottom lip. “And my dress will be blue and white, to match your armor.”

“Can’t have a Grey Warden wedding without that,” he agreed. “I’ll even let Cullen show me how to polish it properly.”

“I’ll say,” Lana agreed. “Can’t have a proper ceremony if the groom is in dull armor. But the best part,” she said with a sly grin, “will be after the ceremony.”

Alistair’s eyes locked to hers, immediately catching on. “It’ll be our first night as husband and wife,” he said as he ran his hands under the back of her nightshirt. “You’d be the first woman I’ve ever been with, and if I have my way, you’ll be the last.”

“No matter what else happens, I want that with you,” Lana whispered. "Give me one good night to remember, Alistair- at least for tonight, make me yours.”

Her hands trailed along his back, causing him to close his eyes and let out a soft moan. He pulled her nightdress off and stared at her exposed body, feeling extremely vulnerable under his gaze as he removed. “You’re mine as long as you want to be, Solana Amell.”

“I was always yours,” Lana replied. “I’ll be yours for the rest of my life and beyond, my love.”

“As am I,” he answered, taking her in his arms. 

That night, they made love to each other for the very first time, neither wanting to admit what the other knew very well was on the horizon. Lana tried to burn every one of his touches into her body, savoring every feeling of him with her. She’d heard the tales from the girls in the circle- how their partners groped them with clumsy hands, how they got no satisfaction as they rutted against them, but this was nothing like what Lana experienced. For her, Alistair fit with her like a key in a lock- every time they joined, Lana felt a pang of regret knowing that this would be the last time she’d feel the sensation of him inside her, or feel his warm body pressed against her, slick with his sweat as they moved, each trying to tell the other what they didn’t have words for. Lana felt loved as she was being loved, and if there was an afterlife, she hoped she would get to replay this moment for the rest of her days. 

When they had finished, Alistair smiled at her, his cheeks ruddy with exertion. “Maker, I think I’m glad I didn’t do that with you sooner.”

“And why is that?” Lana asked, reaching over to touch his swollen lips. “Did you not care for it? I certainly did.”

“Precisely why I’m glad,” he answered, placing a soft kiss on her nose. “Because I would have never left your side- the world could burn away outside our tent, and I wouldn’t have cared. You would’ve been enough, Lana- you were always enough,” he said quietly. “I’m just sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”

—

Afterward, Lana lay in bed, unable to sleep. The battle was coming- tomorrow, they would march on Denerim. Sam had long since gone home, passing out the moment she hit the bed, but it wasn’t her she needed to see. Taking pains not to wake Alistair up, she gathered the pile of neatly folded papers and headed for Leliana’s room.

It was late, but she knew the redhead was awake- she could hear her soft prayers as she approached the door and knocked softly. “Leli,” she said sadly, “I have to talk to you and ask you a favor.”.

“But of course,” Leliana replied. “Come in, please.” She escorted the mage into the room and the bard sat on the bed, staring at her friend. “What’s on your mind?”

“I need you to place these letters in everyone’s bag before the battle tomorrow,” Lana said, handing the bard the sealed letters. "They cannot know they are there until the archdemon is slain, Leli- that is most important.”

Wordlessly, Leliana flipped through the letters, noticing the lack of a letter for Morrigan. “Why does the witch not have one?”

Lana sighed. “Because she left- she chose not to fight with us. I offended her by not listening to her counsel, and she turned into a bird and flew off.”

“Pity that Shale wasn’t around to crush the wretched bitch,” Leliana remarked. “But that doesn’t explain these letters, Lana. What are you getting at?”

She played with the hem of her nightclothes, refusing to look into the eyes of the woman who had become one of her best friends. “If I don’t make it back from the battle tomorrow, I didn’t want people wondering. I want them to know what they mean to me.”

“I have a letter here,” she remarked simply. “How do you know I won’t read it?”

“Because even if you did, you know honor and duty,” Lana said simply. “You would still do what needs to be done.”

Leliana nodded, seeing what her friend wasn’t saying. “This is about Alistair and Sam, isn’t it?” When Lana nodded sadly, the redhead came over and wrapped her arms around her. “Does Sam know about this?”

“I didn’t need to ask- her mom told me. I’m going to destroy the man I love and my sister, Leli. They’re going to hate me in their grief, but I need you to promise me something.”

“Anything,” Leliana said. “Whatever you need, Lana.”

“You need to remember that I love you- you are not your past and you have every right to be what you want to be, Leli. Don’t forget who you are when I’m gone.”

“Lana-“

She held up a hand- if she stopped, she’d never finish. “Don’t let Sam wallow in this- even if she pulls away, find a way to remind her she still has friends and family here. She can’t get rid of Team Mage that easily.”

Leliana nodded, tears shining in her eyes. “I will. Even if she leaves, I will keep her with us.”

Lana smiled, struggling to keep her own tears at bay. “And Cullen needs to know I didn’t abandon my sister- I did my duty. Make sure he remembers that his sister in law was the mage that saved the world- let him know I was true to the end, and even when I had a choice, I never used blood magic. Keep him safe for me and Sam, Leli.”

“Always,” she replied with a slight waver in her voice. “You have my word.”

“And Alistair,” she whispered, her tears breaking free. “Make him stay connected- If I were here, he’d be her brother. The two halves of my heart are going to need each other during this- don’t let them forget me, and don’t let him doubt my love for him. Whenever he needs to hear it, tell him-“ she bit back a sob, then took a deep breath, trying to compose herself. “Tell him when I see him in the next life, he owes me a wedding with shining Grey Warden armor. I’ll be waiting in my blue and white dress with a slice of our perfect cake, just for him.”

With that, Lana couldn’t hold back anymore- the tears came flooding out and she clung to her friend, both of them realizing that this was goodbye. As she clung to Leliana and wet her shoulder with her tears and felt hers as well, she wished she could tell her lover and her sister what she wanted to, but she knew she had to trust the bard to be her voice.

If she could even find the words to tell them, it wouldn’t matter- they’d never let her go.


	28. One Last Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Team Mage heads out to save Ferelden

__

* * *

I had no idea what I was getting myself into as we marched back into Denerim, but seeing the city practically on fire and swarming with darkspawn was not part of my initial plan. I sighed. “When we first got here, the city smelled like shit and now it's on fire. This town is literally a flaming pile of shit, guys.” I turned to look at Lana and frowned. “Am I allowed to nope the fuck outta here like Morrigan did?”

“If you do, I will never forgive you,” Lana said. “Are you really trying to abandon me during what could be my last moments on earth?”

“Fine- just for you, I’ll stay in the City of Flaming Poo,” I grumbled, tickled by my impromptu rhyme. Judging from the titters behind me, Alistair and Oghren were digging my lyrical skills. “You owe me, Lana.”

“More than you’ll ever know,” she said with a smile. “Time for the darkspawn to discover what Team Mage can do- let’s clear these gates!” She turned to me, a wicked gleam dancing in her eyes. “Sam, do you have enough candy in your bag for one final bomb-dot-com to boost morale?”

I dug into the bag on my side, pulling out a piece of candy and feeling overjoyed at the fact that it was a pink Starburst. “Oh hell yes,” I said, popping the treat into my mouth. “And I didn’t even have to eat a lemon pledge candy. Let’s bring it to ‘em, Lana. Show them why they should have had a mage for a queen today.” I offered her my palm and she gave me a high five, much to the amusement of our party.

Hand in hand, we walked up to the front gates where the city guard was trying to defend the entrance to the city. Looking at each other, we both nodded and Lana held my hand, letting out a blast of chain lightning that incinerated every darkspawn at the gates. When the last corpse was nothing more than smoldering cinders, we stopped the blast and I frantically reached for my emergency can of soda, ignoring the looks of wonder and confusion on the faces of the people around me. _Fuck ‘em_ , I thought. _They’re in the middle of a war. If they can get away with drinking blue potions, I can get away with drinking a baby can of Coke._

Riordan ran over to us, eyes open wide. “Maker!” The senior warden looked around the front lines, where remnants of darkspawn ash were scattering across the gates of the city. "What did you two do?”

“ _That_ would be Team Mage,” Cullen said proudly. “You put these two together and you get miracles.”

“Well, I hope you can do it again, for we may need a few more miracles before the night is through,” he remarked, looking us over. “I am going to lure the Archdemon over to the top of Fort Drakon, but we still have two darkspawn generals in the city- we’ve gotten reports of fighting in the Market District and the Alienage. Maybe you can eliminate them, seeing as you dispatched those quickly enough. Take her with you, Warden Amell- you may require your talents inside the city.”

Lana nodded. “My sister always comes with me,” she replied quickly. “Ok, there are two generals- we should split up and handle this.”

“You also will want a team here to help the soldiers defend the gates,” Riordan warned. "It will not do to save the interior only to be overrun by darkspawn.”

“Fuck,” I muttered. “Who’s going to go do what?"

“Alistair, you can take Zevran, Wynne, and Dog- Go check on the Alienage. You guys were just there, you should have a decent understanding of the layout. Sam, Cullen, Leliana and I will take the Market District. Sten, I need you, Oghren, and Shale to guard the gates- you’re the toughest fighters I have, and I know there’s nothing that will get past you.”

Lanaya, Irving, and Bhelen stepped forward, still a bit shocked at our display of power- the only one who wasn’t wearing an expression of surprise was Irving. “We are here to assist the Grey Wardens,” Lanaya said solemnly. “Tell us where you need our arrows, and we will offer them to you.”

“The dwarven people recognize the assistance you provided in helping choose a king for Orzammar,” Bhelen said gravely. “We offer you our support.”

Irving laughed. “I know you too well to stand on pomp, Solana- you know your brothers and sisters stand with you.”

Cullen frowned. “And what of the templars? Surely Greagoir sent some to assist?”

“I’m afraid not, Ser Rutherford,” Irving answered quietly. “He could not spare any due to the chaos at the circle- we’ve already had too many runaways trying to take advantage of the chaos. But know that those of us here pledge our lives in service of Ferelden tonight.”

“You’re a good man, Irving,” Cullen said as he shook his hand. “Ferelden will not soon forget the actions of the Circle today.”

“Let’s hope not,” Irving responded gravely, staring out at the soldiers glaring at them warily. “History has a way of minimizing the actions of those they deem lesser.” His eyes flitted to the ring on Cullen’s hand and his eyebrows raised. “But something tells me you might be more willing to do something about it than most.”

Instinctively, I took Cullen’s hand, half expecting my husband to jerk away in the presence of the First Enchanter. Instead, he leaned over and kissed me on the forehead. “I have something to fight for as well, Irving.”

The senior mage looked at us and smiled. “I think it may be best if you were stationed somewhere away from here after this, Ser Rutherford. Far too many here are more observant than forgiving- I’d suggest you two make your mark somewhere else. Lady Samantha,” he said, turning to me. “I wish you and your sister the best today. However, you still owe me that chat. Maybe over tea one day, if we all live through this?”

I laughed, leaning over and kissing the old man on the cheek. “I’d like that, thanks.”

Lana smiled sadly, then cleared her throat. “As much as I hate to do this, it is time. Wynne or I will signal your teams if we need you inside- otherwise, I need your troops to protect the civilians out here.”

“Understood,” Lanaya said. “I pray that you succeed, for all our sakes. Let Zathrian’s sacrifice not be in vain today.”

“I will honor it,” Lana replied, then turned to Cullen and me. “Are you two ready?”

“One last ride for Team Mage before we retire,” I responded, dumping a quarter of a bag of M&Ms into my mouth before handing the rest to Lana. When she took the bag she started to tear up but quickly suppressed it, turning away from me.

I stared at her curiously, but Leliana had walked over, placing a hand on my arm. “Let it go, Sam- it’s going to be a trying day for us all. No matter what, we’re going to lose people today, and the sacrifice weighs heavily on her.”

“I hate this,” I said, looking over at Lana as she went down the line of people and prepared for our battle. “She doesn’t need to take all this on. It’s not her fight.”

“If not hers, then whose is it?” Leliana asked, gripping my other hand. “Lana has made her choice to stand by her country. We have made our choice to stand by her. At this point, there is nothing more we can do except see this through.”

_ _

* * *

Lana stared out at the faces of her friends, trying to avoid Alistair. She knew he wanted to go with her, but she couldn’t take the chance of having him with her at the end- he’d meet his end to protect her, and she knew that she couldn’t live with herself if she let that happen. He had the option to do more, to be more, and she wasn’t willing to let him give that up for her sake. To delay that conversation as long as possible, she decided to speak with the golem first. “Thank you, Shale, for everything- you’ve been a good friend. I hope this flesh-creature has proven worthy of your loyalty,” she said teasingly.

“You joke less than the other, so there is that, at least.” Shale let out a rumbling sigh. “I am glad you released me from the village. It has been not unpleasant to follow you. For a human, you have more compassion than most, even if you do allow birds to live.”

Lana laughed. “I’m a you now? I’m no longer an it?”

“It seemed easier to find a way to tell you apart.” Shale shrugged. "More flesh-creatures need to be like you and your sister- we’d have fewer birds, at least."

“I’ll take that as a compliment, Shale,” Lana replied, patting the golem on the arm. “Keep them safe and squash the darkspawn like pigeons, my friend.”

“It will be my honor,” Shale replied as she stomped off toward the gate.

Smiling to herself, she turned to look for the rest of her companions and settled her gaze on the dwarf, who was scratching inside his pants. Not surprised in the slightest, she let out a sigh as she headed over to him. “Oghren,” she said with a chuckle, “Can I ask you to keep our friends safe? I never thought I’d trust a drunken dwarf, but I have to admit, you’re a damn good blade to have around.” He gave her a smug look and Lana grinned. "You’re drunk now, aren’t you? Can’t have you going into the fight of our lives sober, can we?”

“Aye, drunk enough to take a piss on the first darkspawn I see,” he agreed. “Can’t let you sodding mages have all the fun.”

“I’d have it no other way,” Lana agreed, leaning down to hug the dwarf. “Be safe out there- I think we could use a few more wardens. Be a shame to lose such a warrior to a few bloody darkspawn when a broodmother couldn’t take you down.”

“Don’t fucking insult me,” he said gruffly. “Now go get that blasted General before I get even more pissed I don’t get to kill it myself.”

“Will do,” she said as he walked off, chuckling as he smacked her on the butt as he headed to the gates.

Watching the dwarf belch and head off to torture Shale, Lana shook her head. Soon, she heard heavy footsteps approaching from her right, and looked up to find the Quinari warrior. “You cannot be a woman,” Sten said as he stood at her side. “I find you most confusing.”

Lana gave him a confused look. “Funny, I thought I was pretty clear on being a woman. Am I doing something wrong?” She made a show of checking her backside and touching her breasts, which only made the Quinari roll his eyes. “Nope, everything still seems to be in order.”

“I never thought you would be as frivolous as Kadan, warden. But here we are.” He shook his head. “You are a mage, yet you are a warrior. I did not expect that.”

“Coming from you, that means a lot,” Lana said with a sad smile. “I suppose when we defeat the Archdemon, you’ll be traveling home to report to the Arishok, am I correct?”

“Yes,” he said simply. “But I must ask Sam for more cookies before I journey home.”

“What will you tell them?” Lana asked. “By your assessment, are we to expect a war from the Qun?”

“No- Tevinter is the more pressing threat, now that you have stopped the blight,” he replied as he turned toward the gates to lead his team.

“But I haven’t done that yet,” she frowned. “It’s not like you to suppose things, Sten.”

“I did no such thing,” he replied as he walked away. “With you and Kadan together, it is simply a statement of fact.”

“High praise from him,” Wynne said quietly, moving to stand next to her. “It appears that you are saying goodbye, Solana. Am I reading you correctly?” The old woman fixed her with a stern look, and Lana squirmed under her gaze. “What do you know that we don't?”

Lana sighed, smoothing her hair to busy her hands. “More than one person should, Wynne. Thank you for everything you’ve done for us… for me… for Sam.” She leaned over to hug the mage. “I couldn’t have done this without you.”

“I’m sure you could have,” she replied. “But I’ve never been prouder to help you.” She pulled back, searching Lana’s face. “Do Alistair and Sam know that you don’t intend to come back?” Wynne asked sadly. “The rest of us are soldiers- we know the signs. But Alistair is in love with you and Sam is a child unfamiliar with the horrors of war- if they know, they won’t let themselves believe it.”

“It’s why I can’t have him with me,” she admitted sadly. “Take care of them, Wynne,” she said quietly. “They’re going to need you.”

“What they need is you,” she replied as she took her hands in hers. “But absent that, I will do my best to help them.” The old woman gestured to the others and patted her hand softly before letting go. “You have my love, Solana- you always will.”

Wynne walked away, and Lana stopped to compose herself for a moment, wiping her eyes before she sought out Zevran. She plastered a smile on her face, then strode over to the elven assassin, trying to display confidence she did not feel. “Ah, if we only had another life, I may have ended up in the arms of a dashing rogue elf. Curse that stupid warden for stealing my heart first,” she teased.

“I’d gladly give you my heart in this life and the next,” Zevran said, wrapping his arms around her and giving her a chaste kiss on the forehead. “There is always time for a proper goodbye, you know- I can be quick and discreet.”

“Maybe next time,” Lana said sadly. “In the meanwhile, protect my heart, Zevran- I’m trusting you with one of the two things that matter most to me in the world. Keep them safe for me… always.”

“As I told you when we met, dearest, my life is yours as you see fit,” he replied with a sweeping bow. “I am your man, without hesitation or reservation.” He stood up and winked, making her giggle in spite of herself and he grinned, leaning over to whisper in her ear. “Even in death, I will honor your wishes- no harm will ever come to them again.” She opened her mouth to respond, but Zevran merely kissed her on the cheek. “Go, find your lover,” he said quietly, then raised his voice so others could hear him. “I’m going to go see if that sensual older woman will finally allow me to rest on her bosom in our darkest hour.” Lana groaned and swatted at him as he walked over to Wynne, who looked nowhere near as annoyed as she usually did with the elf.

She stared off into the distance, hoping to put off her last goodbye as long as possible, but soon there was a hand on her shoulder and she closed her eyes. “Hi Ali,” she said quietly. Even before she saw him, she could feel his presence at her side. Lana took a deep breath, knowing the man she had been avoiding was now standing with her. “This is it… today is the day.”

Alistair said nothing- he just looked at her, his brown eyes full of longing. Suddenly he pulled her to him, giving her a deep, long kiss right there on the battlefield. If there was ever a doubt from anyone about his feelings, there was none now- the bastard prince had made it clear that she was his and he was hers, right there for all to see. Melting under his touch, Lana couldn’t breathe- she wished that Sam would make the world stop and she could have this moment a little longer, but the specter kept up its dismal march, causing him to pull away all too quickly. “I wish we had more time,” he said, echoing her thoughts. “This isn’t enough. I want more with you.”

“As do I, Ali,” Lana replied, burying her face in his chest. “I love you more than words can say.”

“Then come back to me,” he said quietly. “Come back to me and tell me everything.”

“If I come back,” she said quietly, letting the dream spill from her lips as he stroked her hair, “We’re getting married right off. I don’t care who’s around or what is going on- we’re snagging our own Brother Burkel and doing this like we should have done that day. The world has taken so much already- it will give us this.”

“Agreed,” Alistair said as he kissed the top of her head. “We’ve earned it, love.”

_ _

* * *

Cullen knew what she was planning when she saw her go down the line of them. He could feel it as sure as he could feel his heart beating. He glanced over at Leliana, who had been walking through the battlefield, clearly doing a task he couldn’t yet be sure of. Sam had wandered off to say goodbye to the team at the gates, and Lana had made her way over to him.

“Are you going to tell her,” he asked quietly. “She’s going to try and stop you, Lana- you do realize that.”

“That’s why you’re with me,” Lana replied. “It’s symmetry, I suppose- you two were with me for my first trial and you’ll be with me for the last. The Maker is not without a sense of humor, it seems.”

He shrugged helplessly, staring over at his wife, then looking at his friend. “Lana, isn’t there another way? With your magic and Sam’s combined, couldn’t-“

She shook her head. “A grey warden has to strike the blow, Cullen. It has to be me, Riordan, or Alistair. And if Riordan fails, it will be me.”

“It doesn’t have to be,” Cullen said quietly. “I don’t want it to be either of you, but it doesn’t just have to fall on your shoulders, Lana.”

She sighed, looking over at Alistair for a moment before turning back to him. “It does. I could have saved us both, so the price is on my head. Morrigan had… a ritual. It would have saved us both, but I couldn’t do it. It was…”

“Blood magic,” Cullen finished for her. “And even if it meant your death, you wouldn’t do it. “ Suddenly a thought occurred to him and he turned to her, eyes wide. "Is this why you haven’t asked Sam about the battle?” She nodded and he put his head in his hands, instantly feeling like he wanted to lose his lunch. “Maker, Lana, you realize I have to pretend I don’t know this, right? My wife will never forgive you for this if she knew you had a choice.”

“You and I both know that wasn’t a choice, Cullen- it was my damnation wrapped in a pretty package. Flemeth was behind it, I’m sure of it. Sam’s mom came to me and all but confirmed that this was my end. I’m just thankful I’ve had time to make some sort of peace with it. My only hope is that I haven’t doomed us all. ”

“Now that I know to be false,” Cullen said, hugging his friend. “You’ve given me a life I had no right to live, a family Alistair never had, and the love of a sister Sam thought she’d lost. You are the best of us, Lana- you've saved us all time and time again, and today is no different.”

“You have to be there for her, Cullen. That’s why I asked you to be the second,” Lana said sadly. “Take care of her when I can’t, okay?”

“I’ll always be there for her,” he answered. “But I’m here for you, too, Lana. Is there anything I can do to stop this from happening?”

She shook her head. “Other than hope Riordan succeeds, all we can do is pray for a miracle. But if that doesn’t happen, just know that it’s been an honor to be at your side, Cullen Rutherford. I’d never imagined that shy templar who wouldn’t say two words to me would be standing at my side in my final hours.”

“Don’t say that,” Cullen admonished, but he knew she was right- he could feel it just as she did. “But if it is your time, know that having you in my life has been one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever received. Even if we didn’t always see eye to eye, I’m happy to have been there for you as you were for me.”

She hugged him then, kissing him on the cheek. It was the sweetest goodbye he could think of, and he pulled away to stare into the face of his first love, the woman who had given him everything, including his wife. “I love you, Solana Amell.”

“And I you,” Lana said softly. “But enough of this,” she said, wiping her eyes and standing up straight. “It’s time to save the world.”  
  


_ _

* * *

I had never eaten so much sugar in my life- if I knew I wasn’t lying to myself, I’d say I would swear it off forever. Lana and I had never before channeled so much magic- there were just wave after wave of darkspawn and ogres that kept coming. “Holy fuck,” I groaned. “Are they ever gonna stop attacking? How many more do we have to fight?” I popped another candy in my mouth, wincing at the sugary taste-all I wanted was a bed and a toothbrush. “Are we even making a dent in these motherfuckers?”

“You’re doing fine!” Cullen shouted as he battled a Hurlock. “Just do what you have to in order to take them down!”

I turned to Lana, who had just found the Hurlock general, who was surrounded by a cadre of ogres. “Lana, you ready for one last nug roast?”

“Language!” Leliana screamed from her position, dancing between two darkspawn. “How many times must I tell you, stop talking about roasting my nug!”

“That sounds so dirty, Leli!” I screamed, grabbing Lana’s hand. “No woman should want a hot nug!”

Lana let out a barking laugh as she let the last of my power flow through her. “Ready, Sam! Let’s show them what a hot roasted nug feels like!”

Cullen just laughed as Lana and I let out a burst of flame, incinerating the ogres and the general as they screamed. For good measure, Leliana and the elves were peppering them with arrows, making sure that they would not rise to torment anyone else. After a moment their shrieks died away, and the others began to clean up the remaining forces that were scattered around us. Thankfully, our fire blast had saved our group from any major casualties- Lanya’s archers were, for the most part, unscathed.

I tried to reach for a piece of candy and felt myself throw up a little in my mouth. “I can’t. I have hit peak candy- I can’t do this anymore.”

“We all have to do things we don’t want to do, Sam,” Lana said, taking a moment to catch her breath. “So if you could, please deal with it just a little bit longer. I’ll even suffer with you- we’ll overindulge on sugar together.” She put her hand on mine and looked into my eyes- she as was exhausted as I was, but she looked determined. “I want my sister with me till the end, Sam.”

Sighing as we made our way out of the market, I pulled out a can of Red Bull, taking a long swig. I then handed the can to her, and her eyes grew wide. “Wow, that is… energizing. Where did you get this and why didn’t you give it to me sooner?”

“Because it’s basically liquid cocaine, Lana,” I said as I pointlessly tried to get the can back- the mage had taken the can and drank greedily, finishing the rest of my drink with no hesitation. “I wasn’t trying to kill you- I don’t have the foggiest idea what that much caffeine would do to you.”

“Well it woke me up, that’s for certain,” Lana replied, rubbing her hands together. “If by some miracle we live through this, I want a cartful of those beverages everywhere I go.” She shook herself, then smiled at us brightly. “Sam, can you check on-“

Just then, there was a terrible screech in the air, making my blood run cold. I’d only heard that kind of cry once before, when we were in the deep roads- it was just as terrifying now as it was then. “Is that-“

“The archdemon, yes,” Lana replied flatly. “He’s rallying troops, Sam. Check on the others, please.”

“I can’t!” I cried. “You and Cullen are here- I’d have to go home and come back to see what’s going on over there.”

“We’re going over to the Alienage,” she said tersely. “You go home and then head over to check on the team at the gates. No dawdling, Sam- come back as fast as you can and let me know what is going on.”

“Got it,” I said quickly, heading home and searching for Sten. When I located him, I sent myself back and almost pissed myself when I arrived- a wall of darkspawn was approaching the gates with my three friends in the middle. “Sten!” I screamed. “What happened?”

“Kadan,” he said with quiet relief. “We are about to be overrun. Everyone here will fight with honor, but I fear we may be outnumbered today.”

“No, you won’t,” I replied, turning away from them. _Lana,_ I called out, _we got a wall of darkspawn coming at the gates- Sten and the others need help._

 _Got it,_ she answered quickly. _I’m sending Alistair and his team over along with the elves- the archers should be able to offer them some support._

I frowned. _But you and I can wipe this out quickly- why not send Alistair to the fort to help Riordan?_

 _I have given my order, Sam_ , she replied sadly. _Please, come back- I need you with me. There is a cadre of darkspawn near the palace- we must act quickly. Let Sten know that help is coming._

 _Will do. See you soon. Be careful, Lana_ , I thought, then I turned to the Quinari. “Alistair’s team is coming with the elves- that should help drive them back”

“We thank you for your assistance,” he said, inclining his head at me. “Now go, return to your party- you have your role to play, as do I.”  
  


_ _

* * *

Cullen watched as his wife and sister-in-law used their magic to fight through wave after wave of darkspawn as they tried to get to the palace. Alistair had wanted to stay with them, and Cullen had almost offered to go in his place until he saw the murderous looks Leliana and Lana were giving him. No matter how much he wanted to protect Lana, she was determined to keep her lover safe, and he knew without a shadow of a doubt that Lana would incapacitate him in a second if she thought he was going to be a liability. So instead of letting his friend fight with the woman he loved, Cullen found himself racing towards the palace, cutting down darkspawn as he went.

Just as he thought they might have a chance, another screech tore through the air. All of them looked up, only to see the archdemon scream once more as Riordan jumped onto its back, dragging his sword down the side of the beast. They watched in horror as Riordan tumbled off the dragon’s back and the archdemon crashed into the top of Fort Drakon, sending one more piercing yell into the air.

Cullen turned to Leliana, whose face was just as grim as his was- they were out of options. Their last hope lay in ruins on the streets below the fort, and it was now up to Lana to save them all. “Let’s go,” he said grimly. “We must get to the top of the fort while the beast is incapacitated. Riordan’s sacrifice will not be in vain today.” He looked at Lana and bit back the tears- he knew that if he let them come, he wouldn’t be able to do his duty, and Lana was counting on him. Hell, all of Thedas was counting on them- he couldn’t afford to fall apart now. “In case I don’t get the chance to tell you, Lana… it’s been an honor serving with you all.”

“No time for all this,” Sam said, popping one of her candies in her mouth and grimacing at the sugar. “Looks like once again it’s time for Team Mage to save the world. Party at my house afterward?”

Cullen felt the tears threaten to overwhelm him at his wife’s optimism, so he turned away and pretended to adjust his sword. Ever the storyteller, Leliana swooped in to save the day, placing a hand on Sam’s shoulder. “When this is over, we ‘ll do whatever you want, Sam… That, my friend, is a promise.”

_ _

* * *

To her surprise, Lana felt calmer with every step that brought her closer to the top of Fort Drakon.

There was something freeing about knowing the end was coming- there was no more pretending, no more holding back. She joined with Sam every chance she got, hoping that each time would be the last and she would be able to drive her to exhaustion, forcing her to go home and not witness the end that she knew was coming. But she knew it wouldn’t be that easy- her sister was with her no matter what, fighting just as hard as the rest of them. She was weak and pale, but Sam kept pushing on, most likely running on pure emotion at this point. When she finally does collapse, Lana thought, it’s going to be for a while.

They had finally reached the uppermost level of the fort, and Lana felt true fear for the first time at seeing the legion of darkspawn surrounding the archdemon. It was wounded, but that didn’t stop it from being imposing and deadly- it could still move, spurting flames from its mouth and making short flights from landing to landing. If she didn’t stop it here, it would fall to Alistair, and Lana couldn’t have that- there was no reason that all the wardens in Ferelden should fall today.

“Sam, are you able to come with me?” Lana asked. She knew it was selfish, knew she was only delaying the inevitable, but she still wanted her at her side. She was the first to believe in her, and she knew that with her there, she would be victorious. “Ready to show this archdemon how Team Mage settles a score?”

“Always, Lana Banana. He fucked with one, he fucked with all of us,” Sam replied grimly. “But I never want to see another Red Bull again as long as I fucking live, that’s for damn sure.”

Lana smiled, grabbing her sister’s hand and preparing to channel the last of her magic into one last spell. “I love you all,” she said quietly. “It’s time for one last nug roast, Sam.”

At that, Leliana raced over, throwing her arms around her before heading to her position and knocking an arrow. “Language, Lana,” she said softly. “But I love you too.”

Cullen nodded, drawing his sword. “For Ferelden,” he said as he lifted the blade in the air. “Lana, Sam… this world owes you everything to you."  
  


_ _

* * *

Lana called for the mages and we channeled our power, sending out a wave of flame over the mass of darkspawn and the archdemon, causing them to burn where they stood. Watching the flames encircle the tower, I felt faint as I watched the archdemon hop away, screeching as it burned. I started to let out a whoop of joy, but I felt my breath hitch in my throat when I saw Lana grab a nearby sword and race towards the beast.

“Lana!” I screamed. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing! Let that bitch burn and get your ass over here!” I started to race over to her, but Cullen and Leliana grabbed me by my arms. “Let me go! Stop worrying about me and go get that stupid girl!”

As I was protesting, I heard her voice in my head. _A grey warden has to strike the killing blow or this was all for naught, Sam. In order to defeat the archdemon, a grey warden has to die- this is my destiny. Thank you for being my sister, Sam- I love you._

Wide-eyed, I turned to look at Cullen and Leliana, who had tears in their eyes. I screamed and kicked, jumping up in the air and trying to break free from them. “Let me go! You bastards knew her crazy ass was going to do this! Let… me… go!”

They held me tight and I screamed, tears streaming down my face. _They can’t do that, Sam,_ Lana said in my head. _I told them to hold you back- I knew you’d never let me go._ She leaped onto the beast’s back, raising the sword in the air.

“LANA NO!” I screamed with every fiber of my being, willing the world to stop. Instantly, it felt like I had rammed my head into a brick wall- the flames around me stopped moving, the scream of the archdemon died on the air. Cullen and Leliana turned to look at each other, stunned, and I jerked away, racing towards Lana.

Everything was still, and we could all hear her, calling out to me. “Sam, stop- don’t come over here!” When I didn’t stop, she drove her blade in the neck of the archdemon, staring at me sadly. “It’s done, Sam- there’s nothing we can do.”

“MOM!” I cried. “Mom, I never ask you for anything, but I’m asking you now- you have to save her!”

“Sam, it’s ok,” Lana said, stepping off the beast. “It had to be done, and I had to be the one to do it.”

“MOM!” I screamed again. “YOU CAN’T DO THIS TO ME! You already took Grace from me, at least let me have Lana!” I whirled around, screaming like a madwoman and falling to my knees. “MOM, PLEASE! I’ll do whatever you want!”

At that moment, Alistair came running up the stairs of the fort, gasping and out of breath. “I left the gates as soon as I saw Riordan go down,” he panted. “Then time stopped-“ He looked over at me screaming on the ground, then to Lana, then to the sword sticking out of its neck. “Oh no,” he cried, stumbling to the ground. “Lana, you didn’t-“

“I did,” she replied. “It’s done.” She went over to me, staring up at Alistair as she wrapped her arms around me. “Sam, I had to do it."

As I sat there, my head started to pound- I knew I wasn’t ready to let her go, but I wasn’t going to last much longer. “I love you, Lana,” I cried. “I don’t want you to go!”

She kissed me on the forehead. “You’re my sister, Sam- I’m always going to be with you. Team Mage forever, remember?” With that, she turned to Alistair, who had walked over to us. “I’m sorry it had to be this way,” she murmured, taking off her locket and placing it around his neck. “But I need you to take care of each other.”

“Lana, I can’t lose you,” he said, burying his face in her neck. “Take me with you?”

She shook her head. “The wardens need to rebuild,” she said with a sad smile, kissing him one last time. “Lead them into something wonderful, my love.”

She turned to face me, her blue eyes shining with tears. “You were amazing, Sam. You were the best sister and friend I could’ve hoped for.”

“I’m not that good,” I cried, feeling the blood start to trickle from my nose. “If I were, I could’ve saved you.”

“Pshh,” she said, hugging me and stroking my hair as I sobbed. “You were amazing. You’ve given me one last moment with you and the man I love. Who else but you could’ve done such a thing. But,” she said, wiping the blood from my face, “You’re going to hurt yourself if you don’t let me go, Sam.”

“I don’t care,” I said, clutching her close. “I don’t want to be here without you.”

“You’ve got a life to live, Sam,” she said with a smile. "And I need you to take care of Ali for me. Promise me.” I started to protest, but she gave me that ‘you’re an idiot’ look she’d perfected just for me one last time. “No buts, Sam- Promise me. Promise me you won't run away from your family and friends because of this. They need you."

I couldn’t even speak anymore- the pain in my head was too great, and the sobs were wracking my body, so I just nodded. Finally, I managed to choke out words- my throat felt like sandpaper. “I promise,” I croaked.

She nodded, gently touching my cheek and nodding to Cullen, who moved to stand by my side as she moved to Alistair one last time. “Leliana, remember your promise,” she said, kissing Alistair between his tears. “And thank you… for everything.”

Leliana nodded, going over for one last hug. “It was my pleasure, my friend. Until we meet again by the Maker’s side, Lana.”

Cullen had his arms around me as I stared at Lana, too afraid to turn away- by this time I was shaking, exhaustion and pain threatening to overtake me. “Let go, Sam,” he whispered. “You have to let go or there’s going to be nothing left."

“He’s right, Sam,” Lana said as she moved back to the archdemon. “We’ve already taken more time than we ever had a right to.” She smiled at me. “I love you, Sam.”

I closed my eyes, knowing that her face would be the last thing I would see for a while and trying to permanently etch her features into my memory. “I love you, Lana Banana.”

Then the world restarted and everyone was thrown to the ground as the archdemon exploded, bathing the fort in a flash of light.


	29. It should've been me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam deals with the aftermath

_ _

* * *

When I woke up, I was at home, with mom and dad sitting at my bedside. “Welcome back, Pipsqueak,” he said as he kissed my forehead. “You’ve been out for a minute and you had me a little worried there- it’s not like you to be quiet for that long.”

I tried to say something, but mom shook her head, adjusting the ice pack that was on my face. “Shh, just rest," she said, stroking my hair. "And before you ask, your ring and locket are on your dresser, but I had to stop your clock- you were too weak and I needed to make sure you were okay.”

Seeing her be tender and loving enraged me, causing my face to contort into an expression of hurt and rage. “I needed you there!” I screamed at her. “Lana needed you… _I_ needed you! The one time I ask you for something and you ignore me, mom!”

“Oh Sam,” she said sadly, stroking my face as I lay back on the bed and cried. “How do you think you and Alistair got the chance to say goodbye?” I stared at her, eyes wide, but she just nodded and continued. “You need to learn how to control time a little better- I can teach you, but there wasn’t time right then, so I was your battery, kid. I knew I couldn’t let her go without giving you a chance to talk to her.” 

I was conflicted- It hurt, knowing that she was there and didn’t save her, but I was also glad that she allowed me to have a few last moments with my sister. Unable to choose and exhausted, I settled on the truth. “Honestly, I don’t know how to feel right now."

“That’s okay,” she said, gently holding my hand and squeezing it. “No one expects you to be okay right now.”

Sadly, I fingered my neck where my locket used to be. “How long was I out? I asked hesitantly. 

She looked at Dad, who put a hand on my arm. “About a week," he said softly. “You’ve been in and out the whole time. One minute you’re sleeping, the next minute you’re screaming. We’ve been taking turns watching over you.” When I got a panicked look on my face, he gave me a soft smile. “Don’t worry- your mom sent a note with the scary-looking bird that keeps dropping off letters for you. Your friends know you’re ok… and if I’m not mistaken, that list includes my son-in-law?”

I grimaced. “You know about that?”

“Would’ve liked to meet him first so I could work him over, but we don't always get what we want, I suppose. At least your mom seems to think he’s ok.” He patted my arm and stood up. “You’re lucky I can’t read any of this funny writing or I would have been reading all this mail of yours, Pipsqueak. It seems that my daughter likes to go save worlds and gets married without telling her dad first."

“Sorry about that,” I said with a groan- my head was on fire. “I promise, we can talk all about it when I think I can sit up without destroying myself. I guess a day-long sugar binge is bound to have some pretty nasty side effects.”

“I could’ve told you that,” he said mildly, grabbing the stack of papers off of my nightstand and placing them next to me. “But no one ever asks me anything. Just because I’m mortal doesn’t make me stupid, kid.” 

I started to ask for my locket, but mom beat me to the punch. “You don’t want that yet, Sam. Just… give it a moment. If you want, you can call Cullen- he’ll be happy to know you’re ok. I’m kind of tired of being the Fereldan pen pal, so maybe you could save the bird a trip and answer the poor boy?” 

“How long has it been over there?” I asked, dreading the answer as I looked at the pile of paper. “This looks like a lot of letters, Mom.”

She glanced over at Dad again, who shook his head. “Don’t look at me, Nia- this is your show, remember?” He looked at my face and sighed, patting me on the arm. “I’m going to go downstairs while you and your mom talk, get you some soup and some juice. I’m sure you want to eat something solid, can’t have been all that fun being hooked up to an IV for that long.” 

“What are you talking about?” I said incredulously. “I didn’t have an-“ Dad stared at my elbow, where there was indeed a port in my arm. “Who did that?” I wondered as Dad left the room, kissing Mom on the cheek as he left. 

“I _am_ an actual doctor, remember?” Mom said with a tiny smile. “I do still remember enough to keep my daughter alive.” 

“Thanks for that, I suppose,” I said sadly. “Though I don’t feel all that grateful right now.” 

“Give it time, Sam. Everything gets better with time,” she replied, kissing me on the forehead. “It’s been a week for you, but it’s been over two months for them- they need to hear from you.”

“I don’t know if I want to,” I said quietly. “Maybe it’d just be better if I let them move on.”

“Better for who? You?” She gave a small laugh, gesturing to the pile of paper Dad had given me. “Because I think you have a pile of correspondence that says otherwise.” She gave my shoulder a squeeze, standing up from my bed. “Call your husband,” she said, shaking her head. “Can’t believe I have to say that to my youngest daughter, but hey, I’ve lived through worse.” When she got to the door, Mom leaned back in the room, sadness reflected in her green eyes. “And for what it’s worth, Sam, I did what I could out there- Lana made her own choice and I respect her for it. If I could have stopped it, I would have- I need you to know that."

I sighed, leaning back on the bed. “I know, I do… but that doesn’t make it hurt any less, Mom.”

“I know it doesn’t,” she said, smiling softly. “But time is passing over there, Sam- call that man before the bird comes back."

_ _

* * *

_Thedas, 2 1/2 months later_

Cullen was in his bunk, getting ready to drift off to sleep when he heard her voice in his head. _Cullen, are you there?_

He bolted upward, eyes wide. “Sam?” His wedding ring was in his shirt, but immediately he clutched it in his fingers, desperate to feel it again. “Is that truly you?”

Samson glared at him from his bunk, angry at the sudden noise. “No one cares about your nightmares, Rutherford- for once, could you pipe down so the rest of us can get some sleep!”

Sam chuckled in his ear. _Did you forget you don’t have to speak out loud for me?_

“Sorry,” he replied sheepishly, running his hands through his hair. “My apologies.” Samson just grunted as he turned over, grumbling something which Cullen assumed was unflattering. Trying to calm his nerves and temper his excitement, he lay back down on the bunk and closed his eyes. _I’ve missed you so much, Sam. It’s been way too long._

 _I’m sorry,_ she replied. _I’m just waking up- apparently, I was out for a week. Seems like I did a number on myself back there._

 _You did,_ he replied. _I thought I lost you, too._ He sighed, trying to focus through the grief he’d felt ever since that day. _Thank the Maker your mom sent me that letter, or I don’t know what I would have done by now. Don’t ever do that to me again, love- I need you with me._

 _I’m not going anywhere,_ she said finally, and he realized she meant it. _My heart still hurts whenever I think of Lana, but I love you enough to stick around. Though I don’t know if I’ll be able to go back to Ferelden… it hurts too much._

 _I felt the same way- that’s why I left._ Cullen rolled over in his bunk, staring up at the ceiling. _I had to get away from there._

She paused for a moment. _Where are you now? Are you ok?_

He chuckled in his head. _I take it you haven’t read your letters yet, have you?_

 _Like I said, I just woke up._ He could feel the sigh pass from her lips, and he wished she was there with him, though he knew he was in no position to have her appear. _It’s hard, Cullen- I haven’t even put my necklace on yet. I’m too scared to know what my life is going to be like without her there with me._

 _It’s not easy, I’ll give you that._ He still saw that day clear as ever when he closed his eyes. Sometimes it was even Sam who dealt the blow, causing him to wake up in a cold sweat and finger his ring nervously. _But your mom told me something in one of her letters and I’d like to tell you... if it’s ok with you._

 _Sure, I don’t see why not_ , Sam replied casually. 

He took a deep breath, wondering if she would feel like he was overstepping or trying to replace her sister. _I can call out to you,_ he said finally. _When you wear your ring, I can call out to you just as you can call out to me._

 _Makes sense,_ she said finally. _We’re connected- it’d be a pretty one-sided marriage if you couldn’t get ahold of me._

She let out a yawn, and he chuckled, pleased to hear even the most normal things from her- it made him remember she was real and not just a dream he didn’t want to wake up from. _Are you tired, love?_

 _A little,_ she admitted. _But Dad just brought me soup and juice… its the first time I’ve had food in a week- guess I should eat._

 _Then go eat,_ he replied. Even across the universe, Sam was never without food, and the thought made him smile. _I need you healthy so you can come to visit me._

Sam paused for a moment. _You still haven’t told me where you are- are you trying to hide from me?_

 _I’m in Kirkwall,_ he replied. _It’s a lot different- much more structure and order._ His thoughts drifted back to the circle and he felt a shiver roll down his spine. _I… think I need that. After the chaos of Kinloch, I think a little order will be good for me._

 _You do what you need to do_ , she replied. _I’ll just let time pass here… if you don’t mind._

 _Will I still see you?_ Cullen asked, both dreading and hoping for her answer. He knew she was hurting- he’d had a few months to process his feelings, which was nowhere near as acute as hers, whereas Sam had only had a few hours to begin to cope with such a heartbreaking loss. As much as he wanted her with him, Cullen knew her needs had to come first. _Or will I be limited to having your voice only in my mind for a while?_

After what felt like an eternity, Sam finally answered. _Find the time and place and I’ll meet you,_ she said, the smile evident in her voice. _I need to see you._

 _I have a day off at the end of the week,_ he answered, trying not to sound too eager. _May I take you on a picnic?_

 _I’d like that_ , she replied. _I think I need a little normal after this._

 _We’re never going to be normal, Sam,_ he said with a smile. _But we can be happy._

_ _

* * *

As I ate my food, I settled down and started to read the letters, trying to catch myself up with my friends. Taking a deep breath, I unrolled the first one, and I was immediately greeted with Alistair’s messy scrawl.

_Hey Sparrow!_

_I was super freaked out when the big scary bird came and plopped on my windowsill, but when it had a letter for me, I decided to say screw it and write back. I’m glad to know you’re ok, but since you haven’t swooped in on me, I guess I should fill you in on what’s happened around here. Shale and Wynne set off together to head to Tevinter, and Oghren went to go be with that bartender back by Kinloch. Good for him, I suppose. Sten went back home- so far we don’t have a quinari invasion, so that’s a good thing, and no one has seen Morrigan- good riddance._

_But, I guess I should get to what you want to know, right? Cullen left, but I guess you’d know that before me- he went to Kirkwall and that idiot is still a templar. I told him to get his head out of his ass and get a house for you and him so Dog and I would have a place to visit, but he insists on doing it ‘the right way’, whatever that means. Leliana is gone to Orlais, and I’m here in Amaranthine, the new headquarters for the Grey Wardens. It’s nice, but it’s kinda drafty here. Zevran says hi- for some reason, he’s here with me. He says he’s guarding my body, though I don’t think that’s particularly necessary. He misses you too, Sparrow._

_Speaking of that (and I’ve been avoiding it), they had Lana’s funeral. You would’ve hated it- all these people praising her as if they knew her. The only good thing about it was Irving now has a free circle because she showed those blasted fools what a mage can do. They made a statue of her, but they can keep the bloody thing (though I visit it every day). I miss her so much, Sam- when you feel better, come find me, ok? I miss my little sister, even if she is a Rutherford now._

_-Ali_

The next letter was much shorter- it was from Leliana. The script was flowing and neat, and I smiled a little at the fact that she remembered me. 

_Samantha,_

_I’m pleased to know you’ve survived- I was worried about you. I’ve headed back to Orlais for a while- I couldn’t stay in Ferelden without Lana. That is not to say that I am not keeping an eye on Alistair and Cullen, however. There is no need to fret, as both of our hapless boys are okay, but I think they will benefit from a visit from their favorite apostate sometime soon, as would I. Feel free to drop in on me, but find a way to announce yourself- things have been a bit tense lately._

_I love you, Sam… it’s just hard._  
_-Leliana_

  
When I picked up the next letter, I realized that it was from Cullen. Seeing his neat handwriting made me smile- leave it to Cullen Rutherford to have perfect penmanship.

  
_My love,_

_I’m terrible at letter writing, but when your mother sent me a letter and told me you were alive, my heart nearly leaped from my chest. I’m currently on a boat bound for Kirkwall- when I’m settled in here, I need you with me, Sam. My life is empty without you in it, and I realize it’s too short to spend alone._

_I love you, Samantha Rutherford- I’ll count the days until I hear from you._

_Love, your husband_

  
_PS: I hear that your family now knows about our nuptials- should I be worried about your father?_

Laughing, I opened the last letter and let out a gasp, covering my mouth with my hand. When I saw the handwriting, I could feel my breath hitch in my throat as the tears burned in my eyes, threatening to spill out onto the paper. 

_Dearest Sam,_

_Please, do not let this event harden your beautiful heart- I go into this knowing what I must do, and I leave only regretting that I have but one life to have spent with you._

_Even before I left Kinloch, you freed me from my prison, and I can’t ever thank you enough for that. I am proud to have called you my friend, but I’m honored to have called you my sister, Samantha Cassiopeia Rutherford. You once told me that your middle name is a star in your world, and I can think of no better name for the woman who traveled across the stars to save me. You’ve shown me that I could love, that I could have a family. You gave me joy when there was none, and brought light to my darkness._

_Watch over my love, Sam. Keep him safe, but make sure that my leaving does not take the joy from his world, I trust that you will make sure that he grows into the man that I know he can be, but you will also bring him smiles and laughter, just as you have done for me. While I am, as you so eloquently put it, awesome sauce, I do not want him to wallow. Rather, I want him to look back on our time fondly and recognize that the next woman should bring him nothing less than what he and I had the fortune to share._

_As for you, dear sister, don’t leave your heart behind in your grief- he loves you more than you know. Do you know that he’s kept a piece of you ever since the day you met? No matter how much you think he doesn’t t need you, the man is yours and you are his. Do not let anything get in the way of that- I could not have my happy ending, so let me bear witness to yours. As your other older sister, I order you to get your head out of your ass and live your life, and I suspect that if I had ever had the fortune of meeting my other honorary sister, she would tell you more of the same. If I know you as well as I think I do, then you are scowling right now, but I wish not to hear your protests. Do not disappoint your family, Sam- grant this romantic one last wish._

_You know me well enough to discern that I am stalling, but what else would one expect from someone who is telling the people that matter the most how much they mean to them for the last time? You always talk about choices and branches, and I know you better than I know my own heart, so I will tell you this now and I want you to listen- my choices were my own, not yours. Do not blame yourself and do not play what-if- I have made my peace with it, and if there is a Maker, I will be walking at his side soon enough, but if not, and you can, look up and find me in the stars, where I will watch over you for eternity._

_Remember, as you once told me- wherever you are is where I am. Never forget that._

_With all my love from across the universe,_  
_Your sister, Lana Banana_  
  


  
Enraged at the unfairness of it all and overwhelmed with emotion, I screamed, dropping to my knees. It hadn’t been a dream- she was actually gone. _It should have never been Lana_ , I thought. _She was the best of us- the world needed, no needs her... I need her. It should’ve been me._

Letting the letter flutter to the floor, I lay on the bed in a ball, crying uncontrollably until I fell asleep again. 

_ _

* * *

Cullen sat at the edge of the lake, waiting for Sam to arrive. He couldn’t understand why he was so nervous- this was his wife, but this was the first time he’d seen her in 3 months, and he wanted things to be right. He’d gotten a tent, purchased a bottle of wine, and set up a fire- now all that was left to call her. Suddenly, he felt sick to his stomach- w _hat if she won’t come?_

 _No_ , he thought, _Sam isn’t like that. If she said she’s coming, she’s coming._ Brushing his fears aside and taking a deep breath as he tried to strengthen his resolve, he called out to her. _Sam, are you ready, love?_

 _One second,_ she said quickly. _I’m just getting dressed- It’s only been a couple of hours for me, remember? I had a nasty case of bedhead and a dire need for a shower._

He frowned- was he rushing her? _If you need more time, I can wait- this isn’t…_ he sighed, not wanting to lie to her. _We can wait._

“Nah, I don’t think you can,” she said from behind him. Her dark hair was loose and shining over her shoulders, and she was wearing a soft-looking shirt with a pair of what she’d once called jeans. Honestly, Cullen didn’t care what she was wearing- it was Sam and she was alive, staring at him with that smirk she wore so well. He brightened upon seeing her, frowning slightly when he realized the smile she wore wasn’t quite reaching her eyes- she was still distraught, but she was hiding it for his benefit. 

“Love,” he said softly, walking over to pull her to him. He wanted nothing more than to take her right then, but he could see that though it had been months for him, her grief was still raw and red- he needed to be careful with her or risk her breaking right in front of him. So instead of taking her in the tent and ravishing her as he wanted, he simply held her in his arms, savoring the scent of her hair and holding her as she cried, the salt of her tears mingling with the salty spray from the waves behind them. “Talk to me.”

“There’s nothing to say,” she whispered. “I didn’t even get to go to her funeral, Cullen. The world just moved on without me.”

He smiled, kissing her and savoring the feel of her lips on his. “Then let’s have one,” he said simply. “Just us, having dinner and drinks in honor of Solana Amell, the Hero of Ferelden.” He opened the basket and pulled out a blanket, stretching it over the ground, then patting the seat next to him. “Tonight, we honor my friend and your sister, Sam.” 

She frowned at the wine. “Aren’t we a bit too young to be drinking?” Sam asked curiously. “In my world, you have to be over twenty-one to drink.”

Cullen gave her a good-natured smile. “No, that doesn’t apply here, I’m afraid. You don’t have to have any… I just thought…” But before he could finish the sentence, Sam grabbed the wine, taking a long swig direct from the bottle. “Or... you could do that,” he said warily.

Sam gave him a cocky grin, one that usually meant trouble- he missed that grin. “I’m back in Thedas with my husband and it’s a beautiful night, so if it’s alright with you, I’d like to skip to the cuddling and celebrating my sister, Metal Man. You’ve had almost three months to move on- I’ve had hours.”

“Whatever you need, love,” he said, gesturing for her to sit next to him. She sat, clutching the bottle of wine, offering him a sip, “Let’s honor the great Solana Amell,” he said, chugging the wine. “The woman I owe everything I have to.”

—

Cullen was naked and slightly hungover when he heard the sound of light snoring next to him. 

Desperate to get his bearings, he leaned over and gasped at the sight of his wife splayed out on the bedroll with him. He’d never seen Sam sleeping before, as she usually transported out as soon as she started to fall asleep, but he was overjoyed at the sight of her resting against him. “Hey,” he whispered, placing soft kisses on her collarbone. “You fell asleep.”

“Five more minutes,” she murmured sleepily, rolling over and draping her arm over him. “I just need a few more minutes.”

“We’ve never had even one minute together in the morning- are you sure you want to waste it sleeping?” Cullen teased, gently nibbling her lip. “I never thought I would get to see you as soon as I opened my eyes, but here you are.”

“I am,” she agreed, kissing him back. “I’m just sad I have to go back- this was a nice getaway.”

“Why do you have to go back?” Cullen asked as he nipped at her neck softly. “We should stay like this- build a house on the shore, watch the world pass us by… just you and me.”

“If only,” she said sadly, running her fingers through his hair. “I have to go back home- I promised Mom I would study with her. I’m too weak, Cullen- I should’ve practiced more. If I had, maybe-“

“No,” he said sharply, kissing her before she could finish. “You will not do that. Practice if you must, but know that nothing that happened is your fault. I will not let you take the blame for something you had no control over, Sam. We’ve got enough regrets- let’s not add to them.” 

“I guess,” she said as if she were trying to convince herself. “I still need to train. I’m going to find Grace, Cullen- if I couldn’t save Lana, I’m damn sure not going to let anything happen to Grace because I wasn’t strong enough,” she said angrily.

He knew that she was trying to cope in her own way- he’d done the same thing, finding comfort in the order and its predictability. After the chaos they’d endured, he found himself yearning for the familiar- his work here gave him that, gave him peace. If that was what his wife needed to cope with her loss, he wouldn’t stop her. “You’ll always be strong enough,” he said simply. “But if that is what you need, I’ll be here whenever you’re ready."

_ _

* * *

When I got home, I thought about un-syncing my watch, but my eyes landed on my locket and I sighed- I needed to contact Alistair. I needed to talk to him, see what was going on… but seeing him was so painful. I wanted to cry every time I thought of him because seeing him just reminded me of Lana… who wanted me to keep up with him. Sighing, I realized that I was a horrible sister- no matter how hurt I was, there was no escaping the fact that I left him to face her funeral alone. Figuring that nothing I could do would ever make up for leaving him like that, I reached for the locket, feeling it thrum in my hand- he was wearing it.

 _Ali,_ I thought slowly, _are you there?_

His words reverberated in my ears, telling me that he was talking aloud. “SPARROW!”

 _Please don’t shout,_ I said, wincing at the pain in my head. _I’m in your head, not standing next to you. And if I were, you would’ve just blown out my eardrums._

 _It would serve you right,_ he thought in his head. C _an you come over, Sparrow? I’ve missed you. A lot._ I twisted the charm in my hands, trying to come up with a denial, but Alistair’s voice came through again. _I know you’re stalling, Sam, but I need you over here. Plus, Dog misses you too- are you going to deny him?_

 _Using the dog is dirty pool, Ali,_ I thought with a frown. _I thought you were better than using emotional blackmail._

 _It’s been three months and everyone is gone except Dog and Zevran- I’ll use whatever tactics I damn well wish._ He paused for a moment. _Seriously, Sam- I need to talk with you. There’s no one here that would understand what I’m going through like you._

I sighed. _I’m hungover from drinking with Cullen last night- if you have wine to make this hangover go away, then yes. Otherwise, I’m going to bed._

 _Wait, you were able to get the templar to drink? Not only that, you got him drunk?_ He let out a laugh. _You really are a mage, Sparrow._

 _Yeah, well to be fair, he got me drunk- I’m the one with a splitting headache and sand in the crack of her ass._ I groaned as I walked into the kitchen, causing Dad to look at me funny as I grabbed two snack packs of Oreos from the pantry. _Do you have wine or not, Ali?_

 _Now that is a picture I didn’t need to have in my mind- I have no desire to hear what goes on between you and your husband_. He let out an audible shudder and I laughed in spite of myself. _But yes. There’s a ton of it here- I haven’t touched it. But I'll get piss drunk and run through the halls half-naked if it’ll get you over here._

I let out an audible laugh at that. _Then I guess I’ll bring this cheese sampler we got hanging out in the fridge- sounds like we’re gonna have a lot of wine to go through._

Alistair gasped in delight. _You mean you’ve got samples of cheese just there for the eating? Why the hell did you ever leave your world and throw your lot in with us barbarians?_

 _Because I liked the company,_ I said with a smile. _Now uncork my bottle- I’m starting to sober up and my head is beginning to pound._

_I’m ready whenever you are, Sparrow._

—

True to his word, three hours and a rib crushing hug later, Alistair and I were sprawled out on the ground with Dog in front of Lana’s memorial, absolutely piss drunk. There were four wine bottles scattered on the ground, and the cheese plate was nothing but a distant memory. I had my head on his chest while he stroked my hair, both of us absentmindedly eating the last of the Oreos as we stared up at the statue. 

“This statue sucks,” I said as I tossed a cookie at it. “Doesn’t even look like her- it’s a goddamn copout, Ali.”

“They’ve got a worse one in Redcliffe,” he slurred. “If Lana saw it she probably would’ve melted it by now.”

I reached up and tapped him lightly on the nose. “Takes a lot to melt a rock. Bet we could’ve done it, though.” I stared up into the night sky, then took a swig from the bottle of wine. “We froze a door, remember?”

The warden let out a hiccup, then a giggle as he kissed my head. “I remember.” He sighed, then reached for the bottle I handed him. “I’m drunk, Sam. I’m probably drunker than Oghren right now.”

“Unless you’re pissing out ale, I doubt it,” I said with a laugh as I took another swig. “I’m proud- I haven’t threw up yet. Which is good, cause you don’t have a toilet. When you’re drunk, you need to hug a toilet- Grace told me so.”

“What’s a toilet?” Alistair asked, grabbing the cookie I had tossed on the ground and eating it. “And why do we have to hug it?”

“Its a place indoors where I go to the bathroom that isn’t behind a tree- dunno why I have to hug it,” I said, shrugging my shoulders and giggling. “Grace was smart.” I made a loud shushing noise and Dog looked over, curious- I giggled. “Don’t tell anyone, but she drank a bunch. I want to go drink with her- I bet she could tell us the answer,”

“You’re lucky you still have family,” Alistair said sadly. “I don’t have anyone anymore- everyone’s gone. Leliana’s in Orlais, Zevran’s gone, Wynne left, Cullen’s in Kirkwall, Lana’s dead and you left me.” He sighed, “I should’ve done it, Sparrow- I should have died, not her- no one would’ve missed me.” 

I paused, trying to force my head to stop swimming and doing a shit job of it. “Ali, everyone would’ve missed you. Hell, you’re my big brother, Ali- I would’ve missed you.”

Alistair sighed, looking down at the ground. “You left me, Sam. Three months and nothing- you’re the only one in the entire world who knows how I feel and you left me all alone. I was at that horrible funeral by myself, and the one person who should have been there with me wasn’t. We thought you died, Sparrow. I thought I lost you both.”

“I’m sorry, Ali,” I said as I hugged him. "I should’ve done it- I don’t even belong in this world. No one would have cared if I died.”

“I care, Sam. Your husband cares. Leliana cares. And if you left Lana like that, you would have broken her beyond repair and you know it.” He sighed, then hugged me back. “Guess there was no good option, huh?”

“Nope. Just a fucked up situation, no winners in sight,” I said as let out a loud belch, and Alistair stared at me for a moment before letting out one of his own. “Copycat,” I teased. 

He ignored my joke. “Don’t leave me again, Sam,” Alistair said with a sigh as he ran his hands through my hair. "I can’t lose you both.”

I reached up, fingering the chain on his neck and pulling mine out to show him. “We’re connected, remember? She gave it to you for a reason- I’m connected to you both now.” I swallowed, trying to get the words out without crying but I failed, peppering his chest with my tears. “Wherever you are, Ali, that’s where I’ll be.” 

“There are some extra rooms up there- I’m sure Dog would switch between us if we needed him to,” Alistair said, reaching a hand over to scratch Dog behind the ears. “I think he likes you better, anyway.”

“You know I can’t stay here, don’t you?” I looked up at him, trying to make sure he understood I wasn’t trying to abandon him. “I’m always going to be around if you need me, but I have to find Grace- I’m not gonna fail her like I failed Lana.” 

“You didn’t fail her, Sparrow- I failed her by not standing up to everyone. If I’d been strong enough, maybe-“

“We can’t play what-if’s,” I said softly. “She told me not to do that, and she told me to keep an eye on you.” I pressed one eye on his chest and looked up at him, making him laugh. “I’m gonna keep that promise, cause you’re gonna use that locket and call me. Whenever you want to talk, I’m here.” I moved my head, placing a finger on my lips. “Well, unless I’m asleep- then I might tell you to fuck off unless you’re dying.”

“That’s fair, Sparrow,” he said, sitting up and grabbing the last bottle of wine, drinking most of it in one go. “We can have a wine and cheese date, but if you stand me up, you’ll make me cry and you’ll feel bad.”

“Deal,” I said, poking him in the chest. "You bring the wine, and I’ll bring the cheese. Unless you’re in a totally shitty place- then I’ll have to steal a bottle from somewhere.”

He let out a loud laugh, ruffling my hair. “You’re about as good a thief as you are a fortune-teller, Sparrow- I’m not breaking you out of jail. Besides, I’m not writing to Kirkwall to tell the golden boy that I got his wife sent to jail for stealing wine and cheese.”

“But how else I am I supposed to get it?” I whined as I drank the last of the wine. When he glared at me, I crossed my arms over my chest and pouted. “Ugh- you’re no fun."

“To the contrary,” he said with a drunken smile as he poked me in the arm. “I’m the best brother you ever had.” 

I laughed, rolling over and hugging the young warden. We weren’t okay, but we’d work through it together- for now, that would have to be enough. He was right- he was the only one who understood what I was going through, and as much as being with Alistair hurt, I also felt better. “You’re my only brother, Ali.”

“Still counts,” he said, kissing me on the head. “A win by default is still a win, Sparrow."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Note: Fully aware that Cullen would NOT have roomed with Samson in the Gallows, but I needed there to be a little more of a personal stake for Cullen later on, and I thought it fits here.


	30. To friends, both old and new

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam visits Orlais and learns a little more from her mom; Cullen and Sam get spotted by Kirkwall paparazzi.

_ _

* * *

_5 months later in Thedas, Orlais (9:31 Dragon)_

Wearing a pair of simple gold sandals and a long, flowing emerald-colored dress, I sipped my coffee and waited for Leliana to meet me at the cafe in central Orlais. For her, it had been about five months- for me, it had only been a little over two weeks. Though it was messing with me, I couldn’t stay on Thedas time- Mom had agreed to work with me and I quickly discovered that natural talent would only get me so far if I wanted to find my sister.

The training was hard, but lately, I had started to be able to feel Grace again. However, I couldn’t pinpoint where she was just yet and Mom wasn’t telling me- between my lessons with her and my chats with Cullen and Alistair, I had barely had time to send a message with the red-eyed raven, and I felt terrible about it. In fact, I felt so bad about it that I was willing to travel to Orlais on my own to catch up with my old friend in person.

It was weird, being by myself in a new part of Thedas, and even weirder not having an actual task to accomplish. The only branch I could see clearly was the one for my friend. A cursory scan told me other branches and choices were around, but I no longer cared about them- I was done getting involved in things. My job was to watch, and that was my plan from here on out- I’d already gotten a lecture from Mom about meddling, and Dad was still giving me the cold shoulder for getting married without telling them. Mom told me to give him time, but it still hurt- Dad was always in my corner and to have him be so distant with me was more than I could bear, so instead of dwelling on how to fix our relationship, I threw myself into my training with reckless abandon.

Soon, I was able to put a portion of my newfound knowledge to the test and closed my eyes, picturing the woman I wanted to see and feeling her draw closer. After a few moments of searching, I could feel the bard approaching and I smiled, knowing that I was about to be reunited with my old friend. “Hi Leli,” I said once she had drawn close enough to hear me. When she stopped, I stood up and turned around to give her a huge smile. “Long time no see.”

Her lips turned up into a smile. “Someone has gotten better, no?” She moved over to give me a right hug, then kissed me on the cheek. “It is wonderful to see you again, Sam. I was beginning to fear you would never come.”

“It’s only been a few weeks for me, but they’ve been busy” I admitted, gesturing to the empty seat next to me.

She nodded, her eyes shining brightly as she took her seat. “How are Cullen and Alistair?” When I raised my eyebrows in surprise, she let out a soft peal of laughter. “Alistair has Lana’s locket, which means you can talk with him, and you could always talk with Cullen. It stands to reason then that the person to ask about our boys would be you, as they are both remiss in writing as they should.” 

I let out a soft laugh, shaking my head. “Ever the tactician,” I said with a smile. “Both are fine- Alistair and I met up a week ago for me, and Cullen is settling into his duties at his new circle.” I sighed, thinking about the templar- if I was throwing myself into my training, he was burying himself in his work. “I wish he’d lighten up a little- I barely talk to him.”

“That may be because he’s in line for a promotion,” Leliana said with a smile.

“I-“ I stammered, flustered at her news- how was it that I didn’t know this? “He didn’t tell me,” I said after a moment. “Would’ve been nice to know.”

She flagged down a waiter and ordered a beverage for herself. “That’s most likely because he doesn’t know yet- I have sources, Sam.” She smiled at me, patting my hand. "It appears he’s caught the eye of the Knight-Commander there. He’s working his way up.”

I scowled. “Good for him, as long as she keeps her hands to herself.” I took a sip of my coffee, trying not to work myself up. “I’m learning a few things and I’ll be happy to try them on her if she tries anything."

Leliana shook her head. “Be careful in Kirkwall, Sam- the Knight-Commander isn’t all that tolerant of mages there. It’s a very rigid circle, and I wouldn’t rely on your husband to protect you.” 

“That’s a bit dark, even for you, Leli,” I replied as I sipped the last of my drink. “Do you really think Cullen would let someone hurt me?” 

“Not intentionally,” the bard admitted. “But I can’t say he knows everything that goes on over there. I’ve heard things… and if I am to be honest, I don’t really want you over there.”

“I’ll take that under advisement,” I said with a sigh. “But I’m not leaving my husband, so until I can get an idea as to what is going on, I think I’ll just keep training with my mom- she might be able to give me a leg up over there.”

“I certainly hope so,” Leliana said. “I’m rather fond of the templar, I’d hate to have to hurt him over something like this.”

“Remind me to never to get on your bad side,” I said as I flagged the waiter down to order another coffee. “I have enough problems with people I don’t know.”

She frowned at me for a moment. “That is still so odd to me.” I gave her a confused look, and she gestured toward the waiter. “You’re fluent in Orlesian, Sam. Based on the way you talk, I would say you were a native Orlesian. Your affinity for language is quite a useful skill, especially here.”

“Well, we both know better than that- this place has more class in its pinky than I have in my entire body,” I said, laughing. “I’m an imposter, through and through.”

“But those are the best kinds of Orlesians,” she replied with a smile. “But enough of this- I’ve missed being with my friend and we’ve much to catch up on.”

“Sure do,” I replied, taking the new coffee I’d been giving and toasting with the bard across from me. “So, tell me Leli, what kinds of sneaky things you’ve been up to lately?”

Leliana grinned as she sipped her tea. “Well, my friend, that depends- exactly how much time do you have to spend with me today?” 

I giggled. “For you, Leli, I have all the time in the world.“

_ _

* * *

_6 months later in Thedas, Kirkwall (9:31 Dragon)_

Cullen was exhausted, but he’d be damned if he missed their first anniversary. He’d been working in the Gallows nonstop, but at least Knight-Commander Meredith had seemed to notice his dedication. There were rumors of him being promoted to Knight-Captain, but he wasn’t going to tell Sam until he was sure about it. No, tonight, he was just Cullen and she was just Sam, and they would be going out like two normal people, enjoying a nice dinner in the city. Secretly, he hoped he could convince her to take up a residence here. Though his new rank would come with more responsibility, it would also come with more face time with the commander, which would go a long way towards getting him the permission he needed to do things properly, since he seemed to be remiss in that department lately. 

While Sam's mother had given their union her blessing, her father was altogether a different story, and Cullen could see that the strain was difficult for his wife. In order to cope, she’d thrown herself into training with her mother, trying her best to stay out of the way of her father. He knew this was hard for Sam, as the two of them were close- he hated that he was the cause of their relationship issues, particularly with everything else she was dealing with right now. 

With all of these thoughts swimming in his head, Cullen fidgeted nervously with the tiny package he’d gotten for Sam. He’d saw it in a store and immediately thought of his wife, waiting until he was alone to go back and purchase it. The shopkeeper had looked at him strangely, but he’d quelled the woman’s curiosity with a scowl that brokered no further argument and raced home with his purchase, eager to hide it before the others entered the barracks. _One good thing about being a Knight-Captain_ , Cullen reasoned, _is that I’ll have my own room and Sam can visit me at night. It won’t be much, but it’s something… it will be more than we have right now, at least._

Soon, he felt a small hand on his shoulder, and the scent of apples and cherry blossoms wafted over him. Closing his eyes and smiling, he put his hand on hers. “Hello, love,” he said softly, bringing her hand to his mouth for a chaste kiss. “I’ve missed you.”

She laughed, walking around to sit next to him. He felt like a different person outside of his armor, sitting at a table with his wife next to him. “Same here, hon. Kinda hard going back to life without you around all the time.” She smiled at him and placed her hand on his, her ring sparkling in the light. “Been a bit of an adjustment for me."

When he saw the stones on her finger, he felt a twinge of sadness- he wanted to wear his ring as proudly as she did, but he knew doing so would only invite trouble he did not need right now. “As it is for me. But,” he began, knowing what her answer would be, “you could always come and settle here… with me.” He wrapped his fingers around hers, relishing the warmth and not caring about who was around him for once. “I want you here with me, Sam.”

“Yeah, that’s going to be kinda hard, considering I hear your city has a gigantic mage crackdown,” she joked as she leaned over to place a kiss on his cheek. “I like my head where it is, and I think there’d be a bit of an uproar if they tried to make me tranquil and found out it didn’t take.”

He frowned- this was decidedly not the direction he wanted their conversation to go tonight. “First of all, why would you think such a thing? No one is ever going to make my wife Tranquil- I won’t hear of it.”

When he saw the sparkle in her eyes, he knew he’d been had- she was baiting him. “But you’d allow it for someone else? I’m hearing things, Cullen… and I don’t like the things I’m hearing. Being the weirdo that I am, Leliana thinks I might not be safe here."

Cullen felt his face tighten, then forced it to relax. “Let’s not talk of such things tonight, Sam- I don’t get to have you with me that often and I don’t want to spend this time fighting with you.” He wanted to add ‘over something that isn’t an issue’, but he knew that the words would be like pouring grease on a fire, so he wisely kept his mouth shut. “At any rate, it is our first anniversary… can you believe it?”

Sam laughed, relaxing. “Not in the slightest- this still feels surreal to me. But I’m gonna roll with it, cause overall it’s kind of fun.”

The right corners of his mouth turned up into a smirk. “Being my wife is just kind of fun? Sounds like that might be an issue, Mrs. Rutherford… what can I do to remedy this?”

“Gifts are always nice,” Sam said with a grin. “But I want to start.” She reached into her bag and pulled out a sheet of paper. “In my world, it used to be customary to give a gift made of paper for your first anniversary. Nowadays it’s a clock, but I think I’d cause an incident if I gave you one of those, so I went traditional. You can thank Mom for this- I gave her one helluva headache trying to get this right.”

“How so?” Cullen asked, then he unfolded the sheet of paper and his eyes went wide, as Sam had drawn a scene of their wedding day, perfect down to the last detail. He touched the paper, gently running his finger over the images of his friends etched into the paper. “Oh, Maker,” he breathed. “It’s beautiful.” 

“Glad you like it,” she said, brushing a stray hair away from her face. “Usually, we have wedding pictures taken when we get married, but you know, no technology here. Since I didn’t want to break out a camera and throw the whole world even more off its axis, I asked Mom to help me go back so I could sketch it. I was puking my guts up for the last few days, but I think it was worth it.” He frowned a little and she laughed, patting him on the arm. “No need to worry, I didn’t change anything. Couldn’t do that, even if I wanted to,” she said with a shrug. “But learning how to rewind time is pretty damn cool.”

“Be safe, love,” Cullen said quietly. “I don’t want anything to happen to you- nothing is worth that.” 

Sam just laughed. “It’s not pleasant, but it’s safe, cause I’m just watching. It’s just when I change things that I pay up the ass for it.”

He frowned, holding her tight and staring into her green eyes. “You just said you were sick because of it… you can’t tell me that counts as fine, Sam.”

“Oh that,” she said sheepishly. “That’s just because of how long I spent there. I… kinda stayed a little longer than I should,” she said wistfully. “By myself, I can only go back a few minutes- Mom gave me a boost to take me back there. I just didn’t want to leave, because…” Sam gave a soft shrug. “Well, you know.” 

Cullen nodded. “I do,” he answered softly. “I’d say I’d like to go back myself, but I like having you here, with me. I’m content with you… and this.” He leaned over and kissed her, wishing not for the first time that he could just say forget all this and stay with her. “But since we’re exchanging gifts, I’d like to give you one of my own.” Smiling, he placed the box in her hand. “I saw this and I thought of you… and I also thought it was time I returned something of yours.”

She gave him a confused look, but when she opened the box, she burst out laughing. “You mean to tell me that _YOU_ had my license all this time! Do you know I had to sit at the DMV for three hours to get a new one of these?” Sam shook her head, then looked at him with a grin. “Figures you would have it… no wonder I could always find my way to you.”

“I should think you can always find your way to me now,” Cullen said, walking over to her chair and standing over her shoulder, brushing away her braid to place a kiss on her cheek. To someone outside he may have looked like a lovestruck schoolboy with his constant kisses, but he didn’t care- he was going to take advantage of every opportunity to touch or kiss his wife, as they were few and far between. “That is one of the perks of being married, right?”

Sam smiled, turning to give him a soft kiss in return. “Suppose it is…” She looked back into the box and smiled at the golden star pendant he’d placed inside. “Oh…. It’s gorgeous. Thank you! I want to put it on right now,” she said as handed it to him. “Can you help me?”

“Of course,” he replied, taking off her necklace and adding the small pendant to the chain before replacing it around her neck and heading back to his seat. “I wanted you to have something to keep me close to your heart, as I keep you next to mine.”

“I love it,” Sam said, fingering the charm lightly. “Makes my gift seem kind of stupid, but I’ll do better next year.”

“Nonsense,” Cullen admonished her, taking her hand to his mouth and placing a light kiss on her knuckles. “You’ve given me a memory of one of the happiest days of my life- I think you’ve done more than enough, Sam.” Just then, the door opened behind them and Sam shuddered, growing pale right before his eyes. Alarmed, he squeezed her hand. “Sam… are you ok?”

“Ugh,” she said, returning his gesture and reaching in her bag to pull out a piece of candy. “There are really strong branches in here… I should go- I have no intention of dealing with this shit again.”

He stared at her curiously. “What do you mean? Are you seeing something?” He scanned the bar and saw no one out of the ordinary, but he also realized that ordinary to him could easily be extraordinary to Sam. “Where is it coming from?”

Sam just shook her head and smiled at him, patting his hand gently. “Nope. I’m out of the Thedas fortune-telling game. Let the world sort itself out- I’m off duty. I’m pretty sure nothing’s going to blow up if I stay my ass out of things for once.”

“Is that fair, Sam? If we could help, shouldn’t we do so?” Cullen noticed she’d gotten a little color back in her face, but her expression was taut. “There’s been an influx of blood magic around here-“

Leaning across the table, Sam put a finger to his lips to quiet him before walking over and sitting down on his lap. “Nope. Not doing that… and I’m especially not doing that tonight. The only connection I want to this world is the one I have with you, Leliana and Ali, and right now, I’m only worried about my husband. Understand?” 

“Understood,” he said, pulling her in and drawing her to him for a deep kiss. Her unease was enough to let him know something was afoot, but it would have to wait- right now, the only thing on his mind was his wife, and he was perfectly fine with that. 

_ _

* * *

Varric Tethras prided himself on his skills of observation- he made his living on them, after all. Everything that went on in Kirkwall was fair game for the dwarf, and he made it his business to keep up with all the happenings in town, particularly in the Hanged Man. The writer tended to find that liquor made people more affable, more likely to let secrets slip that they’d usually keep close to their chest, and he liked being around to pick up the pieces they left behind. Considering that he was helping Hawke get in on Bartrand’s expedition, he’d been more observant than usual, trying to capitalize on every opportunity possible. He’d been working with Hawke on a few odd jobs here and there, but they would need a little more than that if they wanted to meet his brother’s exorbitant buy-in price. 

Then out of the blue, some new information dropped into his lap. Or, more to the point, into the soon-to-be Knight-Captain’s lap. 

Gathering his drink from the bar, the dwarf watched as the normally stodgy templar lost himself in the Rivani-looking girl who was currently draped over him in the middle of the bar. To most of the other patrons, they were just two lovers out for a drink, but Varric was never one to forget a face, even if he was out of his armor- there was no mistaking that this was templar that was being groomed by Meredith. He’d never heard of templars having serious relationships, and that girl was definitely someone special to him- those green eyes of hers against that warm skin stood out to the dwarf. Watching intently as the two of them tangled themselves in each other’s arms, he wondered how the woman knew the templar. She didn’t look like she was from the Blooming Rose, and besides, the curly-haired templar didn’t look like the type to frequent that kind of establishment. That being said, he’d never seen her in town before, which struck him as odd. _Something’s going on,_ he thought as he took a sip of his drink.

Suddenly, he felt a bump on his shoulder, looking up to find Hawke staring at him. “Something important on your mind, or are you simply pondering more ways to expose that magnificent chest hair of yours to the world?"

He let out a laugh, shaking his head at the snarky rogue. “Evening, Chuckles,” he said as he finished his drink and signaled for the bartender to bring them another round. "I’m just observing the public. Gotta get new material somehow, right?”

“Like you’re ever hurting for ideas,” Hawke said with a laugh as he put his elbow on the bar and rested his chin on his fist. “Anything worthwhile? Oh, great storyteller, what new stories do the drunkards of Kirkwall hold for us this evening? Dashing rogues and fierce dragons? Damsels in distress? Or did someone get sent to Lowtown after spending one too many evenings at the Blooming Rose?” 

“Not sure just yet, but I think it could be interesting.” Varric glanced at the couple as they walked out the bar arm in arm, noticing the girl wincing as she reached into her bag to pop something in her mouth. “But when I find out, I’m sure you’ll be the first to know."

_ _

* * *

_One month later, Earth_

“Focus, Sam!” Mom growled. "If you’re going to work with me, then don’t waste my damn time!” 

“I’m trying!” I yelled. She’d been hammering me for hours, tossing objects at me and waiting for me to pause time to dodge them. When she let me draw from her power, I could do it, but the moment she pulled away, I was back to getting pelted with ping-pong balls. After getting hit in the eye for the umpteenth time, I threw my hands in the air. “I can’t do this- it’s too hard, Mom!"

She stopped the ball that was on its way to bop me in the nose in mid-air, glaring as she plucked it from its path and put it in her pocket. “You're dealing with people’s lives- it's supposed to be hard!” Mom gave me a sad look as she crystalized the water in the air, making a block of ice appear in her palm. “You have to try harder, Sam- there’s more at stake than you realize."

“You’re a mage,” I breathed, staring at the ice. “Just like Lana.” Then I looked up at her, awestruck. "Why didn’t you tell me, Mom?” 

“Because I’m not,” she said simply. “I’m a Watcher like you- I’ve just got access to a few more tricks. Granted, I’m not the best one, as evidenced by the fact that you and Grace exist, but nobody’s perfect, right?" 

I paused for a second, staring at her. “What do you mean by that?” I stared at the ground, lost in thought for a moment. “And why can’t I do what you can do?”

“Because you’re human, remember? Or did that little detail escape you?” She laughed, placing the ice in my hand. “And if you recall correctly, you can do some of this in the between.”

“That’s why I have so much power in the Fade,” I mused. “Too bad I don’t know how to use it.”

She shrugged. "When you’re trained and ready, you’re going to be pretty nifty to have around, Sam. But right now, you have to focus. Someone is going to need your help- if you fail when it counts, you won’t forgive yourself. While you can’t create things, you can pause and rewind time- you just have to learn how to harness your power.” She smiled, refreezing the melting ice in my hand. “When you’re ready, you’re going to save more people than you think."

“But how do I do that when I’m not in the between, Mom?” I asked, trying my best to will the ice to keep from melting in my palm. To no one’s surprise, it ignored me and continued dripping, the water seeping between my fingers. Frustrated, I let out a small huff of annoyance. "Each time I did that, you or Lana were there- I’m not strong enough to do this on my own.”

“You’re holding back,” she said simply. “Stop being afraid all the damn time, kid. If you’re willing to risk it all, you’ll get more. You’re a Roberts- we go big or we go home… It’s what we do.”

“How do I stop being afraid? I’m terrified, Mom.” I sat on the ground, wiping my hand on my jeans. “Dad hates me, Lana’s gone, Cullen’s in with the Murder Cult 5000, Alistair is out on the Thedas version of some weird-ass treasure hunt, and Leliana is turning into a Bond villain. How do I stop being scared when I’ve already lost everything?”

She smiled. “Dad is easy- talk to him. Let him get to know Cullen. Your father is just hurt that you didn’t talk to him about what was going on, so put on your big-girl panties and own up to your mistakes. As for the rest of them…” She smiled, looking like Grace when she was up to something she had no business doing. “Make sure they remember who they are- they’re going to need it in the days ahead."

I narrowed my eyes at her. “I’ll help my friends, but I’m staying out of Thedas politics, Mom- I’ve had enough for one lifetime.” Screwing up my face, I tried to stop time again, and was rewarded for my efforts with a sneeze. “I just want to spend time with my husband and find my sister. Is that really that much to ask?”

She rolled her eyes as if she didn’t believe a word I’d said. “Talk to your dad, spend a little time with Cullen, and keep training with me,” she advised. “If you do that, I promise things will work themselves out. But,” she cautioned. “When things do come together, there’s going to be a price.”

I stopped staring at the ground and looked at her. “What kind of price? What if I don’t want to pay it?”

She ignored me, continuing as if I hadn’t spoken. “Sam, there’s going to come a day when you won’t be able to watch from the sidelines anymore,” Mom said, choosing her words carefully. “When that day comes, a choice needs to be made- is it more important to do what’s right or what you’re told?” 

“You’re not making sense, Mom,” I said angrily. “What choice? What price?”

“You‘ll see.” She gave me that frustrating laugh that usually meant she’d seen more than she was letting on. “Patience, Sam... just focus on the now.” I scowled, but Mom simply kissed me and went back to her position, plucking the ping pong ball from her pocket and rolling it between her fingers. “Trust me… things are going to be so much more fun this way.”

\--

I was about to rewind time to stop my apple pie from falling to the floor when Cullen called out to me. _Sam, are you there?_

Upon hearing his voice, I was no longer annoyed- I hadn’t heard from him at all today, which was a while for him. _You’re in my head, where else would I be?_

_No one likes a smart aleck, Sam_ , he said with a smile in his voice. _I’ve missed you- it’s been far too long._

_Isn’t that your fault?_ I teased, leaning against the table and smiling at the sound of his voice. _You know I prefer it when you call me- with the time difference, I always feel like I’m bothering you_

_You are never a bother,_ he replied quickly. _I don’t want you to ever think that way._ He sighed, and I knew he was running his hands through his hair. _At any rate, how are your studies going?_

_I’m still absolute shit on my own,_ I replied with a huff. But hey, _Mom finally got annoyed and gave me training wheels, so there's that, at least._

He paused. _I’m afraid that I am unfamiliar with that term, Sam._

_Oh, that’s right- you wouldn’t be._ I laughed. _Essentially, she gave me a battery pack- a ring that’s charged with her power. If I’m at home, it’ll work with no problem. If I’m out, I need another power source once the magic inside is used up. I just got it today, so I’ve been practicing. Hang on a second- I gotta stop my pie from falling on the floor before its too late._

_Excuse me? You’re rewinding your pie?_

Ignoring him for a moment, I focused on the pie, slowly rewinding the moments until it moved from the floor and back on my plate- as soon as I stopped, I instantly felt light-headed. “Whoa,” I said, staggering back and feeling a hand on the small of my back, keeping me on my feet. “Wasn’t expecting that.”

“Didn’t look like you planned that one out, Pipsqueak,” Dad said from behind me. “Looks like you’re making a habit of that lately."

_What’s going on,_ Cullen asked. _Sam, are you alright?_

_One minute- I’m talking to my dad._ “Thanks for the assist,” I said with a cautious smile. “The pie wasn’t going to be the only thing on the floor if you hadn’t stepped in.” He gave me a nod, then patted me on the shoulder as he walked into the kitchen, not saying anything else- I frowned. “Dad, don’t do that… please.”

“Do what?” He asked, mock confusion on his face. “I thought you didn’t want me talking with you.. since, you know, you couldn’t tell me you got married and all.” He glared at me. “I thought we were better than that, Sam- we used to tell each other everything.”

“Dad,” I said, my face falling. “It wasn’t like that… we were fighting a war-“

“And you had the time to get married,” he interrupted. “Without your parents.” He gave an angry sigh, going into the fridge to grab a beer. “My daughter is a, what, a Rutherford now? And I’ve never even met the sonofabitch before- that’s just fucking great!” He glared at me and I gulped. “I guess I’m just supposed to be okay with all this, huh?”

_Sam, what is going on_ , Cullen asked. _Are you ok?_

_I’m getting chewed out by my dad,_ I responded, trying to not let my dad know I was having a side conversation. However, he’d been married to mom too long- he knew the signs and his eyes narrowed. “Is that him?”

_Oh no,_ Cullen said. _He’s still angry?_

_Very,_ I replied, looking at Dad nervously. _And he knows I’m talking to you._ “Um… yeah,” I said finally. I thought about lying, but he was in a bad enough mood as it was- no sense in adding fuel to that fire.

There was silence in my head for a moment while Dad went red. _Oh_ , Cullen said quickly, _maybe I should just let you and your father have a minute-_

_You leave and I’m going to find a way to drag him to Thedas to talk to you,_ I retorted. Making sure Cullen could hear me, I turned back to Dad. “Look, he’s a great guy- you know mom would have murdered him otherwise-“

“That’s beside the point!” Dad roared, slamming his fist on the table. “You’re my kid too, Sam! Don’t you think I deserved to know what was going on?” He sighed, running his hand through his hair. “I wanted to see you, Sam. Your uncle wanted to see you. And lets not even get started on how pissed Grace is going to be when she finds out! Look, I get that it was your decision, Pipsqueak, but I still wanted to be there for you."

When I translated for Cullen, he swallowed. _Tell him it was not my intention to slight him in any way, and I apologize for not asking for his permission- the fault is mine, not yours._

I looked at my Dad, who had begun to sip his drink, still giving me the evil eye. _I don’t know if you want to say that, love._ “Um…” I swallowed nervously. “Cullen said-“

“I don’t want to hear it from you,” Dad said, cutting me off. “Tell him to find a way to tell me himself.”

“You two are making enough noise to wake the dead,” Mom said as she entered the kitchen. “Dean, is all this really necessary? It’s been weeks. Technically, she’s been married for a year now- being angry isn’t going to change anything."

When I started to translate for Cullen, he cut me off. _I can hear her,_ he said in awe. _That woman scares me sometimes, Sam._

Mom laughed. “I can hear him too, so you should probably be on your best behavior, Rutherford.” Cullen gulped and Mom laughed, turning to Dad. “It looks like we have a communication barrier, is that right?”

Instead of talking to me, Cullen addressed Mom directly. _I… cannot read your language,_ Cullen admitted. _And I do not know if her father can read Common._

Mom nodded. “He can’t read English and you can’t read Common, Dean. I could teach him English, but I don’t want Cullen with any English language material out there- it won't be safe. But..” Mom looked thoughtful. “But nothing is stopping you from learning Common, if you’re willing, honey."

Dad folded his arms. “Looks like I don’t have much of a choice if I want to talk with the man who stole my daughter.”

Cullen paused. "What did your mother just do? I can hear him too- and you’re right, he sounds quite angry."

Dad got a murderous look on his face, and I blanched, putting my head in my hands. “Dad can hear you, Cullen.” Mom had a tiny smirk on her face, and I let out a deep sigh- she knew exactly what she was doing and she was enjoying every minute of it. “Thanks, Mom… It’s all one big party right now.”

“It usually helps when everyone gets together and starts talking. We are family, so we may as well get to know each other.” Mom smiled. "Dean, meet your son-in-law, Cullen. Cullen, this is your father-in-law, Dean.”

“Um…” Cullen stammered. "Sam, what is the proper way to address someone in your world? I’m afraid I’m at a loss right now.”

“We can start with Sir,” Dad said, his eyes darting around the room as he tried to find a source for Cullen’s voice. “When and if I decide you aren’t a chickenshit for stealing my little girl, we can revisit things.”

In my head, I could feel Cullen stiffen. "I will profusely apologize for the way I went about it, but I will not apologize for how I feel- I love her more than anything. Having her as my wife is an honor and a privilege… sir."

“I’d fucking hope so,” Dad spat. “But if you’re so damn gung ho to be married, then why is your _wife_ still living in my house?” At that, Mom raised an eyebrow, but she didn’t say anything- I got the feeling that Dad was going to hear about that little comment later. "Shouldn’t you be here with her?”

Oh no… “Um…” I looked at Mom, who looked shocked for once- I’d forgotten she didn’t read what Dad was going to say or do that often, and this was definitely not going the way she was expecting. “Dad, can we talk about this later?” I had absolutely NO desire to talk about the fact that we hadn’t discussed where we were going to live yet, and from the look on Mom’s face, she hadn’t thought about it all that much either- to her, it was all just noise on the way to the main destination, so she often tended to ignore details like this.

To my dismay, my husband just kept fucking talking. “Sir, I would like to be with her,” he said confidently. “In fact, I want nothing more than to have Sam with me. However, I am currently stationed in an area where that just isn’t possible without her being alone all the time, and I do not want that for her. Until I can be transferred to a different location and Sam can finish training with her mother, it’s in her best interest to be at home with her family. However, if that is unacceptable, I will accept the consequences and find a place to live with my wife immediately… sir.”

You could’ve heard a pin drop in that kitchen- there was nothing but stunned silence in the room. Dad was just standing next to the kitchen counter, I was leaning against the table, and Mom was next to Dad, looking away from both of us. While I wasn’t fond of being talked about like I wasn’t there, I had to give it to Cullen- he had just threw down the gauntlet. Dad had two choices- he could try to throw me out, which we both knew that Mom wouldn’t allow, or he could back down for the time being and give us both a break. I hoped he would choose the latter, but this was my dad- he might go with the first option out of sheer spite, which wouldn’t surprise me. 

Since Dad being Dad, he created a third option. “I expect to have a private conversation with you before I make up my mind, Rutherford.” I snapped my head up and stared at my Mom, who was looking away- this must’ve been more along the lines of what she was expecting. “I don’t know you enough to trust you with what matters most to me.” Then he looked at me and his face softened. “But I’m not going to stop my daughter from being happy, either, so if my wife can make it so we can communicate, I’ll do it.” He shrugged. “And if you turn out to be a dick, I’ll just find you and shoot you. Problem solved. “ 

“Sam, I can definitely see the similarities between you and your father,” Cullen remarked. “If you send a letter with Baron Plucky-“

My dad let out a snort. “Is that the name of that scary fucking bird that’s been hanging out in the tree outside lately?” I nodded and Dad shook his head. “And I thought me and my brother had a monopoly on weird.” 

Mom patted Dad’s hand. “Dean will send the first letter to Cullen with Baron Plucky. When you’re ready to send one back, just call him and he’ll be there in a few minutes- he’s the fastest messenger I’ve had the fortune of working with. He won’t say no to a snack every now and again, but I suspect Leliana’s already figured that out by now.”

I could tell Cullen was smiling. “Knowing her, I would wager she has, ma’am. Leliana has taken quite a shine to that bird- I’ve received quite a few letters from him, but I could never work out how to send one back without just writing right then with him staring at me."

I let out an audible sigh of relief. “Thanks, Mom.” I turned to Dad, hoping he wasn’t too pissed off. “And thank you, Dad… for giving Cullen a chance.” I walked over and gave him a tentative hug. “I love you, Dad- we never meant to hurt you… you know that, right?”

Dad sighed, then hugged me back. “Love you too, Pipsqueak… but I’m still pissed at your husband.”

“Fair enough,” I replied with a smile. “I can live with that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OMG, I can't believe that Part 1 is done! I started this over my holiday break and this behemoth is finally complete, a little over a month later! Thank you so much for your comments, kudos, and kind words- it makes writing this stuff a joy! 
> 
> Initially, I wasn't going to do DA2, but because of the way the characters grew, I realized their story needed some breathing room to show how everyone fares in between. I mean, we all know some ish goes down with the Kirkwall crew that affects the remainder of Team Mage, and since they're so connected here, we gotta explore that, right?
> 
> So, instead of Part 2 being DAI like I wanted (insert sad face here!), I'll be over here working on the next installment, 'The Endless Year' while we move from one end of the country to the other and set up my new office space. It's going to be short (only 12 chapters), but I'm excited- There are 3 chapters completed already and I'm working on the rest, so subscribe for updates and I hope to see you next week- same bat-time, same bat-channel!

**Author's Note:**

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